Dumbest excuse to not attend a wedding? Update in comments

tammym1001

If he bails on events that people in your friend group have all the time then I bet it's some anxiety or a social disorder. I have some issues that make it difficult for me to be around large groups of people. Whether I can attend an event a lot of times depends on how I'm feeling that day. I work with a therapist so I'm at a point where I have some stuff I can do that helps me when I'm having a bad day and that helps me avoid having to bail on people at the last minute. If I didn't have that help then I would bail on people sometimes too. It sucks and I've lost some friendships over it because it makes me look selfish, but sometimes I just can't handle people. It's not something that I share with people because my medical issues are my personal business. Luckily, I have friends and family who don't give me a hard time when I don't attend events. 

climbingsingle

I actually do suffer from anxiety, and am prescribed an anti-anxiety medication from my doctor. So I do get it. My anxiety has caused me to cancel plans before. BUT a wedding for one of my closest friends is not something I'd miss no matter what, especially if I committed to going. I don't know. Maybe that's just me. I'd drag myself out of the house for something like that no matter what. 

He's emailing me now telling me not to be mad at him. I don't even know that I want to reply back. 

tammym1001

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I actually do suffer from anxiety, and am prescribed an anti-anxiety medication from my doctor. So I do get it. My anxiety has caused me to cancel plans before. BUT a wedding for one of my closest friends is not something I'd miss no matter what, especially if I committed to going. I don't know. Maybe that's just me. I'd drag myself out of the house for something like that no matter what. 

He's emailing me now telling me not to be mad at him. I don't even know that I want to reply back. 

There are different levels of anxiety. My issue has more to do with my OCD that keeps me away from people though. Everyone reacts differently. You also said you take medicine too though. If he isn't getting any help for it then he has no tools to help him make it through and it may just be too difficult for him.

I would be hurt if one of my close friends missed my wedding and would wonder why too so I totally get that. It would even be ok for you to tell him that you were hurt. I just wanted to give you a different perspective about how hard social events can be for some people so hopefully you don't think he's just being a jerk and it doesn't ruin your friendship. 

Of course, it's possible he could just be an inconsiderate jerk

KatieinBkln

ClimbingBrideNY said:

hellohkb said:

Damn. I'm sorry he never actually made it after you thought he was going to. Judging from his behavior and his odd facebook message, it seems he has some extreme social anxiety.

I think you may be right. 

I mean, he probably does. 

But it is incumbent upon people who have crippling social disorders to seek treatment for them. There is a huge difference between being introverted and not really enjoying large parties and alienating your closest friend because you were too anxious to make her wedding, or even let her know. That shit is actually bad behavior, and it doesn't actually matter that you have a disorder. The disorder may explain the behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves, and that includes dealing with your health problems (or losing friends. Your choice, I suppose, but why live your life that way?).

climbingsingle

KatieinBkln said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

hellohkb said:

Damn. I'm sorry he never actually made it after you thought he was going to. Judging from his behavior and his odd facebook message, it seems he has some extreme social anxiety.

I think you may be right. 

I mean, he probably does. 

But it is incumbent upon people who have crippling social disorders to seek treatment for them. There is a huge difference between being introverted and not really enjoying large parties and alienating your closest friend because you were too anxious to make her wedding, or even let her know. That shit is actually bad behavior, and it doesn't actually matter that you have a disorder. The disorder may explain the behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves, and that includes dealing with your health problems (or losing friends. Your choice, I suppose, but why live your life that way?).

Totally agree. We're talking about a 38 year old man here. If he's having a problem, he should deal with it. We've known each other for a long time. He knows I have social anxieties. He could have talked to me. What he shouldn't have done was tell me he was coming and then just not show up. I'm still pretty angry with him. 

KatieinBkln

ClimbingBrideNY said:

KatieinBkln said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

hellohkb said:

Damn. I'm sorry he never actually made it after you thought he was going to. Judging from his behavior and his odd facebook message, it seems he has some extreme social anxiety.

I think you may be right. 

I mean, he probably does. 

But it is incumbent upon people who have crippling social disorders to seek treatment for them. There is a huge difference between being introverted and not really enjoying large parties and alienating your closest friend because you were too anxious to make her wedding, or even let her know. That shit is actually bad behavior, and it doesn't actually matter that you have a disorder. The disorder may explain the behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves, and that includes dealing with your health problems (or losing friends. Your choice, I suppose, but why live your life that way?).

Totally agree. We're talking about a 38 year old man here. If he's having a problem, he should deal with it. We've known each other for a long time. He knows I have social anxieties. He could have talked to me. What he shouldn't have done was tell me he was coming and then just not show up. I'm still pretty angry with him. 

I certainly would be. I would reply to his email and say "Don't be mad!" is something children say when they know they've done something wrong. You are not a child. I am mad at you, but perhaps not irreparably so if you can manage to man up, take care of whatever problem you seem to have, and apologize properly. "Don't be mad" is also something children say when they haven't yet learned to say "I'm sorry."

holyguacamole79

ClimbingBrideNY said:

KatieinBkln said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

hellohkb said:

Damn. I'm sorry he never actually made it after you thought he was going to. Judging from his behavior and his odd facebook message, it seems he has some extreme social anxiety.

I think you may be right. 

I mean, he probably does. 

But it is incumbent upon people who have crippling social disorders to seek treatment for them. There is a huge difference between being introverted and not really enjoying large parties and alienating your closest friend because you were too anxious to make her wedding, or even let her know. That shit is actually bad behavior, and it doesn't actually matter that you have a disorder. The disorder may explain the behavior, but it doesn't excuse it. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves, and that includes dealing with your health problems (or losing friends. Your choice, I suppose, but why live your life that way?).

Totally agree. We're talking about a 38 year old man here. If he's having a problem, he should deal with it. We've known each other for a long time. He knows I have social anxieties. He could have talked to me. What he shouldn't have done was tell me he was coming and then just not show up. I'm still pretty angry with him. 

--------- I have anxiety as well. If that were the reason why I didn't attend a friends wedding, I would definitely call the bride / groom and explain it privately. If I was on the receiving end, I would understand and appreciate the honesty.

Shelly1324

The last wedding I went to, a family (we'll call them the Smith's) close to the bride's family refused to go. The MOB brought it up the next time she saw a family member and called them out.

They first said they couldn't go because a tree fell in their yard during a storm.

The real reason was so much stranger though. 

A member of the bridal party is dating a guy (we'll call him Joe) Well, apparently in the past (we're talking 10+ years ago) Joe was dating a member of the Smith family and her family didn't approve. Joe and the girl ran away to be together. Her mom hired a private investigator to find them and ended up dragging them home. The girl ended up marrying someone else and has a child (they also live across the country)

They refused to go because Joe was going to be attending the wedding.

Also a person couldn't go to my boyfriend's graduation party because they had to mow their lawn.

danamw

My dad's best friend & wife came to my dad's funeral, but didn't show at the luncheon after. My mom was hurt, she was expecting them. She called.

They said they couldn't come because they had to get their grandson a haircut.