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LDay2014

blueskies13 said:

@lyndausvi I don't know that I'd go as far as to call it an irrational fear, but assuming it's a term of the rental agreement is a wonderful idea. 

*SIB*

Awesome, lie to your guests because you know what you're planning is offensive.

Why not say, we have rented 'X' house, you are welcome to join us for the weekend, or here is a list of alternate acomodations.

Due to the Bride and Groom's request, there will be no alcohol permitted onsite during the weekend.

This way, you allow them to make the educated choice to do as they wish and you are taking ownership of the fact it is YOUR DECISION. 

MGP

LDay2014 said:

blueskies13 said:

@lyndausvi I don't know that I'd go as far as to call it an irrational fear, but assuming it's a term of the rental agreement is a wonderful idea. 

*SIB*

Awesome, lie to your guests because you know what you're planning is offensive.

Why not say, we have rented 'X' house, you are welcome to join us for the weekend, or here is a list of alternate acomodations.

Due to the Bride and Groom's request, there will be no alcohol permitted onsite during the weekend.

This way, you allow them to make the educated choice to do as they wish and you are taking ownership of the fact it is YOUR DECISION. 

This 100%. OP needs to own her decision, not hide behind some mystery lake house landlord. 

Knottie20363977

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JoanE2012

blueskies13 said:

@PDKH I'm genuinely confused, what do you mean? They are invited to stay, but only if they want. If not, they are free to leave after the reception. I have answered that at least twice, but I can understand your not seeing it since there are so many posts. Is that what you meant?

I hope you tell people ahead of time about your rules and don't put them in an awkward position after they arrive.

AlexisA01

ootmother2 said:

blueskies13 said:

@AlexisA01 Well, then they could leave or stay somewhere else. Like I said, it's an option for them to stay for the weekend. They can leave after the reception. If they brought it anyway, I'd tell them to put it back in the car or stay elsewhere... Just because even if I were being unfair, they would be being unkind by deliberately bringing it just to spite me. 

Why do I have this feeling that blueskies ain't shining?

You have the right forecast... @ootmother2

I don't think the OP can  ban if she is not FULLY hosting. If she asking people to chip in for food and drinks, well there goes the whole idea of no Adult Beverages. I serious doubt some adult will be listening to OP if she told them to put it somewhere else as if they are a child when they bring it. You don't get to dictated legal things, especially when you are trying enforce too much control when you aren't fully hosting.

indianaalum

blueskies13 said:

@Liatris2010 If someone stumbled in drunk at 2am, I would probably stay in my room away from it and be uncomfortable. I'm not going to punch anyone. I do not want to create a sour relationship with his side of the family, but I also do not want memories to all be clouded by who got drunk. I'm sure you will all bold this, so let me help. If someone brought alcohol, I would kindly ask them to put it back into their vehicle. This isn't open for debate. The question of how do I politely ban it has been answered. There is no need for further discussion. 

SITB:

We get that, however, what if they say NO, I am drinking it. Then you have a fight on your wedding weekend. People with drinking problame don't follow the "stay sober" rule. you are setting yourself up for disaster. THAT is what we are trying to tell you. You can tell them all you want, but what happens when they don't listen..It's a stress I am not sure you could handle and is clearly can put a damper on your wedding weekend

lilacck28

blueskies13 said:

@PDKH I'm genuinely confused, what do you mean? They are invited to stay, but only if they want. If not, they are free to leave after the reception. I have answered that at least twice, but I can understand your not seeing it since there are so many posts. Is that what you meant?

I think @PDKH meant that you should just invite these 4 people to your wedding (ceremony and reception) but not extend the invite to the lake house for the weekend. 

And I agree with PP. If you are not hosting ALL the food and drinks, then you can not dictate what type of things they bring. I almost NEVER drink (would rather have dessert), and am a staunch supporter of dry weddings and dry events. 

lilacck28

and the bit about it being part of the rental rules... PP who brought that up only meant that if you word the section on the insert like "alcohol will not be allowed on the grounds" you might get lucky and people will assume that it is part of the rental agreement and not your irrational fear. In no way was it suggested to lie to guests about the rental agreement. And, to be fair, I don't think OP took it that way either, since her response included the word "assume". 

Knottie20363977

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Knottie20363977

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banana468

But a hotel is out of the question? I'm not getting it.

Then again, I don't get forbidding legal beverages to those of drinking age so I think all of this is completely perplexing. I honestly can't imagine being in a situation where anyone I know would tell me that I wasn't allowed to drink. Heck, most people I know still offer it to me despite my giant pregnant belly.

lyndausvi

blueskies13 said:

I will just host all the food and drinks then and not allow booze. There will be plenty of other delicious drinking options and fun activities planned.

***** STUCK IN THE BOX  ****

You keeps saying that.  It's nice you have a variety of options, but they will never compare to the taste or the feeling you get from beer, wine or vodka.

Maybe it's just me but you have every non-alcholic beverage in the world but it will never make up for not having a beer available to me.    Then again I only drink water, chocolate milk (only in the morning) and an occasional Arnold Palmer.  Alcohol wise I drink beer, wine or champagne.   To me they are separate items that can't be substituted for each other.  Meaning I will not drink chocolate milk in lieu of beer any more than I would drink beer in lieu of chocolate milk.    I drink what I do based on needs and wants.

Knottie20363977

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Knottie20363977

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PrettyGirlLost

blueskies13 said:

Also, to answer a question that many of you asked. I can't just rent it for one day because most vacation rentals have a minimum of nights, and it is almost always 3. I also have to decide using other factors, like price, beauty, ect. Other lake type venues aren't in our budget. That is why we chose to go with a vacation home. The price of spending 3 nights at one is less money than one day at a lake type commercial venue in our area.

