Registry Concerns

cambryn

JCbride2015 said:

BARF.  I am not even kidding, I can taste the bile in my mouth reading that.  So fucking, enormously, overwhelming, disgustingly rude.

I'd give them a piece of paper.  That's what they want, right?

@cambryn Are you actually suggesting you would have gotten them no gift otherwise?  And then you read that nasty little blurb begging for your money and just realized, "OH!  I had NO IDEA money was a good gift?  I REALLY needed the bride and groom to beg me for money to remember that I'm allowed to give money!  What a novel idea!"

ETA: And WTF at the bolded?  I haven't heard of any Americans who "bristle" at giving money.  I exclusively give money as wedding gifts.  And I still hate Honeyfunds.  Because they are rude, period, full stop.  Nobody needs an Unregistry or Honeyfund or Whatthefuckever to know that giving money is acceptable.

Rude is the way you are cursing every other sentence, I'd say- but I guess you know more than I do about etiquette.

Nope. I'm not suggesting we would have not gotten them a gift. If people are registered for things, I tend to want to stick to the registry- it's things they want or need. I'm the sort of person that will only spend my money on 'necessities like food, surgery or car repairs- and it's hard for me to indulge and buy myself the nicer things. I'd hate to put someone in that place- so I stick to the registry- so they get their wants/needs fulfilled.

On the other hand, registries are a bit weird when you think about it in the context of 'Let's celebrate your love! Here's a handtowel and a pair of tongs you picked out. Hope you enjoy this practical gift with no sentimental meaning about it from either party.' So though I don't like choosing those gifts from the registry, I do it for the reasons I explained above.

And yes, Americans bristle at asking for what you need- aka if you need cash for a honeymoon and not pots- this whole board will have a meltdown about how rude it is to say that. In other places it is not considered rude to be honest about this.

The registry is there for people to see what you want/need as you begin your wedded life together. Registring for what you need, if it is indeed just funds towards your honeymoon and not a knife set, is not rude to me or many many others.

Do you consider ALL registries rude? After all, you are asking for people to go out and buy you nice things you picked out- like a child does to Santa. Of course they aren't rude. Registries are realistic, and relatively new in the scheme of things. And an American invention! 1924 Marshall Fields in Chicago. 

This honeyfund or whatever is just a new evolution to the idea of what a registry is. You can balk all you like- but I imagine you are similar to those people in the 1920's saying 'You can't ASK people for things you PICKED OUT. How incredibly demanding on the guests!! Rude!'

 

chibiyui

cambryn said:

JCbride2015 said:

BARF.  I am not even kidding, I can taste the bile in my mouth reading that.  So fucking, enormously, overwhelming, disgustingly rude.

I'd give them a piece of paper.  That's what they want, right?

@cambryn Are you actually suggesting you would have gotten them no gift otherwise?  And then you read that nasty little blurb begging for your money and just realized, "OH!  I had NO IDEA money was a good gift?  I REALLY needed the bride and groom to beg me for money to remember that I'm allowed to give money!  What a novel idea!"

ETA: And WTF at the bolded?  I haven't heard of any Americans who "bristle" at giving money.  I exclusively give money as wedding gifts.  And I still hate Honeyfunds.  Because they are rude, period, full stop.  Nobody needs an Unregistry or Honeyfund or Whatthefuckever to know that giving money is acceptable.

Rude is the way you are cursing every other sentence, I'd say- but I guess you know more than I do about etiquette.

Nope. I'm not suggesting we would have not gotten them a gift. If people are registered for things, I tend to want to stick to the registry- it's things they want or need. I'm the sort of person that will only spend my money on 'necessities like food, surgery or car repairs- and it's hard for me to indulge and buy myself the nicer things. I'd hate to put someone in that place- so I stick to the registry- so they get their wants/needs fulfilled.

