House cleaning: Fi is in so much trouble...

JCbride2015

Backstory: I sprained my ankle this weekend and have been couch-bound pretty much all week.

Today we were just sitting on the couch.  Fi looks around and says, "This apartment is disgusting."  And yep, he's right.  It's messy up in here.

Me: "Hon, you know why that is?"

Fi: "Because you hurt yourself."

Me: "And you realize now that I do a sweep around the house every afternoon, picking up your beer bottles and dishes."

Fi: "Well yeah, but that's fair because I clean the bathroom on the weekends."

Me: "You know... you could just not leave a trail of trash behind you."

Fi: "But that's how we do things.  I make most of the mess, and you do most of the cleaning."

^^ Granted, he could barely keep a straight face for this last part!  He know's he's in trouble.  He's right that he tends to do more of the "heavy cleaning:" tub, bathroom, stove burners.  I do all the everyday cleaning (as evidenced by the fact that the apartment goes to hell in a hand basket when I can't walk), shopping, cooking, and laundry except folding.  Fi always folds.  Whoever doesn't cook does the dishes.  So he definitely helps a lot!  He is just a Messy Bessy, too.

Anybody else have a really clear line about who does what?  Or do you just pitch in for whatever needs doing?  We have our general division of labor, but I do wish Fi would just be better at not making the mess in the first place!

ETA: Poor Fi is afraid I made him sound like a terrible person (and super messy).  So I just want to clarify this post is light hearted and he does help with cleaning.

HisGirlFriday13

On balance, it's all me. I do the cleaning -- all of it -- and most of the grocery shopping and most of the cooking.

DH takes out the trash and recycling, does the heavy lifting if we need to move things or whatever.

Part of it, I swear, is just a general blindness -- I will sweep through a room, putting away things that are out of place, straightening pillows or blankets, wiping down counters, etc. -- and he'll just walk past it. But a lot of that is my OCD, too, and I'll own that.

He's very good about cleaning up after himself, though, I'll give him that.

mysticl

No clear division of labor.  When our son was a newborn I was basically told I spent too much time feeding the baby and not enough time cleaning.  So one day I had a doctor's appointment and left DS with DH when he (DS was being a cranky pants).  DH realized that I didn't just "sit on my ass" all day and hasn't said a word since.  He will ask "what can I do" when I wish he would just see what needs done and do it but it's progress.  

pinkcow13

Haha that's really funny! That kinda sounds like us - FI thinks it's a great idea to make some sort of beer can sculpture. Last night we heard a loud crash in the middle of the night, because Pesto knocked over his latest creation smh. 

Our place is a mess right now, like always. I am terrible at cleaning. I tell FI it is because I was no cut out for this life of cleaning lol. FI is better at the every day stuff. He used to sweep by the litter boxes every day until we got a Roomba - now he is in charge of making sure it runs daily. FI does the laundry (today was laundry day and I do the cooking. Grocery shopping we try to do it together on a weekly basis for the fresh veggies/lunch meats, or if not I will do it more often. Then, when it comes to the big cleaning days where we clean the apartment, we split duties. I usually do the kitchen/bathroom and FI will handle the living room/dining area and bedroom.

FI is always the one to say that the apartment is disgusting while we're lounging on the couch also.

jdluvr06

FI works from home about 90% of the time and he hates working in a mess so he does most of the cleaning. He cooks during the week most of the time because he gets hungry before I get home. I cook on weekends, because frankly I'm better at it. Lol. I do the laundry and we split yard work.

Jells2dot0

There is a pretty clear line of who does what in our home, but it's only because I have a severe phobia of dirty dishes and food that isn't mine. I would constantly gag if I had to do the dishes or take out the trash. However, given that I've been living in a hotel away from home for a few months, I am not contributing nearly as much as normal and it shows. Poor DH- he has to clean the entire house and I get daily maid service

themuffinman16

I do all of the cooking, FI could not pick out a rubber spatula out of a lineup. Lol.  I also do almost all of the cleaning. FI is not very pick about how things are, and I will freak out if I see a messy bathroom.  The two places i clean religiously are the kitchen and bathroom. They are the two germiest rooms in the house, and I feel like they need to be spotless.  I don't care if living room and bedroom are cluttered, but never a bathroom or a kitchen. I have a very bad back though. When my back  is out, I crack that whip to make sure FI picks up the slack. Lol... just kidding, but he does do more around the house when I need it.  The house is not my clean... but it is a version of clean

