Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

A Note to Those Who Want to Get Married Now and a Vow Renewal Later... #2

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Re: A Note to Those Who Want to Get Married Now and a Vow Renewal Later... #2

  • MobKaz said:
    esstee33 said:
    redoryx said:

    Here's what I don't get about the PPD: what date do you consider your anniversary? The one the state considers or the day of the big party? I suppose it would have to be the day of the big party, right? 'Cause otherwise people would be confused about why you are celebrating the legal one when they always thought it was this other date months later when they saw you exchange vows and all that shit.

    So, okay, let's say you have a PPD and then you have kids. And then decades go by and something happens, you die or are put in a nursing home or something, and your kids and possibly grandkids are going through cleaning out your house and come across your papers. You know, those important legal ones. And suddenly they're all confused because all this time they thought their parents' anniversary was Y but this document shows it as X. Are all of those with a PPD really comfortable with the idea of lying to your possible future children?

    We will celebrate the anniversary of the day we exchanged vows, or, our wedding day as it's known to us. The anniversary of the date we signed our license can and will pass with no acknowledgment from us. In fact, I'd have to go pull the thing out of a file cabinet to even recall the exact date.

    We do not plan to ever have children. But I do have parents. They were married on October 9, 1971. Every year on October 9th they celebrate their anniversary. If one day after they are gone I stumbled across their marriage license and discovered they had signed it on a date other than October 9, 1971 I would seriously have no fucks to give. It would change absolutely nothing in my life. I might wonder what the circumstances were that created the situation but without anyone to ask, I wouldn't fixate on it and would likely assume it was some type of legal thing (taxes, insurance, whatever), which wouldn't change my views of their marriage. I doubt seriously I'd get all weepy and start questioning everything around me, heading aimlessly in to the dark night screaming "It's all been a pack of lies!!!! Who am I? Who can I really trust anymore?"
    So I guess the question remaining from all of this: why bother even getting legally married? If, as you say, the only "wedding" that mattered was the one where you exchanged vows and pretended to get married in front of your people, why bother with the legal part anyway? 
    It's a story as old as Cain and Abel. She married for the LEGAL rights and benefits only afforded to those who are married. It was done for insurance purposes. It has been discussed and acknowledged in previous threads. But for her to answer your question would require .....you know.......the truth.
    uh, that was the truth. we had ALWAYS intended to be legally married. otherwise we wouldn't have bothered to get engaged. we just NEVER planned to have our wedding be legally validated in mexico. we wanted the ceremony there, but didn't like their requirements. further, if it had been a legally valid ceremony in mx, it would have been a far cry from the type of ceremony we wanted and had. as has also been discussed and acknowledged in other threads is the fact that since we NEVER planned to have a legally valid ceremony in mx, when H needed medical insurance it wasn't a hard decision at all to move up the license signing. we wanted, and got, the best of all worlds.  seems like excellent pragmatic common sense to me. 
  • This content has been removed.
  • MobKaz said:
    esstee33 said:
    redoryx said:

    Here's what I don't get about the PPD: what date do you consider your anniversary? The one the state considers or the day of the big party? I suppose it would have to be the day of the big party, right? 'Cause otherwise people would be confused about why you are celebrating the legal one when they always thought it was this other date months later when they saw you exchange vows and all that shit.

    So, okay, let's say you have a PPD and then you have kids. And then decades go by and something happens, you die or are put in a nursing home or something, and your kids and possibly grandkids are going through cleaning out your house and come across your papers. You know, those important legal ones. And suddenly they're all confused because all this time they thought their parents' anniversary was Y but this document shows it as X. Are all of those with a PPD really comfortable with the idea of lying to your possible future children?

    We will celebrate the anniversary of the day we exchanged vows, or, our wedding day as it's known to us. The anniversary of the date we signed our license can and will pass with no acknowledgment from us. In fact, I'd have to go pull the thing out of a file cabinet to even recall the exact date.

