The dreaded "gap"

tessapolis

I have to completely 100% agree with this. Our wedding in September will have about a 4 hour gap. This was something we needed to do. Venues were being booked and we were running out of time. Who cares if it makes us look "selfish". It is OUR day after all. If anyone has a problem with that gap, then please... don't come. I don't want you there if you're concerned about being bored for 4 hours.

luna338

My opinion is that an invitation to a wedding is not a summons. If people are so offended by having to wait around, then they should just stay at home. They could probably even just show up to the reception. I am Irish Catholic and I don't know anything other then having a 2-3 hour time gap after mass and before the wedding reception. I did not know this was not normal. This is great extra time I get to spend with my family (we usually just find a local bar) before the craziness of the wedding reception.

VulgarGirl

Guys....it made the newsletter.

CaitlinD19

I agree ! I love a few hours in between ceremony and reception. I don't think I've been to a wedding that doesn't have a few hours in between! Maybe it's an North east thing? By the way I'm having approx 2-3 hours in between my ceremony and cocktail hour. Most people are local, they can go home freshen up or check in to the hotel (yes my hotel check in is at 3pm). I do want time for my pictures because I am looking forward to attending my own cocktail hour (hello-I'm spending so much money on it I should enjoy it too) and I want my bridal party to enjoy it as well!!!! I don't believe this is selfish in any way! If people are going to complain-so be it! Or don't come!

Cbb06c

I always thought that gaps were a huge inconvenience until we started planning our own wedding. We are having the same problem, our church has mass at 4 so the latest we can have the ceremony is 2:30 or after the mass at 6.  We are getting married in Florida in February which means sunset is at 6:00 that day. If we had our ceremony after the 4pm mass, we wouldn't have outdoor pictures with sunlight. I didn't want to do a first look because the first time I want my fiance to see me is when I walk down the isle to marry him. 

Our option was to have the ceremony at 2:30, have a break and start the reception at 5 and go until 10. We wanted to reception to go later into the evening and not end at 8:30 so we opted for the break. At first I was skeptical but then we decided that if people were really upset about the break they could decide not to come to the ceremony and just to the reception or not come at all. 

We are going to find a restaurant around the venue that will offer guests a discount on drinks during the break and also provide guests with options of what to do with their time. They are all grown adults and waiting around 2 hours isn't the end of the world.

fotiadishk

I HATE gaps... My fiance and I went to his cousin's wedding in another country and the invitation only set a ceremony time of 1:30 p.m. and nothing about reception time.. which started at 6:30 p.m.!!!  Thank GOD we were staying with family and had something to do in between... Aside from it being an inconvenience to your guests, it also just stops the wedding momentum!  We all got so tired and sleepy during the gap, almost didn't want to go to the reception.  Especially for people who are already tired from travelling, the gap can make you want to just pass out in your hotel and sleep.  Who wants to freshen up again after sitting around for 4 hours after you finally get comfortable and nap? haha..

Sugargirl1019

Winter has already come.

cforcina said:

The gap is pretty unavoidable with a Catholic ceremony, unless you want the reception to end super early. There's nothing wrong with it and people get it.

Wrong. What's wrong with the reception ending earlier in the evening??

Maggie0829

It's snowing!!!!

katelonie

I think it's perfectly acceptable to have a gap for an earlier ceremony at a house of worship that has restrictions on ceremony times. Make it clear to the guests that there will be a gap so no one is surprised, and maybe include some activities in the area to fill their time. Then you and your groom get to enjoy your cocktail hour instead of taking pictures then. I can't believe the vitriol against having some time in between the ceremony and the reception, especially since for some venues the times are relatively fixed. If any of your guests are so put out by having an hour gap that day, maybe they don't belong at your special day. 

purdueenggrad

I can only think of one wedding I've attended where there wasn't a gap between the ceremony and the cocktail hour/reception.  If you are having your ceremony at a church of any sorts and then a dinner reception, some sort of gap is inevitable.  Guests will see on their invitations that there is a gap and they can then plan accordingly.  There is nothing wrong with a gap between the ceremony and reception.  Guests won't be offended.  I never have been.  It's actually a great time I think for family and friends to catch up and hang out before the cocktail hour starts.  We've always grabbed a big group of people and headed over to a local bar or restaurant and grabbed some drinks and apps before the cocktail hour starts.  Adults can fend for themselves.  They shouldn't be offended if they are left to their own devices for a few hours.

VulgarGirl

Our current schedule for our wedding:

Ceremony starts at 6 pm, should finish by 6:30pm

Cocktail hour starts the second the officiant says "I now pronounce you", sometime near 6:30

We go snappy some pics while people drink, snack, and hopefully look at some of the pretty art.

Dinner is served at 7:30pm.

We're hoping pictures won't take a full hour and we can go and socialize with our guests a little.

Look at that...not a gap in site. Just had to stop and plan and think of our guests before ourselves. Even on our MAGICAL SUPER SPECIAL PRINCESS day.

nogottleib

I can't believe how rude people are in these responses! This was a perfectly valid question to ask, and this poor person just needs a little advice. No need to rip her or her wedding apart. Sheesh.