Swazzle

I do the majority of the actual cleaning. I make the bed every morning, I straighten up when I get home from work and I take care of all of the deep cleaning as well. H does the kitty litter box and takes out the garbage. I cook and we take turns doing the dishes. He does mostly all of the laundry. I think it's pretty good split. We both work really long hours but he has a longer commute so he gets off the hook for certain things throughout the week and he works Saturdays so that's generally when I take care of the deep cleaning. 

kns1988

My FI does all of the cooking, we alternate on dishes/laundry, but I do most of the other cleaning because he just doesn't see it. I'm also one of those weird people that actually likes to clean. 

He surprised me yesterday, though, by having all of my least favorite chores done when I got home from work. He had cleaned all the dog crap out of the backyard, done the pile of dishes from the weekend, and vacuumed. *Swoon*

firebabe6519

FI and I equally split most things. We both cook. I do the dishes (the by hand required ones), and he loads and unloads the dishwasher. He washes laundry; I fold it.

I usually do the shopping since FI hates that. He cleans the bathroom and dies yard work, and I do the rest indoors.

aspoonfulofsugar

It is not equitable with FI and I at all.  Even between our two places (we spend 98% of the time at my place bc FI's place downtown is up for sale), I do mostly all the cleaning anyway.  I usually have the dishes done in the morning before FI is even up in the shower (but to be fair, he will load the dishwasher at his place on his own) and do all the general cleaning.  He helps fold laundry but he needs to start cleaning toilets- I'm over that!

ETA: FI loves to grill and helps with dinner too.

sarahufl

We don't live together, but this is something I dread. FI doesn't understand when his apartment is messy. It somehow just gets past him.

I am very, very clean. I foresee being the main cleaner in our household.

garnetandgold60

I don't know if it's 50/50 with us but I think our "strengths and weakness" balance out. I'm much more of a cleaner...my bathroom and kitchen is spotless! However, FI is much better organized than me, he keeps the dirty clothes off the floor and can Tetris-stack the dishwasher like a pro.

emmyg65

My DH actually does most of the housework. I do more of the cooking, but he does more of the cleaning. And he does most of the outdoor upkeep (mowing the lawn, shoveling snow) because I'm not physically able. We each do our own laundry. Our set up works really well for us.

AprilH81

We don't have defined chores and usually I take ownership of most day-to-day tasks.  When the house needs a full scrub down I usually give H two options. 

1) We each take a floor and clean everything

2) We work together one room at a time

That usually works for us because I will say something like "as long as it is done today/this weekend I don't care when it gets done" and that lets H control his schedule.

I am by far the cleaner of the two of us.  H just doesn't "see" the dirt and clutter until I say something and then he will help pick it up.

JCbride2015

Wow @glitterwitch22, you do have a good setup!  Those of you who said Fi/H just doesn't "see" the mess, Fi is the same way.  He notices sometimes when it's bad like last night, but most of the time he just doesn't realize that the mess is his.  He'll swear it's not his stuff, but then I'll point out all his clothes and shoes and he's like, "I didn't even see that."  Face palm.

HobokensFury

I feel your pain. DH wanted to know why I only washed my clothes the other day. I said because only mine were in the basket, yours were not.  I can barely walk around at this point never mind pick his shit up off the floor.

PS- Feel better!

climbingsingle

FI does all the yard work. I help with shoveling when it snows. We take turns doing laundry, cooking and doing the dishes. I do the majority of the vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms. So it's pretty evenly distributed. 

Cokezerofreak

I told FI when he officially moves in, he is getting me a maid/cleaning service.  Currently I do it either at my house or his apartment.  First time I went to visit him when he was stationed in Texas I was there to help him move since he was being relocated.  He "said" he had cleaned up.  So I spent the rest of the week there getting the house ready for the Realtor.  And that's why I want a maid.

