Hello everyone!
I'm new to the knot but I've been a member over on thebump for a while, under a different SN. I am newly engaged and planning a wedding for October of this year. I've known my fiance for a little over 5 months and we've been dating for 4. We only see each other on the weekends due to living an hour apart. I have a 9mo daughter from a previous relationship. I'm planning a simple fall wedding with dark purple and pumpkin as my colors. I'm not fully traditional but I'm not very modern either. If you have any question or would like to know anything else, please feel free to ask.
Now for my question...
I have a friend that I would like to include in my wedding but I don't really want her to be an actual bridesmaid. She lives in Alaska (we live in Kentucky) and it is just too hard to try to coordinate things for her to be a BM. I would like for her to help at the wedding by being the go between for the grooms party/brides party, greeting guests as they arrive, helping get the ring bearer and flower girl (they will be 16 & 17 months old), and other little things. What title would you give her?
Re: Intro and question
The great news is that if your friend is traveling all the way from Alaska to attend your wedding, she will be there day of. The only thing a BM has to do is be present at your wedding in the appropriate dress...not sure what else there would be to coordinate, so just make her a bridesmaid.
If she loves helping out and coordinating as much as you say she will probably be a help to you that day as a bridesmaid, or even as a guest. The trouble is it's just not polite to assign someone tasks as an honor and a way for them to be part of the wedding. If she calls you and says "Hey, I would love to be a big help to you on your day, tell me everything I can do to help out, I'm serious..." Then maybe that would be a bit different.
There has been more than one post on here by women who were asked to be a helper to the bride on the wedding day, and even though they smiled and said yes they complained about it on here, and everyone agreed how rude the bride was.
I thought you said you weren't "using" your friend as slave labor. I thought you wanted her to feel special, not like an unpaid employee. Ick! You can't have this one both ways.
". A 16/17 month old can successfully be a ring bearer/flower girl. I've seen it done with younger children. The 17 mo is already walking at 10 months."
I am a retired church organist. I have seen at least 8 weddings ruined by screaming, vomiting children who were older than this. The bride insisted that she knew better than us, and that it would be cute. It wasn't.
Am i correct with my math? You've been dating 4 months but only see each other on weekends. So you've met/hung out 16 times, total?
Also do not ask your friend to do this.