I'm getting married in the Midwest - which, yes, has totally different standards for weddings and a gap is more common than not, and that doesn't make it rude at all in this area. It's just different. Personally, I hate the gap - I love the idea of a ceremony and reception in one location, that flows from one part to the other. However, here I am, with a two-hour gap between my own ceremony and reception, due to limits on ceremony locations for a non-religious and very large wedding. And I'm actually excited about how well it's working. We need our guests to provide their own transportation to the ceremony, but we don't want them driving to the reception due to our open bar. Therefore, this gap allows them to return to their hotels, check in if they need to, and grab a shuttle to our pre-cocktail hour. That was our solution - just provide another hour of a scheduled activity for our guests that just so happens to be across the street from the reception. The shuttles will take them there, and they can enjoy themselves before the cocktail hour begins. 

Therefore, my recommendation is to utilize that hotel bar you mentioned for the gap time, but see if you can work out a deal where wedding guests get a free drink, or reserve it as a private party, or something so that it's an encouraged wedding activity rather than a gap time. 

Everyone else who is being rude, knock it off. Weddings are a shit ton of work and money to plan and sometimes the gap is the only relatively affordable way to hold a wedding of 350 guests - which implies that the guests are the number one thought, since you don't want to exclude any of your family and friends from your big day. That's my personal experience, but who are we to assume the original poster's decision into having a gap? 

soontobemrs8914

It's considerate of you to worry about your guests, but you'll spend the next year making decisions just to make them happy, so I say you can make this one concession for yourself. If you were holding the ceremony and reception in the same place, I would say a gap would be rude. However, since there is a mass and then a distinct difference in venue for the reception, it's totally fine to have your guests wait a little. They're all adults and if you have any out-of-towners, put brochures in their hotel welcome bags with fun activities and restaurants in the area to kill time. My mass is at noon and our reception starts at 6 pm. It's a big gap, but my fiancé and I are paying a ton of money to keep our guests as comfortable as possible the entire day, so we thought this was one place where we could truly say "it's our day and we'll do it the way we want." This allows us enough time to take pictures and enjoy our first few hours as husband and wife and then frees us to enjoy the reception with our guests instead of being pulled during the cocktail hour to do pictures. It also allows us enough time to greet every guest to say thank you, since nothing is more rude than unappreciative newlyweds. Long story short...I say go for it girl!!!! Enjoy that gap and the guests who are truly happy for you won't pay any mind to it!

katelonie

shu1050

The schedule for my wedding is about the same. 2 pm Catholic ceremony and 5 pm cocktail start. There will be about an hour gap in between but I am providing transportation (greyhound type buses) to the ceremony, back to the hotel, to the reception and back from the reception, so that my guests can party without worrying about driving at the end of the night. To honor my guests I'm doing a big seafood spread for my appetizers including lobster rolls and salmon tartare, in addition to normal dinner and top shelf bar for 6 hrs. Do you all think I'm rude to have a gap still even though I've been thoughtful about all my other choices?

bbroek1

Personally, I think gaps are rude to your guests because unless you have something planned for them to do during your gap, they will most likely wind up sitting around with nothing to do.  Almost something else to think about is what you and your new husband would do during the gap.

Is there a reason why you can't have your wedding after the Saturday vigil or is it just a personal preference to have your wedding during the day instead of the evening? 

My fiance and I are having an evening wedding in the Catholic church starting at 6:30pm.  Our reception place is also about 15-20 minutes away and we are having our reception start at 8:15pm.  We picked this time for a few reasons.  1) The wedding mass is about an hour long, 2) we wanted to allow time for pictures after the wedding and 3) the travel time to the reception place.  These factors are why we chose the times we did. 

If you did something like this for your wedding day, I believe all of your problems/issues would be solved.

I hope this helps and let me know if you want to pick my brain more with any questions you may have on this issue.

From one Bride to Another

Megred13

The people who think it is rude to have a gap have obviously not been to many catholic weddings. They almost always have a gap because the ceremony must be earlier in the day and most catering halls at hotels or otherwise don't start serving cocktail hour in the middle of the day. Most venues have set times that they start their parties, especially in NYC. Take pics in between and your guests will figure out a plan for themselves. I wouldn't worry about the gap at all.

mrsgarcia0628

We're having a Catholic wedding also and our guests will have to entertain themselves for about 2 hours and we see no problem with that. The ceremony begins at 3pm and will be about 45 minutes long and it'll take the guests at least 30 minutes to get back to the resort where the reception will be held. The cocktail hour isn't set to begin till 6pm.

Our wedding is in a big city and there is plenty for them to do during that time. We also feel our guests would prefer to have a long gap and a late reception than have a wedding that ends at 9 but that's because our guest really like to party. We don't want our guest to think "ugh, the party is over already." They know it'll be worth the wait. 

Alicia&Louie

I don't think having a gap is at all rude. All the weddings I have been to since childhood have had gaps in between and it isn't really a big deal. Your guests are adults are they not they can find something to do in the mean time, why do you have to baby them? Maybe it is just a cultural thing living in Toronto with an Italian family this is just what happens.

