What people really think about your PPD...

kat1114

I was at a stationary/knick knack store at the mall last week, and one of the clerks was helping two women. The women said they were bridesmaids looking for favors to hand out at the their friend's bridal shower that the bride's mother was throwing... Except they also told the clerk that it was stupid and pointless that she was even having a bridal shower, since she actually eloped a few months ago and was already married. 

I'm sure the "bride to be" probably thinks that she knows her close friends and family so well that she is certain they will be happy to go along with her PPD. So for all you special snowflakes out there, just know that what your family and friends tell you to your face is completely different than what they are actually thinking about your PPD.

mrs4everhart

Yea, the problem totally isn't how awful it is to trash talk your supposed "friend." With girls like those in her crew, that bride clearly doesn't need enemies. What gashes.

ladyamanuet

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

JCbride2015

ladyamanuet said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Admittedly, the gossip isn't very nice.  But the PPD is drastically worse.

ladyamanuet

No they should tell her to her face. But I don't find saying "I can't believe we have to do this since she is already married" gossip. If they were telling people who didn't know she was married that she was in order to derail the PPD, that would be gossip in my opinion

chibiyui

STBMrsEverhart said:

Yea, the problem totally isn't how awful it is to trash talk your supposed "friend." With girls like those in her crew, that bride clearly doesn't need enemies. What gashes.

If I'm sent to look for favors for a bridal shower for a friend that's already married, complaining about what a waste of money/time is the least of the MO"B"s problems. 

EVERYBODY GETS A PENIS POP.

(was going to post an image, but I am pretty sure thats against TOS.)

kat1114

Oprah's got you covered

blabla89

This is definitely not limited to PPDs, it's the same with cash bars, HM registries, making your WP work, unhosted gaps, and pretty much any other major etiquette violations.

FI recently went to the wedding of a fraternity brother who arbitrarily decided that I didn't need to be invited because we weren't engaged at the time that STDs went out or whatev. At the wedding all of FI's other bros were asking where I was, which quickly turned into a discussion of how rude it was. Of course, none of them will ever say that to the groom's face...

mrs4everhart

ladyamanuet said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

Jells2dot0

STBMrsEverhart said:

ladyamanuet said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.

KGold80

STBMrsEverhart said:

Yea, the problem totally isn't how awful it is to trash talk your supposed "friend." With girls like those in her crew, that bride clearly doesn't need enemies. What gashes.

Uh huh...and why are you not telling your nearest and dearest that you're already married? Right. Because they might judge you. You're probably the last person who should be commenting on this. Jesus.

mrs4everhart

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ladyamanuet said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.

We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while vowing myself to another.

mrs4everhart

KGold80 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Yea, the problem totally isn't how awful it is to trash talk your supposed "friend." With girls like those in her crew, that bride clearly doesn't need enemies. What gashes.

Uh huh...and why are you not telling your nearest and dearest that you're already married? Right. Because they might judge you. You're probably the last person who should be commenting on this. Jesus.

If you think the reason we're declining to share when and where we signed our documentation is due to fear of judgement, you've been missing it all along. I don't give two red hot fucks if people judge us, frankly. We wanted the luxury of a normal engagement period and to move forward with our marriage post DW. and this is how it's going to end up thankfully. But if our friends and family who do know judge us, let them.

HisGirlFriday13

STBMrsEverhart said:

Jells2dot0 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

ladyamanuet said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.

We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while pretend because we have already enaged in the act of vowing myself to another.

FTFY

sophhabobopha

STBMrsEverhart said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.

We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while vowing myself to another.

You already have?

mrs4everhart

HisGirlFriday13 said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.

We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while pretend because we have already enaged in the act of vowing myself to another.

FTFY

We have vowed nothing to the other as of yet (I mean besides the fact that we've been together 9 years and made life decisions based on being with the other long before marriage was ever discussed). Interesting that people would consider signing a government form as the same act as openly vowing something to another. The state of Colorado could care less if we love, honor or cherish the other, let alone if we plan or promise to be faithful, kind or compassionate. A marriage license may spell out legal assets, liabilities, rights, responsibilities and/or ramifications, but it has absolutely no bearing on much else. That "contract" can be simply negated or broken by paying more money to the state and signing a few more documents. A relationship, particularly one following guidelines set forth in a marriage pact by way of speaking vows to the other, isn't so easily broken or nullified. Some people may consider the legal contract the same thing. And who am I to tell them they're feelings are wrong? If literally committing one's name to a document makes all the emotional significance to someone, then by all means who should stop them? But a legal document will not make an emotional significance to us, so it would seem we are going to have to go the route of speaking some promises to each other and laying some ground rules at it were. For which we do not need bridal attendants. 

