• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Wedding 911

Bridesmaid with Hot Pink Hair

So I'm in the very early stages of planning my wedding, but I'm already worrying about one of closest friend's hot pink hair. She's a natural blonde, who started out with a small strip of hot pink in her hair 3 years ago. It has slowly taken over the majority of her hair color over the past few years, with only the bottom layer her natural color. I definitely want her in my bridal party, but the hair color has me concerned. My fiance and I plan on having a traditional wedding, mansion style, and the rest of my bridal party have natural hair colors. I had casually mentioned to my friend about her hair color before I was engaged and she said she'd have no issue changing her hair color, but another time said she refuses to change her hair color for anyone (including my wedding). All I keep envisioning is me having to plan my wedding colors around the hair so it won't clash, or that it will stick out like a sore thumb in pictures. Now, fiance and I don't plan on getting married until Summer 2016, but I highly doubt she has any plans on changing her hair color on her own during that time. Granted, she's also several years younger than myself and the rest of the bridal party. Thoughts? Suggestions? Recommendations on how not to sound Bridezilla about this?
«13456711

Re: Bridesmaid with Hot Pink Hair

  • Very true and I should rephrase. I don't want to her 100% get rid of the pink, just tone it down a little. The pink is totally part of her personality and I love that. Pink highlights I'm totally ok with, but the solid pink does have me a little worried.

    japrincess24
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I had a bride ask me if I would be willing to grow my hair out for her wedding (I was a MOH). I was beyond pissed and offended. Please don't be this person. What you will see in pictures is someone who loves you and will stand by you.
    [Deleted User]kelseykhaosmediagringa
  • You either love her as she is, or you don't. If she was heavy, would you ask her to lose weight for your wedding? You pick your bridal party based on who is your nearest and dearest, not on how they'll look in pictures.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    Knottie84001188[Deleted User]kelseykhaos
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    In two years, her hair could be blue. If she's your friend ask her next year.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Wow, that is a problem. This is what you should do: Take her out to brunch and then calmly say "Friend, I love you so much. We have been friends for so long, have been so supportive of me and you mean so much to me that I want you to spend money, time and effort to be a prop in my wedding. However, you need to realise this is a costumed role, and you must fit into my very narrow definition of beauty. Otherwise, my formal, mansion wedding will not be valid, because the vicar was so offended by your hair colour they refused to marry us."

    Why stop there? I bet you have a friend that could lose a few pounds. Reread your post and substitute dyed her hair pink with "gained 15 pounds". You would never say anything to a friend about putting on weight (unless you are cruel, which I highly doubt) so why is hair colour ok? She obviously likes it and thinks she looks good. 

    You either love your friend for everything she is or you don't- there is no halfway here. Your "wedding vision" should never trump that. 
    kikstizzyKnottie84001188[Deleted User]kelseykhaos
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited September 2014
    1.  You shouldn't be picking your bridal party two years out anyway.  6-9 months is more than sufficient.  It shouldn't take someone longer to prepare to be a bridesmaid than it does to conceive, grow, and birth a human baby.  It's really not that complicated - buy a dress, don't get drunk, walk down an aisle.  Your relationships might change between now and then.  Maybe she'll join the Peace Corps and be 5000 miles away and unable to even attend your wedding, let alone be in it.  Maybe you'll become really close with someone in the next year and a half and want them in your bridal party or not want a bridal party at all.  Maybe she'll realize she doesn't want to be friends with someone who judges her pink hair and you're no longer friends anymore by then.  Relationships change.

    2.  There is no way to say it without being a "bridezilla".  Because it's rude and dictating to someone how they should look for your pictures is the antithesis of being a friend.  I guarantee you if one of my friends asked me to change anything about how I look (grow my hair out, cut my hair, color my hair, gain weight, lose weight, pierce my ears, etc.) so that I don't "ruin" their pictures, I would drop them out my life so fast it would make your head spin.  And honestly, it's not even so much the being demanding or being a "bridezilla" that would make me go (because I get sometimes people get a little stressed and lose focus on what's important when they are in the thick of things and I have some Type A Martha Stewart-type friends who have some exacting standards for things like flowers and food and linens), but that there's no way I would want to be friends with a person who is so shallow and puts so much value on appearances that they can't fully accept me in the package I come in.  That sort of person clearly doesn't share a core set of values that I deem important and really makes me question whether we should be friends.

    So, please, think about what you're saying.  Because you say you love the pink and it's part of her personality, but want it "toned down".  In the span of two sentences you contradicted yourself.  Decide what is more important - your pictures and traditional look of your wedding or having this person by your side standing up at your wedding.  If it's the former, then you just don't ask her to be a bridesmaid - simple as that, but you don't ask her and then ask her to change for you.  If it's the latter, then you adjust your "vision" so that your "vision" is having the people you love most standing next to you, no matter what package they come in, at whatever venue you choose.
    doeydoSachaBeemeggiemoo7[Deleted User]
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So, your wedding is two years away, and you're badgering your friend about the color of her hair. 

