Separate Beds/Bedrooms?

Maggie0829

I'd kind of like to have separate bedrooms, or at least the option. We live in a 1BR/1Bath that we've been in for five years - since we moved in together. I'm a super light sleeper and he snores and wakes up earlier than I do. Our couch hates backs and wants them to die so we take turns sleeping there if I can't sleep because of his noise. When he's not there, I sleep like a rock.

As far as the bathroom, we're usually okay with the one. The only problem is if someone is using the toilet and the other needs to. I blowdry my hair in the bedroom and rarely wear makeup so no problems with that. I'm sure it will be nice if/when we do have a second bathroom, though. 

I'm lucky that FI doesn't seem to mind my giant hairs everywhere. My hair is about waist-length and it gets pretty much everywhere. They gross me out more than they do him. 

I think Maggie already knows this and is grosses her out, but I think it's hilarious. To avoid clogging the drain constantly, I stick my stray hairs to the wall in the shower and sometimes I'd forget them there. We call 'em shower dragons. My FI started making little pictures with them when he'd be in there. So now I leave them there to see what kind of shower dragon pictures he'll make. This morning I was greeted with a tiger. 

MrsAitch

ckel24 said:

@jenna8984 FI and I have sworn to each other that we will never cross the line as to use the bathroom in front of each other lol. I have ZERO problems with people who are that comfortable with their S/O, we just never will be. With that said, once you get kicked out of the bathroom so many times so he can use it (including in the middle of blowdrying your hair for work), you come to fantasize about having your own space. Plus I am really, REALLY not a morning person so having my own bathroom lets me get ready in peace and quiet before I'm ready to talk to anyone. Now, I will say that I have more than once hung out in the bathroom while FI is taking a shower just so I can talk to him or tell him about my day.

I'm sorry but it just does not compute for me when women say things like this. I only take about 15 minutes in the bathroom to get ready in the morning because I only use the toilet, shower, and brush my teeth in there. Blow drying, hair styling, makeup, etc can all be done anywhere that has both a mirror and an outlet, no bathroom needed.

Maggie0829

MrsAitch said:

ckel24 said:

@jenna8984 FI and I have sworn to each other that we will never cross the line as to use the bathroom in front of each other lol. I have ZERO problems with people who are that comfortable with their S/O, we just never will be. With that said, once you get kicked out of the bathroom so many times so he can use it (including in the middle of blowdrying your hair for work), you come to fantasize about having your own space. Plus I am really, REALLY not a morning person so having my own bathroom lets me get ready in peace and quiet before I'm ready to talk to anyone. Now, I will say that I have more than once hung out in the bathroom while FI is taking a shower just so I can talk to him or tell him about my day.

I'm sorry but it just does not compute for me when women say things like this. I only take about 15 minutes in the bathroom to get ready in the morning because I only use the toilet, shower, and brush my teeth in there. Blow drying, hair styling, makeup, etc can all be done anywhere that has both a mirror and an outlet, no bathroom needed.

Ditto.  I only shower, use the toilet and brush my teeth in the bathroom.  Everything else is done at my vanity in the bedroom.  I like to sit and watch the Today Show when doing my hair and makeup in the morning.

cupcait927

MrsAitch said:

ckel24 said:

@jenna8984 FI and I have sworn to each other that we will never cross the line as to use the bathroom in front of each other lol. I have ZERO problems with people who are that comfortable with their S/O, we just never will be. With that said, once you get kicked out of the bathroom so many times so he can use it (including in the middle of blowdrying your hair for work), you come to fantasize about having your own space. Plus I am really, REALLY not a morning person so having my own bathroom lets me get ready in peace and quiet before I'm ready to talk to anyone. Now, I will say that I have more than once hung out in the bathroom while FI is taking a shower just so I can talk to him or tell him about my day.

I'm sorry but it just does not compute for me when women say things like this. I only take about 15 minutes in the bathroom to get ready in the morning because I only use the toilet, shower, and brush my teeth in there. Blow drying, hair styling, makeup, etc can all be done anywhere that has both a mirror and an outlet, no bathroom needed.