    We do not plan to ever have children. But I do have parents. They were married on October 9, 1971. Every year on October 9th they celebrate their anniversary. If one day after they are gone I stumbled across their marriage license and discovered they had signed it on a date other than October 9, 1971 I would seriously have no fucks to give. It would change absolutely nothing in my life. I might wonder what the circumstances were that created the situation but without anyone to ask, I wouldn't fixate on it and would likely assume it was some type of legal thing (taxes, insurance, whatever), which wouldn't change my views of their marriage. I doubt seriously I'd get all weepy and start questioning everything around me, heading aimlessly in to the dark night screaming "It's all been a pack of lies!!!! Who am I? Who can I really trust anymore?"
    So I guess the question remaining from all of this: why bother even getting legally married? If, as you say, the only "wedding" that mattered was the one where you exchanged vows and pretended to get married in front of your people, why bother with the legal part anyway? 
    It's a story as old as Cain and Abel. She married for the LEGAL rights and benefits only afforded to those who are married. It was done for insurance purposes. It has been discussed and acknowledged in previous threads. But for her to answer your question would require .....you know.......the truth.
    uh, that was the truth. we had ALWAYS intended to be legally married. otherwise we wouldn't have bothered to get engaged. we just NEVER planned to have our wedding be legally validated in mexico. we wanted the ceremony there, but didn't like their requirements. further, if it had been a legally valid ceremony in mx, it would have been a far cry from the type of ceremony we wanted and had. as has also been discussed and acknowledged in other threads is the fact that since we NEVER planned to have a legally valid ceremony in mx, when H needed medical insurance it wasn't a hard decision at all to move up the license signing. we wanted, and got, the best of all worlds.  seems like excellent pragmatic common sense to me. 
    well I think what is upsetting people here, is that you call the day you got married "license signing" what was enough for many members in here you are treating as it was signing a napkin. I think one of the girls in here lives in AZ and her marriage is valid now (same sex) and that paper is VERY SPECIAL it means a lot. You should be careful with your words. 
    I've been pretty clear about the fact that I have no qualms with how people view their own marriages. Whether they sign and drive, have a lavish affair, sky dive their way to matrimony, I'm far more open minded than most. You know why? Because other people's marriages are none of my business! How they become married, again, none of my business. 

    I get to think and feel about my marriage and how I ended up married however I choose, just like others. Whether I felt that our license signing was a monumental occasion or no more than signing legal paperwork gets to remain my prerogative. I've also been crystal clear that I am completely open and supportive of gay marriage and want for gay people the exact same rights I have. Including their right to view the marriage license in any way they'd like.

    The fact is, if it's all about the license then NO ONE needs a wedding ceremony beyond signing their license now do they? But people want what they want and they justify the dress and the cake and the spotlight dances however they feel they need to. In essence, all brides are just pretty, pretty princesses but if you do it the "right way" it's all just fine and dandy. This is a notion I wholeheartedly reject. 

    What people on these boards "get upset" about is they think I, and others like me, owe intended wedding guests an explanation about the exact moment the marriage license was signed if it was different from the date/time of the symbolic or religion ceremony. I clearly do not. I don't think it is particularly relevant. Obviously they do. They will continue to throw the words "lies, deceit, etc." around and I will continue to disagree.

    I will also continue to reject the idea that everyone out there should be so overly concerned with getting the side-eye, talked about, etc. from their friends and family. Life is way too short to miss out on awesome experiences in fear of the judgements of others.
  • rainbows0215rainbows0215 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    To answer the question about you anniversary date mine was yesterday not my  soon to be vow renewal. Also I am gay that paper means a lot to me . My married date 10/30/13. Vow renewal SOON!!!!!!!
  • rainbows0215rainbows0215 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited October 2014
    What happened to us is we already had a wedding planned venue, Dj and etc. all of the big items out of the way including my dress. My wife  at the time my finance had lost her benefits because I love her and want her to be safe we moved our wedding date up. Now she has health benefits and if she needs them she is safe. My piece of mind, we have decided we are going forward with the bells and whistles again everybody knows we are married and the wedding has happened already.  I am going to be a princess for one day out of my entire life I usually back off from attention for once in my life I am not going to. side note I am older.
  • What happened to us is we already had a wedding planned venue, Dj and etc. all of the big items out of the way including my dress. My wife  at the time my finance had lost her benefits because I love her and want her to be safe we moved our wedding date up. Now she has health benefits and if she needs them she is safe. My piece of mind, we have decided we are going forward with the bells and whistles again everybody knows we are married and the wedding has happened already.  I am going to be a princess for one day out of my entire life I usually back off from attention for once in my life I am not going to. side note I am older.
    This is some of the most hilarious, absurd shit I've ever read. "I am going to be a princess for a day."

