'I suppose your Knotter-people agree with you'

HisGirlFriday13

DH and I were having a conversation today (via text, because I'm OOS on business), and I mentioned giving the wedding presents we bought for two friends' upcoming wedding to them this weekend when we see them.

Him: But it's not their wedding yet.

Me: I know, but I want to give them their gift before the wedding.

Him: Can't we just take it to the wedding?

Me: No. We are not doing that. We are going to give it to them early, like normal folk.

Him: But we can't show up to the wedding empty-handed. What will people think?

Me: That we are polite, well-bred people who don't bring boxed gifts to weddings and instead deliver them before hand, like you're supposed to?

Him: I suppose your Knotter-people agree with you that this this is the right thing to do, don't they?

Me: Yes. So does Miss Manners. So does Mama HisGirl.

Him: OK, you win.

#TheKnot #FTW #etiquette

theartistformerlyknownas

Sooo... TBH, I didn't know this was a rule. I know it's more convenient so they don't have to haul everything home, but why is there a gift table if you shouldn't bring gifts?

Note - I normally write a check anyway. But I have brought a boxed gift maybe twice.

singinchick13

Haha, absolutely agree with this. Never thought of it before but it seems completely appropriate.

HisGirlFriday13

lolo883 said:

Sooo... TBH, I didn't know this was a rule. I know it's more convenient so they don't have to haul everything home, but why is there a gift table if you shouldn't bring gifts? Note - I normally write a check anyway. But I have brought a boxed gift maybe twice.

The gift table started because people started bringing boxed gifts to weddings (I don't know why), so it was an invention born of necessity. 

I NEVER take boxed gifts to weddings -- I either drop them off beforehand or mail them. My fear (with both boxed gifts and cards) is that something will grow legs and walk off, you know?

SmileDamnit

lolo883 said:

Sooo... TBH, I didn't know this was a rule. I know it's more convenient so they don't have to haul everything home, but why is there a gift table if you shouldn't bring gifts? Note - I normally write a check anyway. But I have brought a boxed gift maybe twice.

This, this, this! Before TK, I didn't have a clue that it was customary to send the gift before hand. I feel like I need to apologize to all the couples I've gifted in the past.

Cookie Pusher

We typically write checks, but do give boxed gifts sometimes. Like when the couple has a honeymoon registry (or one with only absurdly priced items on it). Or we are already aware of some very atrocious etiquette issues. In those cases, we buy something nice but off-registry and plop the pretty wrapped gift right on the gift table. You want a gap? You can schlep my gift home after the wedding.

hellohkb

I did not know it was expected to send a gift beforehand either. I like to give the gift beforehand and then bring a nice card to the actual wedding. Not that I think most people would even care either way but I do like actually bringing a nice congratulatory card.

VulgarGirl

Um...we always bring the present to the wedding and so does everyone I know. It's pretty common in my area/with my friends. I'd feel odd dropping it off early if I was attending the wedding.

And of course sometimes I don't buy the gift until a day before the wedding (or day of...).

hellohkb

^FH does the same thing, I don't blame you. I'm just registry obsessed so sometimes I buy it early.

lyndausvi

we always bring an envelope full of cash.      :-)

jdluvr06

I didn't know that. I usually give cash at a wedding anyway. Lol

winelover123

People brought gifts to ours and I can't say that we were offended by it. It was a little inconvenient to cart them home, but honestly, it wasn't exactly difficult. I think it's fine to bring a gift to a wedding.

banana468

It's something my mom taught me long before I was on TK. If we bring a gift to a wedding it's an envelope with a check. Otherwise, we try to send the gifts before the big day.

JCbride2015

I had never heard of this, but it makes sense now that I think about the convenience of having gifts sent to your home or dropped off early.  I have done it in the past when ordering from a friend's online registry, just sent the gift to their home.  Done.

manateehugger

Meh, I think this is a regional rule and doesn't really matter. I've never been to a wedding without a gift table, and I've never sent a gift ahead of time unless I couldn't make it to the wedding itself. I fully expect most of our gifts to be brought on the day of. 

buddysmom80

In our circle it's usually a gift for the shower and money for the wedding. I have rarely seen an actual boxed gift at a wedding reception.

My parents, where they're from, people would either bring gifts to the house before the wedding or at the wedding (but these are smaller weddings, 20 guests, 50 top) so when my parents moved out to where I live now and started attending these 500 guest weddings, they felt like country mice in the big city. Anyway, the first wedding they went to out here, they brought a boxed gift and felt so bad for the couple since no one brought a gift. My mom kept noticing though that people were walking up to the couple to give them cards, so she figured it was at least something.