....um our bedroom in our apartment didn't have a mirror/outlet that were near each other? I don't really know why this strikes a chord with you. I spent years never getting ready in a bathroom and it was never a problem but having the double sink and huge mirror in our apartment was really effing nice. Plus it was the ONLY place that had a mirror/outlet combo near each other. And it's really inconvenient to be kicked out of the bathroom for 5-10 minutes when I have a finite amount of time to get ready in the morning just so he can poop.

 

ETA - clarification

jenna8984

Maggie0829 said:

MrsAitch said:

ckel24 said:

@jenna8984 FI and I have sworn to each other that we will never cross the line as to use the bathroom in front of each other lol. I have ZERO problems with people who are that comfortable with their S/O, we just never will be. With that said, once you get kicked out of the bathroom so many times so he can use it (including in the middle of blowdrying your hair for work), you come to fantasize about having your own space. Plus I am really, REALLY not a morning person so having my own bathroom lets me get ready in peace and quiet before I'm ready to talk to anyone. Now, I will say that I have more than once hung out in the bathroom while FI is taking a shower just so I can talk to him or tell him about my day.

I'm sorry but it just does not compute for me when women say things like this. I only take about 15 minutes in the bathroom to get ready in the morning because I only use the toilet, shower, and brush my teeth in there. Blow drying, hair styling, makeup, etc can all be done anywhere that has both a mirror and an outlet, no bathroom needed.

Ditto.  I only shower, use the toilet and brush my teeth in the bathroom.  Everything else is done at my vanity in the bedroom.  I like to sit and watch the Today Show when doing my hair and makeup in the morning.

Same here. I actually have a house from 1956 that does NOT have an outlet in the bathroom so I have to do it in my room. Even in high school and college I didn't understand how one could get dry hair while inside a very humid room (immediately following a shower).

cupcait927

Maggie0829 said:

MrsAitch said:

ckel24 said:

@jenna8984 FI and I have sworn to each other that we will never cross the line as to use the bathroom in front of each other lol. I have ZERO problems with people who are that comfortable with their S/O, we just never will be. With that said, once you get kicked out of the bathroom so many times so he can use it (including in the middle of blowdrying your hair for work), you come to fantasize about having your own space. Plus I am really, REALLY not a morning person so having my own bathroom lets me get ready in peace and quiet before I'm ready to talk to anyone. Now, I will say that I have more than once hung out in the bathroom while FI is taking a shower just so I can talk to him or tell him about my day.

I'm sorry but it just does not compute for me when women say things like this. I only take about 15 minutes in the bathroom to get ready in the morning because I only use the toilet, shower, and brush my teeth in there. Blow drying, hair styling, makeup, etc can all be done anywhere that has both a mirror and an outlet, no bathroom needed.

Ditto.  I only shower, use the toilet and brush my teeth in the bathroom.  Everything else is done at my vanity in the bedroom.  I like to sit and watch the Today Show when doing my hair and makeup in the morning.

The bedroom in our apartment had shitty lighting and no place to have a mirror or vanity table that had an outlet near it. Our bathroom was full of natural light and had a double sink with a huge mirror so it was pretty much the only option. And it was right off of the bedroom so I could see the tv from the bathroom and still get ready. It's not an issue any longer because we've got the two bathrooms but we really had no other options in the apartment.

cupcait927

@shrekspeare Up until I moved in with FI, I never used to get ready in bathroom. Either it didn't have a window so it would get WAY too humid after a shower or I lived with other people so I couldn't monopolize the bathroom (one sink, too small, etc). When I moved in with FI, we had this gorgeous, giant bathroom with a huge window and double sink, giant mirror and perfect lighting so we could both get ready in there. Plus our bedroom was not conducive to doing hair/make up. In my house now there's a nook in our full bathroom that I put a vanity in and it's perfect for getting ready in there and I don't have to leave until I need to get dressed.