Aha! I suspected this was the case.

So, are you and your FI prepared to pay for the entire cost of the lake house for all for days on your own, if no one chooses to stay with you?

lyndausvi

my point is stop saying there are plenty of other drink options.  A drinker will not give a shit so there is no point in even bringing it up. If anything it's condensing and judgmental and brings attention that there isn't alcohol.

banana468

blueskies13 said:

@lyndausvi As we've established, if they are uncomfortable with being sober for a few days, they don't have to say. I may end up doing 2 nights and 3 days, if I can find a property that will let me.

I guess I'm wondering if you could stay in a hotel or somewhere more private where this wouldn't be an issue.

But I also see that your main issue is with the problem drinkers. When I'm not pregnant I would drink all the time but I'd still be sober. That's a large part of the disconnect to me. Most drinkers don't do it to the point that they should be stopped.

And thank you for the well wishes! I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable tonight but I'm hoping to still have a good 4 weeks to go.

Knottie20363977

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AddieCake

What are the fun activities that are planned?

AlexisA01

blueskies13 said:

We will have at least 5 people staying with us who care more about us than being drunk, thankfully. We can also choose to invite more to fill the space. We will know all of this ahead of time, our wedding is just a bit far off. There are also a few nice lake rentals, and some are a bit smaller with a smaller pricetag.

@lyndausvi You think I'm controlling and now you want to control what I'm saying? Wow. 

The way you say that sounds...just wrong...

Knottie20363977

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AlexisA01

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

There is no reason to be this excessively controlling and to micromanage these adults. Serve Wine, beer, and wine coolers for your guest. If you host the alcohol then that makes a happy median and gives a variety. 

Get enough for X amount of days and people. But the thing you may not understand, each person is different, they can get drunk of off X amount while another person needs less or more. That is why you can't dictated " I don't want them to get drunk " and why it is such a poor excuse to not serve any.

mysticl

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

No serving hard stuff will not prevent people from getting drunk. It is completely possible to get absolutely blasted on beer and wine. In fact I'm less likely to get drunk on the hard stuff because I have my specific drink and I know how to pace myself with that drink to not get drunk.  

If you opt to go ahead and host some alcohol I would consider the quantity not the type.  If you only have a case or two of beer, a handful of bottles of wine, and a couple of bottles of spirits that lends itself more towards drinks with dinner and/or a nightcap. As opposed to a party hard all weekend vibe. 

JoanE2012

blueskies13 said:

@banana468 I see what you mean, but at the same time I wouldn't be able to have the lake house to get married on if I didn't rent it... Also, I won't rent it and then not sleep in it myself. The whole point is to be together, but I understand that you're genuinely trying to help think of a solution.

Yes, to clarify for everyone that has posted on this thread. I have no problem with social, controlled drinkers. I only have a problem with people who lose control of their bodies and truly drink too much for their body to handle then publicly display it.

So, all previous comments aside...

If you guys are truly trying to help me, let me try to word this without irritating anyone, but truly, I'm not trying to be irritating. I just don't want to be the only one sober sitting around a bunch of drunk people and feel uncomfortable. 

Is there any way I could allow drinking and make sure it doesn't get out of control? Should I just say that I'll supply it and just stay away from the hard stuff? I'd be okay with it if people weren't drunk. If I bought enough for all 3 days, I could break it out after the reception and only take out so much each day so that nobody got drunk. It probably still sounds controlling, but it has to sound less controlling than saying no drinking at all, right? I could just get some wine, beer, and hard lemonades... Whatever they like, I guess. 

Again, I'm not sure, but does anyone have any ideas? Please just tell me if you think this is a better plan.

Forgive me if this has been addressed somewhere in the previous 7 pages, but of the 20 people you plan on having stay there, how many of them would get drunk off their asses and, as you say, lose control of their bodies?  Because everyone I know can handle drinking responsibly.  We're all adults.   Stop treating your guests like children.

bethsmiles

I think the best plan would be to invite whoever you want/have to invite to the ceremony and reception. Then invite the people you trust not to get drunk (so not the 4 people you have to invite to the wedding) to stay with you at the lake house and don't say anything about alcohol being allowed or not allowed.

You are under zero obligation to host your entire guest list for the whole weekend. Personally, as a guest I would not be offended if after the wedding some of the couple's closest friends were staying with them at the lake house for a couple of days and I wasn't invited. 

I guess I'm just confused as to why these 4 people have to be invited to stay at the lake house. Why can't they just be invited to the wedding?

Knottie20363977

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Knottie20363977

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mysticl

blueskies13 said:

@JoanE2012 I am just so shocked at how rude you are! These people get drunk. You have no idea what you're talking about. Yes, it was addressed. So read in the previous pages, or don't be so snarky and disgusting. You are hiding behind a computer screen, getting your kicks off of being horrible to an innocent person. Good lord.

She said nothing that was disgusting.  And she asked how many would actually get drunk.  In case you haven't noticed it's an 8 page thread, it gets hard to read. Based on the answer you just gave she is now going to assume that all 20 people you have invited are going to get drunk. She is not being the least bit horrible to you and playing the innocent victim card on these boards won't get you far.  

BTW I'm a social worker, if you have such strong reactions to people drinking alcohol you really should talk to someone about it.  This could become very debilitating to you.  

chkmeowt

blueskies13 said: @lyndausvi I don't know that I'd go as far as to call it an irrational fear, but assuming it's a term of the rental agreement is a wonderful idea. 

OP, didn't I read that you were the first one to call it irrational?

holyguacamole79

I don't think your idea of "rationing" the alcohol will help. They are grown adults. What do these people expect for the stay at the lake house? What have you told them so far?