'I suppose your Knotter-people agree with you'

Cookie Pusher

MagicInk said:

AddieCake said:

I guess I am not polite or well-bred, and neither are any of my friends and family.

That's ok, I'm not either. If you bring cake, I'll bring booze, and we'll have a white-trash party with gifts.

Can I come too if I bring cookies and milk/gel pens?

SmileDamnit

Cookie Pusher said:

MagicInk said:

AddieCake said:

I guess I am not polite or well-bred, and neither are any of my friends and family.

That's ok, I'm not either. If you bring cake, I'll bring booze, and we'll have a white-trash party with gifts.

Can I come too if I bring cookies and milk/gel pens?

I'll bring quarters &/or beer pong!

theartistformerlyknownas

SmileDamnit said:

Cookie Pusher said:

MagicInk said:

AddieCake said:

I guess I am not polite or well-bred, and neither are any of my friends and family.

That's ok, I'm not either. If you bring cake, I'll bring booze, and we'll have a white-trash party with gifts.

Can I come too if I bring cookies and milk/gel pens?

I'll bring quarters &/or beer pong!

I make a mean beergarita! And cookies with Nutella inside.

huskypuppy14

No one is saying that you are a horrible person if you bring a boxed gift to a wedding. All people are saying is that it's easier if you send the gift ahead of time. If a few people bring a present it's not a big deal, but if almost everyone invited to the wedding brings a gift to the wedding, it can be a pain.

You guys realize that it's not the bride and groom schlepping the gifts to the cars afterwards, right? Most likely you are inconveniencing one their family or wedding party.

At my sisters wedding she had a lot of younger guests (early 20s, most never married). Almost everyone brought a boxed gift. The groom's sister, myself, my now FI and my parents brought all the gifts out to the cars, and FI and Dad had to bring them into the house once we got back. (Parent's house was 10 minutes from the venue).

My parent's house is not easy to deliver things to, with lots and lots of stairs. I was absolutely exhausted, my feet hurt and I was still in my dress. After one trip, I couldn't do anymore. So FI and Dad took care of bringing in all the gifts from the cars to the house.  

Sister and her new husband were in the honeymoon suite having chicken wraps

AddieCake

huskypuppy14 said:

No one is saying that you are a horrible person if you bring a boxed gift to a wedding. All people are saying is that it's easier if you send the gift ahead of time. If a few people bring a present it's not a big deal, but if almost everyone invited to the wedding brings a gift to the wedding, it can be a pain.

You guys realize that it's not the bride and groom schlepping the gifts to the cars afterwards, right? Most likely you are inconveniencing one their family or wedding party.

At my sisters wedding she had a lot of younger guests (early 20s, most never married). Almost everyone brought a boxed gift. The groom's sister, myself, my now FI and my parents brought all the gifts out to the cars, and FI and Dad had to bring them into the house once we got back. (Parent's house was 10 minutes from the venue).

My parent's house is not easy to deliver things to, with lots and lots of stairs. I was absolutely exhausted, my feet hurt and I was still in my dress. After one trip, I couldn't do anymore. So FI and Dad took care of bringing in all the gifts from the cars to the house.  

Sister and her new husband were in the honeymoon suite having chicken wraps

The OP directly stated that she and her husband would not be bringing a boxed gift to the wedding because they are polite and well bred. That's my beef with it.

KPBM89

I always do boxed gifts at showers and cards with checks at the wedding.  

To be fair, most boxed gifts from me are actually sent to the home of the couple or the host because I generally can't attend them since I live so far.  I take checks to the wedding because no way in hell am I driving 16 hours to a wedding with 2 dogs and our weekend bags and a nice gift, too.  We learned at Christmas that nice wrapped gifts turn into torn up wrapping and jacked up boxes after the drive.

My mom did it this way, too, with giving boxed gifts before and cards at the wedding, so I guess I learned it from her.  

PrincessOfHavoc

MagicInk said:

AddieCake said:

I guess I am not polite or well-bred, and neither are any of my friends and family.

That's ok, I'm not either. If you bring cake, I'll bring booze, and we'll have a white-trash party with gifts.

If I bring chocolate ice cream, can I crash this party?

kkitkat79

banana468 said:

PDKH said:

Honestly, if I ever hear a couple complaining about having to pack up and transport all their weddings gifts on the wedding day, they will get a massive side-eye from me. 

