(closed)

PrettyGirlLost

blueskies13 said:

JoanE2012 said:

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

Her heavy sarcasm is what was disgusting. This isn't the first time, either. So just stop.

There you go again, trying to control people. You have a serious problem. You should just stop.

lyndausvi

LDay2014 said:

@lyndausvi that's awesome!!!! Do you remember how many sqft it was? My old boss's house was 15,000 sq ft - it was absurd.

I don't remember is was so long ago.  If I had to guess I think it was in the 9000 range.

 It was a nice house.   Our night before open house was held there.   With the wrap around decks it was prefect.

artbyallie

OP, with the money it would cost to rent the cabin for 3 nights, that must be enough to rent out an actual venue for one afternoon/night and pay for catering. Why will you not just have a normal wedding reception, make it dry, and then let everyone go home and get on with their lives? By insisting on this long weekend with everyone in one place you are making things difficult on yourself. Because either people will just not stay and your cabin will wind up empty anyway, or they will stay and will either feel uncomfortable themselves because of your irrational rules or they will break them and drink.

Marzipan13

Good Lord, this had 2 pages last night, and we're up to 9 now?! Really, OP, you're going to do whatever you want to do. You asked for our opinions, and we gave you honest ones. If you don't want to take our advice, that's your decision.

ETA: HOLY SHIT I've also never seen so many "love-its" on posts in a thread before?!

theartistformerlyknownas

Here you go OP - honest, non-sarcastic advice from someone with a family of part social drinkers, a few belligerent drunks, and a few teetotalers. The best way to keep people from sneaking booze is to just not talk about it so much. Don't tell people "we'll have so much delicious Pepsi for you instead!" or let it be implied that you don't trust your guests. That will go over like a fart in church and people will get drunk just to spite you. You said that these people know your feelings about alcohol and respect your wishes. So trust them. Here's my suggestion:

• In your invitation enclosure card, state that all food and beverages for the weekend will be provided by you (no asking people to bring snacks), and outside food and beverages are not permitted, please and thank you. If guests have any special requests, please send them to you. (You are not obligated to fulfill those requests if anybody asks for a handle of Beam, but it's nice to offer. Maybe somebody wants Flamin' Hot Cheetos.) 

• Get Flamin' Hot Cheetos, for real.

• If you're comfortable with it, bring maybe a 12-pack of beer and 2 bottles of wine per night to serve with dinner. Bring them out with dinner and set them out with the rest of the beverages, but don't mention that you're rationing them. Guests who appreciate it (and they WILL appreciate it) will have a drink or two. Put the rest away. If you see anyone grab all 12 beers, have someone say "sorry, those are for everyone to share."

• People may leave. People may choose not to come at all. But you need to leave your judgy pants at home and let it go.

Otherwise... you're better off just keeping that big ol' lake house for yourself and only inviting people for the day, not the weekend. You get a mini-moon out of it and save yourself a lot of stress and money.

mysticl

LDay2014 said:

I want to see this cabin that will comfortably accommodate 20 people for 4 days...

That's one hell of a cabin

DH's family rents a beach house for family reunions that has bed space for over 30.  Through in a few couches and a couple of air mattresses and we can get about 40 in there.  And every bedroom has it's own bathroom so there really isn't an issue there either.  

However, it is not cheap.  We divide the cost, no one foots the whole bill. 

mysticl

pinkrevenge said:

I'm also curious what other activities guests will be able to enjoy. Can they fish? Rent paddle boats (or bigger boats)? Are there nearby attractions to see?

Just tell me there is enough to do for four days other than stare at each other or be forced into awkward games so that people will feel less inclined to run to the grocery store and start sneaking in those mini bottles.

Oh, did you guys know there is wine icecream? I'd probably still bring it. It's 5% ABV by the pint, so it's not like anyone could even stomach enough to get a buzz.

You've never seen my husband eat ice-cream.

MegEn1

mysticl said:

pinkrevenge said:

I'm also curious what other activities guests will be able to enjoy. Can they fish? Rent paddle boats (or bigger boats)? Are there nearby attractions to see?

