The dreaded "gap"

Maggie0829

KarlaJudithZ said:

jessicamiller0667 said:

Guests attend your wedding to celebrate you as a couple because they love you and want to be a part of YOUR day- so make it what you want (you are paying for it after all). I think the best thing to do is plan it out how you most like it and inform them ahead of time (i used the wedding website provided by the knot) and this way they are aware before they RSVP. Since there is a bar in the hotel- that's a perfect place for people to meet up so you shouldn't have to stress about this!

Exactly!

Yes, your guests are attending your wedding because they love you and want to witness you and your SO promising your lives to one another.

But the fact that you invited them means that you must love them and cherish their friendship and the relationships you have with them as well.  Which is why many of us are so confused as to why people think it is okay to not host or take care of these people, which are your nearest and dearest, in the best way possible.  Out of all the people in the world, wouldn't you want to host these individuals as well as you can?

VulgarGirl

Butterflyz419 said:

You know, I wouldn't worry about most of the people whining about how supposedly rude a gap is. They're probably also the type that declines or complains all night about weddings that don't provide them with full open bars for 5 hours so they can get drunk. God forbid they get invited to a dry wedding, they'd never forgive the hosts for not understanding they are unable to interact with other human beings without alcohol.

Actually I've been to dry weddings that were hosted just fine and I had lovely time. Cash bars are rude. But no bar is fine. Just make sure to offer non-alcoholic beverages. No beverages at all is rude. And just mean too. People get thirsty.

VulgarGirl

I feel better now.

jdluvr06

parand said:

I live in the midwest, so if this is a regional thing, then it is not just in the northeast, and this gap is not just common, but expected here. The hotel we are using also has a 3:00 pm check-in time.

parand said:

I live in the midwest, so if this is a regional thing, then it is not just in the northeast, and this gap is not just common, but expected here. The hotel we are using also has a 3:00 pm check-in time.

I live in the Midwest and have never been to a wedding with a gap and know no one who would do that to their guests. So nope not regional.

mattandtina2014

Gaps are very common with Catholic weddings because of the Saturday evening mass. (I have been to several with a gap and mine will have one as well). At the end of the day, it's YOUR wedding. People are not going to be that bent out of shape about it, because they are here to celebrate you and your spouse's marriage.  If that means a cocktail hour and reception that begins immediately after the ceremony and ends early or it means a later dinner reception that goes late into the night, then they will plan for it. Perhaps you can give out of town guests suggestions for things to do or places to go in between the two. If you live in an interesting city, this may be an opportunity for guests to see some of the local sights. I've known some friends to go back to their hotel and take a nap to rest up for the reception. As long as people are made aware of the gap in advance, I think it'll be fine. 

banana468

Then don't have guests. If you're not caring about THEIR comfort or THEIR happiness then have a private wedding.

And how can you claim to care about your guests of you plan to leave them all dressed up with nowhere to go? That smacks of selfishness and uncaring.

To the poster who said gaps ate great because guests don't want to be rushed: It was 100 degrees in my wedding day. My guests were hot and needing to be in air conditioning ASAP. My 93 year old grandmother didn't need to check into her hotel. She needed a cold fucking cocktail.

KarlaJudithZ

You're wrong because your are attacking people on this board with your beliefs. You're stomping your feet demanding that everyone do it your way and if not they're wrong and they're selfish and rude.

Honestly, you don't see that? Someone asked a question because they needed help and here you guys come in your parade of high horses and start shouting up the place.

This is a board for people who are planning weddings to get help from others who have the same experiences.

I posted my opinion and all of a sudden I'm a bratty bitch who doesn't give a shit about my guests. Woah! All I said was that I care about being in love with my husband just a little bit more. That's higher on my priorities list than making sure my guests are entertained every single little second that they are going to relate to my wedding. (Like I said BEFORE! It's important, just not as much.)

Do you see how incredibly unhelpful you are?

VulgarGirl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, WOULD ALL OF YOU RUDE BRIDES STOP FUCKING CLAIMING IT'S A CATHOLIC GAP?!?

DO NOT lay this at the feet of my church. No no no no no no no no no. This is NOT a 'Catholic' thing.

The Eucharist; Transubstantiation, the Litany of the Saints; the Liturgy of the Word; believe in the Immaculate Conception of Mary -- THOSE are Catholic things.

Rude hosting with a gap is not, and don't you dare pretend it is. You may have a gap, and be rude and get judged for it, but don't tar all Catholics with the brush of bad etiquette.

I always say "Bigotry hidden in religion is still bigotry", so now I"m changing that to "Rudeness justified by religion is still rudeness". Also WWJD? I'm pretty sure he'd make sure all of his guests were properly hosted.

tnolan102

That seems exhausting.  I've never been to a wedding with a gap but I've seen it happen on wedding shows. As a guest, if i had to sit through and hour and a half ceremony, then wait another couple hours or so before cocktail hour or checking into my hotel, I would be fairly bored. I'd rather start the dinner at 4:45 and be out by 9. Who says weddings have to last ALL night anyway? But I definitely wouldn't want to wait around ALL day.

HisGirlFriday13

MagicInk said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, WOULD ALL OF YOU RUDE BRIDES STOP FUCKING CLAIMING IT'S A CATHOLIC GAP?!?

DO NOT lay this at the feet of my church. No no no no no no no no no. This is NOT a 'Catholic' thing.

The Eucharist; Transubstantiation, the Litany of the Saints; the Liturgy of the Word; believe in the Immaculate Conception of Mary -- THOSE are Catholic things.

Rude hosting with a gap is not, and don't you dare pretend it is. You may have a gap, and be rude and get judged for it, but don't tar all Catholics with the brush of bad etiquette.

I always say "Bigotry hidden in religion is still bigotry", so now I"m changing that to "Rudeness justified by religion is still rudeness". Also WWJD? I'm pretty sure he'd make sure all of his guests were properly hosted.

I'm pretty sure you're right! And I like your statements on bigotry and rudeness. Well done!

Is is too early to drink?

VulgarGirl

HisGirlFriday13 said:

MagicInk said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

FOR THE LOVE OF JESUS, WOULD ALL OF YOU RUDE BRIDES STOP FUCKING CLAIMING IT'S A CATHOLIC GAP?!?

DO NOT lay this at the feet of my church. No no no no no no no no no. This is NOT a 'Catholic' thing.

The Eucharist; Transubstantiation, the Litany of the Saints; the Liturgy of the Word; believe in the Immaculate Conception of Mary -- THOSE are Catholic things.

Rude hosting with a gap is not, and don't you dare pretend it is. You may have a gap, and be rude and get judged for it, but don't tar all Catholics with the brush of bad etiquette.

I always say "Bigotry hidden in religion is still bigotry", so now I"m changing that to "Rudeness justified by religion is still rudeness". Also WWJD? I'm pretty sure he'd make sure all of his guests were properly hosted.

I'm pretty sure you're right! And I like your statements on bigotry and rudeness. Well done!

Is is too early to drink?

Never too early.

phoenixk

The way some people are carring on you'd swear their throats had been cut. We have the same position our ceremony is at 2pm end of discussion because the church we have is not an operational church this is time you can have our venue is about 40 minutes drive away also by the time guests move on from the ceremony location it'll be a minimum of 3.30 add a 40 minute transfer and it's already 4.10 if my guests can't entertain themselves and are to offended by a 50 minute gap then don't come if I'm spending thousands on photography I'm getting photos done And guests should also be respectful that while a gap is a bit of an imposition the couple has spent thousands and thousands of dollars for their day and asked you to share it with them acting like a petulant child because it doesn't suit your schedule of how things should go is ridiculous and that's my definition of rude not a gap that everyone has anyway that have certainly existed at the weddings I've been to.

cupcait927

KarlaJudithZ said:

You're wrong because your are attacking people on this board with your beliefs. You're stomping your feet demanding that everyone do it your way and if not they're wrong and they're selfish and rude.

Honestly, you don't see that? Someone asked a question because they needed help and here you guys come in your parade of high horses and start shouting up the place.

This is a board for people who are planning weddings to get help from others who have the same experiences.

