How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

Jells2dot0

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

AddieL73 said:

Is this the line to get waffles?

Somehow I saw this, noticed the marshmellow, equated the marshmellow to Peeps, and now have an extreme craving for waffles, Peeps, and a margarita.

jenna8984

@phira I'm from Worcester and it is NOT metro west hahahah. We consider anything on the Pike west of Brookfield/Ware to be western MA. Worcester county is Central MA. I work where the Pike meets 495 and I get stuck in Pike traffic of Boston commuters. But it's funny because the way I look at a Springfield resident is probably the way you look at me like "what the hell are you way out there for?!" Answer: way cheaper and bigger yards

phira

@jenna8984 My brother lives out near Worcester. To me, you're the "other side" of MA, and everything farther west is New York.

classyduck

About 9 pages later, and I'm still dismayed that people have so distorted ATB's original words of "What is actually needed, is nuance."

And indeed, as @grumbledore says, this is just another way of saying that "A couple who lives as if engaged...is just a couple that identifies as a social unit, so this is just a different way of saying the same thing". Several PPs have said words to this effect as well.

So what is the big deal? ATB argues for nuance. Personally, I take this to mean that the hosts exercise nuanced consideration of whether or not a couple regards themselves a social unit. If they do, you invite them both. If not, it's up to the host. Nuance is important exactly BECAUSE relationships today are so diverse. Live-in or not, there is no cut and dry definition of who qualifies as a social unit. But, the criteria still lies with the GUEST. Judgement of their "coupled status" is not being passed by the host. If the guests consider themselves a social unit, there's your answer. The nuance comes only in assessing the couple's regard of their own status.

happywiggle

phira said:

@jenna8984 My brother lives out near Worcester. To me, you're the "other side" of MA, and everything farther west is New York.

As someone who travels to NY via I-90 every other weekend, I giggled.

artbyallie

classyduck said:

About 9 pages later, and I'm still dismayed that people have so distorted ATB's original words of "What is actually needed, is nuance."

And indeed, as @grumbledore says, this is just another way of saying that "A couple who lives as if engaged...is just a couple that identifies as a social unit, so this is just a different way of saying the same thing". Several PPs have said words to this effect as well.

So what is the big deal? ATB argues for nuance. Personally, I take this to mean that the hosts exercise nuanced consideration of whether or not a couple regards themselves a social unit. If they do, you invite them both. If not, it's up to the host. Nuance is important exactly BECAUSE relationships today are so diverse. Live-in or not, there is no cut and dry definition of who qualifies as a social unit. But, the criteria still lies with the GUEST. Judgement of their "coupled status" is not being passed by the host. If the guests consider themselves a social unit, there's your answer. The nuance comes only in assessing the couple's regard of their own status.

Except there's no assessing. "Hey, who are you seeing so I can put their name on your invitation?" "Oh, it's so-and-so," or "I'm not actually in a relationship right now, but thanks for thinking of me."

happywiggle

RebeccaB88 said:

I'm just blown away by the number of people who think it's perfectly ok to be unspeakably rude to people they claim to love. Family, friends, everyone is supposed to just look the other way and take it on the chin when their SO is blatantly insulted? WTF? My family and closest friends would call me out on that shit so fast my head would explode. Ain't no way I'd ever get away with that kind of thing, even if I wanted to. I mean, I LOVE these people. Why would I even for one moment consider being mean to them?

Your family sounds like mine. Are you sure we're not related to one another?  

My family is calling me out on not inviting kids to the wedding, which is not an etiquette fail provided when I address invitations, I address them only to the parents. Plus, we're offering to help find a babysitter for all children. I can't image what they would say if we actually did an etiquette fail.

mbross3

classyduck said:

About 9 pages later, and I'm still dismayed that people have so distorted ATB's original words of "What is actually needed, is nuance."