SpottedJag

I'm having a gap.  I agree it might be a regional thing, as I'm in Minnesota and virtually every church wedding I've been to has had a hour or two gap.  Personally, I like them.  Also my venue has a bar downstairs where folks can hang out and chat in during the gap if they don't have to check into their hotel or freshen up.

Also to the comment that fewer people may attend the ceremony, I think that is totally fine.  Our guests are invited to celebrate with us however they can.  If that means they can only attend some portions of the day, I understand.

Folks on this board need to take a deep breath and realize that whatever it is that you say, it's just your opinion.  Weddings are a very complex event that involve a lot of emotions and (unfortunately these days) a financial obligation for all parties. Understanding and love needs to be the name of the game.

banana468

MagicInk said:

Guys....it made the newsletter.>

Well, it's great so many brides to be love forums but not etiquette. I wish more parents stopped treating their kids like they crap rainbows.

Maggie0829

Gaps are not inevitable, they are a DECISION that you are making because you care more about your wedding vision then the comfort of your guests. 

Yes, guests are adults and can fend for themselves for a few hours, but the whole point of being a considerate host is to not leave your guests to figure out how to kill 2 or more hours.  A considerate host would put their guests comfort and respect their time that they are giving up to attend your wedding ahead of whatever silly vision they had in mind.

Maggie0829

shu1050 said:

The schedule for my wedding is about the same. 2 pm Catholic ceremony and 5 pm cocktail start. There will be about an hour gap in between but I am providing transportation (greyhound type buses) to the ceremony, back to the hotel, to the reception and back from the reception, so that my guests can party without worrying about driving at the end of the night. To honor my guests I'm doing a big seafood spread for my appetizers including lobster rolls and salmon tartare, in addition to normal dinner and top shelf bar for 6 hrs. Do you all think I'm rude to have a gap still even though I've been thoughtful about all my other choices?

@shu1050 - How far away is your reception venue?

jenniferbanks48

I have never replied to a discussion before but after seeing the comments on this I just had to speak up! Yes, you need to keep your guests in mind when planning your wedding day and make sure that what you are planning accomodates a lot of people. That being said, this is you and your fiance's day. The people you are invited will be happy to be a part of it and if they are complaining that you are "wasting their time" then maybe they don't understand what this is all about! 

I have been to many weddings where is  a gap and guests usually stop and get a drink at lobby bar or go back to their room to refresh. No big deal! If you want to keep things interesting in between maybe set up an area for people to gather, if there is outdoor space, you could set up some lawn games. You can get creative!

I've worked in hotels for 6 years and I have never been to, or worked a hotel that can "gaurantee" an earlier check in then 2 or 3 PM. It is physically impossible for the staff to promise that every guest that was there the night before will check out on time. Even if the check out is at 11 AM and they have enough staff to clean all of the rooms, there are always guests that check out late with no warning. The hotel does not want to promise you something to your guests that is out of their control. However, sometimes you get lucky and guests get in early!

Best of luck with all of your wedding plans. You are not selfish. This is about nuptial agreement and a lifetime spent with the person you love! Anyone who gets to be a part of it will appreciate that you wanted them there no matter what time the reception begins! I hope you have a wonderful celebration.

VulgarGirl

2pm: Begin long religious ceremony.

3:30pm: Ceremony ends, guests head to reception venue.

4:00pm: Guests arrive at reception venue. Cocktail hour begins.

5:00pm: Dinner is served.

9:00pm: Reception is done. (can go later too, went based off of a 4 hour reception)

You have from 3:30pm until 5:00pm to get all your pictures taken. Guests have that same amount of time to go to their hotel if they need/want to without missing dinner or your reception. And no one is left un-hosted while you take pictures.

I still fail to see how a gap is "unavoidable" if you can tell time. If you can't tell time, you have other problems.

ETA: words=hard.

laro0075

'Rude' isn't the word I would use. I don't think it's rude by any means. You're right-it is inevitable for many weddings. I will also have a gap. I think the bottom line is that the gap doesn't last more than an hour. Any more than that gets people out of the spirit and boredom sets in. Ultimately, do what you have to do girl!

TeriG15

Do what you want and need to do, if you need a gap then that's fine. IT'S YOUR WEDDING. I've been to numerous catholic weddings where a gap occurs since the ceremony is at 1-2pm and there is an evening reception, none of my family or friends have complained about this. But I do suggest giving your out of town guests a list of activities or places to visit during the gap - local shops, bars, parks, or other places unique to your town. Have fun and don't stress!!

huskypuppy14

mrsgeoffreymartin

Ya'll are bunch of bridezilla bullies. Ladies, put down your Emily Posts- there is life after wedding. @courtneyandjohn2014‌, congrats on you upcoming nuptials. Your guests love you, and are coming to support and celebrate your new chapter of life, gap or not.

cpandr

Simple solution. I went to a wedding where their was maybe a 45 minute gap in between the cocktail hour and the serving of dinner. The couple simply hired a band and we danced until the food came. The time went buy soooo fast and I had burned calories so I enjoyed two helpings of cake. Now for my wedding I also have band for cheap since I know alot of musicians  and a MC who will interact with the guest to cover any gaps.