in wedding planning. Originally, my BIL was suppose to marry us. He called us on the night we got engaged very excited and asked us if he could marry us, so of course we agreed. We were happy that he offered and felt so strongly about it.
Thursday night he backed out -_-
FI and I are currently looking for a new officiant. We talked to the pastor of our church yesterday about possibly doing it but he gave us a few requirements...one being that we had to have premarital counseling paid for by the church, which I'm fine with, but the second issue is that FI and I live together. He said preferably he does not marry couples who are living together before marriage but if he does, he requires that they refrain from sex until the wedding night.
Not sure how I feel about that. That's about 3 months of no sex. FI and I rarely go 3 days without sex. Is this a normal requirement? I've known a lot of people get married and none of them had to abstain from sex. I get the whole "no sex before marriage" thing and why he wouldn't approve of it, but I don't get requiring us to abstain from it in order to be married. So I'm irritated. End rant.
Re: We hit a kink
"His farts smell like Satan's asshole mixed with a skunk's vagina. But it's okay, because I love him." -CSousa
@severmilli12 that sucks that BIL backed out, I hope everything is okay.
Where I live, the Catholic church is very big on the whole pre-marital sex thing. Couples are required to go to pre-cana and then depending on the priest, the severity of how you abstain from sex varies. My one friend's priest who is a younger guy just told them to wait until marriage (it was six months!), my MOH her priest told her and then FI they had to live like brother and sister until marriage. They had to sleep in seperate bedrooms, no physical contact, etc. My mom called the church we used to go to when I was little before I was engaged (she was a little BSC) and there were no requirements except for a couples class. So yes, I've heard of this before.
Can you guys find an officiant that may be a little more lax in regards to the "rules" before marriage?
59 Invited36 Yes
2 No
21 Unknown
How does your FI feel about it? Any other options for officiants that you know of right now?
We are going to continue to look for someone else to officiate it and if we can't find/afford anyone then I guess I'll have to suck it up. BIL was doing the wedding for free so aside from money for a nice gift, we didn't budget for an officiant Our pastor does weddings free of charge/donation to members which was a really nice perk.
We are getting married in the catholic church they have no problem with us living together and they did not mention anything about sex either. I don't know if I could lie about it though, especially if your FI is close with people there.
Can you just try to find another officiant not related to the church that is within budget?
My sister had a judge marry her, at her own venue, and I don't think it was even close to $500. Maybe someone you know knows a judge?
I will also look into a judge. I didn't even think about that being an option.
I will also look into a judge. I didn't even think about that being an option.
I can understand why he would feel this way but I personally would have no issue with the officiant drinking after the ceremony - especially if I knew it was a friend of the couple. I might side-eye it if I saw a priest get smashed - but even then I wouldn't think it was a big deal if a priest had a drink or 2 - I also was not raised in a church.
You could check with your JOP/council members as well. Sometimes they will come out to a location.
I also have issues with our pastor not wanting to marry us because of our living arrangements. The first thing he said to us when we sat down to talk to him about marrying us was, "I don't typically like to marry people who already live together, but when I do, I require them to abstain from premarital sex until after the wedding." The bolded rubbed me the wrong way. It kinda made me feel like we weren't 'good enough' for him to marry us because we live together, or like we were doing something wrong, which I obviously don't feel like we are. That statement immediately didn't sit well with me, and then once he mentioned the no sex thing, I pretty much had my mind made up right there. Because we chose to live differently than he did, we aren't 'worthy' of him marrying us unless we abide by his rules... -_-
I really hope we're able to find someone whose beliefs are more similar to ours.
However, we are not having religion in our ceremony. She did send me some options of her ceremonies and some were more spiritual than others.
I found her online by searching marriage commissioners near Banff.