Just tell me there is enough to do for four days other than stare at each other or be forced into awkward games so that people will feel less inclined to run to the grocery store and start sneaking in those mini bottles.

Oh, did you guys know there is wine icecream? I'd probably still bring it. It's 5% ABV by the pint, so it's not like anyone could even stomach enough to get a buzz.

You've never seen my husband eat ice-cream.

My first attempt to get drunk was to buy a 50 pack of those chocolate bottles with different liquors inside the little bottles from Costco.

I ate about 15 of them. I did not get drunk. I got very, very ill. 

JellyBean52513

If I knew all you had for me to drink was Pepsi, I'd sneak in a bottle of Hennessy and mix it. I have a very strict rule that I will not drink pop unless it's mixed with liquor, because pop is so freaking bad for you and offers nothing of benefit unless it's got some alcohol in it. Seriously, this is what my ex-FI and I used to do when we stayed at his parent's house. Bottles of Coke + a little Jack = family movie night on Saturdays was just a little bit funnier.

lightningsnow

artbyallie said:

OP, with the money it would cost to rent the cabin for 3 nights, that must be enough to rent out an actual venue for one afternoon/night and pay for catering. Why will you not just have a normal wedding reception, make it dry, and then let everyone go home and get on with their lives? By insisting on this long weekend with everyone in one place you are making things difficult on yourself. Because either people will just not stay and your cabin will wind up empty anyway, or they will stay and will either feel uncomfortable themselves because of your irrational rules or they will break them and drink.

OP has stated that the reason they chose this specific lake house was for the beauty of it first and the fun of staying there second. Which means she cares more about how things look than her guests comfort.

lightningsnow

I started reading this last night and finally finished. OP I can also go four days without drinking but if I were stuck in a lake house with family for four days I'd want booze and lots of it. You still have not answered the question of why these four people need to be invited. Perhaps if you answer that question we will be able to help you better.

jenijoyk

In some strange way, I get where OP is coming from. My fiance and I are actually huge drinkers, brewers, rare beer collectors, etc., and we have big drinking friends that I have spent the past few months irrationally worried about. I've had visions of people vomiting all over my wedding venue, falling in the fountain, cracking heads open as they tumble down the stone stairway, and traumatizing my elderly relatives. Up until this point I was even seriously considered serving only beer and wine at our wedding in an bizzare and futile attempt to keep this from happening at my wedding.

OP, are you actually my fiance, totally trolling me with an insane caricature of myself? Because point taken! I realize my fears are COMPLETELY INSANE. I will now be serving hard booze at my wedding and realize it will all be ok and I should truly stop worrying and move on to something more useful to expend brain power on. Thank you universe, for sending me this thread.

FiancB

As counterintuitive as it is, I hope you consider lolo's advice. You don't want drunks at your wedding, so of course your first impulse is to ban it, while not considering unintended consequences that might include more drinking than if you'd left well enough alone.

 Lolo's idea of providing a small amount of alcohol would make people happy and less likely to go out and buy a whole bottle of booze. Even if you just had a 12 pack and only those 4 people partook in it, that leaves them three beers apiece, not enough for anyone to get sloshed on, but enough so that they might not bother seeking it elsewhere. 

sofakingmad

IntoxiCAN.

sophhabobopha

mysticl said:

pinkrevenge said:

I'm also curious what other activities guests will be able to enjoy. Can they fish? Rent paddle boats (or bigger boats)? Are there nearby attractions to see?

Just tell me there is enough to do for four days other than stare at each other or be forced into awkward games so that people will feel less inclined to run to the grocery store and start sneaking in those mini bottles.

Oh, did you guys know there is wine icecream? I'd probably still bring it. It's 5% ABV by the pint, so it's not like anyone could even stomach enough to get a buzz.

You've never seen my husband eat ice-cream.

SITB

You've never seen me eat ice cream.

MKM2014

So.. I didn't go back through ALL of the pages, but..

