I don't want anyone trying on my engagement ring

oxtixamoxo

I don't know if I'm alone in this but I don't want anyone trying on my engagement ring. I'm not superstitious but I think it's something personal that my FH gave me and that it shouldn't be taken off. I just don't know how to say no. So far the only person to ask was my FMIL and luckily my FH was there to tell her no. I got a weird look like it was rude that I wouldn't let her try it on but I think it's rude to even ask. He also finds it silly that I won't take it off (to sleep, shower) but I think it's too personal and means too much to be thrown around carelessly. So what I'm asking is how would you politely tell someone they can't try on your ring? Please nothing rude I'm looking for help.

phira

No one has ever asked me if they can try on my ring. If it happens again, just say something like, "I'm sorry, I'm not comfortable with that," and change the subject.

I don't think it's silly that you don't take off your ring to sleep or to shower, but I bristle a little at the idea that taking your ring off is akin to throwing it around carelessly. I take mine off when I swim, shower, was the dishes, or generally do something where my hands are getting wet or messy. It's not because I don't love my engagement ring, or think it's important or special. It's because I don't wear rings when my hands can get super dirty.

ShesSoCold

I think this is ridiculous. 

People are excited for you. They're not going to steal it. They're not going to say some voodoo shit to put bad juju in it. Relax. 

Edited to fix typo. 

esstee33

oxtixamoxo said:

I don't know if I'm alone in this but I don't want anyone trying on my engagement ring. I'm not superstitious but I think it's something personal that my FH gave me and that it shouldn't be taken off. I just don't know how to say no. So far the only person to ask was my FMIL and luckily my FH was there to tell her no. I got a weird look like it was rude that I wouldn't let her try it on but I think it's rude to even ask. He also finds it silly that I won't take it off (to sleep, shower) but I think it's too personal and means too much to be thrown around carelessly. So what I'm asking is how would you politely tell someone they can't try on your ring? Please nothing rude I'm looking for help.

Nobody has asked to try on my ring, but I'd find it weird, too. 

I definitely disagree with you about taking it off being "throwing it around carelessly," though. I take mine off when I cook, do dishes, shower, do my hair, makeup, etc. I also take it off to wash my hands and put on lotion. I don't want it getting all grimy from soaps and lotions and I don't want to have to clean it all the time. I do wear it to bed, but as I've knocked it on a couple things lately, I may start taking it off at night, too. 

Maggie0829

I think you need to relax a bit about your e-ring.  Yes, it is special, but it is just a piece of jewelry. Unless you treat your other pieces of jewelry like trash then I am pretty sure you are capable of taking your e-ring off and put it in a safe and secure place until you slip it back on.

I had my friend, my sister and my Mom ask to try on my ring.  I had no issue with it because it wasn't like they were going to steal it or take a hammer to it or throw it across the room.  Now if some rando wanted to try it on then I would say no and quickly walk away, but a close friend or family member?  I don't see the issue.

Just remember that the meaning behind the ring is what is important.  The ring itself is just a piece of jewelry, but what it signifies to you is the important part.  And someone else trying it on does not diminish the significance and it certainly does not have the same significance to the person trying it on.  To them it is just a pretty ring.

emmaaa

A few of my friends tried it on. I was the first one to get engaged so they were excited and wanted to see what it looked like on their hand. No big deal. 

I also don't take my ring off to do anything. Showering, sleeping, swimming, whatever, I have it on. But that's because I want to. It's not silly or careless to take it off if someone wants to to help keep it from getting scratched or broken.

Also, you cannot tell posters to only post nice things. This is an internet forum and people will post their honest opinions.  That exclamation does not make me want to be nice ot you. 

novella1186

My best friend pulled my ring right off my finger without asking and tried it on. I thought nothing of it. It didn't offend me, and it didn't ruin how special my ring is or ruin the fact that it's just for me from my FI. If my FMIL asked to try it on I would gladly let her. 

And I take my ring off if I'm cooking and I know my hands will get nasty from raw meat or something, or if I'm painting, spray painting stuff (I do a lot of projects) or doing anything that could risk my ring getting junk on it or getting gunked up from products. I don't consider this carelessly throwing it around, I consider it carefully protecting my ring. 

I don't blame you for being very protective of it, because obviously it's a really special thing, but you need to relax a little. 