On the other hand, registries are a bit weird when you think about it in the context of 'Let's celebrate your love! Here's a handtowel and a pair of tongs you picked out. Hope you enjoy this practical gift with no sentimental meaning about it from either party.' So though I don't like choosing those gifts from the registry, I do it for the reasons I explained above.

And yes, Americans bristle at asking for what you need- aka if you need cash for a honeymoon and not pots- this whole board will have a meltdown about how rude it is to say that. In other places it is not considered rude to be honest about this.

The registry is there for people to see what you want/need as you begin your wedded life together. Registring for what you need, if it is indeed just funds towards your honeymoon and not a knife set, is not rude to me or many many others.

Do you consider ALL registries rude? After all, you are asking for people to go out and buy you nice things you picked out- like a child does to Santa. Of course they aren't rude. Registries are realistic, and relatively new in the scheme of things. And an American invention! 1924 Marshall Fields in Chicago. 

This honeyfund or whatever is just a new evolution to the idea of what a registry is. You can balk all you like- but I imagine you are similar to those people in the 1920's saying 'You can't ASK people for things you PICKED OUT. How incredibly demanding on the guests!! Rude!'

 

1st bold. There is nothing rude about letting someone who ASKS you that you have no need for physical gifts. Yes, we normally suggest people phrase it like "Oh, we're saving up for a house!" or "We're saving for a honeymoon!" but thats just because saying "I prefer twenties" makes it more of a business transaction.

Second bold. Not quite. Registries LITERALLY started so people could see what china pattern the bride and groom had selected, so they were certain to buy the pattern. 

And in general, Honeymoon registries generally charge fees, so they're not even economical. Why anyone wants to get 93 dollars out of a 100 is beyond me. If you don't want physical gifts, don't register. It's not that hard.

beethery

cambryn said:

I disagree that honeymoon funds are tacky. You're registering for a honey moon, instead of a lot of home stuff you do not need. That just seems to be common sense, to me. 

No one is obligated to give a gift either way.

A couple whose wedding I went to the other day did this- they've been together for years and even have kids.

Here's how they put it:

"(Un)Registry

Since we've been together for some time now and have accumulated almost every necessary household item you can think of, we didn't put much on our registry. However if you are still compelled by generosity, we would be thrilled with any form of flat, paper gifts "

We gave a $60 check- and it was a relief not to have to pick out something dumb like hand towels and get it shipped to us and all that. 

In many cultures it is expected for people to JUST give money- I have no idea why so many Americans bristle at this.

This is wretched. No fucking way. I can give money without these absurd shenanigans THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
And to address the rest of your nonsense, I, and whomever else feels the need, shall use curse words exactly however much we deem necessary, and you can feel free to get the fuck over it.

ohannabelle

"yes, Americans bristle at asking for what you need- aka if you need cash for a honeymoon and not pots...."

Nobody needs a honeymoon. 

And "Americans" aren't the only people that are offended by panhandling. That's a very stupid generalization. There are plenty of clueless and rude American girls that have no trouble asking for cash. And I have plenty of non-American relatives who would be disgusted at the idea. So back that crap up with facts, or come up with a better story. 

That cutesy little "flat paper" thing wins the stoopidest thing I've read today award. Truly cringe worthy. And if asking for money is so acceptable, why didn't they just say, "We want money?" They had to dress it up and attempt to soften the crudity of the request by being "cute" about it, because even they recognize that it's a crass request. 

cambryn

And to address the rest of your nonsense, I, and whomever else feels the need, shall use curse words exactly however much we deem necessary, and you can feel free to get the fuck over it.

