Our only issue... Long- sorry

PrettyGirlLost

Maggie0829 said:

I think the answer OP wants is...

Since your FI is such a picky eater and in no way as good and wonderful as you because you are so healthy and have found the cure for not getting cancer, then get a roll of duct tape and secure him to a chair.  Then pry his mouth open and shove tons of kale and quinoa and spinach and all the other "icky" stuff that he hates until he succumbs to your will.

But really, this man is an adult and you can't force him to change his eating habits so just stop. When the time comes and kids are sitting at your table then impose the "take one bite and if you don't like it you don't have to eat it but you do at least have to try it" rule.    This is how we were raised, and we were raised in an Italian family where everyone wants to force you to eat at all times because that is how they show love, lol. 

And while we weren't forced to sleep at the table if we didn't finish our meals, there was a zero tolerance policy for dicking around at dinner time.  That meant there was no TV on during dinner, no toys at the table, no "I'll be there in a minute."  Mom, Dad, Grandma, BFF's Mom called you to dinner,  your ass dropped what it was doing and you sat down and you ate.  If you chose not to eat that was on you, but there was no hobbit bullshit 2nd dinner later in the evening when you were suddenly hungry.  You got a piece of bread and some water and you went to bed.  Guess what?  Kids learn really quickly to eat their dinner.  FFS this is not that hard. I doubt your FI will be all "kids, since I don't like it then I am not going to let you eat it."  I am sure he will be open to your kids eating however the hell they want and will be happy as long as they are healthy.  And one can be healthy in other ways, not just your way.  And this.  Once could also argue that extreme elimination diets are actually not healthy.

I really don't think you are willing to compromise with him on the food thing at all.  It is your way or no way.  If you know he doesn't like something then why are you trying to force him to eat it? Why do you make things with items in it that you know he doesn't like?  That is just rude.  You certainly don't have to cater to him but if you insist on doing the cooking you should take his likes and dislikes into account because if you don't then that could lead to major resentment from him.   And this.  You are basically telling him through the food you make that you don't give a crap about what he likes.

rajahmd

PrettyGirlLost said:

LadyMillil said:

bekt14 said:

Just to clear things up,

1. I'm not saying FIs diet is GOING to cause him cancer. However, I believe that it's like cigarettes. Is everyone who ever smoked a single cigarette going to get cancer with 100% certainty- NO. Obviously not. But they have a higher risk of developing cancer at some point in their lives because they are introducing toxic cancer-causing chemicals into their body. It's playing with fire. 

2. I'm not concerned just about cancer. There are a million other illnesses that can result from a bad diet, such as allergies, severe acne, psoriasis- all of which FI does have and that can all be helped with eating better. 

3. It's literally been a life and death issue for me and my family- so it's not easy for me to just suddenly act like food is a non-issue. I don't want to be judgmental in any way- but I also don't want to suddenly give up on something that's extremely important to me. 

4. Thanks for all the advice and perspectives from other picky eaters. I have heard of super-tasters before. I think FI fits that description pretty well because he also has a much stronger sense of smell and texture than I do. 

5. Sorry if I'm offending anyone, and I will try to lighten up on him and keep an open mind. 

Cancer is caused by multiple genetic mutations in your DNA that cause the cells to escape all the checkpoints that keep them from growing uncontrollably. Some people are born with mutations that mean they are already missing a part of a checkpoint,   Those are germ line mutations.  They occurred in the sperm or egg that lead to your development as a fetus and those mutations are present in every cell in your body. 

For instance the BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene mutations that have been implicated in some forms of breast cancer are germline mutations.  Not all germline mutations are deleterious, or cause harm.  and some people can be exposed to carcinogens daily and never actually develop cancer. There are thousands of carcinogens out there and to avoid them all is impossible.

To the bolded, a lot of those things that you list are immune disorders. Diet has little to do with most of them. Again, genetics play a big role. For most diseases there is a huge interplay between genetics and the environment that determine if some one will develop a condition. If you are genetically predisposed to developing a certain disease, diet change may not have any impact on preventing it. If you are not genetically predisposed to developing a disease, changing you diet doesn't matter.

A lot of people feel better and have general better health when they make radical changes to their diet (ex. paleo diet) because they are cutting out all the processed crap and are eating more "whole foods".