ShesSoCold

jenna8984 said:

Maggie0829 said:

MrsAitch said:

ckel24 said:

@jenna8984 FI and I have sworn to each other that we will never cross the line as to use the bathroom in front of each other lol. I have ZERO problems with people who are that comfortable with their S/O, we just never will be. With that said, once you get kicked out of the bathroom so many times so he can use it (including in the middle of blowdrying your hair for work), you come to fantasize about having your own space. Plus I am really, REALLY not a morning person so having my own bathroom lets me get ready in peace and quiet before I'm ready to talk to anyone. Now, I will say that I have more than once hung out in the bathroom while FI is taking a shower just so I can talk to him or tell him about my day.

I'm sorry but it just does not compute for me when women say things like this. I only take about 15 minutes in the bathroom to get ready in the morning because I only use the toilet, shower, and brush my teeth in there. Blow drying, hair styling, makeup, etc can all be done anywhere that has both a mirror and an outlet, no bathroom needed.

Ditto.  I only shower, use the toilet and brush my teeth in the bathroom.  Everything else is done at my vanity in the bedroom.  I like to sit and watch the Today Show when doing my hair and makeup in the morning.

Same here. I actually have a house from 1956 that does NOT have an outlet in the bathroom so I have to do it in my room. Even in high school and college I didn't understand how one could get dry hair while inside a very humid room (immediately following a shower).

I've always thought the same thing. As a kid, we had five people and one bathroom so it never even occurred to me to dry my hair in the bathroom because someone ALWAYS needed it so we were always in and out ASAP. When FI and I got our apartment, it was just natural for me to dry my hair in the bedroom. When FI sleeps in, I dry my hair in the living room. It never once occurred to me until right now that it was even possible to dry my hair in the bathroom - LOL. 

buddysmom80

I blowdry my hair in our kitchen area (we have an L-shaped kitchen, so it's like the dining area?) because our bathroom fuse shares a fuse with our office and if I'm blowdrying my hair and FI is on the computer, the lights go out in the bathroom and office.

I always wanted a vanity area in my bedroom to do my hair and makeup in, I just don't have the room

cupcait927

@buddysmom80 having the vanity in my new bathroom is better than I thought it could be. I love being able to sit down while I'm getting ready. I stole the idea from my old roommate, who bought a house with one permanently installed.

jenna8984

I see we're all having a riveting & productive day of work today....

MrsAitch

I've just always made sure when moving into a new place that I hung a mirror near an outlet...preferably I would also have a dresser or desk nearby too. I had a roommate who would do her hair and makeup in our shared bathroom (3 girls, one bathroom) and I went to the coffee shop down the street to use the bathroom once because she was in there so long. Do that stuff in your bedroom!

I mean if it works for you and whoever you're sharing a bathroom with, then go ahead and do what you want, but if you get annoyed by your SO or roommate needing to actually use the bathroom while you're in there using the mirror, it might be a good idea to just buy another mirror.

In college, I used one of these: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/5x-lighted-tri-fold-makeup-vanity-mirror/1011803342?Keyword=lighted+makeup+mirror. It was awesome because it has its own outlet in the front and it has lights, so if you need better lighting for your makeup or whatever you have that too. And it's portable and the mirror swivels to whatever angle you want...all you need is an outlet. I had hair that was past my bra strap in length and used one of these daily with no problems.

Maggie0829

@buddysmom80 - before I had an actual desk vanity we used to have an armoire with a mirror in it.  I would then open the door with the mirror and sit on the floor and do my hair and makeup.  I have tried doing it in the bathroom but it just uncomfortable for me.

cupcait927

MrsAitch said:

I've just always made sure when moving into a new place that I hung a mirror near an outlet...preferably I would also have a dresser or desk nearby too. I had a roommate who would do her hair and makeup in our shared bathroom (3 girls, one bathroom) and I went to the coffee shop down the street to use the bathroom once because she was in there so long. Do that stuff in your bedroom!

I mean if it works for you and whoever you're sharing a bathroom with, then go ahead and do what you want, but if you get annoyed by your SO or roommate needing to actually use the bathroom while you're in there using the mirror, it might be a good idea to just buy another mirror.

In college, I used one of these: http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/5x-lighted-tri-fold-makeup-vanity-mirror/1011803342?Keyword=lighted+makeup+mirror. It was awesome because it has its own outlet in the front and it has lights, so if you need better lighting for your makeup or whatever you have that too. And it's portable and the mirror swivels to whatever angle you want...all you need is an outlet. I had hair that was past my bra strap in length and used one of these daily with no problems.

