How many friends is appropriate to let all parents invite?

HisGirlFriday13

EricaCat1 said:

CMGragain said:

EricaCat1 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

EricaCat1 said:

I know my fiance & I have to talk about it and I hope I can convince him because I have so many people near and dear to my heart who include not only relatives but friends, neighborhood buddies, co-workers, and former co-workers.  I get very attached to people.  =\

Also, I know the 400 guests is not what made my friend's wedding gorgeous but it really helped to fill up the reception hall and the dance floor and it was soooo lively...everyone was happy and excited and when I say everybody danced I mean EVERYBODY danced!  There were the most beautiful decorations, the most beautiful bridal and bridesmaids gowns, and the most delicious food.  This wedding was 15 years ago and people still talk about it to this day!!

Wait...you're comparing your upcoming wedding to a wedding that happened FIFTEEN YEARS AGO?! As in, last century?

Lol yea it is a while back but it was beautiful!w  Everything was picture-perfect.  The reception was seven hours long.  The bride and her bridesmaids all looked like models. The songs were amazing (well except for two silly inappropriate ones requested by one of the bride's rogue guy friends).  And I know having 400 guests is not what makes a wedding gorgeous, but the diversity of the guests was awesome!!  Family flown in from Italy.  Family flown in from Ireland.  Many, many colorful urban ethnic (Italian-American and Irish-American) family members from the bride's and groom's side.  Bride's stepfather's family from the Midwest.  The bride's fun, boisterous male friends (mostly law enforcement and firefighters).  The bride's handsome dad & his police buddies as well as her handsome stepfather and his USNA alumni friends dressed in full uniform.  Her mother and grandmothers looking stunning.  Lots of happy children running aNavybout.  It was probably as close to perfect as it gets.  So many people to this day say it was the best time they ever had!

OK, let me tell you about the perfect wedding I attended.  The bride stood up with her three close friends, who most definitely did not look anything like models.  The bride was two inches taller than the groom.  The groom's party were varying sizes and shapes, one very obese.  The MOG had to be helped up to the candle for the candel lighting ceremony, because she was disabled.  The MOB was obese.
After the church ceremony, everyone drove to a nearby country club for brunch and mimosas.  The young people danced, and the old folks chatted.  Everyone expressed affection and best wishes for the bride and groom, and the room seemed full of love.  The young couple was very happy.
Yes, it was perfect.

That does sound perfect and very sweet. My fiance is Chinese and the thing is also that he has SO MANY RELATIVES both here in the States and also in China. They would love to be a part of it, especially his family in China who never really gets to visit the US. And his parents are very successful and he is too, and he is a saver just like his parents who save every penny. They certainly have the money to dish out to help us with a big wedding in which my relatives & friends and all their relatives in the US and China may attend. I would think they (and my fiance) would love to see them and give them a beautiful opportunity to visit the USA.


Unless they have offered, do not assume they will want to give you money to fund this elaborate copy-cat ceremony/reception.

Also, 36 is old enough to be realistic.

CMGragain

Do not count on money from your FI's family.  Chinese American families can be very frugal, and spending a lot of money on a huge wedding may not be their style.  That was the case with DD's wedding, and nobody thought anything of it, since we didn't expect them to contribute.

kitty8403

I think you're overestimating the joys of a 400-person crowd. That puts big-time limits on how far your budget goes, what venues you can reserve, even which caterers you might be able to book. It also adds a lot of work to otherwise simple things like seating charts, having enough parking and restrooms, finding enough seating, linens and china, etc. You'll have more complicated logistics and probably higher expenses if you want a nice wedding with a huge group.