And indeed, as @grumbledore says, this is just another way of saying that "A couple who lives as if engaged...is just a couple that identifies as a social unit, so this is just a different way of saying the same thing". Several PPs have said words to this effect as well.

So what is the big deal? ATB argues for nuance. Personally, I take this to mean that the hosts exercise nuanced consideration of whether or not a couple regards themselves a social unit. If they do, you invite them both. If not, it's up to the host. Nuance is important exactly BECAUSE relationships today are so diverse. Live-in or not, there is no cut and dry definition of who qualifies as a social unit. But, the criteria still lies with the GUEST. Judgement of their "coupled status" is not being passed by the host. If the guests consider themselves a social unit, there's your answer. The nuance comes only in assessing the couple's regard of their own status.

To the bolded: what does this even mean? The host can't "asses the couple's regard of their own status"! I'm not even sure what that means/how it's different from passing judgment on a relationship. The only thing a host can do is what @artbyallie said: ask if they are in a relationship. 

grumbledore

@mbross3 - we all know it's nigh to impossible to understand the shit that comes out of ATB's mouth.  But ultimately was they said was "if a couple identifies as a couple, treat them as such" which is not passing judgment, but paying attention/asking.

antibride2013

So many people are just SO WRONG.  We had 6 couples, yes 6 that were invited to our wedding as a couple.  All 6 RSVP'ed with only 1 because their SO were going to be out of town at a confrence.  The day before our wedding, the confrence was cancelled.  So what did we do?  All 6 couples were contacted and even though the RSVPs were turned in for 1, there was NO WAY on God's green earth these couples would have to come to our wedding without their SO. It is not polite to split up couples.  And all the bullcrap about "our budget can't afford SO's" makes me stabby because our wedding was well over $500 per person.

This argument isn't just about what is proper etiquette, it is also about what is just all around GOOD MANNERS as human beings.

MrsMack10612

jenna8984 said:

@phira I'm from Worcester and it is NOT metro west hahahah. We consider anything on the Pike west of Brookfield/Ware to be western MA. Worcester county is Central MA. I work where the Pike meets 495 and I get stuck in Pike traffic of Boston commuters. But it's funny because the way I look at a Springfield resident is probably the way you look at me like "what the hell are you way out there for?!" Answer: way cheaper and bigger yards

@jenna8984 Clearly, I've spent all my time in Eastern MA.  I always that Worcester was part of Metrowest, goes to show what I know.

jenna8984

@amrhodes23 @mrsmack10612 @phira I think maybe if you live in Greater Boston, people in that area do refer to it as metrowest. But it really isn't and everyone who actually lives here calls it Central MA lol.

People get so confused when I say live walking distance to CT. They are like "Oh, so out near Springfield/ Hartford". No, not at all.....people don't realize all the way over in this corner directly south of Worcester- where MA meets CT meets RI. Oh well, no biggie because I've never been anywhere north of Boston (Salem, Beverly, Gloucester?) I would have no idea what's up there or where NH meets lol

grumbledore

I always thought of MetroWest as like Framingham/Natick - all those Route 9 towns but not as far as Worcester.

MrsMack10612

@jenna8984 - That makes sense.

I highly recommend you make a visit up here to the North Shore.  It's awesome.  Salem in October is a spectacle to see and there are lots of great shopping downtowns in a lot of the cities.

PrettyGirlLost

ashleefrantz said:

People are being really harsh in this post for no reason. TakerFan1 at the end of the day its your wedding. If someone is that petty to get upset and not come they don't need to be there. Period. I am not attached to my man, I can enjoy a family gathering without him and I HAVE BEFORE AND DIDN'T DIE. The key word you said was *intimate* If this was a huge 300 person wedding and no SO were allowed that would be different. There are certain people in my family that are NOT getting a plus one. If they don't like it that much not to come I don't want your negative energy at my wedding anyway. Sit down, talk to your family and let them know early enough to make a decision. 

