What people really think about your PPD...

mrs4everhart

NYCBruin said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

NYCBruin said:

I'm curious about this mythical hospital that is apparently unaware of HIPPA and other medical laws, I bet I can find a few lawyers that would love to cash in on that. But really @STBMrsEverhart‌ the question you are avoiding is simple: if someone asked you your marital status was (for any reason), what would you say?

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As I said above, hospital personnel making assumptions about people's relationships may not be right but that's the most logical explanation in our case. And whether or not some attorney out there would like to litigate something like this or not in the name of HIPPA, I imagine they'd need a complaining witness and since in cases such as ours the hospital staff's lackadaisical attitude toward the rules actually worked in our favor so this doesn't seem like it would gain much traction. 

I believe my answer to the question was: who's asking and why? What is to be gained or lost by my answer? Obviously my answer may very well be different depending upon the scenario. If it's only come up once in almost 9 years, I'm feeling pretty good about it not coming up in the next three months. I think we're in the clear and probably won't find any necessity to talk about with people. 

Let's pretend your husband were in a real legitimate hospital that isn't full of idiots who are opening themselves up to lots of liability by disregarding privacy laws.  You want to visit him after hours. The nurse rightfully asks what your relationship is to the patient:

WHAT. DO. YOU. SAY ?

Or, let's just say you're filling out paperwork and there's a line for "emergency contact" and "relationship" what do you put there?  (And by the way there's no way THIS question has never come up)

If there was ever anyone standing between he and I either of us would say whatever we had to to remove the obstacle between us. Whether it was the truth or not wouldn't mean a thing. 

As for what I'd call him on an emergency contact form, fiace most likely. Unless there's room for levity, in which case homie might come to mind? Partner in crime? 

LDay2014 said:

You know, it's the first time I've ever said it...but I feel bad for her husband.

I have NO idea why. Are you under some incorrect impression he's been coerced in to a relation of 9 years with me? Or that I keep him around at gun point? He and I are pretty much the same person in different bodies. Only he's a much bigger dick to people he doesn't care for than I am and I'm a better cook.

CaitTDid23 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

wrigleyville said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

I put my foot down and told my husband no, we wouldn't be having a bloody, zombie cake as our party cake (I don't usually just say no, but that's just not what I want in the pics years from now). It may be beyond the pale of rude, atrocious attention whoring but anyone who doesn't want hosted tacos, margs and cake is welcome to stay home. I know where we'll be partying that day! 

FTFY

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No need to fix anything. I chose my words with purpose. If I don't consider him my husband, or call him that, why would I start now? He doesn't refer to me as his wife, nor would I want him to. We'll start as soon as we're pronounced as such after we exchange vows at our wedding. Let's put it this way - if we were suddenly to break up between now and September, I wouldn't think of it as going through a divorce. So why until then would I consider it a marriage? Oh, that's right, I wouldn't. 

Not really sure how I feel about the shortened version of margarita being likened to totes or adorbs, two words I've never uttered nor would I ever. Not sure I'll be loosing sleep over it one way or the other though. I'm just excited for a multi-week tequila bender honestly.  

Edited - another day of cracked out quote boxes on TK. 

To the bold: Pretty sure the State, the Court system, and the lawyer you have to hire to sort it out would ALL call it a divorce, charge you for a divorce, and treat it as a divorce. So... really, that argument is out.

(Beating a dead horse? Probably. Worth pointing out anyway since it pretty much sounds like, if they break up, it meets the

LEGAL DEFINITION 

of a divorce? Definitely.)

I figured by now it was pretty obvious I'm not too concerned with definitions :-)  If we were to split between now and September, as I've previously stated, I'm aware it would require more paperwork and fees to the state but that it wouldn't feel like a divorce. I'm not sure the law can require me to feel any particular way. 

SachaBee said:

I just want to take a minute here and be thankful that I have honest, gracious, wonderful friends and family (and for the honest, gracious, hilarious betches on these boards) who keep me from going off the rails like *cough* some posters.

I too am thankful that I have wonderful friends and family. They're all more sinners than saints and for that I am thankful as well. I may be nuts but man, I have a lot to be thankful for and very few regrets. That's not always easy to come by.

Jen4948 said:

djfivenine said:

You guys, you can't reason with crazy. 

No, but I'll give it a try.