I posted my opinion and all of a sudden I'm a bratty bitch who doesn't give a shit about my guests. Woah! All I said was that I care about being in love with my husband just a little bit more. That's higher on my priorities list than making sure my guests are entertained every single little second that they are going to relate to my wedding. (Like I said BEFORE! It's important, just not as much.)

Do you see how incredibly unhelpful you are?

You still didn't answer my question. Why are we wrong for being gracious hosts and preventing gaps at our wedding?

KGold80

KarlaJudithZ said:

You're wrong because your are attacking people on this board with your beliefs. You're stomping your feet demanding that everyone do it your way and if not they're wrong and they're selfish and rude.

Honestly, you don't see that? Someone asked a question because they needed help and here you guys come in your parade of high horses and start shouting up the place.

This is a board for people who are planning weddings to get help from others who have the same experiences.

I posted my opinion and all of a sudden I'm a bratty bitch who doesn't give a shit about my guests. Woah! All I said was that I care about being in love with my husband just a little bit more. That's higher on my priorities list than making sure my guests are entertained every single little second that they are going to relate to my wedding. (Like I said BEFORE! It's important, just not as much.)

Do you see how incredibly unhelpful you are?

You can be in love with your husband AND properly host your guests. Really you can. The two are not mutually exclusive.

buddysmom80

phoenixk said:

The way some people are carring on you'd swear their throats had been cut. We have the same position our ceremony is at 2pm end of discussion because the church we have is not an operational church this is time you can have our venue is about 40 minutes drive away also by the time guests move on from the ceremony location it'll be a minimum of 3.30 add a 40 minute transfer and it's already 4.10 if my guests can't entertain themselves and are to offended by a 50 minute gap then don't come if I'm spending thousands on photography I'm getting photos done And guests should also be respectful that while a gap is a bit of an imposition the couple has spent thousands and thousands of dollars for their day and asked you to share it with them acting like a petulant child because it doesn't suit your schedule of how things should go is ridiculous and that's my definition of rude not a gap that everyone has anyway that have certainly existed at the weddings I've been to.

The second sentence was the longest sentence I've ever read.

And if you're having a gap to have your pretty pretty princess pictures taken, you need to get over yourself.

I was a guest at a wedding with a SIX HOUR GAP so the bride and groom could have pictures taken of themselves all over the state. It was horrible.

Gaps suck.

VulgarGirl

KarlaJudithZ said:

You're wrong because your are attacking people on this board with your beliefs. You're stomping your feet demanding that everyone do it your way and if not they're wrong and they're selfish and rude.

Honestly, you don't see that? Someone asked a question because they needed help and here you guys come in your parade of high horses and start shouting up the place.

This is a board for people who are planning weddings to get help from others who have the same experiences.

I posted my opinion and all of a sudden I'm a bratty bitch who doesn't give a shit about my guests. Woah! All I said was that I care about being in love with my husband just a little bit more. That's higher on my priorities list than making sure my guests are entertained every single little second that they are going to relate to my wedding. (Like I said BEFORE! It's important, just not as much.)

Do you see how incredibly unhelpful you are?

What in the world does loving your husband have to do with needing a gap? Does he need nap time or something? Are you gonna fuck each other as soon as you're done with the ceremony? I can't not see how "I love my husband" equals "So we're having an un-hosted gap". 

I love my FI. We aren't having an un-hosted gap. I still love my FI.

AddieCake

I keep reading the phrases "I can't believe" and "I am so surprised." You know what I can't believe and am so surprised about? This: That some of you snowflakes haven't burst into flames from the sunshine that has apparently been blown up your asses your whole lives.

Maggie0829

KarlaJudithZ said:

You're wrong because your are attacking people on this board with your beliefs. You're stomping your feet demanding that everyone do it your way and if not they're wrong and they're selfish and rude.

Honestly, you don't see that? Someone asked a question because they needed help and here you guys come in your parade of high horses and start shouting up the place.

This is a board for people who are planning weddings to get help from others who have the same experiences.

I posted my opinion and all of a sudden I'm a bratty bitch who doesn't give a shit about my guests. Woah! All I said was that I care about being in love with my husband just a little bit more. That's higher on my priorities list than making sure my guests are entertained every single little second that they are going to relate to my wedding. (Like I said BEFORE! It's important, just not as much.)