Are you absolutely sure you want to invite your guests to stay there for a whole long weekend? I think you'd feel a lot more comfortable with the "risk" of alcohol being present if you just hosted a dry wedding and kept it to one day. I would feel very rude sneaking alcohol into a dry wedding (although the only dry weddings I've been to have been that way due to the venue prohibiting alcohol). But having a whole dry weekend where alcohol is prohibited by the couple and not the location just doesn't seem to warrant the same respect. I am guessing the whole group won't be together for 100% of their waking hours, so most people probably won't see the harm in enjoying a glass of wine with their SO on a relaxing weekend. I don't think there is a good way for you to manage this.

If you do decide to go forward as planned, and request that people not bring alcohol on the premises, I'd do this through word-of-mouth. It would seem awkward to have any kind of formal notice about it.

mysticl

MKM2014 said:

So.. I didn't go back through ALL of the pages, but..

Are you absolutely sure you want to invite your guests to stay there for a whole long weekend? I think you'd feel a lot more comfortable with the "risk" of alcohol being present if you just hosted a dry wedding and kept it to one day. I would feel very rude sneaking alcohol into a dry wedding (although the only dry weddings I've been to have been that way due to the venue prohibiting alcohol). But having a whole dry weekend where alcohol is prohibited by the couple and not the location just doesn't seem to warrant the same respect. I am guessing the whole group won't be together for 100% of their waking hours, so most people probably won't see the harm in enjoying a glass of wine with their SO on a relaxing weekend. I don't think there is a good way for you to manage this.

If you do decide to go forward as planned, and request that people not bring alcohol on the premises, I'd do this through word-of-mouth. It would seem awkward to have any kind of formal notice about it.

She wants to get married on the lake.  That means renting a lake house.  They don't do one day rentals. That is how this whole 4 day long wedding idea was born.  

MKM2014

So, my next assumption would be that this lake is far away from where most of her guests live, so she feels it would be nice to offer them a place to stay and possibly some might not make it if they were paying for their own stay. If not, it might be easier to host your wedding there but not invite everyone to stay at the lake house. Maybe there is a smaller lake house or cabin where you could do this without looking like you have a bunch of extra space.

It still comes down to which would you prefer:

1.) Hosting an entire wedding weekend where there is a chance that guests might bring alcohol onto the premises

2.) Keeping your wedding to one night

There isn't a 100% guarantee that people won't have alcohol. Plenty of people have irrational worries or fears, and if you think it will consume you then this just might not be the perfect venue/wedding for you after all.  

mimivac

JoanE2012 said:

 

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

According to a previous post, I believe the OP said there were 5 people who cared about her and her FI more than getting drunk. So according to her, 15 out of 20 guests are drunkards who would only come for the booze.

holyguacamole79

Y'all, I think OP is gone.

theartistformerlyknownas

mimivac said:

JoanE2012 said:

 

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

According to a previous post, I believe the OP said there were 5 people who cared about her and her FI more than getting drunk. So according to her, 15 out of 20 guests are drunkards who would only come for the booze.

I think this is backward. There will likely be 12 people in attendance, 4 of whom are sloppy drunks.

mimivac

lolo883 said:

mimivac said:

JoanE2012 said:

 

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

According to a previous post, I believe the OP said there were 5 people who cared about her and her FI more than getting drunk. So according to her, 15 out of 20 guests are drunkards who would only come for the booze.

I think this is backward. There will likely be 12 people in attendance, 4 of whom are sloppy drunks.

Ah, I see. I must have missed a few posts. So, 12 people, 4 drunks, "at least" 5 who aren't (according to OP) and around 3 she is uncertain about. Whew! Hard to keep track of all these people's drinking habits.

theartistformerlyknownas

mimivac said:

lolo883 said:

mimivac said:

JoanE2012 said:

 

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

According to a previous post, I believe the OP said there were 5 people who cared about her and her FI more than getting drunk. So according to her, 15 out of 20 guests are drunkards who would only come for the booze.

