Calling your in-laws "mom" and "dad"

Bubblegum5586

I am curious how many people call their in-laws mom and dad? Growing up I remember my mom calling her MIL "Ma" and more recently my best friend has been calling her MIL "Mum" for years, before they were married as well (her MIL is from England so Mum is what her H calls her).

The thought of this never crossed my mind. I am very close to my parents and mom and dad are special names to the ones that have raised me. I also have a step mom and step dad whom I just call by their first name (I was about 16-17 when they each came into my life).

My SIL (we are both married to brothers) started calling MIL and FIL "mom and dad" as soon as she got engaged to BIL. (I had already been dating H about 3-4 years when she started dating BIL and they got engaged and married soon after). H and I have now been married 8 months and I sometimes force it but it just feels weird to me! I already have a mom and dad! I know I am over thinking it but H's parents are so sweet to me and consider me a daughter that it makes me want to show them how much I care for them as well (and I do understand I do show I care for them in many ways besides calling them "mom and dad").

As I struggle over here with either doing it or not doing it, I would love to hear what others have to say!

flyingfoxes

FI told me I might as well call his parents mom and dad.  I ADORED my dad, and he's been gone 4 years now.  It's still awkward, but his parents live 5 hours away so I don't really see them all that often. I don't mind trying it, and I think his parents don't mind me calling them that either. 

[Deleted User]

as a MIL, I do not want to be called mom by anyone other than my own kids.  I am on a first name basis with my inlaws.  I LOVE my kiddos spouses!

JCbride2015

I call them by their first names.

Just doing that was a struggle!  I met them when I was a sophomore in high school so it was really hard to transition away from Mr. and Mrs.

wandajune6

FI calls my parents by their first names, as they suggested. Though he really tries to avoid it.

His mom never told me what to call her. When forced, I use the name his SIL's use "Dona Rosa."

theartistformerlyknownas

No. I've thought about it, and I just don't think it'll sit right with me. I still haven't gotten over my step-sister starting to call my dad "Dad." We were all adults (21+) when our parents married each other... her dad is just a dirtbag and she likes my dad more. :-/ 

Sometimes even FI calls his own mom "Grandma Carol" so maybe I'll just go with that, especially if we pop some bebes out pretty quickly. Everyone calls his step-dad "Papa Chris." (And his step-grandpa is "Uncle Ed," no idea why. They're all weird, I tell ya.)

grumbledore

I think this is just a different strokes thing.  Some people are really comfortable being overly familiar.  I'm not.  

FI has a cousin whose girlfriend is like this - just super overly familiar.  TBH, it drives me nuts.  I am a very reserved person with new people, and I still consider most of FI's family "new" by my standards.  Also, there's probably something wrong with me.

Emmy1493

It's weird for me to call them that instead of their first name. I have said it before though, but it's not something I call them regularly really.Like if I sighn a card, I'll say it, or something like that because it's from DH and I.

chibiyui

I call my in laws by their first names. I have a step dad, and while he is, for all intents and purposes, the only "dad" in my life, I still call him by his first name.

Bubblegum5586

I must come from a very laid back area. I can count on one hand the people I called "Mr. & Mrs" growing up (teachers not counting of course... Although I was an Art Major in College and all of our professors preferred to be called by their first names as well. My roommates always thought it was so strange). 

I have always called MIL and FIL by their first name so I think I will just keep it that way, now that I see that is perfectly normal! ETA: I think it was just the weird silent competitiveness me and SIL have that made me even question this.

Another good point is once we have children we will likely be calling them Yiayia and Papou anyways! (which we already do with our niece is around)

ShallowSeas

I call them by their first name.  I don't think I will ever call them by mom or dad. Nothing against them; I love them with all my heart and they are absolutely amazing people and treat me like a daughter, but I already have a mom and dad. I know that FMIL calls her IL's 'mom and dad'...she's never said anything to me about calling them that, and I hope she doesn't expect me to. I certainly don't expect FI to call my parents mom and dad. 

SapphireCounselor

It wouldn't feel right to me either. I just call them by their first name too. My MIL would probably like it if I called her mom, but no. FIL, who is one of my favorite ppl on the planet, would think I had lost my mind if I called him Dad. We have a great relationship, but it would still be weird.

emmyg65

This is not anything I'd ever be comfortable with. I really love my in-laws, but I have my own mom and dad, thankyouverymuch. I use their first names. DH does the same for my parents. Fortunately, I think everybody involved has pretty strong feelings that first names are the way to go.

Do whatever works for you. This is just an area that I have really strong opinions about for my own use.

ETA: DH and all his brothers call their parents by their first names, so it'd be extra weird if I said Mom and Dad.

jenna8984

Hmmm never really thought about it. But I don't see why I would call them mom & dad. Maybe if we saw them more often/ had a closer relationship but FI doesn't get along with his mother (and his dad never leaves her side) so we hardly ever see them. So I don't anticipate myself ever calling them that. Even though they gush about me and call me their future daughter.

I don't even have a great relationship with my own parents. They live 2,000 miles away and visit 1 weekend per year. So half the time I call them by their first names.

melbelleup

mom and dad is just too weird for me... I'll say your dad (his dad is the same name as him) or Paul's dad (meaning his dad) when talking to people lol i'll call his mom by first name to her/about her but to my FI i just say mom/mommy his aunts and uncles however, i refer to as aunt ____ or uncle ____

KatieinBkln

I could never. I never really "got" it--they aren't my mom and dad; I have a mom and dad. But then, my parents call their in-laws by their first names, too, so maybe it's just a reflection of what I'm used to seeing/hearing. Luckily no one has asked me to call them mom or dad--that would be odd because I think I'd have to refuse? I'm not sure. They're nice people and I like them and all, but...no.

KeptInStitches

I won't be calling my FILs Mom and Dad. I won't even be calling them Mom FirstName or Dad FirstName. I have parents. I don't need them as surrogates.

That being said, I'm thisclose to calling his dad's mom Grandma FirstName. She reminds me of my mom's mom and brings those same grandmotherly feelings to front, you know?

daria24

I don't even call my own parents "mom" and "dad." H & I agree that we just avoid having to use names haha. One the rare occasion I've had to say a name out loud, I call my ILs by their first names. Luckily my MIL always called her MIL by her first name, so I felt like that was a cue. Versus my dad who calls his MIL "Moma" (he didn't have a mother growing up though, so I don't think he had much attachment to the word). I think H has had to say my mother's name once. And never my father's.

pinkshorts27

Not married yet. I call FI's dad by his first name. I caught my FI calling my parents Mom and Dad once when talking about them. I think it is hilarious. But I don't think my parents care what he calls them.

slothiegal

Nah, I call them by their first names.  I love them to pieces, but it just doesn't seem...right to call them "mom" and "dad".  (Of course, like PP have said--different strokes.  I've had family/friends that do refer to their in-laws that way, just doesn't seem comfortable to me.)  Now, when/if FI and I have kids, without a doubt they'll be Grandma and Grandpa (which they've made quite clear they're looking forward to.  Many, many....many times.)

jdluvr06

I call FILs by their first name most of the time. Sometimes I call FMIL "mumsie" but that is because of an inside joke. Occasionally when we are at their house I call FFIL "paps" when trying to get his attention about something because he has this ability to completely zone out when he is concentrating on something and only responds to key words.

grumbledore

Just chiming in again to say, I'm not even close to my parents (distant with my mom for many reasons and no relationship whatsoever with my stepdad, biodad has been gone since I was 8) and I STILL think it's weird.

audubonbride2013

daria24 said:

I don't even call my own parents "mom" and "dad." H & I agree that we just avoid having to use names haha. One the rare occasion I've had to say a name out loud, I call my ILs by their first names. Luckily my MIL always called her MIL by her first name, so I felt like that was a cue. Versus my dad who calls his MIL "Moma" (he didn't have a mother growing up though, so I don't think he had much attachment to the word). I think H has had to say my mother's name once. And never my father's.

My H and I avoid using names too.  So far we've avoided using names entirely and its been over 5 years.  His parents never told me what to call them even when we first met, so I've never known what they preferred.  We figure once we start having kids we'll just refer to them as grandmom and granddad a lot.

doeydo

I like my FMIL a lot, but she is not my mom so I do not call her mom.  I am not close to my FFIL.

photokitty

I've been struggling with it and have dabbled with calling them mom and dad. Most of the time I just avoided using names or I would say "your husband" if I was referring to the other one in conversation with one of them.

BUT with some recent drama I have determined I will definitely by calling them by their first names. DH has always called my parents by their first names. Prior to the marriage I called them Mr. & Mrs.

On a side note, I call DH's grandma - "grandma" - always have and will continue to do so.

Senecaf

I call Fi's mom Ms. His dad I just avoid addressing. I've known them since I was like 14 so it has always been that way and would be awkward to change I. I'm not very comfortable with the "mom and Dad" thing. Those words are not special to me, but I think it would totally weird his mom out if I called her that. His dad doesn't care what I say!

I call his extended family whatever he calls them.

jdluvr06

I always think it is a little odd to call in-laws Mr and Mrs. It seems so formal to me, especially for people who are or will be your family.

kla728

I find myself using their first names when I'm talking to them, but often saying mom or dad when I'm talking to my future sibling-in-laws about their parents. It is definitely an adjustment. I would never be comfortable saying Mr. or Mrs. though, that wasn't how we did things when we were dating so it would be like a step up in formality instead of a step down. ETA: future. haha.

VulgarGirl

Between us we have six different parents. Three moms, three dads, we keep it simple and call the ILs by their first names. Sometimes I'll one of FFILs Pop, because I never call my Dad Pop, but it's not a regular thing. And sometimes I need to call my own parents by their first names because it starts to get confusing. 

There are already debates about what future grandchild will call their grandparents. 

kbsmom1

Maybe it's a southern thing but my son in law calls me Miss ------( my first name)..... And my daughter calls his parents Miss first name and Mr first name... Works good for us:)

bethsmiles

I call SO's parents by their first names. I would never call them mom and dad. I have parents and I don't see SO's parents as parental figures in my life.