Simply Fated

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Yea, the problem totally isn't how awful it is to trash talk your supposed "friend." With girls like those in her crew, that bride clearly doesn't need enemies. What gashes.

Uh huh...and why are you not telling your nearest and dearest that you're already married? Right. Because they might judge you. You're probably the last person who should be commenting on this. Jesus.

If you think the reason we're declining to share when and where we signed our documentation is due to fear of judgement, you've been missing it all along. I don't give two red hot fucks if people judge us, frankly. We wanted the luxury of a normal engagement period and to move forward with our marriage post DW. and this is how it's going to end up thankfully. But if our friends and family who do know judge us, let them.

You're faking out your guests because you want more time to plan your ceremony reenactment?

mrs4everhart

Simply Fated said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

KGold80 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Yea, the problem totally isn't how awful it is to trash talk your supposed "friend." With girls like those in her crew, that bride clearly doesn't need enemies. What gashes.

Uh huh...and why are you not telling your nearest and dearest that you're already married? Right. Because they might judge you. You're probably the last person who should be commenting on this. Jesus.

If you think the reason we're declining to share when and where we signed our documentation is due to fear of judgement, you've been missing it all along. I don't give two red hot fucks if people judge us, frankly. We wanted the luxury of a normal engagement period and to move forward with our marriage post DW. and this is how it's going to end up thankfully. But if our friends and family who do know judge us, let them.

You're faking out your guests because you want more time to plan your ceremony reenactment?

There's nothing to reenact. Neither of us will have a pen or $30 bucks on us. There has been nothing ceremonial that has taken place thus far. There's absolutely no similarities between the two processes. The closest I've come lately to re enacting signing some paperwork was registering my car. Same type of government building, same take-a-number-wait-your-turn, same seating, might have been the same clerk for all I know. I sure hope there's nothing slightly reminiscent of that at our wedding. Or we selected the wrong package!!

Maggie0829

Why do people still feel the need to engage with STB?  I find that discussing her plans is completely pointless.  She will still think she is right no matter what is said so why even bother?

LondonLisa

Remember: never wrestle with a pig, you'll get dirty and the pig likes it.

After so many months of sad and pathetic attempts to justify lies and tackiness, one can only now attempt to ignore the repeated immaturity and obnoxious shows of self-indulgence when coupled with a glaring case of Dunning-Kruger effect.

QueerFemme

Maggie0829 said:

Why do people still feel the need to engage with STB?  I find that discussing her plans is completely pointless.  She will still think she is right no matter what is said so why even bother?

I don't bother anymore. Every time I see her referring to her marriage as a contract though, it pisses me off though. Particularly since we were denied the right to that "contract" for a long time.

Zhabeego

Honey, you're married. Your husband is not your FI, you are not engaged and weddings are the act of getting married - not putting on a pouffy dress and having an audience. And unless you've never, ever gossiped or griped about a friend to another person, you should probably climb down off your high horse. I don't blame these women for grousing about a woman so entitled and delusional she's not only planning a faux wedding after already getting married, she also demanded a shower! You can bet these women aren't the only ones put out.

kitsunegari89

Much entitlement

i am bekom annoy

 very brat, WOW

such re-enactment

Hysilvinialithibel

blabla89 said:

This is definitely not limited to PPDs, it's the same with cash bars, HM registries, making your WP work, unhosted gaps, and pretty much any other major etiquette violations.

FI recently went to the wedding of a fraternity brother who arbitrarily decided that I didn't need to be invited because we weren't engaged at the time that STDs went out or whatev. At the wedding all of FI's other bros were asking where I was, which quickly turned into a discussion of how rude it was. Of course, none of them will ever say that to the groom's face...

People will also complain about things that are encouraged by etiquette, though. Like people who want a gap to go take a nap, people who want to buy their own special cocktail when only beer or wine are hosted. People who think weddings should be in a church, or between a man and a woman. Let's not pretend etiquette keeps people from judging or complaining about weddings. 