    Honestly, I think you should tell her she can't be in the wedding. You'd be doing her a favor anyway. She doesn't need a friend that cares more about her vision and her colors and her pictures than about her presence at her wedding.

    kata18[Deleted User]Knottie13913715
  • I had a chunk of bright blue hair for my Mom's wedding.  I did ask her if she wanted it changed and she said "No. Then it wouldn't be you."  You can't ask someone to change who they are for the sake of pictures.  The only reason I offered is because it was my Mom and she usually helps me dye my hair anyways.  If you are only picking your friends by the way they look you should really look at yourself and figure out why it matters so much.  If you think she will ruin pictures and the feel of it with her hair colour save her the hurt feelings and a HUGE hit on her self esteem and don't ask her.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    allisoneliz[Deleted User]
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    below are some pictures of some bridesmaids with alternative coloured hair:
    fabric flowers and gypsophila bridesmaids bouquets
    image
    image
    futuremrsr2015missxasiakelseykhaosrosecoloredglasses81
  • MobKaz said:
    alliem07 said:
    So I'm in the very early stages of planning my wedding, but I'm already worrying about one of closest friend's hot pink hair. She's a natural blonde, who started out with a small strip of hot pink in her hair 3 years ago. It has slowly taken over the majority of her hair color over the past few years, with only the bottom layer her natural color. I definitely want her in my bridal party, but the hair color has me concerned. My fiance and I plan on having a traditional wedding, mansion style, and the rest of my bridal party have natural hair colors. I had casually mentioned to my friend about her hair color before I was engaged and she said she'd have no issue changing her hair color, but another time said she refuses to change her hair color for anyone (including my wedding). All I keep envisioning is me having to plan my wedding colors around the hair so it won't clash, or that it will stick out like a sore thumb in pictures. Now, fiance and I don't plan on getting married until Summer 2016, but I highly doubt she has any plans on changing her hair color on her own during that time. Granted, she's also several years younger than myself and the rest of the bridal party. Thoughts? Suggestions? Recommendations on how not to sound Bridezilla about this?
    Telling any friend how she should look, whether it be her hair, weight, tattoos, or sense of style, immediately puts you deep into bridezilla mode.  Your choice is to not include her in your wedding party, or accept her COMPLETELY as she is.

    I will also add (since your wedding is not for another 2 years and you are already concerned about pictures and clashing colors) that it is also incredibly bridezilla to dictate hair styles and make up choices.  You are choosing your wedding party for their significance in your life, NOT as props to beautify your ceremony and/or pictures.

    **I say these things also for the general/universal "you" so that lurkers can see how easily and quickly one can go from friend to bridezilla.
    I stood for a friend who dictated our hairstyles. It had to be a sideswept-to-the-right, tidy updo. No "softness" of any kind, because she wanted to reserve the softer, side-swept updo for herself. I shit you not. At the time I had side-swept-to-the-left bangs, and I had to change them. It felt so awkward. Apparently she wanted our hair all swept in the same direction because it would look better when we were lined up at the church.
    image
    Anniversary

  • I wish one of my bridesmaids had an unusual hair color like pink! All I want mine to do is wear the same gown and accessorize how ever they want. I love letting people show their individuality. 
    [Deleted User]
  • So here is my take:  I understand your feelings.  You have certain expectations of how you want those standing with you to look.  That's okay.  That being said...

    No, you can't tell her to dye her hair for your wedding.  You're going to have to make a choice whether it's more important for your bridesmaids to fit your vision or if it's more important for her to be in your party.  

    There is no way to tell her that she must dye her hair without sounding like a crazed bridezilla.  If she dyed her hair three days before the wedding... maybe.  But not when you know that she wears her hair like this.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Angela
  • I sometimes have wild colors in my hair. At one point I had the enitre underside purple, and I was in a wedding. The MOB pulled me aside and told me this was a "nice traditional" wedding and she'd like me to return to my natural color for the wedding. 

    I felt so hurt. I went to the bride who asked me just to comply with her mother's wishes rather then "make waves". Day of the wedding, my hair was still purple. If they wanted to kick me out over it fine, but I wasn't changing something about myself to blend in with what they thought I should look like. No one said shit about it at the wedding or after. But I never looked at my friend the same way again.
    image
    allisonelizholyguacamole79fallfoxbrideHeffalump
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
    beetheryashley8918[Deleted User]KatieinBkln
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
  • I'm amazed at how rude people are being to you on this post!! I wouldn't want someone with a head of hot pink hair in my wedding. I wouldn't care if a bridesmaid was pregnant, gained weight, etc. Those aren't even related comparisons. If I were in this situation and it was a friend that I've been friends with for many years, I would have no problem asking her to tone it down just a little bit. You're not asking her to change herself or her identity; you're simply asking her to look traditionally appropriate for your wedding. If there are pink highlights, that's fine!

    I'm going through a similar issue. My best friend is gay, which doesn't bother me at all (I'm a very open minded person)!! What bothers me is his full face of makeup. I can deal with it on an ordinary basis, but I don't want him showing up on my wedding day with his typical blue or gold eyeliner. I'm considering having a talk with him and saying that I love who he is so much, and that I don't care if he wears foundation and mascara, but find a way to ask him to skip the thick, bold,crazy colored eyeliner. Maybe I'm a bad person...? I'm not traditional by any means, but I totally understand what you're going through! 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Knottie42167517
  • Is it okay if I ask what the parameters are for asking people for specific hair/makeup styles? I mean, what is considered rude, and what is considered generally reasonable? 

    Obviously asking someone to dye their hair is, well, refer to @sarahbear31's gif :)

    But I know a lot of brides say things like @allisoneliz's friend did. And I have heard that it is ungracious to require a SPECIFIC style without paying for the bridesmaids' hair/makeup. But is it okay to say, for instance, "wear your hair in ponytails" (if it's long enough) or "wear simple/natural makeup"? Just wondering. My sisters do their hair in pretty basic styles anyway and they are both allergic to most makeup.
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    This is just my personal opinion ... I don't think the bride should dictate hair or makeup, even of she is paying. When my sister got married, she made a Pinterest board with "inspiration" of how we should all do our hair. It annoyed me.
    shelley456
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards