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Moms and Maids

guest list

What do you do if one of our parents told us their guest list for the wedding and then we budget for a certain number going by this.  Then on two separate occasions added 2 and then added 8 more people.  We cut friends out each time because we budgeted for the original number.  We are inviting 120 people and total only have 20 friends (including their dates) going. 


Re: guest list

  • If you are paying, stop cutting your friends and stop letting your parents add.  If they are paying, you are pretty much stuck. It does sound like you are paying for your wedding, and if this is the case, you need to put your foot down now and assert yourself, or look forward to many years of being treated like a child and not a married adult.
  • Ditto PP. If you are paying for the wedding, you can give them a certain number of slots and say "fill them as you please". If they want to add someone, they need to cut someone else they added.

    Since you didn't do that up front, you'll need to talk to them about this. Make a list of all the people they've given you and send back to them telling them you can only accommodate/afford XX number of their friends, so ask them to please figure out which ones they want to invite. They will probably push back, but if they aren't paying, it's not up for discussion. Stand firm. 

    If they are paying, you will need to cut your friends to accommodate theirs. You could always offer to pay for your own friends if your venue has the capacity.
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  • The other parents (not the one who is adding guests) and we are paying.  I understand what you guys are saying.  It's hard to push back! 
  • I would like a compromise so everyone is happy.  Maybe like for the new 8 that are invited it could be 4 or 2.  That way we all get something we want.
  • kflynn589 said:
    The other parents (not the one who is adding guests) and we are paying.  I understand what you guys are saying.  It's hard to push back! 
    If you're not going to "push back," you don't really get to complain about all of the guests they're adding. Learn to say no. It's all part of being a grown-up. You don't state which parents are doing this, yours or the groom's, but their child is the one who needs to put a stop to this.

    OliveOilsMomMairePoppy
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    kflynn589 said:
    I would like a compromise so everyone is happy.  Maybe like for the new 8 that are invited it could be 4 or 2.  That way we all get something we want.
    Learn this phrase, "I'm sorry but the guest list is closed and we cannot accomodate anymore people." That is all that needs to be said to this set of parents. It should come from their own child too. If they decide to start paying for these extra guests, you can decide what to do. But if you decide to let them pay for these guests, get the money up front and don't forget to include everything! It's not just the meals you need, but the table/chair rentals, linens, flowers/centerpieces, etc.
    MairePoppy
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    You absolutely have to learn to say no and to push back. Clearly, if you do not, they will bulldoze right over you and what you want.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    kflynn589 said:
    I would like a compromise so everyone is happy.  Maybe like for the new 8 that are invited it could be 4 or 2.  That way we all get something we want.
    That's the problem.

    They were already given what they wanted when you asked them for their original guest list. When they saw that adding 2 more wasn't a problem, they figured they hadn't reached their max yet.
    If you want to compromise again, let them know that the guest list is set and it's not in the budget to add 8 more guests. Tell them the cost per person, including the favors, centerpieces and any other extras. If they offer to pay for them, get the money before you send the invitations. That's not harsh, at all, considering they are still inviting the majority of their guests on your and the other parent's dime.
                       
  • @MariePoppy - glad that you included costs of items other than food. People who want extra guests often think that the food is the only addition and it is, most certainly, not that simple.  8 additional guests may mean an extra table, so extra centerpiece, servers, favors, etc. Good point!
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