Do any of you Snowflakes read anything and use your brains at all before posting?

Anyone?  Anyone? Bueller?

PrettyGirlLost

classyduck said:

About 9 pages later, and I'm still dismayed that people have so distorted ATB's original words of "What is actually needed, is nuance."

And indeed, as @grumbledore says, this is just another way of saying that "A couple who lives as if engaged...is just a couple that identifies as a social unit, so this is just a different way of saying the same thing". Several PPs have said words to this effect as well.

So what is the big deal? ATB argues for nuance. Personally, I take this to mean that the hosts exercise nuanced consideration of whether or not a couple regards themselves a social unit. If they do, you invite them both. If not, it's up to the host. Nuance is important exactly BECAUSE relationships today are so diverse. Live-in or not, there is no cut and dry definition of who qualifies as a social unit. But, the criteria still lies with the GUEST. Judgement of their "coupled status" is not being passed by the host. If the guests consider themselves a social unit, there's your answer. The nuance comes only in assessing the couple's regard of their own status.

There isn't a big deal.  It's really, really easy to ask your family and friends if they are seeing anybody prior to finalizing your guest list and mailing out STDs or Invitations.

PrettyGirlLost

MrsMack10612 said:

@jenna8984 - That makes sense.

I highly recommend you make a visit up here to the North Shore.  It's awesome.  Salem in October is a spectacle to see and there are lots of great shopping downtowns in a lot of the cities.

Lol and once again our gals from Boston are having a side bar conversation about Boston/MA in the middle of a crazy E thread.

I think it's their way of going to their happy place and ignoring the idiocy and the blizzard around them ;-)

You gals crack me up!

jenna8984

@prettygirllost We deserve it after reading 16 pages of that nonsense!!!!!!! LOL I thought it would never end!

phira

@prettygirllost Coping mechanism because of all the special snowflakes. I'm so disappointed that TK put this on the front page. UGH.

I brought this up to my partner last night, and after just telling him about the initial post (and not any reactions to it, or my own opinion), he went, "Ugh. It's your day, sure, but that means you can serve the kind of food you like and play whatever music you like and have decorations and colors you like. It doesn't mean you can be a shitty host."

SO PROUD.

happywiggle

PrettyGirlLost said:

MrsMack10612 said:

@jenna8984 - That makes sense.

I highly recommend you make a visit up here to the North Shore.  It's awesome.  Salem in October is a spectacle to see and there are lots of great shopping downtowns in a lot of the cities.

Lol and once again our gals from Boston are having a side bar conversation about Boston/MA in the middle of a crazy E thread.

I think it's their way of going to their happy place and ignoring the idiocy and the blizzard around them ;-)

You gals crack me up!

It's our way of hijacking it away from the snowflakes

@jenna8984 NH is about an hour north of Boston. My FILs live just across the border..

mbross3

@grumbledore I understand what you're saying, I just didn't read that in what ATB was saying. But you're totally right that it's pretty impossible to understand what they say ever anyway!

lightningsnow

jenna8984 said:

@amrhodes23 @mrsmack10612 @phira I think maybe if you live in Greater Boston, people in that area do refer to it as metrowest. But it really isn't and everyone who actually lives here calls it Central MA lol.

People get so confused when I say live walking distance to CT. They are like "Oh, so out near Springfield/ Hartford". No, not at all.....people don't realize all the way over in this corner directly south of Worcester- where MA meets CT meets RI. Oh well, no biggie because I've never been anywhere north of Boston (Salem, Beverly, Gloucester?) I would have no idea what's up there or where NH meets lol

As someone who grew up minutes from the NH border and has moved in NH, it really depends on what part you are near. I grew up around Lowell, MA myself so I know that there's the arena there were concerts are held. But really not much up this way. NH is about a 45 min to an hour or so drive from Boston, depending from where you are coming from.

crunchymamaof2

jenna8984 said:

@prettygirllost We deserve it after reading 16 pages of that nonsense!!!!!!! LOL I thought it would never end!