The other type of mutation that can lead to cancer is a somatic mutation, mutations that occur after conception.  For instance, exposure to UV radiation damages the DNA in our skin cells, which can lead to a somatic mutation that can lead to cancer. 

However, just like with germ line mutations, not all somatic mutations are deleterious or will lead to cancer.

Here is a Catalog of Somatic Mutations in Cancer: http://cancer.sanger.ac.uk/cancergenome/projects/cosmic/

SBmini said:

I'm going to ignore the vitriol in this thread and focus on the original post-

What?  People trying to educate someone who seems to have misconceptions about diet and cancer in general, is not vitriol.

And the OP even came back and clarified what she was saying, so it seems it was a pretty decent and well received discussion.


Holy wall of text. Damn boxes.

Just wanted to say that my love for you grows whenever you speak science on here. Makes me so happy on the inside. Science and medicine are so often misunderstood.

PrettyGirlLost

RajahBMFD said:

LadyMillil said:

bekt14 said:

Just to clear things up,

1. I'm not saying FIs diet is GOING to cause him cancer. However, I believe that it's like cigarettes. Is everyone who ever smoked a single cigarette going to get cancer with 100% certainty- NO. Obviously not. But they have a higher risk of developing cancer at some point in their lives because they are introducing toxic cancer-causing chemicals into their body. It's playing with fire. 

2. I'm not concerned just about cancer. There are a million other illnesses that can result from a bad diet, such as allergies, severe acne, psoriasis- all of which FI does have and that can all be helped with eating better. 

3. It's literally been a life and death issue for me and my family- so it's not easy for me to just suddenly act like food is a non-issue. I don't want to be judgmental in any way- but I also don't want to suddenly give up on something that's extremely important to me. 

4. Thanks for all the advice and perspectives from other picky eaters. I have heard of super-tasters before. I think FI fits that description pretty well because he also has a much stronger sense of smell and texture than I do. 

5. Sorry if I'm offending anyone, and I will try to lighten up on him and keep an open mind. 

Cancer is caused by multiple genetic mutations in your DNA that cause the cells to escape all the checkpoints that keep them from growing uncontrollably. Some people are born with mutations that mean they are already missing a part of a checkpoint,   Those are germ line mutations.  They occurred in the sperm or egg that lead to your development as a fetus and those mutations are present in every cell in your body. 

For instance the BRCA1 and BRCA2 gene mutations that have been implicated in some forms of breast cancer are germline mutations.  Not all germline mutations are deleterious, or cause harm.  and some people can be exposed to carcinogens daily and never actually develop cancer. There are thousands of carcinogens out there and to avoid them all is impossible. To the bolded, a lot of those things that you list are immune disorders. Diet has little to do with most of them. Again, genetics play a big role. For most diseases there is a huge interplay between genetics and the environment that determine if some one will develop a condition. If you are genetically predisposed to developing a certain disease, diet change may not have any impact on preventing it. If you are not genetically predisposed to developing a disease, changing you diet doesn't matter. A lot of people feel better and have general better health when they make radical changes to their diet (ex. paleo diet) because they are cutting out all the processed crap and are eating more "whole foods".

The other type of mutation that can lead to cancer is a somatic mutation, mutations that occur after conception.  For instance, exposure to UV radiation damages the DNA in our skin cells, which can lead to a somatic mutation that can lead to cancer. 

However, just like with germ line mutations, not all somatic mutations are deleterious or will lead to cancer.

Here is a Catalog of Somatic Mutations in Cancer: http://cancer.sanger.ac.uk/cancergenome/projects/cosmic/

SBmini said:

I'm going to ignore the vitriol in this thread and focus on the original post-

What?  People trying to educate someone who seems to have misconceptions about diet and cancer in general, is not vitriol.

And the OP even came back and clarified what she was saying, so it seems it was a pretty decent and well received discussion.

Holy wall of text. Damn boxes. Just wanted to say that my love for you grows whenever you speak science on here. Makes me so happy on the inside. Science and medicine are so often misunderstood.

You are my inspiration, Doctor.