Never said I minded- just thought it was ironic that the etiquette police are definitely not filled with it on these boards. Curse as much as you like and be as dismissive as you like- I never cared.  

esstee33

ohannabelle said: "yes, Americans bristle at asking for what you need- aka if you need cash for a honeymoon and not pots...."
Nobody needs a honeymoon. And "Americans" aren't the only people that are offended by panhandling. That's a very stupid generalization. There are plenty of clueless and rude American girls that have no trouble asking for cash. And I have plenty of non-American relatives who would be disgusted at the idea. So back that crap up with facts, or come up with a better story. 
That cutesy little "flat paper" thing wins the stoopidest thing I've read today award. Truly cringe worthy. And if asking for money is so acceptable, why didn't they just say, "We want money?" They had to dress it up and attempt to soften the crudity of the request by being "cute" about it, because even they recognize that it's a crass request. 

************* (No boxes at all this time? WTF TK?)
This is the part that absolutely blows my mind. Essentially every single time HM registries come up, the poster acknowledges that it's rude but they're going to do it anyway. Like, if you know it's rude, WHY are you doing it? Cutesy poems do not make it less rude. Your family loving you and understanding that you don't need housewares is not a license to be rude to them just for shits and giggles. 

I just can't ever understand why people want to be like "Oh, well, we like money, but we're pretty sure all our guests are too stupid to understand that we like money unless we tell them." 

WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T WANT MONEY????????

chibiyui

cambryn said:

And to address the rest of your nonsense, I, and whomever else feels the need, shall use curse words exactly however much we deem necessary, and you can feel free to get the fuck over it.

Never said I minded- just thought it was ironic that the etiquette police are definitely not filled with it on these boards. Curse as much as you like and be as dismissive as you like- I never cared.  

Of course you don't care, you only took the time to read a 6 page thread, comment on and reply to other posters. Those are totally the actions of somebody who doesn't care.

 And if cursing bothers you, perhaps the internet isn't for you.

ohannabelle

"Never said I minded- just thought it was ironic that the etiquette police are definitely not filled with it on these boards. Curse as much as you like and be as dismissive as you like- I never cared. "

I strongly suspect that you don't give two shits. 

cambryn

Not sure how to quote multiple people.

"Nobody needs a honeymoon"

That's a very good point. I guess it's that I feel nobody needs a new set of pots and pans- as any responsible person should already have those- and if they truly need them so badly, they should save the wedding money and get house stuff for themselves. My perspective on this is very different.The whole thing is an indulgence to make the couple have a nice start out, in my point of view.

"WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T WANT MONEY????????"

Hah! True that.

"Of course you don't care, you only took the time to read a 6 page thread, comment on and reply to other posters. Those are totally the actions of somebody who doesn't care."

I meant that I don't care if you curse. It's easy to reply thanks to that little thingy in the top corner. I curse a lot in real life- I just rarely do it with people I don't know well- and so I take that same idea with the internet. I don't curse around strangers- my personal way of doing it. I was pointing out the irony of saying 'that's fucking rude.' Don't you find that ironic? 

I like to clarify and keep things calm and like to leave things pleasantly resolved with people- and tend to keep on replying if there seems to be a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what I said. 

Not sure why you seem so very angry at me, but I genuinely enjoy reading your posts on these forums much of the time- if not just for your hilarious gifs- curses and all!  

Cookie Pusher

I just don't understand why, if a couple doesn't want/need household items, they simply refrain from registering. I did that and - lo and behold - we got ZERO physical gifts. We got cash, checks, and gift cards from every single guest who gave us a gift (which was almost every single person in attendance and several people who were unable to attend). We never even dropped hints for cash or mentioned money, even when people flat out asked us what we wanted because what we wanted more than anything else was for our guests to be properly hosted and have an enjoyable time at our wedding.

cambryn

Cookie Pusher said:

I just don't understand why, if a couple doesn't want/need household items, they simply refrain from registering. I did that and - lo and behold - we got ZERO physical gifts. We got cash, checks, and gift cards from every single guest who gave us a gift (which was almost every single person in attendance and several people who were unable to attend). We never even dropped hints for cash or mentioned money, even when people flat out asked us what we wanted because what we wanted more than anything else was for our guests to be properly hosted and have an enjoyable time at our wedding.

That's a very good point! 