Do you see how incredibly unhelpful you are?

Hm, I was able to love my H all while caring about my guests who I love just as much.  Who knew I had to pick one or the other?

Oh and when you are hosting a party, which your wedding is, it is your duty as the host to make sure that your guests are taken care of and having a good time.  Just comes with the territory of being a host.  If you don't want to take that on, which is fine to not want to, then elope.

KarlaJudithZ

Not when your guests need every second of your attention to be entertained.

Doucette1004

hey guess what it is your wedding. It is your day. your guest are guest and should be treated with respect but at the same time you can't change hotel policies and you can't change church services. So here is the deal, you do what you want. it is not rude. On your own personal website, warn the guest that there is a 2pm ceremony and a 430 or 5pm cocktail hour. You are not a baby sitter and you are not responsible if they cant handle themselves for an hour or two. It is your day and you can do what you want. Heck I like to stop at a drug store and get a water especially if we are traveling for weddings go for a walk see the town. Maybe if there is a gap not only include that on your website but list 3 to 5 mini things in the area to do. Like a sweet walk in the park! Its nice to enjoy the day! But, you do as you see fit but I wouldnt stress about it! Love this moment! You just keep all your guest informed via invitation of all details or wedsite! 

Jsmith262

Maggie0829 said:

Jsmith262 said:

Maggie0829 said:

nico5923 said:

I'm thinking many of these people aren't considering that it's Catholic wedding. You almost always have to have the ceremony around 2:00 in order to have everyone out in time for 4:00 pm Mass. It seems ridiculous to have the reception or even a cocktail hour start immediately after that. Plus, if you're doing the traditional thing of having the groom not see the bride until after the ceremony, then you have to have a gap between in order to take pictures in between. The wedding day is for the bride and groom. They get to do what they want. I really don't think it's an inconvenience to have a gap between the ceremony and reception. In fact, I don't ever think I've been to a wedding where there wasn't a gap in between. Go wander the town. You'll survive for an hour on your own. 

Nope, I didn't forget that it is about a Catholic wedding.  When you decide to have a Catholic wedding in a church you also have to come to the realization that your night time reception may not be possible.  Be a big girl and/or boy and know that you have to make compromises in life, even on your super special day.

Maggie, OMG I totally didn't realize you are the rule maker for weddings?! I'm going to need to see some certifications from you before I actually take into consideration the garbage that's coming out of your mouth...

You are seriously a NIGHTMARE!!! Be quiet already and stop stomping on others' big days, geez.

OMG I didn't realize that there were so many fucking entitled, self absorb, and selfish brats there were out there.  So glad you cleared this up with your immature post.  Thanks!

You act like you have class, but it's pretty apparent in the way you talk to others that you have zero class at all. People are entitled to do whatever the heck they want to do on their wedding day, and hopefully they don't have guests like you who are freeloaders and just expect the bride and groom (or either of their families) to pay for every single dime of your elaborate meals and drinks. Get over yourself. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A DAMN GAP THEN HAVE A GAP!!! Good thing for all the other brides out there that they aren't inviting your worthless self. I feel really, really sorry for your fiance/husband.

To all the other brides with brains I wish you all the best with your big days and your future marriages! I think we can all bet that Maggie-poo here will be in the 50% range of the marriages that end in divorce. Some people are just sad...

cupcait927

buddysmom80 said:

phoenixk said:

The way some people are carring on you'd swear their throats had been cut. We have the same position our ceremony is at 2pm end of discussion because the church we have is not an operational church this is time you can have our venue is about 40 minutes drive away also by the time guests move on from the ceremony location it'll be a minimum of 3.30 add a 40 minute transfer and it's already 4.10 if my guests can't entertain themselves and are to offended by a 50 minute gap then don't come if I'm spending thousands on photography I'm getting photos done And guests should also be respectful that while a gap is a bit of an imposition the couple has spent thousands and thousands of dollars for their day and asked you to share it with them acting like a petulant child because it doesn't suit your schedule of how things should go is ridiculous and that's my definition of rude not a gap that everyone has anyway that have certainly existed at the weddings I've been to.

