Overwhelmed

lkristenj

I had my first, second, and third trips to bridal stores this weekend. I found three or four that I would be okay wearing, but nothing that I really LOVE. I assume this is because I'm in love with the Eve of Milady ballgown 4284, even though I don't know if ballgowns even look good on me.

I am overwhelmed. I feel like it should be easier than this. There's something "wrong" with everything. I don't know how to feel. I don't know what I like. I can't answer questions. I just feel like I don't know myself at all and I can't figure anything out.

I have been crying all the time. For no good reason. Just thinking about the dress decisions make me brim with tears. It's just so much to consider and such a big decision and I don't want to get it wrong and yet I can't figure out what I want in order to start getting it right.

Am I the only one to feel this way?

lkristenj

I think I've tried too many styles on, but at least I took pictures of all of them. Ballgowns, A-lines, mermaids, fit-and-flaire, with straps, without straps, lace, satin, tulle, etc. I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm plus-sized and short and I feel huge in ballgowns. My wedding is fairly casual, so maybe that's what rubs me about ballgowns. They seem too formal for my personality and my wedding. Overall,  like dropped waist A-lines and fit-and-flare types the best, but something still doesn't feel right or complete about any of them.

I can post photos of some of the dresses, but I'm more concerned with this crippling feeling of being overwhelmed.

Maggie0829

I had a minor meltdown after the first day of dress shopping.  I couldn't sleep that night thinking about the next day and going to a different salon and I even cried while taking a shower because I was stressed.

But what helped me was to first figure out what shape I liked and then I moved to what fabric I liked and then finally I moved to details.

If you take it one step at a time you won't get so overwhelmed.  So when you go again, go with a blank slate and ask the consultant to pull dresses (in your price range) that cover all the different shapes possible (ballgown, a-line, mermaid, trumpet, modified a-line, etc).  Figure out what looks best on your body.  Then in that chosen shape try on different types of fabric (lace, satin, organza, taffeta, etc).  Once you find a shape and fabric you like then you at least have narrowed down your options enough that your choices won't be as vast and overwhelming.

But I disagree with PP.  Ballgowns do not look great on everyone.  They tend to overwhelm a person with a shorter stature or someone who has an overall smaller frame.

Maggie0829

lkristenj said:

I think I've tried too many styles on, but at least I took pictures of all of them. Ballgowns, A-lines, mermaids, fit-and-flaire, with straps, without straps, lace, satin, tulle, etc. I have no idea what I'm doing.

I'm plus-sized and short and I feel huge in ballgowns. My wedding is fairly casual, so maybe that's what rubs me about ballgowns. They seem too formal for my personality and my wedding. Overall,  like dropped waist A-lines and fit-and-flare types the best, but something still doesn't feel right or complete about any of them.

I can post photos of some of the dresses, but I'm more concerned with this crippling feeling of being overwhelmed.

Post the pictures.  Sometimes outside perspectives help you see things in a different light.

It is okay to feel overwhelmed.  I mean, not to make it worse, but picking a wedding dress can be a big decision for brides so being a little stressed about it is only natural.

Also, you may just want to take a break from dress shopping and focus on other things for your wedding and then maybe you will have a better idea of what you want.

lkristenj

Both my mom and I couldn't sleep. We both had bad dreams about it.

I went to my first appointment on Saturday alone and had a good time and only tried on three dresses. It was a small salon with one designer and not too many options in the style I liked.

The second one, I traveled 5 hours to an Eve of Milady trunk sale at a larger salon. I woke up early on Sunday and drove, even though I was tired from a reunion the night before. The consultant didn't "get" me and wasn't very personable, though she did pull a lot of dresses to put me in to try to narrow down shape and style. I must have tried well over 10 dresses in an hour. I got overwhelmed and upon expressing that, she abruptly stopped the session by not getting any more dresses and we left the store with 20 minutes left in the appointment.

The third one, we went to a "resale" shop. It sells never-worn samples of retired styles as-is. I had the best time here, though there was little in my size to try. I even have a gown on hold there, but (frustratingly) the one we have on hold is not the one my dad likes out of the two I liked there.

I drove back home, arriving after midnight, and even though I was exhausted from two late nights in a row and a lot of driving and activity, I couldn't go to sleep. Nothing seems to be consistent. I like lace, but not all lace. I like fit-and-flare but they seem too simple and belts don't do it for me. A-lines are hit-or-miss. Ballgowns make me look shorter and wider, but I want to love them so badly. I feel like I want something that only exists in my head and I can't figure out how to express myself to be able to find something even remotely close.

I feel overwhelming pressure to make a decision so I don't lose out on something.

Maggie0829

Well I will say having a good consultant is really half the battle.  If the consultant sucks then it really makes the appointment stink.