Well it's no longer an issue but thanks.

cupcait927

Maggie0829 said:

@buddysmom80 - before I had an actual desk vanity we used to have an armoire with a mirror in it.  I would then open the door with the mirror and sit on the floor and do my hair and makeup.  I have tried doing it in the bathroom but it just uncomfortable for me.

In high school and a couple of apartments I had one of those full length mirrors that hung over the door. I'd plop myself down in front of that and get ready there.

buddysmom80

@ckel24 that's what I used to do when I lived at home. Actually I used to have a vanity when I was a kid, but I outgrew it. I should go back to the full-length mirror routine again.

flyingfoxes

Ah - in addition to getting used to living with FI - my tiny little house only has 1 bathroom.  It was VERY interesting when his 2 kids were staying with us when he was home for R&R - luckily I was up and showered and out the door to work while they were all sleeping in (except him - he loves to get up and make me coffee while I'm showering).   We can't do it again - too stressful.  He's actually out touring a potential house to rent right now that has 3 bathrooms!  I can't wait to get out of my tiny house and have some space again.  (I lived on my own for the past 18 years, so I'm used to having my own space!) 

we don't pee in front of each other - I'm fine with keeping that mystery a mystery.  I know he does it, he knows I do it - same with pooping - no way in hell. 

chibiyui

jenna8984 said:

I see we're all having a riveting & productive day of work today....

I sold half my week this morning/afternoon, which is why this is my first post today.

csuave

When we bought our house we knew we wanted to get a king size bed.  We ended up getting a king Serta iComfort with adjustable bases.  Since we wanted separate adjustable bases (like craftmatic) we had to get two twins to make up the king.  This has ended up working out great giving us our own space and helping us get better sleep but we can snuggle up when we want (just have to push away our twin topsheets).  Futhermore when DH sleeps in an elevated position I think it actually reduces his snoring.

But if he is sick and coughing all night he will sleep on the couch.

 

happybride42

All of my parents friends have had separate bedrooms since before I can remember.  If my parents hadn't been such terrible hoarders I know my mom would have loved to have had a separate bedroom from him.  But she couldn't throw her crap away and clean up that spare room to live in it.  Granted my parents were from a different generation - very 1950s in their mentality.  They all stayed married to the bitter (and it was often bitter) end.  No divorces there.  I would have loved a separate bedroom from my first husband.
Fortunately FI and I are perfectly teamed up when it comes to sleeping together.  He is the only person on earth whos snore (and he does snore) will not keep me awake.  I'm thankful for it.  I don't want to have to sleep separately from him.  But I certainly do understand couples who do it.  My mom's snore was so bad I could hear her through TWO doors in my house growing up.  My father's deafness worked for him there!

lc07

I'm a very light sleeper with fatigue issues so I need my sleep. DH snores like a monster and wakes up two hours before me. So he sleeps in the guestroom occasionally, especially if I've been having trouble sleeping for several nights in a row. We do generally enjoy sleeping together, but sometimes, it just works better to be separate. 

@emmyg65 and anyone else who has a husband snoring problem, have you tried a sleep sound machine? I LOVE IT. It also really helps with my monkey brain from anxiety. I crank that baby up on the highest volume possible with ocean or rain sounds and it drowns my mind out and my husband's snoring out. I had to invest in a slightly more expensive one because the cheap ones have tracks that are short and you can hear a pattern in them. But this changed my life. Seriously.

ETA: It is not the same as just having a fan or white noise in the background. I slacked for a long time on buying a sound machine because I didn't think it would be any different than running a fan. HUGE DIFFERENCE!

doeydo

My FI and I sleep together.  I would hate it if he started sleeping on the couch or (if we had a two bedroom apartment) wanted to sleep in a different room from me.

arrippa

lc07 said:

I'm a very light sleeper with fatigue issues so I need my sleep. DH snores like a monster and wakes up two hours before me. So he sleeps in the guestroom occasionally, especially if I've been having trouble sleeping for several nights in a row. We do generally enjoy sleeping together, but sometimes, it just works better to be separate. 