APDSS22

My husband does the mowing, shovels the snow and will occasionally run the dishwasher.  I do everything else.  I coupon so if he went shopping I might have a heart attack when I saw the receipt.  I do general sweeps daily of empty pop cans, candy wrappers and kleenex.  I do all the laundry (with one rule: if it doesn't get in the basket, I'm not cleaning it) and I would say about 99% of the cooking.  He will occasionally make a pizza from scratch.  Which tastes great, but he will use every clean dish he can find in the kitchen to make it so it really makes a mess.  I pick up the dog messes in the backyard (H would gag and create more mess, thus it is my problem.)  I do all the scrubbing of toilets and most of the taking out the trash for the same reason.

Of course, I work part time right now so I'm home most afternoons and he doesn't get home until dinner time from his 9-5 job.  I'm currently looking for a full time job and if I get one, I've already told H he will need to pick up more slack around the house.  I'll say something like he needs to get his stuff off the dryer and honest to goodness, he will not know what I'm talking about.  So I start to list off the very many things he has piled there that are preventing me from operating the dryer properly and he will make haste to remove them.

erinlin25

I do the majority of the cooking & cleaning.  We sometimes will cook together or if I ever ask H to cook he will.  H leaves dishes or will just put them in the sink.  His mother enabled this in all her children, so we are slowly getting back to use a dish, rinse it and put it in the dishwasher!  When we were living with MIL he was good about if he saw me doing dishes he would do them with me (or at least ask if I wanted help), but H (and his siblings) always leave the dishes when at MILs.  Drives me and SIL crazy!!  If I ask him to help he will do it and I must say he at least is getting better with the dishes but it has been a retraining process that is for sure! 

He works a lot harder than me most of the time at work so I don't mind "working more" at home.  He does take charge of the yard, garbage and garage. 

lyndausvi

I do most of the cleaning.  95% of the laundry.  DH takes out the trash and does most of the cooking.  Most of the grocery shopping is done together.

I do 100% of the organizing. For example, when our stuff gets here next week  I will have 70% of the unpacking done before he even gets home.  I will finish up the next day. I even organize his closet.

hikebikebemerry

This thread made me want to go home and clean!

We each have our own stuff that we're weird about; he's much better at staying tidy day to day, but I'm much better at weekly stuff, such as vaccuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, etc.

We're trying to start a cleaning rotation, but I was working from home, so if I saw something that bothered me, I would just take care of it... and I was actually on top of my laundry for once!

HisGirlFriday13

lyndausvi said:

I do most of the cleaning.  95% of the laundry.  DH takes out the trash and does most of the cooking.  Most of the grocery shopping is done together.

I do 100% of the organizing. For example, when our stuff gets here next week  I will have 70% of the unpacking done before he even gets home.  I will finish up the next day. I even organize his closet.

This. I do this. Because DH is *still* in trouble for rearranging the cupboards and putting the vanilla not with the other spices where it belonged and where I had it but with the rice, beans, and lentils on the top shelf, where it doesn't not belong at all. Also, apparently the rum, anise, and orange extracts got to stay with the spices; only the vanilla had to be moved because WTF?!

APDSS22

HisGirlFriday13 said:

lyndausvi said:

I do most of the cleaning.  95% of the laundry.  DH takes out the trash and does most of the cooking.  Most of the grocery shopping is done together.

I do 100% of the organizing. For example, when our stuff gets here next week  I will have 70% of the unpacking done before he even gets home.  I will finish up the next day. I even organize his closet.

This. I do this. Because DH is *still* in trouble for rearranging the cupboards and putting the vanilla not with the other spices where it belonged and where I had it but with the rice, beans, and lentils on the top shelf, where it doesn't not belong at all. Also, apparently the rum, anise, and orange extracts got to stay with the spices; only the vanilla had to be moved because WTF?!