What about the Eve of Milady ballgown do you like?  meaning what aspects of it are your favorite? That may help to determine what you want in a dress.  I know that you really want to love ballgowns but after trying some on I think you know they don't work for you, so the next best thing is to figure out what parts of the ballgown dress that you like and find them in a shape that does work for your figure.

And I do think that maybe it is time to just take a break and come back to dress shopping in a few weeks.  Sometimes it helps to take a step back and reevaluate what you want so that you have a clearer idea.

And don't be afraid to ask for a new consultant at a dress shop if the one that you are working with doesn't seem to "get" you.

lkristenj

I love the off-set layers. They look like flower petals to me. The dress is not one I would have expected myself to like, but I saw it and I can't get it out of my head.

I otherwise find myself drawn to lace dresses or those with layers (and lace). The one I have on hold is actually neither of these and is a satin fit-and-flair with a top with ruching and beaded lace detailing. The bottom is very plain. It's WTOO Payton. The one my dad likes is Pronovias Barroco, which actually has a semi-ballgown shape on me, though I think it's just a very full drop-waist A-line.

I guess I'll post some photos in a bit, once I can get them pulled together.

pumpkinsandturkeys

It also depends on the material of the ballgown you're trying on. Mine has a tulle skirt which really softens it, and can be flattened or fluffed up depending on how much volume you want. It also has a dropped-waist lace bodice which I think helps me look taller as opposed to wider.

I tried on a satin ballgown when I went shopping, and absolutely hated it. But the tulle ones looked so light and soft and feminine, without adding a tonne of bulk.

I also agree that you need to work with a consultant you get along with and who listens to your concerns, likes, and dislikes. A good consultant will be able to find you the right dress, and identify why certain ones work for you and others don't.

lkristenj

Alright. So, time for pictures. I have 18 dresses to share. I didn't take pictures in 3 of them because they didn't fit and I couldn't come out in them/wouldn't want that getting out on the internet. This is my first time posting photos here, so forgive me if it doesn't turn out right.

The first three are from my first visit to Winnie Couture.

Eve of Milady Ballgown

Eve of Milady Ballgown

 

 

 

 

 

 (belt included but not attached)

 Robert Bullock Firra

 Robert Bullock Rose (with separate belt)

 

 Robert Bullock Angelina

 Robert Bullock Virginia (with separate belt)

 Pronovias Barroco - This is my dad's favorite so far

WTOO Payton - I currently have this one on hold for now

I've tried on over 20 dresses! And I have another appointment tonight and another Wednesday. I know it's no small wonder that I'm stressed about it.

chkmeowt

lkristenj I am also short and plump (:-P)  I totally understand what you're saying. 

I am guessing you probably look really great in the options that you are looking at - and that you are you're own biggest critic (we always are). And remember, even if your dad loves one more than you do, in the end, it is your dress and you are going to be wearing it. In the end, he is going to love what you love and be proud to walk you down the aisle and dance with you.

Give yourself a great big hug and be kind to yourself today.  Everyone tries on dresses that look heinous on them regardless of their height or weight. You should see some of the crap they tried to stuff me into!  

lkristenj

Thank you, @debmonn. I know I can get myself down alot and shopping for such an important dress, I want to look good. It's hard when I feel like I don't sometimes.

I appreciate everyone's encouragement. I need it. It's been a rough few days.

pumpkinsandturkeys

You look great in them all! I reeeeally like you in a trumpet/mermaid shape, though, like in pictures 3 and 6.

I agree with choosing the one you like best. If he sees that you're happy in it, he should be happy, too!

Maggie0829

I think you look great in a sweetheart or modified sweetheart top.  I also really like the Robert Bullock gowns because they give you a great shape.  I kind of like the second Eve of Milady gown but not feeling the belt thing on it.

But I am in agreement with your Dad.  That Pronovias dress looks amazing on you!

lkristenj

I have a few that I would be happy to be married in, but there's just something holding me back about all of the ones I like. Not sure why.

I liked the third one from Winnie Couture. I would be happy with it, I think. It's Winnie Couture's Ambrea from their Blush Line.

I also liked Robert Bullock's Virginia the best from my second appointment. I also liked the Angelina, but the "diamond" pattern in the lace bugged me, so I wouldn't have been happy with it.

