Bridesmaid with Hot Pink Hair

holyguacamole79

Knottie76885396 said:

I think that if it's really important to you, you need to make sure that when you bring it up with her that you are considerate of her feelings. Make sure that you approach it in a way that she doesn't feel personally affronted, or that you have a problem with her look. See what compromises you can come up with.

As an alternative to her dying her hair or toning it down for a single day, what about the idea of a natural looking wig, extensions, etc.? You don't have to spend a stupid amount of money, or have her wear something fake looking, but it might be a nice compromise to help tie in with the more traditional affair without her compromising who she is.

You can't read, can you?

mrscomposer

sarahbear31 said:

jsangel1018 said:

Hey!  I thought of a solution!

If you offer to (slowly, carefully, and in a healthful manner) pay for her to turn her hair a colour that is appropriate for "your vision" of "your day", and then (slowly, carefully, and in a healthful manner) pay for her to return her hair to what you originally disapproved of - then go right ahead!

(This coming from a bride who will decide three days before her wedding whether she'll have bright purple or bright red streaks in her hair).

Seriously!??!  The only "vision" I had for "my day" was that the women most important to me were standing by my side.  If the hair color matters that much, hire a fuckin model.

@sarahbear31 - you know I was being sarcastic, right? ...right?... (please love me). I have vivid colour in my hair. I know how much work it takes. If someone asked me to tone my hair down for their wedding, I would laugh at them very loudly.

slothiegal

Knottie76885396 said:

I think that if it's really important to you, you need to make sure that when you bring it up with her that you are considerate of her feelings. Make sure that you approach it in a way that she doesn't feel personally affronted, or that you have a problem with her look. See what compromises you can come up with.

As an alternative to her dying her hair or toning it down for a single day, what about the idea of a natural looking wig, extensions, etc.? You don't have to spend a stupid amount of money, or have her wear something fake looking, but it might be a nice compromise to help tie in with the more traditional affair without her compromising who she is.

How are those options ANY BETTER?  You are still asking her to CHANGE HER APPEARANCE.  Trust and believe, if a close friend of mine told me I needed to wear a wig/extensions, I would not think she was being "considerate of [my] feelings".  I would think she's being a controlling bitch.

I can't even.

mikenberger

Why do people think it's okay to ask someone to change their hair color? It's on THEIR head. It belongs to SOMEONE WHO IS NOT YOU. On second though, I've got a bridesmaid who can't fit into the shoes that I really like; I'll just tell her to cut off her pinky toe to fit in them. I mean, I'm really being far too lenient by commiserating with her over our outrageously huge feet. I should get MY DAY. It's MY DAY. My aunt needs a nose job too. Totally reasonable, eh? People should just want me to be happy. Ugh, typing that out just made me want to hurl.

holyguacamole79

jsangel1018 said:

sarahbear31 said:

jsangel1018 said:

Hey!  I thought of a solution!

If you offer to (slowly, carefully, and in a healthful manner) pay for her to turn her hair a colour that is appropriate for "your vision" of "your day", and then (slowly, carefully, and in a healthful manner) pay for her to return her hair to what you originally disapproved of - then go right ahead!

(This coming from a bride who will decide three days before her wedding whether she'll have bright purple or bright red streaks in her hair).

Seriously!??!  The only "vision" I had for "my day" was that the women most important to me were standing by my side.  If the hair color matters that much, hire a fuckin model.

@sarahbear31 - you know I was being sarcastic, right? ...right?... (please love me). I have vivid colour in my hair. I know how much work it takes. If someone asked me to tone their hair down for their wedding, I would laugh at them very loudly.

Ohhhhhhh, no, I didn't.  I'm sorry!  You're cool in my book 

BrandNewJ

sarahbear31 said:

Knottie76885396 said:

I think that if it's really important to you, you need to make sure that when you bring it up with her that you are considerate of her feelings. Make sure that you approach it in a way that she doesn't feel personally affronted, or that you have a problem with her look. See what compromises you can come up with.

As an alternative to her dying her hair or toning it down for a single day, what about the idea of a natural looking wig, extensions, etc.? You don't have to spend a stupid amount of money, or have her wear something fake looking, but it might be a nice compromise to help tie in with the more traditional affair without her compromising who she is.

You can't read, can you?

^ this. It's hard to accept someone who is supposed to you bestie as they are, huh? I think it's snowing!

princessofgenovia

Knottie76885396 said:

I think that if it's really important to you, you need to make sure that when you bring it up with her that you are considerate of her feelings. Make sure that you approach it in a way that she doesn't feel personally affronted, or that you have a problem with her look. See what compromises you can come up with.