Want to nerd/medical make out?  Wait. . . what are your thoughts on brussel sprouts, 1st?

ashley8918

PrettyGirlLost said:

RajahBMFD said:

Holy wall of text. Damn boxes. Just wanted to say that my love for you grows whenever you speak science on here. Makes me so happy on the inside. Science and medicine are so often misunderstood.

You are my inspiration, Doctor.

Want to nerd/medical make out?  Wait. . . what are your thoughts on brussel sprouts, 1st?

Liatris2010

Sorry for the late response, I was praising my parents for their all around good parenting.

Like PrettyGirlLost, I come from a huge Italian family and we eat some things other people consider icky. Whatever, sea snail is delicious and if you don't like it, pick it out and put it on my plate.

We had the try one bite rule and the no one is cooking you a second dinner rule. That meant if you don't like what is cooked you make your own damn dinner. When we were little it was cereal, a sandwich, or something we could microwave and when we were older we usually cooked dinner since we were home first and that solved that problem. Now, there are plenty of foods I don't like, like Brussels sprouts. But you know what, I'll still try a bite, and last Thanksgiving I had seconds of the Brussels sprouts because they were good. I haven't seen one I've like since, but hey, since my parents didn't force me to eat stuff I didn't like, I'm not afraid to try stuff I am fairly certain of not liking. Thanks mom and dad!

Now onto the spouse issue. H was a picky eater. It took 5 years, but now he is not. I will confess to hiding onions in his food, but after getting away with it the first time I knew it wasn't that he didn't like onions, it was that he thought he didn't like them. I got away with it for five months before he caught me, and then I revealed he'd been eating them for months. He shrugged and has been eating them since. As for the other stuff, all attributed to the one bite rule. I'd just give him a bite of mine and if he liked it, yay!, and if not, he had his own dinner to eat. Works especially well at restaurants since no one actually has to cook two dinners. There is still stuff one of us likes and the other doesn't so we do what Lynda and her H do, keep it separate while cooking, or eat around the bits we don't like. For example I hate celery. H cuts it big so I can pick around it. No big deal. Surely you can find similar solutions.

Also, so much love to PGL and Rajah for their awesome science outreach. Love you ladies!

lightningsnow

KatieinBkln said:

bekt14 said:

kat1114 Sounds like we have a lot in common. 

Because of how I was brought up, if FI refused to eat the dinner I made for him, I can't help but take it as a huge insult. It feels like he is disrespecting me and does not appreciate what I do for him. 

I mean...homeboy needs to learn to cook his own food, then. You don't have to pander to his picky ways, and he doesn't have to jump on your kale-and-quinoa bandwagon (for the record, I fucking love kale and quinoa, and have an ex-BIL who refused to eat vegetables and the motherfucker drove me CRAZY. Like, picking tiny onions out of food my mom would make and pushing them to the side. Bro, you're a guest in a house, and you're not allergic to something? Eat it or don't eat it, but don't push it to the side like a child. Put it in your mouth and chew, or don't put it on your plate. Ugh). 

He can fend for himself when you make something "icky," but you can also try to meet him halfway sometimes. If it's easy for you to make X Dish He Likes alongside whatever you're making, that's not asking a lot for you to do so. If you can find recipes that are healthy enough for you but incorporate flavors he likes, then that's a win-win also. But don't drive yourself crazy pandering to his needs, and don't set yourself up for failure by serving him something he hates and then seeing it rejected.

As for the kids? "Daddy is a grown-up and can eat what he wants. When you're a grown up, you can, too. But for now you have to eat one bite of the salad." (The one bite rule was my family's thing--it forced us to try new things, but never devolved to the kind of abusive and backfiring "sit here till your plate is clean!" nonsense that frankly, has really fucked you up).

I agree with everything you said. I do have to point out the bolded though. I dislike onions and have such a bad aversion to it. My taste buds can pick up in the lettuce in a deli/sandwich place is placed right next to the onions. I can't eat anything that a raw onion has touched because the taste is so off putting to me. I would have done the same thing but would explain why I would do so.

Sometimes I can't even handle cooked onions. It's just how my taste buds are. Can't change that.

KatieinBkln

lightningsnow said:

KatieinBkln said:

bekt14 said:

kat1114 Sounds like we have a lot in common. 

