You ladies all have great advice, so this is the best place to come I think. I've posted here before, but I may ramble, I'll do my best not to. I know we need to talk about things, but I just need to vent to stop myself from crying.
Boyfriend and I haven't been together long, just about 11 months. I'm not rushing to the aisle or to a ring, but we've talked about them. He's brought up rings - asking what I'd like mine to look like, asked me to send him pictures/links, asked what size. I have let him initiaye any conversation about actual rings. We've talked about weddings - size, time of year, he even went as far to ask who my bridesmaids would be. The one time line talk we have discussed was children, we both agreed we'd try when I'm 25, which is 2.5 years from now. He knows I want to be married before I have children.
Anyway, so now you've got the background. Here's where everything gets confusing and where I feel embarrassed and I guess slightly stupid. Last night, joking around, I told him his birthday present was me proposing and teased that it was because he was taking too long. His response "but it hasn't even been a year!!" Which is fine, but now I feel silly for entertaining the idea of us getting engaged any time soon and it's hard for me to tell if he was getting caught up in the romantic idea of engagement or if he's changed his mind or what.
More back story - the divorce is not official from his first marriage. The papers are sitting on his desk, signed by his ex and the notary. I brought up a while ago that they hadn't been signed and his response was that they've been separated for so long that he forgets it isn't official but he knows it's important to me and what's important to me is important to him. He knows I don't want to talk about weddings or engagements until papers are in, but seems to be in no rush to get anything done.
I have probably forgot to include things, I've been kind of a mess since last night. I know it's silly, I just feel embarrassed and confused and hurt. There's no need to rush, I know. I don't talk about marriage or engagements to people, I don't talk about serious/big things unless I'm ready then or very serious about it in the near future. I'm not a crier (cryer?), but all of this ended in me sitting on my couch crying last night.