If a random person asks to try it on and you don't want them to, you can kind of joke about it and say "oh I never take this thing off!" and then just change the subject. It doesn't need to be a big deal. Just decline to let them try it, and then move on. 

climbingsingle

scribe95 said:

Taking the ring on and off isn't "throwing it around carelessly." I'm glad you think it's special but I hope you relax a bit about it over time. I mean a stranger on the street? No. FMIL? No problem. 

This. 

lacqueredlover

The first thing I do when I get home after work is take off all my jewelry, including my engagement ring.  that's my personal preference, it doesn't make me careless and that's pretty rude of you to equate people taking off their jewelry when they sleep, shower, or really any time that they choose to.  If YOUR personal preference is to keep it on all the time then that's great, good for you, enjoy doing that but don't put down people who choose to do things differently.

As to people trying on your ring, also your preference.  Honestly it doesn't bother me when it's someone I'm close to like one of my best friends or my mom.  At the end of the day, it's just a piece of jewelry, it's the meaning that's important, not a strip of metal with some stones.

littlemushroom

I think it is really weird to ask to try on someone's e-ring. If they want to see how a ring looks on their finger, they should go to a jewelry store. I wouldn't hand it over so someone, anyone, could try it on. No one ever asked though. Just say no and change the subject.

I agree that taking it off does not equal throwing it about carelessly though. I take mine off to shower and when handling raw meat because my meatball mixture or raw chicken juice does not need to get stuck in my setting. I do sleep with my rings on though and use lotion with them on (most of the time).

I never wanted to take my ring off when I first got it either. I think that is something you will relax about naturally over time, as you start doing more things where it would seem natural to remove them to protect them.

southernbelle0915

If you really don't want people trying it on and they ask if they can do so, just say "oh, I never take it off" and move on in the conversation. No is not a four letter word.

I've had people I barely know ask if they can try it on - particularly girls I used to work with who were DYING to get married. I don't know them, so the answer was no. My sister in law is probably getting engaged soon and, in our discussion about rings, she tried mine on. Not a big deal. Different scenario. Just do whatever your comfortable with.

Maggie0829

lacqueredlover said:

The first thing I do when I get home after work is take off all my jewelry, including my engagement ring.  that's my personal preference, it doesn't make me careless and that's pretty rude of you to equate people taking off their jewelry when they sleep, shower, or really any time that they choose to.  If YOUR personal preference is to keep it on all the time then that's great, good for you, enjoy doing that but don't put down people who choose to do things differently.

As to people trying on your ring, also your preference.  Honestly it doesn't bother me when it's someone I'm close to like one of my best friends or my mom.  At the end of the day, it's just a piece of jewelry, it's the meaning that's important, not a strip of metal with some stones.

Bolded = Love.

Hell the night I got engaged I took my ring off and put it back the box because I didn't want to have to deal with it grabbing my hair or poking me while I slept.  I guess that was me carelessly throwing it around and not caring about its meaning.

LadyMillil

scribe95 said:

Taking the ring on and off isn't "throwing it around carelessly." I'm glad you think it's special but I hope you relax a bit about it over time. I mean a stranger on the street? No. FMIL? No problem. 

This. I can't wear my rings on my hand at work for safety issues. I either place the rings back in the box and leave it at home or locked in my desk drawer, or wear the rings on a chain around my neck. I would never "throw it around carelessly".

No one asked to try on my ring but BSC sis tried to remove it from my finger to try on, which was met with a "WTH are you doing?"

Sugargirl1019

Hi OP, I'm with you! I do not think it is right for others to try on your engagement ring. Would you let other wear your wedding ring? No! I understand others are excited and want to see the ring, but they don't need to be trying it on. I was asked once and I said no. It's sorta similar to showing your friend your wedding dress and her asking to try it on. It's something that holds a lot of value to you being the one to wear it. I would just say "I'm not comfortable with that" and move on.

I do think though that there are certain activities you should take your ring off for BECAUSE it is so special and you want to take care of it - lifting weights, for example. I take mine off for a shower because my hair gets stuck in the diamond if I don't.

blabla89

If someone asked me that I would raise my eyebrows and say, "I beg your pardon?" and then just stare at them for a moment before changing the subject.

banana468

What are you going to do when it's time to put on your wedding band? That's supposed to be closest to your heart!

