BYOB...Reaaaalllly?

tigersgirlgv

I think BYOB to the rehearsal dinner is super tacky. I was invited to one when I was a bridesmaid this spring. And it wasn't just alcoholic drinks, they had iced tea and that was it, no water, lemonade, pop. I don't care for iced tea, so I had to bring my own drink. It sort of felt like a slap in the face after all I'd done and spent to be in the wedding. I get why she's mad about that.

Not being invited to the actual rehearsal, fine. It'd be boring anyway.

chibiyui

MGP said:

chibiyui said:

Yeah, BYOB means bring your own, not bring for every body else. It's not etiquette, but it's not a terrible offense either. The clean up detail is much worse.

Bringing your own alcohol IS buying your own drinks, which is the same as what you would do at a cash bar, so yes it it a terrible offense.

We preach on these boards that you don't host what you can't afford.  How is this any different?

I said it wasn't etiquette. I just think the OP is being over the top about this. I find it much more offensive that their being asked to clean and set up. She also mentions that the groom's parents are paying for the rehearsal, so the B&G might not have had any input on what was hosted and not anyway.

FWIW, I consider something BYOB a lesser offense then a cash bar because you know ahead of time with BYOB's. It's still not proper hosting, but at least you don't order something and then find out you have to pay for it.

hales2010

Heck I am on a budget (a tight one at that) and yet my bridal parties S/O will be there at my RD. We are having more of a cook out as our RD since our wedding is more of a casual wedding. With that...We are still providing them beer and wine at this event. If it was a friends get together at my house then I would probabaly do the BYOB...but for a rehersal dinner...No. That is for a special event that should be hosted better than a house party.

SP29

Oh, I thought you weren't invited to the RD at all. Honestly, I think it's fine that you aren't invited to the rehearsal but to the RD- you don't need to be at the rehearsal. However, I get the logistics are not good since you are out of town. Has your FI/DH (sorry, I forgot) mentioned this to the B&G?

At our rehearsal we had a bunch of "spectators" because of the same reason- we were all car pooling to the RD! It was fine. They didn't cause trouble. The just sat in the guest seats and watched.

I agree that BYOB to a hosted event is tacky. It would be the same as saying BYOB for the wedding reception. 

And the set up/ clean up is also lame. 

blondeej

The OP stated that the logistics of where the Rehearsal, hotel and RD are are not ones easily hopped back and forth to. This in itself is something the B&G/whomever is hosting the RD should of thought ahead about. If a rehearsal is held right there in the hotel where the guests are staying, that's one thing - but if these places are all rather far apart - it never should of not been an option for SO's to attend the rehearsal.

Whomever said a rehearsal takes 15-20 mins - good LAWD I'd love to know what kind of rehearsals you've been to! They're usually an hour on average!

The BYOB option for the RD, I don't really have an opinion about. If it's a laid back BBQ type RD then I don't see an issue. People drink so many different things it's hard to make everyone happy. I'd never make a RD BYOB but to each their own. FI and I would happily bring a cooler just to have a couple drinks on a Friday evening before a big day! 

slothiegal

blondeej said: The OP stated that the logistics of where the Rehearsal, hotel and RD are are not ones easily hopped back and forth to. This in itself is something the B&G/whomever is hosting the RD should of thought ahead about. If a rehearsal is held right there in the hotel where the guests are staying, that's one thing - but if these places are all rather far apart - it never should of not been an option for SO's to attend the rehearsal.
Whomever said a rehearsal takes 15-20 mins - good LAWD I'd love to know what kind of rehearsals you've been to! They're usually an hour on average!
The BYOB option for the RD, I don't really have an opinion about. If it's a laid back BBQ type RD then I don't see an issue. People drink so many different things it's hard to make everyone happy. I'd never make a RD BYOB but to each their own. FI and I would happily bring a cooler just to have a couple drinks on a Friday evening before a big day!  ------------------------Really?  I've only been privy to two rehearsals (my cousin's and my own); his took at most 30 minutes (full on Catholic mass rehearsal) and mine was about....10 minutes?  Maybe.

ETA boxes are evil

blondeej

slothie - SO lucky! Last TWO I was at took an hour. We just wanted to go eat. LOL  Both church weddings! Ours is an outdoor nondenominational with only 8 in the WP and no mom's to escort/flower girls/etc - so definitely should only take 30 mins at most. 

misshart00

Ours took about 45 minutes to an hour. I think SOs just sat in the back and read or played on phones. I didn't notice.

[Deleted User]

Zhabeego said:

Yes, that's right - I'm invited to the dinner but not the actual rehearsal. And you know what? That don't have to provide alchohol - I'm fine with that and would actually prefer it to the " we want to party, just on your dime!" attitude. I'd love to take the money right out of the gift but my SO is buying it and I know he will be generous. Seriously, this couple isn't hurting for money and their wedding is being paid for! What in the actual fuck. Why would anyone think this is okay?

Come on, be real. If you're not in the WP, why would you want to sit around at the rehearsal anyways?

When FI was in his buddy's WP, I was not invited to the rehearsal OR RD. Know what I did? Ordered room service, grabbed a beer, sprawled out on the giant bed and watched Bridesmaids. YUP, nothing wrong with that...a nice break after driving all day! (I heard later the RD wasn't very good and when FI got back, he ate my leftovers anyways!!)

aeryfaery

My wedding is BYOB, but that's because the fiancé is a recovering alcoholic. Drinking almost completely destroyed his life, and he just doesn't want to be around it. We also don't want to tell people that they can't drink if they don't want to, so we gave them the option to bring their own. 

tacky? Meh.