 

 

People are also making it sound like this etiquette rule doesn't exist. You can be fine with breaking it but that hardly makes it OK.

Do you have a source for this rule? Or the flower one? I found nothing. In fact all I got re gifts is that both mailing and giving in person is ok. Got nothing re flowers.

iloveotters2014

I had never heard this rule until my wedding when my MIL was loading up gifts into her car when we were about to leave. She was like "Who in the heck brings actual gifts to a wedding?!?" I was kind of just like huh? - To be fair we only had like 8 or so boxed gifts the rest were cards so It wasn't that big of a deal haha.

Also...."bred" is one of my most hated words. We are people....not horses.

theartistformerlyknownas

I had heard the flower thing... but then I've also heard that any "proper" hostess should have vases easily accessible so she's prepared for someone to bring her flowers. So I guess it could go either way.

APDSS22

I agree that gifts are pretty easily dealt with when sent ahead of time to the residence of the bride/groom/parents/whoever is taking delivery of the registry items.  We had 4 things sent ahead of time to our house, 2 of those were from people not attending the wedding.  The others were sent from two families within the same family.  That would be the guest I mentioned in previous posts who kept going on and on about how polite we were for sending thank you notes as we received gifts and she loved her personalized thank you note, etc.

Most of our gifts were boxed and brought to the wedding.  Which is what I usually do.  I recognize it's easier to not have to load them, etc. but I've always seen boxed gifts and I'm usually trying to find room on the gift table when we've shown up early with ours.  But also, showers aren't really a thing around here, so maybe that has something to do with it.  I do physical gifts but if I attended a shower for the couple beforehand, I'd just get them the physical gift then and maybe a card with a small check for the wedding if I felt like it.

DaisyMaeMommy

I may not have heard of this "rule", but honestly, some people care and some don't.

Some people might like opening some boxed gifts at their wedding. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, I will be too busy drinking and dancing my butt off with my husband to care.

huskypuppy14

DaisyMaeMommy said:

I may not have heard of this "rule", but honestly, some people care and some don't.

Some people might like opening some boxed gifts at their wedding. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, I will be too busy drinking and dancing my butt off with my husband to care.

I thought it's not proper to open gifts at a wedding. I have also never been to a wedding in which that occured.

DaisyMaeMommy

huskypuppy14 said:

I thought it's not proper to open gifts at a wedding. I have also never been to a wedding in which that occured.

I honestly have no idea if it's proper or not.

Can someone else answer that question?

VulgarGirl

huskypuppy14 said:

DaisyMaeMommy said:

I may not have heard of this "rule", but honestly, some people care and some don't.

Some people might like opening some boxed gifts at their wedding. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, I will be too busy drinking and dancing my butt off with my husband to care.

I thought it's not proper to open gifts at a wedding. I have also never been to a wedding in which that occured.

I've never seen gifts opened at a wedding either. Even as a bring the gift to the wedding kind of person, they just sit looking pretty and then the couple takes them home and opens them there. I assume at least.

There's a part of me that is annoyed by that because I like seeing what people got. But it's a small part of me I tell to shut up and then I make her eat cake.

FiancB

I think some people open the gifts at brunch the next day if they do that, or just at home. I've never seen gifts opened at weddings either. I've also never been to a wedding that didn't have a huge pile of boxed gifts somewhere. So meh. I'd rather have to figure out what to do with the gifts than to have everyone have to deliver them to me or go to the post office which is my least favorite place in the world, and can be expensive. 

beachyone15

If gifts aren't supposed to be expected in the first place, how can it be an "etiquette rule" to designate the manner in which they are given? Honest question.

LadyMillil

MagicInk said:

huskypuppy14 said:

DaisyMaeMommy said:

I may not have heard of this "rule", but honestly, some people care and some don't.

Some people might like opening some boxed gifts at their wedding. I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, I will be too busy drinking and dancing my butt off with my husband to care.

I thought it's not proper to open gifts at a wedding. I have also never been to a wedding in which that occured.

I've never seen gifts opened at a wedding either. Even as a bring the gift to the wedding kind of person, they just sit looking pretty and then the couple takes them home and opens them there. I assume at least.

There's a part of me that is annoyed by that because I like seeing what people got. But it's a small part of me I tell to shut up and then I make her eat cake.

In my circle it is common to have a brunch/lunch the next day with the WP and close family. The gifts are opened then.

VulgarGirl

I did not mention but wanted to mention, I love the HGF's DH calls us Knotters. I just love it. 

I was telling FI about it and she asked what we should be called and said knotties, she says "Of course you hang out on a site that calls you naughty".

SmileDamnit

MagicInk said:

I did not mention but wanted to mention, I love the HGF's DH calls us Knotters. I just love it. 

I was telling FI about it and she asked what we should be called and said knotties, she says "Of course you hang out on a site that calls you naughty".

FI refers to y'all as "The Ladies". This will obviously have to change once Tony arrives.

cupcait927

lolo883 said:

SmileDamnit said:

Cookie Pusher said:

MagicInk said:

AddieCake said:

I guess I am not polite or well-bred, and neither are any of my friends and family.

That's ok, I'm not either. If you bring cake, I'll bring booze, and we'll have a white-trash party with gifts.

Can I come too if I bring cookies and milk/gel pens?

I'll bring quarters &/or beer pong!

I make a mean beergarita! And cookies with Nutella inside.

I'll bring the Sharpies and champagne!

KGold80

My FI just kind of raises an eyebrow anytime I talk about stuff that goes on here. He still doesn't get the whole internet community thing....which is weird given that we met online.

Kauris

FI just asks if I'm knotting again.

theartistformerlyknownas

Mine asks me if I post leaps and bounds more than anybody on this whole site. 

huskypuppy14

My FI asked if I'll stay on here after we're married. Hell yes, I have to be an OMH.

SammiNJonni

After reading the thread I had to flip through my copy of Miss Manners Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding and sure enough on the bottom of pg 224-225 she says gifts are to be shipped to the home.
 

doeydo

iloveotters2014 said:

I had never heard this rule until my wedding when my MIL was loading up gifts into her car when we were about to leave. She was like "Who in the heck brings actual gifts to a wedding?!?" I was kind of just like huh? - To be fair we only had like 8 or so boxed gifts the rest were cards so It wasn't that big of a deal haha.

Also...."bred" is one of my most hated words. We are people....not horses.

This.  It also makes me think of rich white people thinking they are better than other races and mixed races.  

emmaaa

Okay question to roll off of this:

FI and I were invited to wedding that is next Friday. I procrastinate so bad and haven't bought a gift yet. I'd much rather give a physical gift because this couple doesn't have ANYTHING for their apartment because they haven't lived together. I won't be able to buy their present until...the day of the wedding. 

So my question is: Should I buy the present and bring it to their wedding (rather not)? Or could I just bring a nice card with a small gift card in it to the wedding and have their gift shipped to the Bride's parent's house to arrive shortly after the wedding? 

theartistformerlyknownas

eg72 said:

Okay question to roll off of this:

FI and I were invited to wedding that is next Friday. I procrastinate so bad and haven't bought a gift yet. I'd much rather give a physical gift because this couple doesn't have ANYTHING for their apartment because they haven't lived together. I won't be able to buy their present until...the day of the wedding. 

So my question is: Should I buy the present and bring it to their wedding (rather not)? Or could I just bring a nice card with a small gift card in it to the wedding and have their gift shipped to the Bride's parent's house to arrive shortly after the wedding? 

I would probably buy it online, have it shipped, and print out the confirmation and put it in the card so they know it's coming.

huskypuppy14

eg72 said:

Okay question to roll off of this:

FI and I were invited to wedding that is next Friday. I procrastinate so bad and haven't bought a gift yet. I'd much rather give a physical gift because this couple doesn't have ANYTHING for their apartment because they haven't lived together. I won't be able to buy their present until...the day of the wedding. 

So my question is: Should I buy the present and bring it to their wedding (rather not)? Or could I just bring a nice card with a small gift card in it to the wedding and have their gift shipped to the Bride's parent's house to arrive shortly after the wedding? 

Why won't you be able to buy a present until the day of the wedding? Do they have a registry?  Just buy a gift off their registry and have it shipped to the address they have on file.

 I would get a card to bring to the wedding and write that their present will be arriving at their house in the next week.