I have no idea what you guys were discussing but i saw Springfield pop up in there so just wanted to say hi from the hood. Lol.

phira

lightningsnow said:

jenna8984 said:

@amrhodes23 @mrsmack10612 @phira I think maybe if you live in Greater Boston, people in that area do refer to it as metrowest. But it really isn't and everyone who actually lives here calls it Central MA lol.

People get so confused when I say live walking distance to CT. They are like "Oh, so out near Springfield/ Hartford". No, not at all.....people don't realize all the way over in this corner directly south of Worcester- where MA meets CT meets RI. Oh well, no biggie because I've never been anywhere north of Boston (Salem, Beverly, Gloucester?) I would have no idea what's up there or where NH meets lol

As someone who grew up minutes from the NH border and has moved in NH, it really depends on what part you are near. I grew up around Lowell, MA myself so I know that there's the arena there were concerts are held. But really not much up this way. NH is about a 45 min to an hour or so drive from Boston, depending from where you are coming from.

Ah, Lowell. We used to go to the movies there. Also used to go up to Nashua to go to the mall.

lightningsnow

phira said:

lightningsnow said:

jenna8984 said:

@amrhodes23 @mrsmack10612 @phira I think maybe if you live in Greater Boston, people in that area do refer to it as metrowest. But it really isn't and everyone who actually lives here calls it Central MA lol.

People get so confused when I say live walking distance to CT. They are like "Oh, so out near Springfield/ Hartford". No, not at all.....people don't realize all the way over in this corner directly south of Worcester- where MA meets CT meets RI. Oh well, no biggie because I've never been anywhere north of Boston (Salem, Beverly, Gloucester?) I would have no idea what's up there or where NH meets lol

As someone who grew up minutes from the NH border and has moved in NH, it really depends on what part you are near. I grew up around Lowell, MA myself so I know that there's the arena there were concerts are held. But really not much up this way. NH is about a 45 min to an hour or so drive from Boston, depending from where you are coming from.

Ah, Lowell. We used to go to the movies there. Also used to go up to Nashua to go to the mall.

I prefer the mall in Salem, NH over the one in Nashua. Much nicer and bigger though they are doing great revamping the one in Nashua now.

The only thing I hated about driving through Lowell was the streets. Too many potholes and too many cars parked on the street.

jenna8984

@lightningsnow Have you hiked Monadnock in Jaffrey? It's my all time fave. I'd be there every weekend in the summer if it weren't 2 hours from me.

MrsMack10612

@jenn8984 - I hiked Monadnock years ago with my BIL and 3 nephews.  The littlest was only 5 at the time.  Kid must be part mountain goat the way he zoomed up that hike (and we chose one of the tougher trails).

I also did a retreat with my church youth group there even longer ago. 

PrettyGirlLost

I just need to know @jenn8984 @MrsMack10612 @lightningsnow @phira @acove2006 @amrhodes23 @grumbledore

Did you ladies all pahk your cah's at Hahvahd Yahd?

MrsMack10612

@PrettyGirlLost - I do not.  I have lived in MA for 33 of my 40 years (not originally a New Englander, a pretty firmly planted transplant) and I never acquired the Boston accent.  Though I get a little Jersey, a little Southern and a little Bahston if I've been drinking.

My sister on the other hand absolutely pahks her cah and has friends named Mahk (Mark).

PrettyGirlLost

MrsMack10612 said:

@PrettyGirlLost - I do not.  I have lived in MA for 33 of my 40 years (not originally a New Englander, a pretty firmly planted transplant) and I never acquired the Boston accent.  Though I get a little Jersey, a little Southern and a little Bahston if I've been drinking.

My sister on the other hand absolutely pahks her cah and has friends named Mahk (Mark).

I love the Boston accent!  I think a good portion of why I found the movie Ted was because of the great accent.