KatieinBkln

Hysilvinialithibel said:

blabla89 said:

This is definitely not limited to PPDs, it's the same with cash bars, HM registries, making your WP work, unhosted gaps, and pretty much any other major etiquette violations.

FI recently went to the wedding of a fraternity brother who arbitrarily decided that I didn't need to be invited because we weren't engaged at the time that STDs went out or whatev. At the wedding all of FI's other bros were asking where I was, which quickly turned into a discussion of how rude it was. Of course, none of them will ever say that to the groom's face...

People will also complain about things that are encouraged by etiquette, though. Like people who want a gap to go take a nap, people who want to buy their own special cocktail when only beer or wine are hosted. People who think weddings should be in a church, or between a man and a woman. Let's not pretend etiquette keeps people from judging or complaining about weddings. 

Well of course it doesn't! But when people complain about proper etiquette, we are free to ignore them in real life and mock them on these boards, DUH.

VulgarGirl

I have a PPD story! Ok, not attending one, but explaining it to one of my very good friends. I explain to him what happens, the legal part at one point, then a re-do. And that yes, we're talking about straight people. And that basically they want to get the legal part out of the way to get benefits/tax breaks/whatever the fuck, and then later on do a big-to-do because that's the important part. Not the legal part, that part isn't important. His reaction was as follows:

"You're telling me, straight people, who can get married in any fucking state, in any fucking country, want to do this shit twice? And then say the legal part don't fucking matter? Then why the fuck do it?" which I think is an excellent question. If it's just paperwork that doesn't matter, don't bother with it. Throw a big party, wear a fancy dress, and don't do the paperwork. Either the paperwork matters, or it doesn't matter. None of this wishy-washy in between bullshit.

wrigleyville

STBMrsEverhart said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another.

You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage.

We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while pretend because we have already enaged in the act of vowing myself to another.

FTFY

We have vowed nothing to the other as of yet (I mean besides the fact that we've been together 9 years and made life decisions based on being with the other long before marriage was ever discussed). Interesting that people would consider signing a government form as the same act as openly vowing something to another. The state of Colorado could care less if we love, honor or cherish the other, let alone if we plan or promise to be faithful, kind or compassionate. A marriage license may spell out legal assets, liabilities, rights, responsibilities and/or ramifications, but it has absolutely no bearing on much else. That "contract" can be simply negated or broken by paying more money to the state and signing a few more documents. A relationship, particularly one following guidelines set forth in a marriage pact by way of speaking vows to the other, isn't so easily broken or nullified. Some people may consider the legal contract the same thing. And who am I to tell them they're feelings are wrong? If literally committing one's name to a document makes all the emotional significance to someone, then by all means who should stop them? But a legal document will not make an emotional significance to us, so it would seem we are going to have to go the route of speaking some promises to each other and laying some ground rules at it were. For which we do not need bridal attendants. 

If it doesn't mean anything, then why the fuck did you even do it?

Oh, because having a marriage license means you get X, Y, and Z benefits.

Funny how it only matters and means something when it's convenient for you and you get benefits from it and how it doesn't matter when people call you on your bullshit.

If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have signed it.

saacjw

MagicInk said:

I have a PPD story! Ok, not attending one, but explaining it to one of my very good friends. I explain to him what happens, the legal part at one point, then a re-do. And that yes, we're talking about straight people. And that basically they want to get the legal part out of the way to get benefits/tax breaks/whatever the fuck, and then later on do a big-to-do because that's the important part. Not the legal part, that part isn't important. His reaction was as follows:

"You're telling me, straight people, who can get married in any fucking state, in any fucking country, want to do this shit twice? And then say the legal part don't fucking matter? Then why the fuck do it?" which I think is an excellent question. If it's just paperwork that doesn't matter, don't bother with it. Throw a big party, wear a fancy dress, and don't do the paperwork. Either the paperwork matters, or it doesn't matter. None of this wishy-washy in between bullshit.

This this this this. Why are so many people fighting for the legal right to get married if it doesn't matter and that's not the important part? My friend and her fiancee could get married at the church they attend, have a commitment ceremony, etc, but they wouldn't have any of the benefits of being married in their state. They would have the same legal connection that they do now, which is that they share a lease and bills. They are legally no more than roommates at this point. The legal part is the important part, which is why so many churches and officiants won't perform a PPD (I know my church has a strict policy against it). 

photokitty

ladyamanuet said:

They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means.