    Grow the fuck up. Seriously, this is pathetic. You're a fuckin' commoner like the rest of us, act like an adult and drop the princess bullshit.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • What happened to us is we already had a wedding planned venue, Dj and etc. all of the big items out of the way including my dress. My wife  at the time my finance had lost her benefits because I love her and want her to be safe we moved our wedding date up. Now she has health benefits and if she needs them she is safe. My piece of mind, we have decided we are going forward with the bells and whistles again everybody knows we are married and the wedding has happened already.  I am going to be a princess for one day out of my entire life I usually back off from attention for once in my life I am not going to. side note I am older.

    If you are older, then its time you grow, the fuck, up.

    Princess for a day? Seriously?

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • It's not a REAL wedding without a DJ.  Everyone knows that.
    image
  • Despite everything I wish you all a wonderful wedding and may your may your lives be blessed
  • edited October 2014
    rainbows0215 said: What happened to us is we already had a wedding planned venue, Dj and etc. all of the big items out of the way including my dress. My wife  at the time my finance had lost her benefits because I love her and want her to be safe we moved our wedding date up. Now she has health benefits and if she needs them she is safe. My piece of mind, we have decided we are going forward with the bells and whistles again everybody knows we are married and the wedding has happened already.  I am going to be a princess for one day out of my entire life I usually back off from attention for once in my life I am not going to. side note I am older.


    ETF: I swear, TK, these boxes...

    You still could have had the dress etc. at the same time you actually got married. Moving up the timeline is no excuse. My SIL planned her wedding in
    less than a month. And she wore a wedding dress, had a DJ, and so on.
    image
  • Despite everything I wish you all a wonderful wedding and may your may your lives be blessed
    Omg thank you so much!!!!
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • edited October 2014
    What happened to us is we already had a wedding planned venue, Dj and etc. all of the big items out of the way including my dress. My wife  at the time my finance had lost her benefits because I love her and want her to be safe we moved our wedding date up. Now she has health benefits and if she needs them she is safe. My piece of mind, we have decided we are going forward with the bells and whistles again everybody knows we are married and the wedding has happened already.  I am going to be a princess for one day out of my entire life I usually back off from attention for once in my life I am not going to. side note I am older.



    ETF: I swear, TK, these boxes...


    You still could have had the dress etc. at the same time you actually got married. Moving up the timeline is no excuse. My SIL planned her wedding in less than a month. And she wore a wedding dress, had a DJ, and so on.

    ********************************************************************************************************************************************************** EDITED BECAUSE TK ALLOWS ME NEITHER BOXES NOR PARAGRAPHS 




    This. I planned my wedding in 13 days after a family member got sick. With dress. 

    But I didn't have a DJ nor was I a princess. So...I should really do it again. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Guys, my feathers are really ruffed now. 
  •  
    And this is my issue with vow renewals. 

    Why not an anniversary party? You can have a big beautiful party, you can have the ever so important DJ, or whatever, serve a beautiful dinner, invite 100 of your closest friends, wear a beautiful gown. You can make a beautiful (hopefully brief) speech to your SO letting everybody know you're still madly in love, and then dance the night away. Like an adult married woman.

    Why, in the name of all good taste, is that no longer good enough? 
    Why is this (fairly recent) trend of vow renewals replacing the classic anniversary celebration?

    And the answer, in 9 out of 10 VW posters (probably more) is that they want another wedding. They want to play princess for a day, and before you know it, here they are (like that Blogwhoring* woman who did the GBCK) running all over the boards babbling about their bridesmaids and flower girls and wedding gowns and receptions and just making my ass ache. Because it's really a big make pretend wedding, and the very definition of a pretty princess day, but dressed up in the more socially acceptable garb of "vow renewal." Nobody's fooled. 