Because of how I was brought up, if FI refused to eat the dinner I made for him, I can't help but take it as a huge insult. It feels like he is disrespecting me and does not appreciate what I do for him. 

I mean...homeboy needs to learn to cook his own food, then. You don't have to pander to his picky ways, and he doesn't have to jump on your kale-and-quinoa bandwagon (for the record, I fucking love kale and quinoa, and have an ex-BIL who refused to eat vegetables and the motherfucker drove me CRAZY. Like, picking tiny onions out of food my mom would make and pushing them to the side. Bro, you're a guest in a house, and you're not allergic to something? Eat it or don't eat it, but don't push it to the side like a child. Put it in your mouth and chew, or don't put it on your plate. Ugh). 

He can fend for himself when you make something "icky," but you can also try to meet him halfway sometimes. If it's easy for you to make X Dish He Likes alongside whatever you're making, that's not asking a lot for you to do so. If you can find recipes that are healthy enough for you but incorporate flavors he likes, then that's a win-win also. But don't drive yourself crazy pandering to his needs, and don't set yourself up for failure by serving him something he hates and then seeing it rejected.

As for the kids? "Daddy is a grown-up and can eat what he wants. When you're a grown up, you can, too. But for now you have to eat one bite of the salad." (The one bite rule was my family's thing--it forced us to try new things, but never devolved to the kind of abusive and backfiring "sit here till your plate is clean!" nonsense that frankly, has really fucked you up).

I agree with everything you said. I do have to point out the bolded though. I dislike onions and have such a bad aversion to it. My taste buds can pick up in the lettuce in a deli/sandwich place is placed right next to the onions. I can't eat anything that a raw onion has touched because the taste is so off putting to me. I would have done the same thing but would explain why I would do so.

Sometimes I can't even handle cooked onions. It's just how my taste buds are. Can't change that.

See, I think that's legit. But at a family-style "fill your own plate" scenario...you could just...not eat the thing with obvious onions in it? Or somehow manage not to eat the onions without making it blatantly obvious that you were putting them to the side? Or, just eat it one time and choke it the fuck down because that's what people do in social situations when they don't want to look like ingrates? Eating something you don't particularly like has never killed anyone, ever (allergies and food intolerances excepted here!).

I don't know, I found it really rude and childish, but I admit my perception of the man is colored by more than just this one tic...

lightningsnow

KatieinBkln said:

lightningsnow said:

KatieinBkln said:

bekt14 said:

kat1114 Sounds like we have a lot in common. 

Because of how I was brought up, if FI refused to eat the dinner I made for him, I can't help but take it as a huge insult. It feels like he is disrespecting me and does not appreciate what I do for him. 

I mean...homeboy needs to learn to cook his own food, then. You don't have to pander to his picky ways, and he doesn't have to jump on your kale-and-quinoa bandwagon (for the record, I fucking love kale and quinoa, and have an ex-BIL who refused to eat vegetables and the motherfucker drove me CRAZY. Like, picking tiny onions out of food my mom would make and pushing them to the side. Bro, you're a guest in a house, and you're not allergic to something? Eat it or don't eat it, but don't push it to the side like a child. Put it in your mouth and chew, or don't put it on your plate. Ugh). 

He can fend for himself when you make something "icky," but you can also try to meet him halfway sometimes. If it's easy for you to make X Dish He Likes alongside whatever you're making, that's not asking a lot for you to do so. If you can find recipes that are healthy enough for you but incorporate flavors he likes, then that's a win-win also. But don't drive yourself crazy pandering to his needs, and don't set yourself up for failure by serving him something he hates and then seeing it rejected.

As for the kids? "Daddy is a grown-up and can eat what he wants. When you're a grown up, you can, too. But for now you have to eat one bite of the salad." (The one bite rule was my family's thing--it forced us to try new things, but never devolved to the kind of abusive and backfiring "sit here till your plate is clean!" nonsense that frankly, has really fucked you up).

I agree with everything you said. I do have to point out the bolded though. I dislike onions and have such a bad aversion to it. My taste buds can pick up in the lettuce in a deli/sandwich place is placed right next to the onions. I can't eat anything that a raw onion has touched because the taste is so off putting to me. I would have done the same thing but would explain why I would do so.

