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Snarky Brides

SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!-Vent

My bridesmaids need to stop trying to help me because they are getting on my last nerve. I know their intentions are good,and they just want to help, but sending me links to venues that are triple my budget is not helpful. My bridesmaids are my 3 best friends. I told them ahead of time what the budget is. Thats why I dont get why they keep emailing me links to dress boutiques and wedding venues that cost half of my salary! When I tell them that the location is out of budget they say things like "But it was just so pretty I wanted you to see it". NO! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT! I am on a tight budget. $8,000 for EVERYTHING including my dress, rings, everything. FI and I are working hard to stay within our budget and host our guests well. Nobody will leave hungry, thirsty, or opening their wallets for anything. That's our vision for our wedding. To achieve that we are forgoing fancy centerpieces, glamorous venues, traditional wedding cake, stuff like that. I have explained this to my girls so I dont get what they dont get about it. I'm trying to keep from going Bridezilla because I know they are just trying to help but GOODNESS! JUST STOP! 

Re: SHUT UP! YOU'RE NOT HELPING!-Vent

  • Instead of being angry - reply thanks, put the link into a place where you're putting all of your wedding ideas and move on. They're excited for you. They want to help. They are in no way trying to change your budget or ruin your day. The fact that this is stressing you out is rather concerning. They aren't forcing you to do anything. They aren't telling you your budget should be higher.

    Should they listen a little more? Of course? Would their help actually be more helpful if they paid more attention to pricetags? Yes. 

    But don't lose site of the fact that these are your good friends who are just excited for your big day.
    happymellowAmyzen83
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited March 2014
    Along* with abbyj, I would just ignore the emails. If asked, you can say you saw it but not interested.

    You've already told them it's out of the budget, so just ignoring emails would probably be the best. 

    ETA *fingers can't spell
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    Amyzen83
  • Yea, I'm probably over reacting but its still super annoying. Its just like if you told somebody you needed help finding a red dress and they kept sending you pictures of blue dresses. 
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited March 2014
    I do suggest you buy a copy of Bridal Bargains by Denise and Alan Fields.  They helped us save at least a thousand dollars on daughter's wedding.
    I think your post is hilarious!  Do you have any idea how many posts we get from bides complaining that their brideslaves aren't interested in helping to plan their wedding?  This is a first!
    Miss Manner's daughter was married in an afternoon ceremony with a tea reception.  I'm sure the tea was first class, but if SHE didn't need a full open bar, dancing and sit down dinner reception, then neither do you!  Enjoy planning your perfectly proper wedding!  Kudos!

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    casey8784Amyzen83
  • Maybe they just want to share for fun?  I mean, my budget was less than $5k, but that never stopped me from wanting to look at expensive venues and dream, or get ideas, share them with my sister and mother (who helped and did LOTS of DIY stuff [because they're crafty and I am not!]).  Perhaps that's all your BM are doing?

    Mostly, I'd just blow them off if it's really upsetting you.  Say "Thanks for the link!"  Then click delete.  No harm, no foul!
    raeah219Amyzen83
  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Sounds like my FMIL... her "helpful" ideas range from DIY projects better suited to children's parties than weddings, to "oh look at this venue" that is literally twice my budget.

    I ended up having a sobbing meltdown at FI over how frustrated I was that his family wanted all these things that we can't afford. I think he must have told her, because she stopped after that.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
    raeah219Amyzen83
  • You're fine.   If venting here makes it easier to deal with and it doesn't cost you a lifelong friendship, that's fine.   Just keep the venting here.   Also, there is the possibility that your BMs are sending you stuff out of "HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THESE PRICES!!!" rather than as actual suggestions.

    Again, you're fine...keep venting here instead of in person.   Anonymous internet support group works wonders.

    raeah219Amyzen83Kauris
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm saving this place for dramatic overreactions too, because I would rather piss of a bunch of internet people than my family and friends. You're good, later you can look back on this and go "lol"
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    raeah219Amyzen83
  • larrygaga said:
    I'm saving this place for dramatic overreactions too, because I would rather piss of a bunch of internet people than my family and friends. You're good, later you can look back on this and go "lol"


    Exactly, I bitched here about my FI's cousin after all sorts of drama where we were asked to have her as a FG in our wedding.   I said some pretty mean things here under the veil of anonymity (rather than my FB or in person).   You're safe here.   Vent away

    raeah219Amyzen83
  • That's what this place is for!!
    Sometimes you just need to vent it out. *hugs*
    I promise in a few months you probably won't even remember 99.9% of the things that were vent worthy when they happened.
    raeah219Amyzen83
  • You know I love my sister a lot and she has lots of good ideas and now that her wedding madness is over and done with, she's now really gung-ho about ours and I couldn't be more greatful...BUT my sister has expensive tastes and some of the ideas she throws at me I can't see how they'd fit in our budget especially since they don't meet our guests needs other than the fact that it's eye candy. She's even complained to me about how certain bridesmaids aren't pulling their weight and fullfilling their "duties". And she's even voiced annoyance about my fi and his mom.

    This stuff was starting to drive me crazy especially when she was trash talking the people I love and care about. I called up my matron of honor who has been a wonderful mentor to me and asked her for advice and it helped a lot so I want to share with you what she told me. First relax, breath and don't let these little things get to you, because you already have enough on your plate. These girls are excited for you and want to help and be there for you and are doing what they thing is best. So I'd laugh let it roll off your back, vent here if it gets to be too much and just keep planning your wedding as if nothing's wrong becaus at this point there is nothing wrong.
    raeah219
  • Thanks for the support ladies
    Amyzen83
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