As an alternative to her dying her hair or toning it down for a single day, what about the idea of a natural looking wig, extensions, etc.? You don't have to spend a stupid amount of money, or have her wear something fake looking, but it might be a nice compromise to help tie in with the more traditional affair without her compromising who she is.

If you're telling someone "change what you look like" how can you say that without saying you have a problem with how they look?

[Deleted User]

princessofgenovia

slothiegal said:

Knottie76885396 said:

I think that if it's really important to you, you need to make sure that when you bring it up with her that you are considerate of her feelings. Make sure that you approach it in a way that she doesn't feel personally affronted, or that you have a problem with her look. See what compromises you can come up with.

As an alternative to her dying her hair or toning it down for a single day, what about the idea of a natural looking wig, extensions, etc.? You don't have to spend a stupid amount of money, or have her wear something fake looking, but it might be a nice compromise to help tie in with the more traditional affair without her compromising who she is.

How are those options ANY BETTER?  You are still asking her to CHANGE HER APPEARANCE.  Trust and believe, if a close friend of mine told me I needed to wear a wig/extensions, I would not think she was being "considerate of [my] feelings".  I would think she's being a controlling bitch.

I can't even.

I'd wear this wig.

Blonde is a natural color.

Or this:

Thank God I wouldn't have pink hair though right? 

SachaBee

I just want to thank everyone for your responses!! I think this is a really  helpful objective perspective for lurkers especially. It is just such accepted common practice to dictate certain things to bridesmaids and I think every bride will sometimes need a reminder to STAAAHHP from a third party. So I think this was overall a useful, if most likely infuriating for regs, thread.

[Deleted User]

Oh. my. fucking. god.  Here's an actual solution for you.  Print your fucking bridal party photos in black and white!!!  No pink hair.  Done.

chibiyui

Just wanted to say, attended a wedding this weekend where a bridesmaid had pink hair. No fucks were given.

Actually, no, plenty of fucks were given as she had people complimenting her hair all night and asking for dye tips.

shelley456

AMEN!!! I just got married on August 23rd and I actually had a bridesmaid with pink hair too. It was a soft pink by the time the wedding hit (she let it fade on purpose), but her hair was still noticeably pink.. And guess what. We had a pretty fancy wedding. And who complained or brought it to my attention... NO ONE. Our colors were pink and gray, so it actually didn't clash at all. My 'maid actually asked me IF she wanted me to have her hair changed back to blonde, and I told her absolutely not. I love her, and wanted her to be in my wedding because of who she is. NOT because of how she looks. Even my mom said, "It wouldn't be her if it wasn't pink!".

KikiMira

I asked my MOH what she was going to do with her hair for my wedding, She is always changing her hair color and I was honestly curious and by no means meant for her to have a natural color. Her response "its a surprise, but it isn't a color combo I have done yet" I shrugged and left it alone. I didn't see her until a few days before the wedding and I knew she was getting her hair done on the monday prior and low and behold she showed up with an array of 3 colors, which looked great by the way. Top was medium to dark purple, under layer dark blue (our wedding color was navy) and peacock green and blue chunks threw out chunks. 

Her hair color did not make or break my wedding. I think it perfectly reflected all of our personalities. My hair was a light orange and blonde color for my wedding day. However my mom, on the other hand wanted all natural hair colors and all tattoos covered up. No one complained or even brought up the hair colors or tattoos. Lots of people comment on how much they loved our mix and match and how well it went together as I let them do as they wanted.

My Advice, Don't worry about it. 

arkinsol

Hi, 

I am also getting married in 2016 and I already have my bridesmaids. We have selected some things and I have already had conversations with all of them (including my older sister/MOH) about having natural hair colors and covering tattoos. I love all of my friends, but 20 years from now I don't want to look at my wedding photos (the only thing I really have from my wedding) and see some decision that one of us made as a twenty something. I want everything to be classic and elegant. My friends understood. I have done and will do what was/is asked of me at their weddings and they have all agreed to do what I am asking at my wedding. If she's your friend she will understand what you would like. Just ask her to do it instead of demanding that she do it. 

holyguacamole79

arkinsol said:

Hi, 

I am also getting married in 2016 and I already have my bridesmaids. We have selected some things and I have already had conversations with all of them (including my older sister/MOH) about having natural hair colors and covering tattoos. I love all of my friends, but 20 years from now I don't want to look at my wedding photos (the only thing I really have from my wedding) and see some decision that one of us made as a twenty something. I want everything to be classic and elegant. My friends understood. I have done and will do what was/is asked of me at their weddings and they have all agreed to do what I am asking at my wedding. If she's your friend she will understand what you would like. Just ask her to do it instead of demanding that she do it. 