My list is over 300, and the only reason it isn't quite a bit higher is that I axed a LOT of college friends, acquaintances, business associates, and so forth. As it is, it's a lot of addresses to hunt down, a lot of spellings to round up, a lot of invites and thank yous to write out. And if you're having a destination wedding, or a lot of out of state guests, there's no way to know for sure who will be able to show till pretty late in the game.

kitty8403

>>That does sound perfect and very sweet. My fiance is Chinese and the thing is also that he has SO MANY RELATIVES both here in the States and also in China. They would love to be a part of it, especially his family in China who never really gets to visit the US. And his parents are very successful and he is too, and he is a saver just like his parents who save every penny. They certainly have the money to dish out to help us with a big wedding in which my relatives & friends and all their relatives in the US and China may attend. I would think they (and my fiance) would love to see them and give them a beautiful opportunity to visit the USA.

Please, please tell me you aren't expecting his family from overseas to chip in for your enormous fantasy wedding! 

Viczaesar

EricaCat1 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I know my fiance & I have to talk about it and I hope I can convince him because I have so many people near and dear to my heart who include not only relatives but friends, neighborhood buddies, co-workers, and former co-workers.  I get very attached to people.  =\

Also, I know the 400 guests is not what made my friend's wedding gorgeous but it really helped to fill up the reception hall and the dance floor and it was soooo lively...everyone was happy and excited and when I say everybody danced I mean EVERYBODY danced!  There were the most beautiful decorations, the most beautiful bridal and bridesmaids gowns, and the most delicious food.  This wedding was 15 years ago and people still talk about it to this day!!

Wait...you're comparing your upcoming wedding to a wedding that happened FIFTEEN YEARS AGO?! As in, last century?

Lol yea it is a while back but it was beautiful!  Everything was picture-perfect.  The reception was seven hours long.  The bride and her bridesmaids all looked like models.  The songs were amazing (well except for two silly inappropriate ones requested by one of the bride's rogue guy friends).  And I know having 400 guests is not what makes a wedding gorgeous, but the diversity of the guests was awesome!!  Family flown in from Italy.  Family flown in from Ireland.  Many, many colorful urban ethnic (Italian-American and Irish-American) family members from the bride's and groom's side.  Bride's stepfather's family from the Midwest.  The bride's fun, boisterous male friends (mostly law enforcement and firefighters).  The bride's handsome dad & his police buddies as well as her handsome stepfather and his USNA alumni friends dressed in full Navy uniform.  Her mother and grandmothers looking stunning.  Lots of happy children running about.  It was probably as close to perfect as it gets.  So many people to this day say it was the best time they ever had!

Hey, are you the person who is obsessed with preventing inappropriate songs from being requested, and related the long ass story about the wedding you were at where someone requested what you thought were inappropriate songs blah blah something about USNA blah blah blah? 

Honestly, you sound surprisingly immature for someone apparently legally old enough to get married.  And obsessed with this other person's wedding.

EricaCat1

kitty8403 said:

>>That does sound perfect and very sweet. My fiance is Chinese and the thing is also that he has SO MANY RELATIVES both here in the States and also in China. They would love to be a part of it, especially his family in China who never really gets to visit the US. And his parents are very successful and he is too, and he is a saver just like his parents who save every penny. They certainly have the money to dish out to help us with a big wedding in which my relatives & friends and all their relatives in the US and China may attend. I would think they (and my fiance) would love to see them and give them a beautiful opportunity to visit the USA.

Please, please tell me you aren't expecting his family from overseas to chip in for your enormous fantasy wedding! 

Not his family overseas, no.  His parents live here in the United States.  I think it would be beautiful for all his Chinese relatives who live in China to be guests at the wedding and get to visit the USA.  I would love that!  Then they could not only come to our wedding but tour around and see at least one or two US cities!!

CMGragain

Have his parents offered to give you money for your wedding?  If they have not, don't count on it.  You are not allowed to ask them for money, either!

mysticl

EricaCat1 said:

kitty8403 said:

>>That does sound perfect and very sweet. My fiance is Chinese and the thing is also that he has SO MANY RELATIVES both here in the States and also in China. They would love to be a part of it, especially his family in China who never really gets to visit the US. And his parents are very successful and he is too, and he is a saver just like his parents who save every penny. They certainly have the money to dish out to help us with a big wedding in which my relatives & friends and all their relatives in the US and China may attend. I would think they (and my fiance) would love to see them and give them a beautiful opportunity to visit the USA.

