(closed)

AlexisA01

mysticl said:

blueskies13 said:

@JoanE2012 I am just so shocked at how rude you are! These people get drunk. You have no idea what you're talking about. Yes, it was addressed. So read in the previous pages, or don't be so snarky and disgusting. You are hiding behind a computer screen, getting your kicks off of being horrible to an innocent person. Good lord.

She said nothing that was disgusting.  And she asked how many would actually get drunk.  In case you haven't noticed it's an 8 page thread, it gets hard to read. Based on the answer you just gave she is now going to assume that all 20 people you have invited are going to get drunk. She is not being the least bit horrible to you and playing the innocent victim card on these boards won't get you far.  

BTW I'm a social worker, if you have such strong reactions to people drinking alcohol you really should talk to someone about it.  This could become very debilitating to you.  

SITB

I agree. Nobody was disgusting. Now the OP is going back to her original plan of serving none.

slothiegal

blueskies13 said:

@JoanE2012 I am just so shocked at how rude you are! These people get drunk. You have no idea what you're talking about. Yes, it was addressed. So read in the previous pages, or don't be so snarky and disgusting. You are hiding behind a computer screen, getting your kicks off of being horrible to an innocent person. Good lord.

Whoa did I miss a post or something?  Didn't JoanE simply ask how many people were coming/how many get drunk (which I find a reasonable question; not everyone has the luxury of a mind-numbing job to read pages and pages of threads during the work day)? 

Meh.  Time for pinot.

holyguacamole79

say whaaaaaaaa?

Knottie20363977

.

holyguacamole79

blueskies13 said:

JoanE2012 said:

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

Her heavy sarcasm is what was disgusting. This isn't the first time, either. So just stop.

I didn't think that was sarcasm.

holyguacamole79

@blueskies13‌ , have the guests in question accepted the invitation to the lake house? Have they indicated that they plan on staying the extra days with you after the wedding?

Viczaesar

blueskies13 said:

JoanE2012 said:

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

Her heavy sarcasm is what was disgusting. This isn't the first time, either. So just stop.

You have serious control issues.

mysticl

blueskies13 said:

JoanE2012 said:

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

Her heavy sarcasm is what was disgusting. This isn't the first time, either. So just stop.

Yeah, I don't see any sarcasm.  Heavy, disgusting or otherwise.  And I am the queen of sarcasm.  

I'm going to suggest you just step away from this thread. It's clearly upsetting you and the only way it is going to stop is if you stop looking at it.  

[Deleted User]

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 They can stay at a hotel if they want, but I am offering the lake home. They can pay for the hotel themselves if that's what they want to do. I will be totally okay with that. Or they can just go home.

Side note, congratulations about your giant pregnant belly. That's wonderful.

Edit: The point of the lake home is the beauty for the ceremony/reception and then the fun of staying there.

No alcohol, I presume no loud sex or romping naked through the place, and 4 days with a worry wort bride who should be demanding her own private sex cabin.

I mean, really, what a fun-suck.

FiancB

Yeah, I honest to goodness saw no sarcasm and I have no qualms about calling people out for being unnecessarily mean, but now you'll probably get it for real. My bit of snark that isn't really snark: I highly recommend eloping. Then the only people you have to worry about controlling are yourself, your FI, your officiant and a couple witnesses for a few minutes. Much easier than a dozen or whatever for 4 days.

chibiyui

You have a very different idea of what sarcasm is then what it actually is. I recommend you step away, and have a cup of tea. 

lyndausvi

blueskies13 said:

We will have at least 5 people staying with us who care more about us than being drunk, thankfully. We can also choose to invite more to fill the space. We will know all of this ahead of time, our wedding is just a bit far off. There are also a few nice lake rentals, and some are a bit smaller with a smaller pricetag.

@lyndausvi You think I'm controlling and now you want to control what I'm saying? Wow. 

As a drinker I'm just letting you know that telling drinkers they are not allowed alcohol but there is plenty of other drinks is not going to help your case. Like at all.

bethsmiles

I don't understand why you won't answer why this 4 people HAVE to be invited to stay the whole weekend...

sophhabobopha

kkitkat79

I don't see what the problem is. The OP already stated that no one HAS to stay for the whole weekend. So what is wrong with having a dry reception, not having any alcohol around for the duration, letting people know that and then everyone can make their own decisions regarding how long they want to stay. If people sneak in some alcohol that would suck, but the OP already said that she would deal. It might be true that the request not to bring alcohol is a bit (or a lot) controlling, but she is paying for the house and she is not forcing anyone to stay there after the reception. And as long as she has plenty of other options she is hosting everyone properly. She doesn't have to serve alcohol. OP, make the request (you got some good advice as to how to word it) and be ready for people declining, not staying for the whole weekend, and unfortunately yes, some people may bring some alcohol regardless so figure out how you will deal with those people in a polite and gracious manner. My suggestion would be to ignore it and be kind and caring and not let these people know that you are uncomfortable. Cry in the privacy of your room and get your fiancé to comfort you. Don't make your guests uncomfortable by showing your discomfort.