Also, I discovered the honeyfund things actually charge for those services reading through this thread. That makes it make less sense.

The honeyfund thing is something I am not doing, as we have a registry. I feel if you're going to ask people to give you things, it's a bit much to have too many things out there for people to invest in for you. 

chibiyui

cambryn said:

Not sure how to quote multiple people.

"Nobody needs a honeymoon"

That's a very good point. I guess it's that I feel nobody needs a new set of pots and pans- as any responsible person should already have those- and if they truly need them so badly, they should save the wedding money and get house stuff for themselves. My perspective on this is very different.The whole thing is an indulgence to make the couple have a nice start out, in my point of view.

"WHO THE FUCK DOESN'T WANT MONEY????????"

Hah! True that.

"Of course you don't care, you only took the time to read a 6 page thread, comment on and reply to other posters. Those are totally the actions of somebody who doesn't care."

I meant that I don't care if you curse. It's easy to reply thanks to that little thingy in the top corner. I curse a lot in real life- I just rarely do it with people I don't know well- and so I take that same idea with the internet. I don't curse around strangers- my personal way of doing it. I was pointing out the irony of saying 'that's fucking rude.' Don't you find that ironic? 

I like to clarify and keep things calm and like to leave things pleasantly resolved with people- and tend to keep on replying if there seems to be a misunderstanding or misinterpretation of what I said. 

Not sure why you seem so very angry at me, but I genuinely enjoy reading your posts on these forums much of the time- if not just for your hilarious gifs- curses and all!  

Because coming into an etiquette thread about honeymoon registries and being "Nah, honeymoon registries are cool, lighten up" is like walking up to a group of people dressed as Jedi and going "Ohhh, Star Trek is so cool, are you like following "Prime Directive?"

cambryn

chibiyui said:

Because coming into an etiquette thread about honeymoon registries and being "Nah, honeymoon registries are cool, lighten up" is like walking up to a group of people dressed as Jedi and going "Ohhh, Star Trek is so cool, are you like following "Prime Directive?"

I think I follow your meaning. Yeah, I guess I don't take this as personally as some of the devotees here do when it comes to the rules of etiquette. I also don't really care if someone gets my fandom stuff wrong, so perhaps it just takes a certain state of mind to fit in on here at times. The only thing I'm not vibing on is the anger coming at me, but I'm fine with people critiquing what I say. I'm just happy to be on here and hearing all the wedding stuff and talking a bit about it too, since I'm so close to my own!

chibiyui

cambryn said:

chibiyui said:

Because coming into an etiquette thread about honeymoon registries and being "Nah, honeymoon registries are cool, lighten up" is like walking up to a group of people dressed as Jedi and going "Ohhh, Star Trek is so cool, are you like following "Prime Directive?"

I think I follow your meaning. Yeah, I guess I don't take this as personally as some of the devotees here do when it comes to the rules of etiquette. I also don't really care if someone gets my fandom stuff wrong, so perhaps it just takes a certain state of mind to fit in on here at times. The only thing I'm not vibing on is the anger coming at me, but I'm fine with people critiquing what I say. I'm just happy to be on here and hearing all the wedding stuff and talking a bit about it too, since I'm so close to my own!

And I apologize for anything that came off as angry. It's really not something to get angry over. Most fandom stuff I don't get nerd ragey over, but every now and then...... Congrats on your upcoming wedding and happy planning!

ohannabelle

Meh. I am bored. Except for the sillyassishness  of the "American" comments, there is nothing new here. Just the same old tired excuses for rudeness, and silly arguments. 

Like, Who wants a hand towel or tongs? I actually have used both those items, and am glad to have them in my kitchen, but those really aren't the only alternatives to cash. I suppose the next argument will be, who wants another toaster? Because toasters always come into this discussion at some point, like they're a bad thing that will certainly happen to people who don't ask for cash. 

You realize you don't have to give pedestrian and uninteresting gifts. 