I liked both the dresses at my third stop, the Pronovias and the WTOO. I originally dismissed the Pronovias because I liked the WTOO better, but the fact that my dad likes it best makes me reconsider. The sequined flower applique on it is stark white compared to the dress, which is more of an ivory, but it's only painfully obvious under flourescent lighting. It was also just a lot of tulle. I put the WTOO on hold because I liked it best of the ones that day and she said I could reserve it for a week (since they sell samples as-is and there's only one). It's also $700. But it's NOTHING like what I've been looking for. I've been looking at lace and layers mostly because I'm simple and country and I like that sort of thing. But, the WTOO has none of that (if you don't count the beaded lace). It's mostly satin/taffeta/plain whatever-the-fabric-is.

lkristenj

pumpkinsandturkeys said:

You look great in them all! I reeeeally like you in a trumpet/mermaid shape, though, like in pictures 3 and 6.

 

Trumpet/fit-and-flair I'm fine with. But a true mermaid I just cannot do. That's why I didn't like that one gown as much. I felt like I couldn't move.

I loved 3, it was my favorite from that store. But 6 was dismissed almost immediately. I felt weird in it and uncomfortable. It's flattering, I get that, but just too... something... for me. I felt like it drew too much attention to my chest, stomach, and hips, regardless of it being flattering.

Maggie0829

I think you are focusing too much on what you thought you wanted and not being open to what you really like, which seems to be more in line with the WTOO dress.  Not getting a dress that meets your original vision is OK and super normal.  I think you should try the WTOO dress on again and see what you think/feel.

chkmeowt

When I saw you in number 6, i was like, dayum girllllllll. but if it doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel right.  Go with your gut.

I think you look smashing. I can't even tell you're short. ;-) Is it the box, or are you just lying about being short?  And pudgy? Psht. You're gorgeous. Honestly, you're not going to make a bad choice with a dress. You've got a lot of winners there.  I really like the one you have on hold. I also love the one with all the ruffles that are coming out of your butt...but maybe I'm a butt girl?

lkristenj

Thanks, Maggie0829.

I do really like lace. I think I still want lace. I saw one dress in a size 8 (much too small for me) at the same "as-is" store and meant to write down its name, but didn't. It was an all-over lace gown, but gathered at the bodice with something like ruching (but with lace) before falling in asymetrical layers in the skirt. It was quite like what I have in my head right now.

Though I also keep thinking about the Eve of Milady 4284, which is over-budget (even though I have the money and could splurge if I wanted). I just fell in love with it the first time I saw it and it was the whole reason I drove 5 hours to go to the Eve of Milady trunk show.

ETA: I may try it on again, but it might have to be a while later. They can extend the hold for me if needed. It's hard to drive 5 hours one way to try on dresses! Maybe it would be best, though.

RedJacks25

I think this one is absolutely gorgeous on you!

lkristenj

debmonn said:

I think you look smashing. I can't even tell you're short. ;-) Is it the box, or are you just lying about being short?  And pudgy? Psht. You're gorgeous. Honestly, you're not going to make a bad choice with a dress. You've got a lot of winners there.  I really like the one you have on hold. I also love the one with all the ruffles that are coming out of your butt...but maybe I'm a butt girl?

Thank you for saying that. I just want to be happy with what I pick.

I am short at 5' 3", so I'm guessing it's the box. Standing on the floor some of those might look completely different because I don't have 6 inches of leg under there like the box implies.

I'm solidly in a size 16 right now and while that's fine, I don't feel good about myself. I'm healthy and even relatively active/fit, I just don't like what I see in the mirror. I'm trying to work on changing that, though.

lkristenj

I'm sorry that this has digressed into talk about dresses. I suppose it might have been more appropriate for the Attire forum. Oh well. The stress of all this is getting to me, I think. My FI is trying desperately to cheer me up. I'm going to make my token trip to DB tonight. My mom is driving 4 hours to join me, even though I was with her yesterday and she waited up to hear that I made it home alright. There's also a nice consignment shop in the city and I have a second appointment at Winnie on Wednesday. Whew! I'm wearing myself thin. Plus, work is so crazy busy right now too. AND I haven't been able to focus all day.

chkmeowt

I tried on some all lace ones - this one was super gorgeous

Essense of Australia D1520

And this essense d1410 - you said you liked asymmetrical

 

Also this one has some lace at the top with lace appliques - Liz Fields 9234 (i added an illusion top - i actually almost got this one)

OliveOilsMom

I agree with Redjacks, that's my favorite dress that you tried on.  I think it makes your figure look amazing!  Also, if you do end up buying a dress that gets made for you, then ask for you to be measured hallow to hem.  The designer would then make the dress proportional to you. 

Also, don't worry about buying a dress similar to the one you love.  Most ladies end up buying something completely different.  I know that I did!  But if you absolutely love it (have you tried it on?) look to buy it used.  I saw 2 of them on preownedweddingdresses.com.

singinchick13

I agree with Redjacks as well, that is my fave dress on you from all angles!! So flattering and great features in that dress. I am right there with you about the comfort thing....I've been trying on sample size 12's but been told if I buy now I should order a 16. It's tough when you don't feel great in your on skin, especially when other people are trying to tell you what they think instead of being able to focus on what you think yourself. Regardless if you change anything I think you look beautiful in all of those dresses, and once you put one on that makes you FEEL beautiful too you'll know. Good luck!!