Simply Fated

blueskies13 said:

@Liatris2010 I'm not sure about your family, but if you seriously need 'social lube' to get along... You need more than booze. Who ever said anything about 19 people? I specifically said it will be about 12 people. 

@SimplyFated My wanting to cry is wrong? I don't get that. It shouldn't make any of you angry. It was a personal attack on nobody. Certain things make people uncomfortable. Some people don't like drugs. Some people don't like smoking. Some people don't like bugs. Actually, my fiance runs from spiders. People have irrational fears, and maybe my irrational fear is those who are intoxicated. I didn't feel the need to share any family history of alcoholism to prove good reasoning.  People are just bothered by certain things. This is my thing. It was nobody's job to rant and rage and freak out about it. I don't care what any of you drink! I just don't want intoxicated family members around me. It makes me uncomfortable.

Holy crap.
Whether or not your fear of people drinking alcohol is rational or not I don't know, but you are definitely posting irrationally. I agreed with you, gave you good advice and didn't even comment on whether or not your fear was irrational. And you flew off the handle at me. Step back and think about your reply to me because you are actually going off on people in this thread who are helping you and giving you a very important outside perspective.


You commented on how this thread had escalated and I just pointed out why. It's your wording. I have a perfectly rational fear of lightning because my mom and I were almost struck once. Some would argue that it isn't rational. That's fine. Some are going to argue with you about your fears. You're going to have to be fine with their replies about your fears if you discuss them in public.


The problem started when you gave a reason as to why you don't want alcohol there. You might not want your reason to matter when we give our replies, but they will. It's an open forum and you can't control how we reply and what portion of your post we reply to. That's how discussion forums work. People discuss things that other people post. You posted information, making that information up for discussion.


I stand by my advice. Either talk to those 4 people directly and in person or put it in writing on a note inserted with the invitation, along with other pertinent information about the weekend.
You very well may run the risk of challenging them, instead of deterring them, as several pps have tried to explain.

jacques27

Did my question a few pages back ever get answered?  Who exactly is paying for this lake house? 

I plan to buy a good amount of snacks and food, (obviously all the reception food), and ask that people supplement it. I may decide to just buy it all (since our parents may end up paying for most of the wedding anyway).

Because I don't understand how the OP can be "hosting" if the OP isn't paying.  Supplying the Cheetos and Pepsi doesn't mean the OP is actually hosting this shindig if the parents are paying for everything else.  Does paying for most of the wedding include paying for the venue that you're renting for four days?  Are "our parents" the parents from both sides, not just the non-drinking bride's side?  And if the people who like to drink are included in the "our parents" or are guests/family of "our parents", then I still don't get how the OP can ban alcohol if the people holding the checkbook wish to have alcohol.

AddieCake

OP, you seriously need to chill the fuck out. I suggest a margarita.

zitiqueen

When you say they "lose control of their bodies," can you elaborate? Do they lose control of their bowels and kidneys and poop and pee all over themselves? Do they try to hump inanimate objects? Do they just randomly punch people as they walk by?

zitiqueen

blueskies13 said:

We will have at least 5 people staying with us who care more about us than being drunk, thankfully. We can also choose to invite more to fill the space. We will know all of this ahead of time, our wedding is just a bit far off. There are also a few nice lake rentals, and some are a bit smaller with a smaller pricetag.

@lyndausvi You think I'm controlling and now you want to control what I'm saying? Wow. 

LOL. Nobody who is truly special to us wants to come to my wedding and have their every move controlled by me for four days, so we have space and need more people to help pay for our rental house. Wanna come?

southernbelle0915

I cheated - read the OP, the first few responses and then this page....so forgive me if this has already been addressed. 

OP - I really think you should elope. Here are the facts:

- people getting drunk makes you cry

- you don't want to cry on your wedding day (who does?)

- you are renting a cabin on a lake for 4 days/3 nights

- you are inviting people who like to drink and they will be on vacation w/o having to drive anywhere

- (insert all etiquette issues that have already been addressed)

This right here is a recipe for you being unhappy on your wedding day. If you're this worried/upset now, just imagine how concerned you'll be at the cabin ("does anyone have booze in their bags?" "I wonder what's in that cup with ice cubes?" etc. etc. etc.). I suggest renting a smaller cabin for just the two of you. You can still get married lake side and, if you decide to invite guests, have the reception there... just get a nearby hotel block or give people suggestions of other cabin rentals. You have a small enough group where you could easily make that work.

ETF words

MGP

blueskies13 said:

I will just host all the food and drinks then and not allow booze. There will be plenty of other delicious drinking options and fun activities planned.