(And practical things can be much appreciated. I'm almost certain to need more wine glasses every couple of years, and towels and sheets wear out, so it's nice not to have to buy replacements.)

I almost wish someone was stupid enough to ask me for flat pieces of paper. I'd have a really wonderful time collecting weird papers of various kinds for their flat paper collection.

cambryn

chibiyui said:

And I apologize for anything that came off as angry. It's really not something to get angry over. Most fandom stuff I don't get nerd ragey over, but every now and then...... Congrats on your upcoming wedding and happy planning!

Thanks so much! Gosh it's exciting- and overwhelming at times- but it's nice to be on here and see I'm not the only one trudging through it!  Also I don't want to be that 'bride that talks about wedding stuff nonstop' so this helps!  

JCbride2015

cambryn said:

JCbride2015 said:

BARF.  I am not even kidding, I can taste the bile in my mouth reading that.  So fucking, enormously, overwhelming, disgustingly rude.

I'd give them a piece of paper.  That's what they want, right?

@cambryn Are you actually suggesting you would have gotten them no gift otherwise?  And then you read that nasty little blurb begging for your money and just realized, "OH!  I had NO IDEA money was a good gift?  I REALLY needed the bride and groom to beg me for money to remember that I'm allowed to give money!  What a novel idea!"

ETA: And WTF at the bolded?  I haven't heard of any Americans who "bristle" at giving money.  I exclusively give money as wedding gifts.  And I still hate Honeyfunds.  Because they are rude, period, full stop.  Nobody needs an Unregistry or Honeyfund or Whatthefuckever to know that giving money is acceptable.

Rude is the way you are cursing every other sentence, I'd say- but I guess you know more than I do about etiquette.

Nope. I'm not suggesting we would have not gotten them a gift. If people are registered for things, I tend to want to stick to the registry- it's things they want or need. I'm the sort of person that will only spend my money on 'necessities like food, surgery or car repairs- and it's hard for me to indulge and buy myself the nicer things. I'd hate to put someone in that place- so I stick to the registry- so they get their wants/needs fulfilled.

On the other hand, registries are a bit weird when you think about it in the context of 'Let's celebrate your love! Here's a handtowel and a pair of tongs you picked out. Hope you enjoy this practical gift with no sentimental meaning about it from either party.' So though I don't like choosing those gifts from the registry, I do it for the reasons I explained above.

And yes, Americans bristle at asking for what you need- aka if you need cash for a honeymoon and not pots- this whole board will have a meltdown about how rude it is to say that. In other places it is not considered rude to be honest about this.

The registry is there for people to see what you want/need as you begin your wedded life together. Registring for what you need, if it is indeed just funds towards your honeymoon and not a knife set, is not rude to me or many many others.

Do you consider ALL registries rude? After all, you are asking for people to go out and buy you nice things you picked out- like a child does to Santa. Of course they aren't rude. Registries are realistic, and relatively new in the scheme of things. And an American invention! 1924 Marshall Fields in Chicago. 

This honeyfund or whatever is just a new evolution to the idea of what a registry is. You can balk all you like- but I imagine you are similar to those people in the 1920's saying 'You can't ASK people for things you PICKED OUT. How incredibly demanding on the guests!! Rude!'

 

Etiquette is about proper hosting. I'm not hosting anybody on this forum so I'll curse if I damn well please, thankyouverymuch.

I'm not angry, just disgusted. I was really not kidding with the bile comment. That shit makes my skin crawl and activates my gag reflex.

artbyallie

@cambryn, bottom line (which I'm pretty sure I already said in this thread, though it's hard to know since there are sooo many of them on this topic) everyone knows money is a good gift. Therefore you do not need a registry to tell anyone that. Also, as mentioned dozens of times, the 'service' takes part of the gift. How stupid would one have to be to sign up for that?