Because rice, beans, lentils and vanilla extract are all completely interchangeable @HisGirlFriday13 (just kidding, mine drives me batty as well.)  If I didn't put away his clothes for him, he would wear the same 3 outfits over and over because he wouldn't be able to find anything else.  He frequently asks me "don't I have another pair of work jeans?"  um...yes sweetie, they're in the stack of your other jeans, just further down because you usually only wear the one pair.

lyndausvi

HisGirlFriday13 said:

lyndausvi said:

I do most of the cleaning.  95% of the laundry.  DH takes out the trash and does most of the cooking.  Most of the grocery shopping is done together.

I do 100% of the organizing. For example, when our stuff gets here next week  I will have 70% of the unpacking done before he even gets home.  I will finish up the next day. I even organize his closet.

This. I do this. Because DH is *still* in trouble for rearranging the cupboards and putting the vanilla not with the other spices where it belonged and where I had it but with the rice, beans, and lentils on the top shelf, where it doesn't not belong at all. Also, apparently the rum, anise, and orange extracts got to stay with the spices; only the vanilla had to be moved because WTF?!

LOL.

My mom has OCD tendencies and it drives me crazy, so I'm not that bad if he puts things in the wrong spot.    What annoys me is DH will be like "where is the 'x'".   Dude we have like 4 cabinets in the kitchen I'm sure you can figure out where it would be located.        Our new kitchen has TONS of cabinets AND a large pantry.   I foresee a lot "where is the whatever" questions being asked.  

APDSS22

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

lyndausvi said:

I do most of the cleaning.  95% of the laundry.  DH takes out the trash and does most of the cooking.  Most of the grocery shopping is done together.

I do 100% of the organizing. For example, when our stuff gets here next week  I will have 70% of the unpacking done before he even gets home.  I will finish up the next day. I even organize his closet.

This. I do this. Because DH is *still* in trouble for rearranging the cupboards and putting the vanilla not with the other spices where it belonged and where I had it but with the rice, beans, and lentils on the top shelf, where it doesn't not belong at all. Also, apparently the rum, anise, and orange extracts got to stay with the spices; only the vanilla had to be moved because WTF?!

LOL.

My mom has OCD tendencies and it drives me crazy, so I'm not that bad if he puts things in the wrong spot.    What annoys me is DH will be like "where is the 'x'".   Dude we have like 4 cabinets in the kitchen I'm sure you can figure out where it would be located.        Our new kitchen has TONS of cabinets AND a large pantry.   I foresee a lot "where is the whatever" questions being asked.  

"I've hidden the spatula somewhere in the laundry room."  Wait a few seconds...

Cookie Pusher

FI would happily and obliviously live in his own filth for... well... forever. Granted, he went to engineering school, where showering monthly was pretty normal. Thankfully, FI isn't *that* bad (he showers at least once a day), but he has blinders on when it comes to clutter. Our division of labor looks like this:

FI - trash (they pick it up from our porch 3x a week), recycling (there's a shed in our parking lot where you drop your stuff off), his laundry, scrub toilet and bathroom sink

Me - everything else

FI tries to clean sometimes, but he is such an Aspy and it takes him 45+ minutes to wipe down the coffee table. Or 30 minutes to put the tablecloth on the dining room table. Or 2 hours to vacuum the small area rug. I just couldn't take it anymore!

lyndausvi

My DH also has a problem finding the trash can and dishwasher for that matter.  A typical morning includes clearing the coffee table of his trash and his breakfast dishes.

Yet he has no problem taking out the trash when its full.   So basically happy to take out trash, just not happy filling up the trash.

silly boy

lovesclimbing

We split pretty evenly.  He tends to do more laundry. He tends to do the dishes more. I tend to do more of the cooking. We both hate washing dishes so those tend to stack up. The living room also tends to get messy.

NavyBlue143

I admit I do most of the cleaning. H will do it, he just has to be asked since his tolerance for mess is so much higher than mine is. Plus most the things that were his job (litter box, cleaning the bathroom) he can't do anymore because of his back.

Lately the house is a shambles because I just haven't had the desire to clean since my dog died. We manage to keep laundry done, the litterbox and toilet clean, and dishes done. I have hinted that I need more help around the house right now, but I need to just come out and say it. And force H to get rid of the computer parts taking up space in the entryway. I can't clean with an immovable mess like that.