I think this is backward. There will likely be 12 people in attendance, 4 of whom are sloppy drunks.

Ah, I see. I must have missed a few posts. So, 12 people, 4 drunks, "at least" 5 who aren't (according to OP) and around 3 she is uncertain about. Whew! Hard to keep track of all these people's drinking habits.

It's almost... ALMOST... as if one would be better off not keeping track of grown adults' drinking habits. Call me crazy...

VulgarGirl

I just want to share that I got drunk last night. $5 martini and manis Monday at a local gay bar. It was fantastic. I mean I spent $40, my nails are fantastic and I got wasted on yummy drinks. Guys...its the best thing ever.

And then I got in a cab, came home and watched Veronica Mars until I passed out on the couch. And now I'm at work like a regular grown up lady.

PrettyGirlLost

lolo883 said:

mimivac said:

JoanE2012 said:

 

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

According to a previous post, I believe the OP said there were 5 people who cared about her and her FI more than getting drunk. So according to her, 15 out of 20 guests are drunkards who would only come for the booze.

I think this is backward. There will likely be 12 people in attendance, 4 of whom are sloppy drunks.

Alleged "sloppy drunks."  And I question the accuracy of that definition by the OP.

PrettyGirlLost

MagicInk said:

I just want to share that I got drunk last night. $5 martini and manis Monday at a local gay bar. It was fantastic. I mean I spent $40, my nails are fantastic and I got wasted on yummy drinks. Guys...its the best thing ever.

And then I got in a cab, came home and watched Veronica Mars until I passed out on the couch. And now I'm at work like a regular grown up lady.

I wish we had something like this in our area!

mysticl

PrettyGirlLost said:

MagicInk said:

I just want to share that I got drunk last night. $5 martini and manis Monday at a local gay bar. It was fantastic. I mean I spent $40, my nails are fantastic and I got wasted on yummy drinks. Guys...its the best thing ever.

And then I got in a cab, came home and watched Veronica Mars until I passed out on the couch. And now I'm at work like a regular grown up lady.

I wish we had something like this in our area!

Seriously.  I can see a whole marketing campaign if a bar and salon got together on this.  

sofakingmad

I basically live in a magical world where everyone drinks for every occasion and this concept of NO BOOZE EVER is very foreign to me. 

I honestly don't understand it.

VulgarGirl

mysticl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MagicInk said:

I just want to share that I got drunk last night. $5 martini and manis Monday at a local gay bar. It was fantastic. I mean I spent $40, my nails are fantastic and I got wasted on yummy drinks. Guys...its the best thing ever.

And then I got in a cab, came home and watched Veronica Mars until I passed out on the couch. And now I'm at work like a regular grown up lady.

I wish we had something like this in our area!

Seriously.  I can see a whole marketing campaign if a bar and salon got together on this.  

mysticl said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

MagicInk said:

I just want to share that I got drunk last night. $5 martini and manis Monday at a local gay bar. It was fantastic. I mean I spent $40, my nails are fantastic and I got wasted on yummy drinks. Guys...its the best thing ever.

And then I got in a cab, came home and watched Veronica Mars until I passed out on the couch. And now I'm at work like a regular grown up lady.

I wish we had something like this in our area!

Seriously.  I can see a whole marketing campaign if a bar and salon got together on this.  

It needs to be a thing everywhere. Though start with manis then get drunk because otherwise you'll smudge your nails. I had my first martini while getting my nails done so I didn't drunk smudge them.

theartistformerlyknownas

PrettyGirlLost said:

lolo883 said:

mimivac said:

JoanE2012 said:

 

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

According to a previous post, I believe the OP said there were 5 people who cared about her and her FI more than getting drunk. So according to her, 15 out of 20 guests are drunkards who would only come for the booze.

I think this is backward. There will likely be 12 people in attendance, 4 of whom are sloppy drunks.

Alleged "sloppy drunks."  And I question the accuracy of that definition by the OP.

Absolutely necessary addition.