On the other hand, people don't know what colors you like, the style of flatware/dishes you want to use, etc. etc. And some of my favorite and most-used gifts were never on my registries to begin with. You seem like you are arguing just to stir shit up and that is not okay.

abbyj700

cambryn said:

I disagree that honeymoon funds are tacky. You're registering for a honey moon, instead of a lot of home stuff you do not need. That just seems to be common sense, to me. 

No one is obligated to give a gift either way.

A couple whose wedding I went to the other day did this- they've been together for years and even have kids.

Here's how they put it:

"(Un)Registry

Since we've been together for some time now and have accumulated almost every necessary household item you can think of, we didn't put much on our registry. However if you are still compelled by generosity, we would be thrilled with any form of flat, paper gifts "

We gave a $60 check- and it was a relief not to have to pick out something dumb like hand towels and get it shipped to us and all that. 

In many cultures it is expected for people to JUST give money- I have no idea why so many Americans bristle at this.

WOW. This person is pretty brazen! If this doesn't scream "GIVE ME MONEY BECAUSE I'M SPECIAL!!!" I don't know what does!

I've been in and attended several weddings in the last few years. We give cash or a gift depending on how large the person's registry is and if there is anything that fits what we'd like to give and our price range. Typically we give anywhere from $200-$400 in gifts/cash at the wedding and then a smaller gift at the shower. 

If someone put in their invitation something as terribly rude as this - I would most likely give in to their demands and give them cash - but I'd probably give them $50 rather than $200+. Or perhaps I'd buy them something...make a point that you shouldn't be so money grabby to honored guests.

When did people get so rude? We're having a wedding to celebrate with our families and friends...not to stick our hands out and ask for ANYTHING.

theartistformerlyknownas

I had a registry, and out of over 100 couples/families at my wedding, only 2 gave registry gifts. 4 or 5 gave sentimental gifts, and the rest gave money. It's not a tough concept to understand.

LDay2014

you know what's flat and paper?

raissyrais

Maggie0829 said:

I lurked in the beginning but not all that much. I was "yelled" at a few times, but unlike some special snowflakes, I took the constructive criticism to heart and ignored any shitty comments because why let something a complete stranger said get to you? And I have been on here for 3 years so I started back when TK was a lot harsher then it is today.

Ditto this. I lurked on TK for two years before starting to post in January this year, so I can also tell you that TK used to be harsher then.

southernbelle0915

@cambryn - If asking for money wasn't considered faux pas, people would have zero problem saying "Please give us money" or "Cash gifts requested". 

People KNOW it's rude and against etiquette ask for money so they try to dress it up in the form of some cutesy definition (e.g. "...flat, paper gifts *WINK!*"), or poetry, or a honeyfund. The hope is that people are distracted by their "creativity". All of these are just disguised forms of the same thing: "Give us money!" and panhandling is always rude. No matter how anyone dresses it up, it boils down to the same rude thing. 

"Don't give me money, please - I just don't want it".... said no one ever. Everyone knows cash is a good gift and if they want to give cash (as you did) they will. But it's rude to ask for it.

rajahmd

LDay2014 said:

you know what's flat and paper?

You win the internet today.

flantastic

My registry is so people know what we could use and would appreciate. If someone buys something from my registry, I don't think "How impersonal!" but rather "That's nice that they chose to get me something they know I'd like, as opposed to whatever they think is cool but have no idea that I have 3 of already and didn't like the first 3 times." However, if people don't want to check the registry (which I am only providing if people ask, not promoting with weird poetry) and would rather get me some Game of Thrones-style pewter measuring spoons, that's their prerogative.

Money is not a thing that I am going to dislike because I already have some or it's super ugly. People know that it will be appreciated. If people give me money, I am not going to think, "How impersonal!" but rather, "That's nice that they want to help set us up moving forward in our married life in whatever way we deem fit."

It is not that hard.

mbl15

Personally, if I saw a registry with a request for cash rather than physical gifts, I would think "oh, that was nice and clear" and get some cash, a card, and probably something really small that I think they'd enjoy like a candle, bottle of wine, or a gift card to a favorite eatery. I would think it was unconventional but not rude.

