Firstly, hi. I've been lurking a long time. Years, perhaps, by now, but never posted.
I know you ladies are harsh, I'm okay with that, because I also know that (snowflakes aside) you're outsiders looking in, that can see the situation as explained and consider outcomes without vested interest, and that's what I need.
This is gonna be long, I'm sorry. I'll kinda bullet point it as much as possible.
Beginning of this year, I got out of an eight year long relationship. We have an 18 month old son together, we get on well for the sake of DS. We share custody equally based around work schedules. Works out he's at mine three days a week, his dad's three nights a week, and the last night is alternate weeks. So yeah, custody's as equal as can be. We live walking distance from each other, and work.
Around four months ago, I met a guy. We got real serious real quick. We want to get married.
He lives in the states, I live in the UK.
I don't know how I can possibly say that this is the real thing, I just know it is. That being said, I'm not saying we're gonna get married next week. We'll be looking at a couple of years, at least.
My issue is my son.
Obviously, we want to live together. Ideally, we want this to be in the states, although he's open to coming to the UK if need be.
He was married before, and has two DDs of his own, aged 12 and 8.
I know FI would be a great "dad" to my boy. (I put dad in quotes because I would never encourage my son to actually call him dad).
Problem is, my son is actually lucky enough in this day and age to have a dad who cares, who wants to be in his life, and I can't make myself comfortable with the idea of breaking that.
I have all kinds of half-baked ideas swirling around my head right now. DS spends six months with me, six months with his dad, or, three months three months three months three months, or, school in one place, holidays the other... I dunno. Neither of us see DS every single day because of work etc, but if we do miss a day, we certainly see him the next.
I hate the idea of not seeing him for weeks at a time. His dad will, too.
At the same time, I know FI and I are meant to be together, and being away from him is awful too.
The only thing that got me back on the plane to come home was the thought of my boy. I have nothing else here.
I mean I have a flat, and a job, and whatnot, but, it's all disposable. I know I could give my son so much more in the states.
That's about it, really.
I realise there's not even really a question there, but, I have no one else to talk to about all this... (Obviously FI and I discuss it at length, but we're both biased and stuck).
Please, be harsh, be bitchy, call me out as a terrible mother, whatever. I won't start stomping my foot and exclaiming that you "just don't understtaaaaaaand".
Please however, bare in mind, that I am fighting with myself over this, I wanna be with FI, and could pack up and go tomorrow if I wanted, but, my son, and by extension his relationship with his father, is the reason I am still in the UK.
That's a comma-tastic sentence... Sorry for that.
Regarding getting married - we know where we'll have the ceremony and reception, we know who we'll be inviting... The day's all kinda, loosely thought out. We will not action this until we have a better idea of what will be happening with the children.
If you've made your way through all that, and have any advice/thoughts/similar stories to share, I'm most appreciative.
If there's anything you don't understand, that's my bad for failing to explain fully, please ask and I'll update accordingly.
Thank you.