AprilH81

RedJacks25 said:

I think this one is absolutely gorgeous on you!

This one is one of my favorites on you as well along with the one your Dad really likes.  On this one the ruching is very flattering to your figure and makes you look thinner and the dropped waist is hitting you in just the right spot that makes your torso look long without hitting you at the wrong place on your stomach.  The fullness of the skirt balances out everything else and unless you have to hem 12 inches of the ruffles off it doesn't make you look short (which dropped waists can do if you aren't careful).

lkristenj

OliveOilsMom said:

Also, don't worry about buying a dress similar to the one you love.  Most ladies end up buying something completely different.  I know that I did!  But if you absolutely love it (have you tried it on?) look to buy it used.  I saw 2 of them on preownedweddingdresses.com.

I have looked at both of those used ones and even reached out to one of them. I'm not sure if I would like diamond white. I could not try it on as it wasn't at the trunk show. I tried on some of the other ballgowns for that reason, just so I could get a feel for them. I wish I could, though. I don't know of anywhere that has it. I'm going to call to another bridal store about 30 miles away that carries Eve of Milady to see if they have it. The only three stores that carry them (according to the website) near me are 30 minutes, 5 hours, and 5.5 hours away. The one I went to this weekend could ask for the sample to be loaned to them for me to try, but I would have to pay $150 for that.

thisismynickname2

I'm a big fan of #6, myself.

Look, I know that the TLC Wedding Powers-That-Be say grooms shouldn't be involved in this decision, but I think to a point they should.  What has your Fiance said about styles and fabrics he likes on you? Every man has some kind of opinion, even if they don't say it just because they want you to be happy. (A good male friend of mine said he didn't care what his bride wore as long as it showed off her butt. LOL.) 

To further my point, I had bought an evening gown for $400 that I just love, but was having regrets on after seeing all the latest fashions.  There was a $2,000 gown I could've killed for, but that is so much money for me. I showed a Pinterest picture of it to FI and what was his reaction? "Well.... it looks like lingerie." Ok, glad I didn't go spend my tax refund on something he wouldn't even like!

So, point being, perhaps your Fiance could help you here. 

lkristenj

thisismynickname said:

I'm a big fan of #6, myself.

Look, I know that the TLC Wedding Powers-That-Be say grooms shouldn't be involved in this decision, but I think to a point they should.  What has your Fiance said about styles and fabrics he likes on you? Every man has some kind of opinion, even if they don't say it just because they want you to be happy. (A good male friend of mine said he didn't care what his bride wore as long as it showed off her butt. LOL.) 

To further my point, I had bought an evening gown for $400 that I just love, but was having regrets on after seeing all the latest fashions.  There was a $2,000 gown I could've killed for, but that is so much money for me. I showed a Pinterest picture of it to FI and what was his reaction? "Well.... it looks like lingerie." Ok, glad I didn't go spend my tax refund on something he wouldn't even like!

So, point being, perhaps your Fiance could help you here. 

Thanks for that advice. I was actually thinking about showing him some of the styles that I liked as well as some that I didn't care about, just to gauge his reaction. Of course, I run the risk of him hating something I rather like, but it's so hard to not ask for his help. We've come to rely on each other for when we can't figure something out on our own. Maybe that's a part of how I'm feeling right now as well. I feel as though my support line has been severed. He understands it's hard and is trying to be supportive, but other than looking at the dresses, what can he do to help? I'm just not sure if I want to go that way or not yet.

He's more of a boob man, but I like to be conservative with my cleavage. He knows that. I have a butt (almost too much if you ask me) and he has mentioned wanting me to show it off a bit. Still, I think I will be most beautiful to him if I'm happy. I just have to figure out a way to be happy with one dress.

LadyMillil

lkristenj said:

I have a few that I would be happy to be married in, but there's just something holding me back about all of the ones I like. Not sure why.

Stuck in the box:

Have you tried veils, headpieces, jewelry, etc with any of the dresses? Trying some accessories helped me move from "this is a nice dress" to "this is the dress for me"

lkristenj

cmfarr said

Have you tried veils, headpieces, jewelry, etc with any of the dresses? Trying some accusations helped me move from "this is a nice dress" to "this is the dress for me"

Yes. The consultants and employees did put veils on me with the ones I liked most. It helps, but only in a now-I-know-I-don't-like-cathedral-veils kind of way. No jewelry though. I'm not big on jewelry anyway.

pinkshorts27

The Pronovias Barroco is my favorite!!