    Dignity, please. Anniversary parties are lovely and in good taste and equally meaningful and don't involve playing pretend bride or making your guest's asses ache. 


    *Please note that the expression "blog whoring" has nothing to do with prostitution, but refers to someone publicly seeking attention for their blog. It's a very specific type of attention whoring.




    According to TK, vow renewals are necessary to "formalize" elopements and courthouse ceremonies where family and friends may not have been present. So,  I guess it's no surprise that we see so many PPDs on here. The wedding industry is feeding into the desire to be a SS.

    Quite frankly, it fucking rude as hell that someone or something would say my elopement was not enough. Last time I checked, I was formally and legally married. I didn't need to be a special snowflake princess with everyone fawning all over me to have the perfect wedding.

    As I mentioned previously, there is someone on the boards planning a vow renewal after 50 years of marriage. That is awesome. I'll probably never make it to 50 years since DH was 50 when we got married.

     







  • Guys, my feathers are really ruffed now. 
    Well, save those ruffled feathers, and if they're white, you can sew them onto your next wedding gown when you decide you need another wedding. You can call it a vow renewal.
    My cake fell. I need a do-over! I deserve it!
  •  
    And this is my issue with vow renewals. 

    Why not an anniversary party? You can have a big beautiful party, you can have the ever so important DJ, or whatever, serve a beautiful dinner, invite 100 of your closest friends, wear a beautiful gown. You can make a beautiful (hopefully brief) speech to your SO letting everybody know you're still madly in love, and then dance the night away. Like an adult married woman.

    Why, in the name of all good taste, is that no longer good enough? 
    Why is this (fairly recent) trend of vow renewals replacing the classic anniversary celebration?

    And the answer, in 9 out of 10 VW posters (probably more) is that they want another wedding. They want to play princess for a day, and before you know it, here they are (like that Blogwhoring* woman who did the GBCK) running all over the boards babbling about their bridesmaids and flower girls and wedding gowns and receptions and just making my ass ache. Because it's really a big make pretend wedding, and the very definition of a pretty princess day, but dressed up in the more socially acceptable garb of "vow renewal." Nobody's fooled. 

    Dignity, please. Anniversary parties are lovely and in good taste and equally meaningful and don't involve playing pretend bride or making your guest's asses ache. 


    *Please note that the expression "blog whoring" has nothing to do with prostitution, but refers to someone publicly seeking attention for their blog. It's a very specific type of attention whoring.




    According to TK, vow renewals are necessary to "formalize" elopements and courthouse ceremonies where family and friends may not have been present. So,  I guess it's no surprise that we see so many PPDs on here. The wedding industry is feeding into the desire to be a SS.

    Quite frankly, it fucking rude as hell that someone or something would say my elopement was not enough. Last time I checked, I was formally and legally married. I didn't need to be a special snowflake princess with everyone fawning all over me to have the perfect wedding.

    As I mentioned previously, there is someone on the boards planning a vow renewal after 50 years of marriage. That is awesome. I'll probably never make it to 50 years since DH was 50 when we got married.

    50 Years! Awesome. Lolo's parents and the near death experience? Awesome. 
    And you might see a fiftieth anniversary- my granny is a  mostly spry 98, and modern medicine just gets more amazing every year. I fully expect to see 100. I'd be very surprised if I didn't.


  • Guys, my feathers are really ruffed now. 
    Well, save those ruffled feathers, and if they're white, you can sew them onto your next wedding gown when you decide you need another wedding. You can call it a vow renewal.
    My cake fell. I need a do-over! I deserve it!
    DH forgot to give his mom and grandma the corsages we bought for them. We need a do-over.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • rainbows0215rainbows0215 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2014
    @MairePoppy Before you speak I did not get banned
  • Before you speak I did not get banned
    Before you speak?  What are you talking about?



  • It is in the thread.
  • It is in the thread.
    That was about someone else.

    image
    image
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