Marriage, regardless of what belief system you have, is a social, political, and perhaps religious act that unites you two as a couple in the eyes of the society you live in.  If you are an American or living in the US, then that's American society together with whatever religious ceremony your religion has.  So whatever your opinion of the government is, if you are not legally married, then that's a big deal, because society will not recognize you as "married" regardless of how "married" you feel your personal ceremony is. 

And conversely, if you went through a legal ceremony, then yes, society does indeed recognize you as "married" and claiming the legal benefits of marriage while pretending you are not and claiming not to recognize the government's role in defining whether or not you are "married" or that you "don't care about it" is an insult not only to those who can't get legally married and claim those benefits, it is also insulting to the taxpayers who have to dole out those benefits to you while you pretend you aren't eligible for them.

So knock off the bullshit about whether or not a legal ceremony is or isn't a wedding or whether or not by itself it makes you "feel married."  If you have the legal ceremony but nothing else, you are "married."  If you have the legal ceremony ahead of time and a PPD later, your "wedding" is the legal ceremony.  Not the PPD.

Ha! Never gonna happen! Our wedding is coming up. In just shy of three months. As for the taxpayers, none of them pay my insurance premiums so I'm not sure how I'm insulting them.

TerriHugg said:

I understand why some people have problems with what you all call PPD's. I know there's the "mockery" aspect as well as the "lying" or withholding of information that goes along with some of them which can be problematic. 

However, I just wanted to state that I had the pleasure of attending a second ceremony this past weekend of a couple who was legally wed earlier this year for personal reasons. Despite having known that they already fulfilled legal requirements beforehand, I still teared up and smiled uncontrollably as they said their written vows to each other this past weekend. Legally binding or not, already married or not, it was one of the most beautiful weddings/ceremonies I have ever attended. And I've attended my fair share of weddings... I even still opted to give them a real wedding gift instead of a rooster, etiquette book or whatever else some people joke about giving when it comes to "PPD's"

I explain all of this because while some people are understandably put off by "PPD's", I am not one of those people and don't feel the need to judge, side eye or be offended by them whether or not the information is disclosed to me. And even if I don't agree with the decision, I choose to respect it because for whatever reason it was right for them. 

However, I do agree that brides that do choose this route need to be aware that not everyone will be ok with it. 

Side note: In defense of STBMsEVerHart - As someone who was born with a medical birth defect and has surgeries multiple times a year at various hospitals, you'd be surprised how many hospitals actually don't ask about relationship status, etc. when it comes to living wills, medical decisions, or emergency contacts. It is something they are required to do as part of their normal procedures, but many just don't do it. And of course, it's something that can result in law suits, but a lot of hospital staff just don't do it. 

Thank you. I knew this to be factual but it's nice that someone else has had a similar experience. 

TerriHugg

MobKaz said:

TerriHugg said:

I've also been to a wedding in which the information of a preceding legal marriage beforehand was withheld for me and I chose not to hold it against the couple. I respected their decision even though they "lied" about it

But you attended NOT knowing the truth.  People will and do hold it against the couple when they are lied to because..... they were lied to.  Either someone lies or they don't.  There is no such thing as "lied".

Hi @Mobkaz  

The title of this thread is "What people really think about your PPD", followed by a post referencing bridesmaids gossiping about their friends because they chose to take that route.

I chose to respond with how I REALLY THINK about someone's PPD. If it wasn't made clear before, I still think the ceremony is beautiful. I still think I should show my support and I still think that I won't judge people because they "lied" to me. (And yes, I choose to put quotes around the term lied, because I don't feel lied to even if they withhold information.) I really think that I should be just as happy for them and still would value our relationship/friendship. I will still think that I respect their decision whether or not they withheld information from me because I understand they did what was best for their personal situation for whatever reason. And I still really think that I don't hold it against the couple even if I attend the wedding and find out they fulfilled legal obligations for a marriage beforehand. 

That being said, I do indeed understand why other people feel offended, hurt, lied to etc. when it comes to "PPDs" and I think that some people feel that way for good reason. However, I am not one of those people. And because I understand why other people feel that is why, I stated in my original post that it's reason for brides to carefully think about their decision to host a PPD, second ceremony, etc... I truly do get it. I don't encourage people to get one either. I only let people know the facts about a PPD including the fact that it is against etiquette and how some people feel about them.  I just wanted to state what I REALLY THINK about it. 

So that is what I REALLY THINK about your PPD. 

Regardless, I truly do appreciate your response on the subject matter and respect your opinion, as I would you respect mine. No harm is intended.