I know our house has more than we could ever want or need--we simply do not really get that much enjoyment from material items. We would prefer to keep our cheap dishes and faded towels and go away somewhere for an experience instead.

That being said-- word of mouth is likely still a better method. I know not everyone shares my beliefs, as is clear from prior posts, so it could potentially avoid an unnecessary conflict.

Final thought--Emily Post would likely not approve of how some members choose to express their advice and I believe it is valid to avoid any responses that are written in a hostile manner on a board for etiquette. Yes, this is the internet, but it does not mean this board cannot be civil.

Viczaesar

mbl15 said:

Personally, if I saw a registry with a request for cash rather than physical gifts, I would think "oh, that was nice and clear" and get some cash, a card, and probably something really small that I think they'd enjoy like a candle, bottle of wine, or a gift card to a favorite eatery. I would think it was unconventional but not rude.

I know our house has more than we could ever want or need--we simply do not really get that much enjoyment from material items. We would prefer to keep our cheap dishes and faded towels and go away somewhere for an experience instead.

That being said-- word of mouth is likely still a better method. I know not everyone shares my beliefs, as is clear from prior posts, so it could potentially avoid an unnecessary conflict.

Final thought--Emily Post would likely not approve of how some members choose to express their advice and I believe it is valid to avoid any responses that are written in a hostile manner on a board for etiquette. Yes, this is the internet, but it does not mean this board cannot be civil.

Civility is in the eye of the beholder.

LDay2014

mbl15 said:

Personally, if I saw a registry with a request for cash rather than physical gifts, I would think "oh, that was nice and clear" and get some cash, a card, and probably something really small that I think they'd enjoy like a candle, bottle of wine, or a gift card to a favorite eatery. I would think it was unconventional but not rude.

I know our house has more than we could ever want or need--we simply do not really get that much enjoyment from material items. We would prefer to keep our cheap dishes and faded towels and go away somewhere for an experience instead.

That being said-- word of mouth is likely still a better method. I know not everyone shares my beliefs, as is clear from prior posts, so it could potentially avoid an unnecessary conflict.

Final thought--Emily Post would likely not approve of how some members choose to express their advice and I believe it is valid to avoid any responses that are written in a hostile manner on a board for etiquette. Yes, this is the internet, but it does not mean this board cannot be civil.

Nor would she likely tolerate idiocy and blatant disregard for social awareness - but I digress.

beethery

mbl15 said:

Final thought--Emily Post would likely not approve of how some members choose to express their advice and I believe it is valid to avoid any responses that are written in a hostile manner on a board for etiquette. Yes, this is the internet, but it does not mean this board cannot be civil.

slothiegal

mbl15 said:

Personally, if I saw a registry with a request for cash rather than physical gifts, I would think "oh, that was nice and clear" and get some cash, a card, and probably something really small that I think they'd enjoy like a candle, bottle of wine, or a gift card to a favorite eatery. I would think it was unconventional but not rude.

I know our house has more than we could ever want or need--we simply do not really get that much enjoyment from material items. We would prefer to keep our cheap dishes and faded towels and go away somewhere for an experience instead.

That being said-- word of mouth is likely still a better method. I know not everyone shares my beliefs, as is clear from prior posts, so it could potentially avoid an unnecessary conflict.

Final thought--Emily Post would likely not approve of how some members choose to express their advice and I believe it is valid to avoid any responses that are written in a hostile manner on a board for etiquette. Yes, this is the internet, but it does not mean this board cannot be civil.

I will say what I've said before--

If you (or any poster) feel that a post has crossed the line, please feel free to report it and I (or another mod) will deal with it accordingly.

Until then, remember that it's absolutely ludicrous to try and dictate how people post.  This is an etiquette board dealing with how to host weddings--NOT how to post on the internet.