Later on, my dad asked his co-worker about the envelopes (it was his CW who got married). He goes "Oh those cards have hundreds of dollars in them! No one here brings gifts to weddings, just cash"

My poor mother was horrified that they brought an actual gift to the wedding.

blabla89

I honestly hate to schlep a boxed gift to a wedding (but that's just me, and I'm lazy) and I assume that the B&G would prefer not to have to transport it home. I will certainly be grateful and not offended if we receive boxed gifts at the wedding, but that's just my preference.

Also FI has been known to ask what the Knotties say about certain things, or ask me "did the Knotties tell you that?" It came up a few times when I was explaining to him why registry inserts and HM funds are rude.

HisGirlFriday13

I should add, DH plays hockey with the groom every week and the bride and I run together 2-3x per week, so it's not like we don't see them.

Probably 90 percent of our wedding gifts came either before or after the wedding; very few people brought either boxed gifts or cards to the wedding. Maybe it is regional, but it's honestly all I have ever known.

I had a friend once who had all her cards opened and all the cash/cheques/GC removed from them at her reception. She was devastated, understandably.

I do like the idea of bringinger a gift if there's a gap or other etiquette faux pas. That cracks me up.

ScoutF

I don't think I'm any less "well bred" because I sometimes bring boxed gifts to a wedding, thank you very much.

arrippa

I always ship gifts before the wedding. I think it would be awkward to bring a gift to the wedding. But I also don't give cash to non family members, so what do I know?

beethery

ScoutF said:

I don't think I'm any less "well bred" because I sometimes bring boxed gifts to a wedding, thank you very much.

That's nice.

JaxInBlue

Totally guilty of bringing boxed gifts to the wedding.  I like to do a combination of registry items and off-registry stuff we think the couple will like, so it can take some time to put it all together.  If we can't arrange a pre-wedding drop off, we bring it with us. 

But I'm also a physical gift person.  A GC may be a part of a gift, but we always do a physical gift.

Dignity100

Wow - I didn't know this either.  For weddings I normally do a check or gift card to somewhere they registered.  (Maybe I'm odd, but I'm in the mindset when it comes to my pocketbook: showers are for boxed gifts, wedding's are for cash gifts.)

Kristen625

So.  Thats why so many of our wedding gifts have come early.  I keep getting them on our front door, and all I keep thinking is "I really hope they don't think they need to get me something for the day of the wedding.  That is too much."  Now granted, most the gifts have been from OOT family that won't be attending, but some have been from in town guests.  I too thought it was customary to bring a boxed gift and/or card to a wedding.  On a side note, everyone is loving the quick thank you card response! I try to do them the day I receive a gift because I don't want anything to get lost in the shuffle and crazyness of the wedding.

beethery

My parents have brought boxed gifts to weddings, I've always given cash. My reason being is that the B&G probably just want to mosey after the wedding, what if they have to pack up centerpieces or whatever after the wedding and don't have room in their car for gifts?

DaisyMaeMommy

ScoutF said:

I don't think I'm any less "well bred" because I sometimes bring boxed gifts to a wedding, thank you very much.

Oh Lord...

Get over yourself. She wasn't saying you're white trash for bringing a boxed gift to a wedding, she was having a conversation with her DH.

ScoutF

@beethery @DaisyMaeMommy Oh, FFS. HGF issued a blanket statement about how normal, well bred, polite people know to bring wedding gifts to the recipient before the wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking boxed gifts to a wedding, and I don't think it's cool for her to insinuate that people who do so are impolite or weren't raised properly. 

sarawifenow

Huh I learn something new every day here! So glad that I joined!

banana468

ScoutF said:

@beethery @DaisyMaeMommy Oh, FFS. HGF issued a blanket statement about how normal, well bred, polite people know to bring wedding gifts to the recipient before the wedding. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking boxed gifts to a wedding, and I don't think it's cool for her to insinuate that people who do so are impolite or weren't raised properly. 

There IS something wrong with it though. It's actually not proper to bring gifts to a wedding. The thought process is that it creates an undo burden on the hosts and B&G who need to get them out of the reception on their wedding day.

Now that hardly means that you're bad to give a gift but there's still a right and wrong way to do so.

Similarly, one never gives cut flowers as a hostess gift because it puts an undo burden on the hostess to trim them and find a vase. Should the hostess still receive the gift and be gracious? Absolutely. Should the giver know better and not create the undo burden? You betcha.

beethery

All I said was, "That's nice." Do you, bring a gift. If you like it, I love it. It is going to be ok.

flyingfoxes

I never knew you weren't supposed to bring boxed gifts to the wedding.  I doubt this info will stop me from doing it in the future either, lol.