Please, please tell me you aren't expecting his family from overseas to chip in for your enormous fantasy wedding! 

Not his family overseas, no.  His parents live here in the United States.  I think it would be beautiful for all his Chinese relatives who live in China to be guests at the wedding and get to visit the USA.  I would love that!  Then they could not only come to our wedding but tour around and see at least one or two US cities!!

Serious question here. How easy/difficult is it for a Chinese citizen to visit the United States? Would they consider it worth the effort? Would they even want to come here? Not every citizen of another country thinks that the United States is some amazing place they just have to visit.  

EricaCat1

CMGragain said:

Have his parents offered to give you money for your wedding?  If they have not, don't count on it.  You are not allowed to ask them for money, either!

They have offered a decent amount of money, yes.

EricaCat1

mysticl said:

EricaCat1 said:

kitty8403 said:

>>That does sound perfect and very sweet. My fiance is Chinese and the thing is also that he has SO MANY RELATIVES both here in the States and also in China. They would love to be a part of it, especially his family in China who never really gets to visit the US. And his parents are very successful and he is too, and he is a saver just like his parents who save every penny. They certainly have the money to dish out to help us with a big wedding in which my relatives & friends and all their relatives in the US and China may attend. I would think they (and my fiance) would love to see them and give them a beautiful opportunity to visit the USA.

Please, please tell me you aren't expecting his family from overseas to chip in for your enormous fantasy wedding! 

Not his family overseas, no.  His parents live here in the United States.  I think it would be beautiful for all his Chinese relatives who live in China to be guests at the wedding and get to visit the USA.  I would love that!  Then they could not only come to our wedding but tour around and see at least one or two US cities!!

Serious question here. How easy/difficult is it for a Chinese citizen to visit the United States? Would they consider it worth the effort? Would they even want to come here? Not every citizen of another country thinks that the United States is some amazing place they just have to visit.  

Two of my fiance's aunts (who live here in the States) always talk about how their relatives in China would love to see the US and how they particularly yearn to visit Chicago, Miami, DC, and New York.  They say that their family members in China constantly talk about going and that it would be so exciting.  Every time I've seen these aunts -- even before my fiance & I were engaged -- they bring that up in conversation.

Cookie Pusher

My family in China talks about coming to the States all the time too! They talk about all the things they want to see and do while they're here. Do you know how many of them have actually come? NONE. My mother's parents didn't even come for her wedding. No one came for my sister's wedding and none are coming for mine either. Just sayin'.

EricaCat1

Cookie Pusher said:

My family in China talks about coming to the States all the time too! They talk about all the things they want to see and do while they're here. Do you know how many of them have actually come? NONE. My mother's parents didn't even come for her wedding. No one came for my sister's wedding and none are coming for mine either. Just sayin'.

 

Cookie Pusher

EricaCat1 said:

Cookie Pusher said:

My family in China talks about coming to the States all the time too! They talk about all the things they want to see and do while they're here. Do you know how many of them have actually come? NONE. My mother's parents didn't even come for her wedding. No one came for my sister's wedding and none are coming for mine either. Just sayin'.

 

It's just life. There are people I see every day at work that won't be able to make it to the wedding. Like we tell other brides, no one cares about your wedding as much as you and your FI do. It's not to be mean, but to put things into perspective. Your wedding is just one day in the life of your guests. You've spent much time planning the event so it occupies so much more of your life, but your guests (even your nearest and dearest) have lives outside of it. That doesn't mean your wedding won't be wonderful or that your loved ones aren't excited for you. It's just about perspective.

ETA: I know you have a "vision" for your wedding, but you and your FI need to sit down and come to an agreement on this wedding as it is for both of you. As a bride who gave up her dream wedding to make her FI happy, trust me that there's the possibility for A LOT of resentment.