The second sentence was the longest sentence I've ever read.

And if you're having a gap to have your pretty pretty princess pictures taken, you need to get over yourself.

I was a guest at a wedding with a SIX HOUR GAP so the bride and groom could have pictures taken of themselves all over the state. It was horrible.

Gaps suck.

The needing time to take a million pictures thing always perplexes me. Like, seriously, what are you going to do with all of the pictures you take? Are you plastering every room in your house with pictures? At most you may frame a few and then put some in an album that will get dragged out once every few years to be viewed. Why the need for hours worth of pictures?

Butterflyz419

If you really believe people can have a good time without alcohol (your belief in which I am not actually convinced) then how could it possibly be rude to think that your guests may be able to have a good time chatting with one another before the official party begins? How is that crazy? No one is forcing them to buy a drink to pass the time or spend additional money in any way.

Most of you here confuse the ceremony and the party. I said this earlier but I'm going to say it again. The wedding ceremony is the reason for the day. It is a serious, solemn, life changing event. The reception is the party to celebrate what took place at the ceremony. There is nothing rude in having them in different locations or separated by some amount of time. Again, I repeat: the ceremony is NOT the start of the party, it is the REASON for the party. Once you realize that, you realize it's not so crazy to say that the ceremony is at one time and the party is at another. 

Ever been to a graduation party on the same day as a graduation? Same thing. The graduation is the reason for the party, not the start of it. There may be good reasons there as well to have a gap between when the graduation ends and when the party begins if the parents for instance have to set up the house for food after the ceremony since you know, they're a little busy attending the ceremony. 

A wedding invitation is just that, an invitation, not a subpoena, and if you can't fathom spending 60 minutes in the middle of the day without your entertainment being handed to you, then you shouldn't go, but that doesn't make the couple the unreasonable one.

buddysmom80

ckel24 said:

buddysmom80 said:

phoenixk said:

The way some people are carring on you'd swear their throats had been cut. We have the same position our ceremony is at 2pm end of discussion because the church we have is not an operational church this is time you can have our venue is about 40 minutes drive away also by the time guests move on from the ceremony location it'll be a minimum of 3.30 add a 40 minute transfer and it's already 4.10 if my guests can't entertain themselves and are to offended by a 50 minute gap then don't come if I'm spending thousands on photography I'm getting photos done And guests should also be respectful that while a gap is a bit of an imposition the couple has spent thousands and thousands of dollars for their day and asked you to share it with them acting like a petulant child because it doesn't suit your schedule of how things should go is ridiculous and that's my definition of rude not a gap that everyone has anyway that have certainly existed at the weddings I've been to.

The second sentence was the longest sentence I've ever read.

And if you're having a gap to have your pretty pretty princess pictures taken, you need to get over yourself.

I was a guest at a wedding with a SIX HOUR GAP so the bride and groom could have pictures taken of themselves all over the state. It was horrible.

Gaps suck.

The needing time to take a million pictures thing always perplexes me. Like, seriously, what are you going to do with all of the pictures you take? Are you plastering every room in your house with pictures? At most you may frame a few and then put some in an album that will get dragged out once every few years to be viewed. Why the need for hours worth of pictures?

Oh no, she made us all sit down on New Years Eve and watch a slideshow of 10000 photos. I got black-out drunk that night.

Here's the thing, if you can't get all our pictures done during cocktail hour, have bridal portraits done or do a TTD or something. It's not that complicated.

KGold80

KarlaJudithZ said:

Not when your guests need every second of your attention to be entertained.

I think you misunderstand. It's not about guests needing every second of your attention. It's about making sure they are properly hosted. Taking pictures after the ceremony is fine and expected....just make sure they have something to eat and drink while you're doing that. It really shouldn't be that hard to understand.

Would you invite people to a birthday party and open gifts then make them fend for themselves for awhile before the meal? Would you invite people over to your house and then leave for a few hours to run an errand and expect them to just hang out until you got back? No? Why not? Because it would be rude!!

VulgarGirl

KarlaJudithZ said:

Not when your guests need every second of your attention to be entertained.