And what if she says no? Do you kick her out?

mrscomposer

arkinsol said:

Hi, 

I am also getting married in 2016 and I already have my bridesmaids. We have selected some things and I have already had conversations with all of them (including my older sister/MOH) about having natural hair colors and covering tattoos. I love all of my friends, but 20 years from now I don't want to look at my wedding photos (the only thing I really have from my wedding) and see some decision that one of us made as a twenty something. I want everything to be classic and elegant. My friends understood. I have done and will do what was/is asked of me at their weddings and they have all agreed to do what I am asking at my wedding. If she's your friend she will understand what you would like. Just ask her to do it instead of demanding that she do it. 

Just for the sake of argument: 20 years from now, your wedding party is going to be a decision that one of you made as a twenty something (I'm guessing you're in your twenties) - so what does it really matter if there are tattoos showing and someone's hair colour isn't found in the natural hair spectrum when you might not even be friends with these people any more?

Case in point: my mom hasn't seen her MOH (my godmother) since her wedding (I was born before they were married), and I've also never met one of my dad's groomsmen.  They're your best friends now, but they might not be then.

I have eleven tattoos, two of which will be visible in my dress.  I rock a faux-hawk, and will have either red or purple highlights.  Will I still have hair like this when I'm 50?  I'd like to think I'll still be cool enough, but who knows.  I'm all for classic and elegant, but I think it's almost more important to not censor how people look on our wedding day - so that we can remember how awesome we were when we're in an old folks home.

LSA1105

I don't get why everyone is bashing you. It's your wedding, it's a day for you and your future husband. Nobody else. My friends have already told me they're willing to do whatever it takes to make my day the best it can be. Granted, I'm not that hard to please, but still. I know my friends will be there to the end, even if I do go a little bridezilla. They know it's going to be a stressful day and they respect that. So, do what you feel is right. It's your day and it's not like she can't dye it back if it's that big of a deal.

esstee33

LSA1105 said:

I don't get why everyone is bashing you. It's your wedding, it's a day for you and your future husband. Nobody else. My friends have already told me they're willing to do whatever it takes to make my day the best it can be. Granted, I'm not that hard to please, but still. I know my friends will be there to the end, even if I do go a little bridezilla. They know it's going to be a stressful day and they respect that. So, do what you feel is right. It's your day and it's not like she can't dye it back if it's that big of a deal.

Re: the bolded: Except all the friends and family you're inviting. Once you start inviting people and asking people to stand up with you in your bridal party, their concerns matter. 

And dying your hair is a huge ordeal, especially when it's pink/purple/blue/whatever. Many times (most times, really) it needs to be lightened first, then dyed, and maintained up for however long you keep the color. It's a big process. 

But that's not even the point. If you love your friends, love them as-is. Don't ask them to change that. 

But I'm guessing this advice falls on deaf ears since you obviously didn't read the three pages before this stating THE EXACT SAME THING.

Maggie0829

LSA1105 said:

I don't get why everyone is bashing you. It's your wedding, it's a day for you and your future husband. Nobody else. My friends have already told me they're willing to do whatever it takes to make my day the best it can be. Granted, I'm not that hard to please, but still. I know my friends will be there to the end, even if I do go a little bridezilla. They know it's going to be a stressful day and they respect that. So, do what you feel is right. It's your day and it's not like she can't dye it back if it's that big of a deal.

Why the fuck should your wedding be a stressful day?!  It should be a happy and exciting day, not stressful.  Remember this is a celebration and a party and a happy event.  If it is so stressful that you go all bridezilla on everyone then you are doing it wrong.  It is one day out of your entire freaking life.  Yes it is important but don't make it the most important thing in the entire universe.

[Deleted User]

esstee33 said:

LSA1105 said:

I don't get why everyone is bashing you. It's your wedding, it's a day for you and your future husband. Nobody else. My friends have already told me they're willing to do whatever it takes to make my day the best it can be. Granted, I'm not that hard to please, but still. I know my friends will be there to the end, even if I do go a little bridezilla. They know it's going to be a stressful day and they respect that. So, do what you feel is right. It's your day and it's not like she can't dye it back if it's that big of a deal.

Re: the bolded: Except all the friends and family you're inviting. Once you start inviting people and asking people to stand up with you in your bridal party, their concerns matter. 