THIS^

It's the same as going shopping with your friends - a true friend will tell you, "YES, that midriff two sizes two small with your muffin top hanging over those tacky low cut jeans showing your butt crack is not flattering and you should under no circumstance go out in public in it, let alone buy it!!!!"

thisismynickname2

saacjw said:

 Why are so many people fighting for the legal right to get married if it doesn't matter and that's not the important part? My friend and her fiancee could get married at the church they attend, have a commitment ceremony, etc, but they wouldn't have any of the benefits of being married in their state. They would have the same legal connection that they do now, which is that they share a lease and bills. They are legally no more than roommates at this point. The legal part is the important part, which is why so many churches and officiants won't perform a PPD (I know my church has a strict policy against it). 

I can contribute to this one! My coworker, a man in his 50's or so, has been civil unioned for a long time. They wear rings.  He just told me (as in our state it's finally legal) that he and his partner are having a wedding this year! I nearly teared up when he told me.  LEGAL IS IMPORTANT.  

mrs4everhart

wrigleyville said: STBMrsEverhart said: HisGirlFriday13 said: They aren't trashing their friend. They are trashing her rude and tacky idea. If you expect your friends to blow sunshine up your ass even if you have a terrible, horrible, rude idea, you need a new understanding of what friend means. Sharing legit concerns and/or feelings with a friend is one thing. Agreeing to be part of something then bitching about it or shit talking about it to strangers is quite another. You're right. They should have said no in the first place since they were so taken aback by the bride's behavior. But, at least they were able to make that choice. Your wedding party doesn't even have the luxury of making a choice since they think your wedding is your actual, legal, marriage. We're not having BP. I don't need an entourage milling around me while pretend because we have already enaged in the act of vowing myself to another. FTFY We have vowed nothing to the other as of yet (I mean besides the fact that we've been together 9 years and made life decisions based on being with the other long before marriage was ever discussed). Interesting that people would consider signing a government form as the same act as openly vowing something to another. The state of Colorado could care less if we love, honor or cherish the other, let alone if we plan or promise to be faithful, kind or compassionate. A marriage license may spell out legal assets, liabilities, rights, responsibilities and/or ramifications, but it has absolutely no bearing on much else. That "contract" can be simply negated or broken by paying more money to the state and signing a few more documents. A relationship, particularly one following guidelines set forth in a marriage pact by way of speaking vows to the other, isn't so easily broken or nullified. Some people may consider the legal contract the same thing. And who am I to tell them they're feelings are wrong? If literally committing one's name to a document makes all the emotional significance to someone, then by all means who should stop them? But a legal document will not make an emotional significance to us, so it would seem we are going to have to go the route of speaking some promises to each other and laying some ground rules at it were. For which we do not need bridal attendants.  If it doesn't mean anything, then why the fuck did you even do it?
Oh, because having a marriage license means you get X, Y, and Z benefits.
Funny how it only matters and means something when it's convenient for you and you get benefits from it and how it doesn't matter when people call you on your bullshit.
If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have signed it.
******************************************************************************************************Edited: Don't know what's up with the quote box, but this is mess.


I don't ever remember saying that we didn't want to be legally married, or that it lacked legal importance. But I have been, and remain, vehement that it has never been important to us that the legal process be part of our ceremony. And it was never going to be, as we were not going to inconvenience ourselves or our any of our guests to meet Mexican requirements. We plan to leave for MX on Sept. 10, we were going to sign our papers locally on the 9th before we left. Life took a crazy turn and we made a decision that turned out to be based on incorrect info. Ha! Joke was on us! We actually could have waited until the 9th of September because I could have added him to my insurance without being legally married come to find out. Oh well, nothing we can do about it now. I mean, there is, but divorcing and remarrying seems overly dramatic as well as a waste of time and money. The paperwork doesn't hold any emotional significance. That doesn't mean I have a hard time grasping the legal significance. I don't fault others if they get all gushy over their marriage license. I just personally don't feel that way. I also don't feel the need to get married in a church, or that some deity is part of my relationship. I don't fault or judge others who do. Why should I? What does anyone else's opinion of their marriage have to do with me?