I think you are confused on what being hosted means. You do not have to physically be with your guests, being properly hosted means having food and drinks aviable during a cocktail hour. At this time, you go off and take pictures or what have you with your SO/bridal party/whomever else. Then you re-join them for dinner.

Much like if you were hosting a dinner party and had to put the finishing touches on dinner, you'd make sure snacks were out and everyone had a fresh drink, then you'd go handle what you needed in the kitchen and re-join when you were finished. Your guests will mix and mingle with each other.

mallorymeroymcmns

Why not let your guests know about the check in situation? I mean maybe they can come in the night before the wedding and just check out after or even the next day or something.

KatieLady99

I plan on having a gap between my ceremony and reception, but the museum I'm having my reception at will let my guests into the museum exhibits for free before cocktail hour starts. I think if the gap isn't too long or if the guests have something to do then it's not going to be a big deal. People are more likely to dislike the gap if they are hungry though! Everything is flexible! If you needed you could always have a longer cocktail hour or something.

Maggie0829

Jsmith262 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Jsmith262 said:

Maggie0829 said:

nico5923 said:

I'm thinking many of these people aren't considering that it's Catholic wedding. You almost always have to have the ceremony around 2:00 in order to have everyone out in time for 4:00 pm Mass. It seems ridiculous to have the reception or even a cocktail hour start immediately after that. Plus, if you're doing the traditional thing of having the groom not see the bride until after the ceremony, then you have to have a gap between in order to take pictures in between. The wedding day is for the bride and groom. They get to do what they want. I really don't think it's an inconvenience to have a gap between the ceremony and reception. In fact, I don't ever think I've been to a wedding where there wasn't a gap in between. Go wander the town. You'll survive for an hour on your own. 

Nope, I didn't forget that it is about a Catholic wedding.  When you decide to have a Catholic wedding in a church you also have to come to the realization that your night time reception may not be possible.  Be a big girl and/or boy and know that you have to make compromises in life, even on your super special day.

Maggie, OMG I totally didn't realize you are the rule maker for weddings?! I'm going to need to see some certifications from you before I actually take into consideration the garbage that's coming out of your mouth...

You are seriously a NIGHTMARE!!! Be quiet already and stop stomping on others' big days, geez.

OMG I didn't realize that there were so many fucking entitled, self absorb, and selfish brats there were out there.  So glad you cleared this up with your immature post.  Thanks!

You act like you have class, but it's pretty apparent in the way you talk to others that you have zero class at all. People are entitled to do whatever the heck they want to do on their wedding day, and hopefully they don't have guests like you who are freeloaders and just expect the bride and groom (or either of their families) to pay for every single dime of your elaborate meals and drinks. Get over yourself. IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A DAMN GAP THEN HAVE A GAP!!! Good thing for all the other brides out there that they aren't inviting your worthless self. I feel really, really sorry for your fiance/husband.

To all the other brides with brains I wish you all the best with your big days and your future marriages! I think we can all bet that Maggie-poo here will be in the 50% range of the marriages that end in divorce. Some people are just sad...

Oh dear lord, no one reads around here.  I am not understanding how us saying that gaps are rude = us being freeloaders.  And yes, if I am invited to a wedding I do expect to not open my wallet.  What I don't expect is elaborate food or drink.  If all a couple can afford is pizza and beer then I am happy.  As long as I am hosted properly whether that be with lobster and filet and full open bar or pizza and beer then I am a very happy guest.  But if I am expected to twiddle my thumbs for a few hours because you have to have your catholic ceremony AND night time reception then no, I am not going to be very happy.

And, wow, an attack on my marriage?  Pretty sure that is against the TOS, but you know what?  I am just going to let it go because I am a much bigger person then you are for thinking you are so cool to hit below the belt.  And you think I have no class?  You should probably look in the mirror. 

banana468

KarlaJudithZ said:

Not when your guests need every second of your attention to be entertained.

You know what hosting is right?

If you stop hosting your guests you cease doing your fucking job. You can live your husband and still treat your guests with the respect that they deserve. I love my husband and yet we made sure our guests were hosted the entire time.

Based on what I'm witnessing here the two of us need to be nominated for sainthood because what we did was a freaking Catholic miracle.