And dying your hair is a huge ordeal, especially when it's pink/purple/blue/whatever. Many times (most times, really) it needs to be lightened first, then dyed, and maintained up for however long you keep the color. It's a big process. 

But that's not even the point. If you love your friends, love them as-is. Don't ask them to change that. 

But I'm guessing this advice falls on deaf ears since you obviously didn't read the three pages before this stating THE EXACT SAME THING.

Yes.  It ceases to be "only your day" the moment you invite someone else.  Don't be selfish.  And if you must be selfish, don't invite anyone else.

slothiegal

arkinsol said:

Hi, 

I am also getting married in 2016 and I already have my bridesmaids. We have selected some things and I have already had conversations with all of them (including my older sister/MOH) about having natural hair colors and covering tattoos. I love all of my friends, but 20 years from now I don't want to look at my wedding photos (the only thing I really have from my wedding) and see some decision that one of us made as a twenty something. I want everything to be classic and elegant. My friends understood. I have done and will do what was/is asked of me at their weddings and they have all agreed to do what I am asking at my wedding. If she's your friend she will understand what you would like. Just ask her to do it instead of demanding that she do it. 

......what about your spouse?

sarawifenow

I am sensing a snow storm is coming. Better get ready...

mikenberger

LSA1105 said:

I don't get why everyone is bashing you. It's your wedding, it's a day for you and your future husband. Nobody else. My friends have already told me they're willing to do whatever it takes to make my day the best it can be. Granted, I'm not that hard to please, but still. I know my friends will be there to the end, even if I do go a little bridezilla. They know it's going to be a stressful day and they respect that. So, do what you feel is right. It's your day and it's not like she can't dye it back if it's that big of a deal.

You have OBVIOUSLY never had pink hair or any other kind of non-traditional colored hair. It's not that simple, at all. 

And it's hair on their head. Hair that, chances are, you're going to make her pay to change from a way that she likes and enjoys. You are telling her "Your hair isn't good enough for my wedding, change it." It's rude and grossly inappropriate. What if you had a friend that was shaving their head to support another friend that had cancer? Would you require a wig? It's outrageous to suggest that someone change their hair for your wedding.

southernbelle0915

arkinsol said:

Hi, 

I am also getting married in 2016 and I already have my bridesmaids. We have selected some things and I have already had conversations with all of them (including my older sister/MOH) about having natural hair colors and covering tattoos. I love all of my friends, but 20 years from now I don't want to look at my wedding photos (the only thing I really have from my wedding) and see some decision that one of us made as a twenty something. I want everything to be classic and elegant. My friends understood. I have done and will do what was/is asked of me at their weddings and they have all agreed to do what I am asking at my wedding. If she's your friend she will understand what you would like. Just ask her to do it instead of demanding that she do it. 

Are you serious? Why don't you suck the personality out of your family and friends so you have model looking people in your photos? How stepford of you...

I'm sure they all understood. Or told you they understood and then judged the shit out of you for basically telling them "Pictures > You". 

southernbelle0915

LSA1105 said:

I don't get why everyone is bashing you. It's your wedding, it's a day for you and your future husband. Nobody else. My friends have already told me they're willing to do whatever it takes to make my day the best it can be. Granted, I'm not that hard to please, but still. I know my friends will be there to the end, even if I do go a little bridezilla. They know it's going to be a stressful day and they respect that. So, do what you feel is right. It's your day and it's not like she can't dye it back if it's that big of a deal.

I would hope that your standards of "the best it can be" are that you're happily married and you've treated your friends like the guests of honor they are and not props/dress up dolls.

Why would you let yourself "go a little bridezilla"? That's completely within your control. Your wedding is ONE DAY. Once it's over, it's over. And people remember how you treated them forever. It doesn't go away just because the day is over.

VulgarGirl

Look it's all very simple. Hold a casting call. Don't ask your best friends, people who love you no matter what, to be in your wedding. Because fuck that, they might look weird! Hire professional models to stand next to you day of! Way better then some bitch who won't cover her tattoo and change her hair FOR YOUR MAGICAL SPECIAL PRINCESS WONDERFUL DAY.

I can't. I just fucking can't anymore. I am officially in love with my friends, because none of them give a shit that I have pink hair and tattoos. Because they aren't fucking assholes. 

slothiegal

I just emailed my bestie telling her how much I appreciate her and that I'm so glad she doesn't give a shit what I look like.

She responded:  "Why the fuck would I care?  Are you high again?"

I'm love my friends.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User]