I get that you don't want your FMIL trying it on but I think you're taking this too seriously. There will be times that it makes sense to take your rings off and those occasions shouldn't be met with rage, tears or an adult temper tantrum.

dolewhipper

I would hate to see what happens if/when she gets pregnant and her fingers swell.

banana468

shannonmaya said:

I would hate to see what happens if/when she gets pregnant and her fingers swell.

Ugh. I had to soak my hand in ice water this summer because I missed the window of easy removal and my fingers were looking like sausages.

DH bought me a plain silver band 2 sizes larger and I wore that for a good 3-4 months. Plus, I wasn't worried about potential loss in the hospital since you shouldn't wear good jewelry there anyway.

amelisha

I think you sound a little crazy, TBH. And I shudder to think about how germy that ring is going to be if you never take it off (says the woman who had her hands in a bunch of raw ground beef making meatballs last night and definitely took her ring off to do it.)

But it's your ring, and if you don't want anyone to try it on, you can say "I'm sorry, but I prefer not to take it off," and leave it at that. It's really not hard to decline a request politely. 

RebeccaFlower

oxtixamoxo said:

I don't know if I'm alone in this but I don't want anyone trying on my engagement ring. I'm not superstitious but I think it's something personal that my FH gave me and that it shouldn't be taken off. I just don't know how to say no. So far the only person to ask was my FMIL and luckily my FH was there to tell her no. I got a weird look like it was rude that I wouldn't let her try it on but I think it's rude to even ask. He also finds it silly that I won't take it off (to sleep, shower) but I think it's too personal and means too much to be thrown around carelessly. So what I'm asking is how would you politely tell someone they can't try on your ring? Please nothing rude I'm looking for help.

Okay, you can step down from your high horse. Just because people take them off (including myself), doesn't mean that it's careless. 

On the trying on issue, I didn't care, but just say you're not comfortable taking it off. 

dcbride86

I was kind of like this when I first got engaged because my ring belonged to my great-grandmother.  I wouldn't take it off for anything ever, and certainly didn't want people to try it on.  But since then, I've loosened up a little.  After maybe a month, I realized it made a lot more sense to take it off to get manicures and when I go to the gym (holding onto weights and stuff can wear down the band).  I put my ring in the same place when I take it off.  If a friend wants to try it on, I'm totally fine with that - I'm not going to let her take it home or go out to dinner wearing it, but she can try it on and then give it back

sarawifenow

I take my rings (wedding and e-ring) off every night before bed, before I shower, if I am swimming, if I am cooking something messy, etc. That doesn't mean I am being careless about them.

 

Nobody has ever asked to try my ring on. If it was somebody that I didn't know very well, I would laugh it off and pretend that I didn't understand the question. If it was a gf or a family member, I wouldn't care at all.

smalfrie19

I am curious what she is going to do when the ring has to go in for inspection or repair or cleaning??!?!?! I mean taking off your ring doesn't mean you aren't engaged. 

Cookie Pusher

I love my ring but it is honestly too much of a PITA to wear it all the damn time. The setting is high so it doesn't fit well in gloves, and it seems sort of ridiculous to wear it while using caustic chemicals like tub and tile cleaner. I'd think that my taking care to remove my ring in situations where it may become damaged would show I'm being MORE careful with it rather than wearing it all-the-time-no-matter-what.

And no one asked to try on my ring and I've never asked anyone to try theirs on. That could be because I have small fingers. If someone I trust did ask, though, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

charlottesmom0626

Cookie Pusher said:

I love my ring but it is honestly too much of a PITA to wear it all the damn time. The setting is high so it doesn't fit well in gloves, and it seems sort of ridiculous to wear it while using caustic chemicals like tub and tile cleaner. I'd think that my taking care to remove my ring in situations where it may become damaged would show I'm being MORE careful with it rather than wearing it all-the-time-no-matter-what.