Fun?  Who is this fun for?  The four people in question whose drinking habits are being harshly judged, the irrational controlling bride who could burst into tears at any minute, or the other people caught in the middle who don't drink but probably want to start after this?

Sounds like a miserable bunch to me. 

[Deleted User]

I'm also curious what other activities guests will be able to enjoy. Can they fish? Rent paddle boats (or bigger boats)? Are there nearby attractions to see?

Just tell me there is enough to do for four days other than stare at each other or be forced into awkward games so that people will feel less inclined to run to the grocery store and start sneaking in those mini bottles.

Oh, did you guys know there is wine icecream? I'd probably still bring it. It's 5% ABV by the pint, so it's not like anyone could even stomach enough to get a buzz.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

Sooo much pearl clutching, OP..

This party is starting sound a little awkward.  No hate, I honestly hope your wedding is a riot but I'd be sooooo friggin' awkward in this situation.

MegEn1

OP, I think what a lot of people are trying to say here is that YOU seemed more concerned about alcohol than your guests. 

If I were invited to spend the weekend, but there was a rule that said 'Alcohol will be prohibited' I would feel kind of bad, actually. I'm a drinker. When I was younger (college years) I drank a LOT. Now I'll have a couple of beers or glasses of wine on the weekend. I had a margarita on the rocks last night. I don't like getting drunk anymore, but I do get tipsy from time to time.

And I would feel pretty bad if I saw that line, or was told not to dare to bring booze for the whole weekend. I'd feel bad because I'd feel like I'd done something wrong. I'd feel like something about me made you uncomfortable, but more importantly that you probably didn't like being around me much. So I'd take advantage of NOT staying with you because of that. And I'd remember it when we saw each other for holidays, or whatever else. 

I have friends now who are uncomfortable with me, or some of my political views, or my lifestyle, or whatever. And know what? I can never really relax around them, because I spend my time with them trying to find ways to make sure I don't offend them. This isn't about us having contradicting views on life - this is about how hard they take those contradictory views. So hard that I'm afraid I would damage our friendship if I accidently stepped over the line. So we don't spend much time together, and the time we do spend together I'm a little tense. Do you want to be that person in your family? You don't have to agree with their drinking. But you also shouldn't make such a big deal out of it that it threatens the relationship. If they know you, they know not to get drunk around you. Trust them to make the right decision.

You've said you don't mind drinking, but you can't stand drunks. That will pass through this small group via word of mouth and if your family and friends do respect you, as you say, they won't get drunk. You should respect them enough to let them make that choice for you. 

LDay2014

I want to see this cabin that will comfortably accommodate 20 people for 4 days...

That's one hell of a cabin

abbyj700

The more I think about this thread the more it bothers me. I explained a lot of it to FI last night and we had a good conversation about it.

We love to drink. We have friends over almost every weekend, we met in a bar, we have cab drivers who know us by our first names. And guess what? We don't "lose control of our bodies" - meaning we don't shit ourselves, piss ourselves, get in bar fights, sleep around, constantly fall over or whatever the OP is trying to say that people do when drinking. 

If you were my sister in law - I could very easily be on your list of 4 people you would worry about. Because I wouldn't just drink a glass of wine every day. Some nights, I wouldn't drink at all, some days I'd lay by the lake with drink in hand most of the afternoon. I would never be belligerent. I would never do anything truly disrespectful to our hosts.

While I would be completely respectful, the OP apparently would not. I'm not a child - I don't need you to control my habits or life, even if just for a weekend. FI and I agreed that most likely we would come for your wedding if we were family and leave afterwards but most likely stay for a long weekend on our own if it were somewhere that nice. There'd be no need to stay with someone who doesn't respect us.

If these people are family and you truly think they have drinking issues (which I don't think you do, I think this is just about what you picture your special day (4 days actually) to be like.) - then PLEASE get them help and don't associate their alcohol issues with your wedding. 

lyndausvi

LDay2014 said:

I want to see this cabin that will comfortably accommodate 20 people for 4 days...

That's one hell of a cabin

*** SITB ****

Here is the house we rented.  It only had enough real beds for 18 people.  But with 2 livings rooms with pullouts you could have more people stay.   There were 7 or 8 bathrooms.    The main floor was on the 2nd floor, so they put in an elevator in order to get your food up to the kitchen.

LDay2014

@lyndausvi that's awesome!!!! Do you remember how many sqft it was? My old boss's house was 15,000 sq ft - it was absurd.

kaylslaw

While I can certainly go without alcohol for 4 days, that would be something I do on my own accord.. Not because someone told me to.

This is ridiculous. I can understand not serving alcohol but, banning it is laughable. I'd maybe come to your wedding, and then head off to stay in a hotel where I can have a glass of wine, a nice robe, and some room service.