Sometimes I can't even handle cooked onions. It's just how my taste buds are. Can't change that.

See, I think that's legit. But at a family-style "fill your own plate" scenario...you could just...not eat the thing with obvious onions in it? Or somehow manage not to eat the onions without making it blatantly obvious that you were putting them to the side? Or, just eat it one time and choke it the fuck down because that's what people do in social situations when they don't want to look like ingrates? Eating something you don't particularly like has never killed anyone, ever (allergies and food intolerances excepted here!).

I don't know, I found it really rude and childish, but I admit my perception of the man is colored by more than just this one tic...

Oh I agree. And it does seem that you were put off by the guy for other reasons. I just wanted to give another perspective.

When we go to BF's family's for Thanksgiving, I don't grab any salad because his aunt puts raw onion in it and I just can't pick around it. I grab everything else that I enjoy though and try to eat as much as I can. Can never turn my back on his aunt again though when it concerns my plate. Lol.

I hope I didn't come off so abrasive with it though. That was not my intention.

KatieinBkln

lightningsnow said:

KatieinBkln said:

lightningsnow said:

KatieinBkln said:

bekt14 said:

kat1114 Sounds like we have a lot in common. 

Because of how I was brought up, if FI refused to eat the dinner I made for him, I can't help but take it as a huge insult. It feels like he is disrespecting me and does not appreciate what I do for him. 

I mean...homeboy needs to learn to cook his own food, then. You don't have to pander to his picky ways, and he doesn't have to jump on your kale-and-quinoa bandwagon (for the record, I fucking love kale and quinoa, and have an ex-BIL who refused to eat vegetables and the motherfucker drove me CRAZY. Like, picking tiny onions out of food my mom would make and pushing them to the side. Bro, you're a guest in a house, and you're not allergic to something? Eat it or don't eat it, but don't push it to the side like a child. Put it in your mouth and chew, or don't put it on your plate. Ugh). 

He can fend for himself when you make something "icky," but you can also try to meet him halfway sometimes. If it's easy for you to make X Dish He Likes alongside whatever you're making, that's not asking a lot for you to do so. If you can find recipes that are healthy enough for you but incorporate flavors he likes, then that's a win-win also. But don't drive yourself crazy pandering to his needs, and don't set yourself up for failure by serving him something he hates and then seeing it rejected.

As for the kids? "Daddy is a grown-up and can eat what he wants. When you're a grown up, you can, too. But for now you have to eat one bite of the salad." (The one bite rule was my family's thing--it forced us to try new things, but never devolved to the kind of abusive and backfiring "sit here till your plate is clean!" nonsense that frankly, has really fucked you up).

I agree with everything you said. I do have to point out the bolded though. I dislike onions and have such a bad aversion to it. My taste buds can pick up in the lettuce in a deli/sandwich place is placed right next to the onions. I can't eat anything that a raw onion has touched because the taste is so off putting to me. I would have done the same thing but would explain why I would do so.

Sometimes I can't even handle cooked onions. It's just how my taste buds are. Can't change that.

See, I think that's legit. But at a family-style "fill your own plate" scenario...you could just...not eat the thing with obvious onions in it? Or somehow manage not to eat the onions without making it blatantly obvious that you were putting them to the side? Or, just eat it one time and choke it the fuck down because that's what people do in social situations when they don't want to look like ingrates? Eating something you don't particularly like has never killed anyone, ever (allergies and food intolerances excepted here!).

I don't know, I found it really rude and childish, but I admit my perception of the man is colored by more than just this one tic...

Oh I agree. And it does seem that you were put off by the guy for other reasons. I just wanted to give another perspective.

When we go to BF's family's for Thanksgiving, I don't grab any salad because his aunt puts raw onion in it and I just can't pick around it. I grab everything else that I enjoy though and try to eat as much as I can. Can never turn my back on his aunt again though when it concerns my plate. Lol.

I hope I didn't come off so abrasive with it though. That was not my intention.

Haha, no! You're fine. My ranting and raving sometimes doesn't make clear who I'm ranting and raving AT! You seem to have reasonable expectations about your food aversions, and it appears you act in rational ways when it comes to avoiding onions without looking like a cray-cray.