@emmyg65 and anyone else who has a husband snoring problem, have you tried a sleep sound machine? I LOVE IT. It also really helps with my monkey brain from anxiety. I crank that baby up on the highest volume possible with ocean or rain sounds and it drowns my mind out and my husband's snoring out. I had to invest in a slightly more expensive one because the cheap ones have tracks that are short and you can hear a pattern in them. But this changed my life. Seriously.

ETA: It is not the same as just having a fan or white noise in the background. I slacked for a long time on buying a sound machine because I didn't think it would be any different than running a fan. HUGE DIFFERENCE!

Can you post your recommendations for machines? I am a very light sleeper who needs at least eigh hours of sleep.I have been really grumpy because of my lack of sleep due to snoring.

emmyg65

lc07 said:

I'm a very light sleeper with fatigue issues so I need my sleep. DH snores like a monster and wakes up two hours before me. So he sleeps in the guestroom occasionally, especially if I've been having trouble sleeping for several nights in a row. We do generally enjoy sleeping together, but sometimes, it just works better to be separate. 

@emmyg65 and anyone else who has a husband snoring problem, have you tried a sleep sound machine? I LOVE IT. It also really helps with my monkey brain from anxiety. I crank that baby up on the highest volume possible with ocean or rain sounds and it drowns my mind out and my husband's snoring out. I had to invest in a slightly more expensive one because the cheap ones have tracks that are short and you can hear a pattern in them. But this changed my life. Seriously.

ETA: It is not the same as just having a fan or white noise in the background. I slacked for a long time on buying a sound machine because I didn't think it would be any different than running a fan. HUGE DIFFERENCE!

I'm a super weirdo when it comes to sleep. I sleep best with complete silence, total darkness, and slightly cool air. So a noise machine wouldn't work. I do use ear plugs though, which are awesome!

cupcait927

@emmyg65 I sleep with earplugs and need complete darkness as well. My mom got me earplugs way back when I was a freshman in college because I wasn't used to having so much external noise when trying to sleep. It was a lifesaver and I've used them ever since.

flyingfoxes

qmda76 said:

It would break FI's heart if I wanted to sleep in a separate bed or bedroom.  I'm still getting used to him being there, he was gone almost a year on deployment and I've never lived with anyone before so it's an adjustment.  I do know that he needs to get a new sleep apnea mask because I might become homicidal at his snoring some nights. 

After last night - murder is on my mind.  Tonight a trip to Walgreens is necessary to get ear plugs. 

cupcait927

@qmda76 - earplugs and a box fan! It won't drown out all of the noise if he's snores really loudly, but earplugs and a box fan on your side of the bed near your head will help.

sarahufl

I am so jealous of all of you with multiple bedrooms and bathrooms.

SmileDamnit

moemacWed30594 said:

lc07 said:

I'm a very light sleeper with fatigue issues so I need my sleep. DH snores like a monster and wakes up two hours before me. So he sleeps in the guestroom occasionally, especially if I've been having trouble sleeping for several nights in a row. We do generally enjoy sleeping together, but sometimes, it just works better to be separate. 

@emmyg65 and anyone else who has a husband snoring problem, have you tried a sleep sound machine? I LOVE IT. It also really helps with my monkey brain from anxiety. I crank that baby up on the highest volume possible with ocean or rain sounds and it drowns my mind out and my husband's snoring out. I had to invest in a slightly more expensive one because the cheap ones have tracks that are short and you can hear a pattern in them. But this changed my life. Seriously.

ETA: It is not the same as just having a fan or white noise in the background. I slacked for a long time on buying a sound machine because I didn't think it would be any different than running a fan. HUGE DIFFERENCE!

Can you post your recommendations for machines? I am a very light sleeper who needs at least eigh hours of sleep.I have been really grumpy because of my lack of sleep due to snoring.

We have TWO of these <<  kinds, one on each side of the bed. I first discovered this kind when working with autistic children...it's very soothing white noise. 

NavyBlue143

I need to look into this separate sheets thing. I am such a cover hog, and H is a human furnace so he is never cold ever.