And no one asked to try on my ring and I've never asked anyone to try theirs on. That could be because I have small fingers. If someone I trust did ask, though, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

This.
I'm a zookeeper. I do not wear my e-ring to work for multiple reasons: mainly I don't want a prized possession covered in bird shit.

fwtx5815

1. you should relax

2. get a cute ring holder (I bought this one from Etsy). Whenever I'm cooking or doing lots of cleaning, I always carelessly throw gently place my ring on the ring dish so it doesn't get lost.

princessleia22

oxtixamoxo said:

I don't know if I'm alone in this but I don't want anyone trying on my engagement ring. I'm not superstitious but I think it's something personal that my FH gave me and that it shouldn't be taken off. I just don't know how to say no. So far the only person to ask was my FMIL and luckily my FH was there to tell her no. I got a weird look like it was rude that I wouldn't let her try it on but I think it's rude to even ask. He also finds it silly that I won't take it off (to sleep, shower) but I think it's too personal and means too much to be thrown around carelessly. So what I'm asking is how would you politely tell someone they can't try on your ring? Please nothing rude I'm looking for help.

If someone asks to try on your ring, just say "I'm not really comfortable taking it off or having other people wear it".  Simple as that.  I had a couple people ask when I first got engaged and I think I let my sisters try it on (surprisingly all 3 of us have same size finger), but I'm not sure I would allow anyone else to wear it. I do understand not wanting to risk anything happen to it and entrusting it to someone else can be scary... it's a sentimental item.  I think this is common when first engaged and most people loosen up a bit over time.  

As far as taking the ring off equaling being "thrown around carelessly", that statement is pretty out of line and rude.  Just because some people don't wear their ring every second of every day doesn't mean that their ring means any less to them than it does to you.  And there are times that it's important to take your ring off.  Like when handling raw meat, getting that stuff in the setting can be bad and potential health issue. Anything that can get in there and gunk up the ring can be bad and will certainly reduce the shine. Same with lotions and such. All that stuff will get into the setting or below the diamond where it's super difficult to clean.  I take mine off when I shower because otherwise my hair gets caught on it and I worry about it pulling a prong loose and losing the diamond, plus I don't want the shampoo/conditioner. I have a box on my dresser and my ring ALWAYS goes there anytime I take it off.  I never take it off in bathroom or kitchen (near any drains). But, for the short amount of time it's not on my hand, it is in a safe location and I know exactly where it's at. I also take it off every 6 months or so to get it professionally cleaned and inspected.  So, taking it off does not mean being careless.  Personally, I think leaving it on all the time, during careless activities that could damage the ring, is much more careless than someone who takes it off to protect it. 

Right now it's new and you are overprotective, which is okay, but eventually you will have to take it off and hand it over to someone else at least for cleanings and inspections... otherwise you run a much higher risk of losing a stone or major damage.  Prongs can/do wear out over time and will need to be inspected and likely repaired at some point.

JaxInBlue

I agree with you about not necessarily taking it off for other people to try on.  But I can get people might ask or want a closer look.  You can say no, I'm not comfortable and leave it at that.

I do agree with PPs though about not equating taking rings off (frequently or infrequently) as thrown around carelessly.  With the setting I have, it's easy for stuff to get caught between the stones and prongs.  So I take my wedding and engagement rings off when I'm cooking or cleaning, or when I'm showering.  I've got ring holders in the kitchen and bathroom for them so I know where they are and they are safe.  I'm less worried about my rings there than if I were to damage them while doing something else.

esstee33

dallasbetch said:

1. you should relax

2. get a cute ring holder (I bought this one from Etsy). Whenever I'm cooking or doing lots of cleaning, I always carelessly throw gently place my ring on the ring dish so it doesn't get lost.

#2, exactly. I have one on the bathroom sink and one on a shelf above the sink in the kitchen. 

The kitchen one is adorable -- it's a bunny with really long ears that the ring hangs on. 

novella1186

shannonmaya said:

I would hate to see what happens if/when she gets pregnant and her fingers swell.

SIB

My friend from elementary school refused to take her ering off when she was pregnant. Long story short, it had to be CUT OFF. They cut her ring. 

Moral of the story: sometimes you just need to take that thing off, for its own sake 

dcbride86

novella1186 said:

show previous quotes

shannonmaya said:

I would hate to see what happens if/when she gets pregnant and her fingers swell.

SIB

My friend from elementary school refused to take her ering off when she was pregnant. Long story short, it had to be CUT OFF. They cut her ring. 

Moral of the story: sometimes you just need to take that thing off, for its own sake 

This happens a lot after people get engaged.  My friend is an ER doctor and has had to cut off several engagement rings because the girl was too excited and didn't want to wait to get it sized, even though it was too small