Moms and Maids

How to recognize and thank someone who is not in the wedding party on the wedding day.

I have a close friend from college who I reconnected with in the past 2 years and now we talk almost daily and visit fairly regularly.  She is a newly single mom and having money and time issues so when it came time to start choosing a wedding party she - without being asked - let me know that she wasn't sure if I was planning on asking her or not but that she didn't have the money or time to devote to being a part of my wedding party.  What she would like to offer was to set up my centerpieces and favors in the reception hall since she knew I wouldn't have the time to do that for our 10am wedding.  Her daughter is going to be a flower girl (I paid for her dress and everything needed) and I've tried to include my friend in all of the nice things I am doing for the wedding party (gift, paying for her hotel room, manicures the day before) because she really is a great friend and I wanted to do those things, plus I know that just attending the wedding at all (she would have to travel and get a hotel room) would be a stretch on her already thin budget.  

Now I'm putting together our program and I want to thank and honor her in a similar way that I am doing for our attendants.  I've heard that having "honorary bridesmaids" is poor etiquette, so is there a proper way to make her feel included, or should I just leave it to a personal thank you note and gift (which I would be doing either way)?

Re: How to recognize and thank someone who is not in the wedding party on the wedding day.

  • I think the personal thank you is the best way to go.
    lc07[Deleted User]
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'd give her a personal thank you note.
    lc07[Deleted User]
  • I had a couple of friends not in the wedding party that went above and beyond for our wedding day (one did my hair, one did my makeup, 2 girls made our cake and all our cupcakes, a few from my old college choir sang at the ceremony) - they did these things as our wedding gifts, but my DH and I got them gifts like for our wedding party with thank yous. 

    However, since they didn't have "titles" like bridesmaids, etc. - on the back of the program I had a short section "Special Thanks to: AJ and A for the delicious cupcakes for our reception, A & M for hair and makeup, and all the former choir members who helped make our day extra special"  (it was more eloquent than that but you get the idea)

    It was great - our other guests were complimenting and thanking them all night as well!
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I would give her a personal thank you note and a gift.

    I wouldn't mention that she set up your reception hall in your ceremony program because

    1. others might step forward to help and you run the risk of offending someone by omitting them.

    2. If you run a list of honorable mentions, it will remind people of the programs they do up for school concerts and plays.

    3. Your program should be about your ceremony, not your reception.

    You've been very kind and considerate of your friend. You don't have to do anything beyond what you've mentioned.

    AddieCakeJen4948lc07[Deleted User]
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • A big ol' thank you card, not just a little one, and a nice gift, like you were going to do.

    In the program, it wouldn't mean anything to the guests who didn't know the circumstances, and would be dismissed.

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