Facebook overshare snark

Chipmunk415

ohannabelle said:

antoto said:

Chipmunk415 said:

Dunno if this quite qualifies...

As many ladies on the chit chat board know, BIL dropped dead suddenly 1 month after DH and I got married last year. Ever since, SMIL has constantly posted photos of BIL, with messages about how much he's missed, how hard things are for her and FIL, etc.

Now that wouldn't seem like overshare, but the postings are coming twice a day at times. same rhetoric, complete emphasis on HER pain, HER agony, HER loss. 

Her entire attitude is one akin to BIL being the only child, instead of having an older brother, and it's gotten to the point of looking less "we're grieveing" and more "pay attention to meeeee". Absolutely no mention of DH, FIL, or BIL's fiancee (who found him at home).

It's less than two months until the 1st anniversary of losing BIL. I expect she'll post a massive amount on Facebook on the days leading up, drumming up the sympathy.

Yeesh, I dunno.  That is horrendous- I can't imagine what the hell I would do if it were me who lost my spouse young and suddenly.  Probably not that specifically, but something sort of crazy probably.  That level of grief is scary.  I fucking love snark, but I would pause on that shit.

This is entirely normal behavior for someone in the first year of grief. It's also normal for the surviving children (even adult ones) to feel lost and neglected by the grieving parent/stepparent. 

Different people express loss in different ways, and the outward and public display of grief is not unusual at all. 

I have two friends who are doing this right now. A couple whose 22 year old was killed in a hit and run, and a friend whose husband was killed in an accident 2 weeks before Christmas. I fully expect it to continue for a full year, and to ease off after the anniversary. 

I don't judge this, and don't see it as "drumming up sympathy." (Yikes. I still post a picture of my son every year on his birthday, just because I feel the need to say, this person existed, and mattered, and will always be part of my life. I really hope my friends don't think I'm doing it for sympathy or attention. I'm glad there wasn't a Facebook that first couple of years, because I probably would have gone waaaay overboard.) 

Maybe refer stepmom to Compassionate Friends. They have a closed Facebook group, as well as real life chapters everywhere. She can share her grief posts and what have you in an understanding and safe environment dedicated to that purpose, without bothering people who judge that behavior. 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/41019955773/?ref=ts&fref=ts

The extra background I didn't provide at first in this post: we did suggest Compassionate Friends, and it was turned down. Prior to BIL's death, SMIL made it very clear that BIL was her favorite; this has only gotten more obvious since then. Ive no issue with occasional photos, esp on birthdays and what not, but SMIL's postings are over the top, every week, ad nauseum.

Additionally, we've had zero actual communication with SMIL since August, and minimal with FIL, following a huge blow up between DH and SMIL over some issues relating to the medical reports and whatnot on what caused BIL's death. There were also some passive aggressive comments on FB about "true family and friends" getting them through the first Christmas, (to which we were not invited nor were we told of where they'd be going) among other similar PA comments and things. It boggles my mind that FIL has completely snubbed every hand DH has extended to try and repair the relationship, while his wife makes the two of us look like assholes with her comments about lack of local support (we're living near them presently), and simultaneously posting about the loss of BIL, the only child (in her mind) who mattered.

flantastic

Chipmunk415 said:

ohannabelle said:

antoto said:

Chipmunk415 said:

Dunno if this quite qualifies...

As many ladies on the chit chat board know, BIL dropped dead suddenly 1 month after DH and I got married last year. Ever since, SMIL has constantly posted photos of BIL, with messages about how much he's missed, how hard things are for her and FIL, etc.

Now that wouldn't seem like overshare, but the postings are coming twice a day at times. same rhetoric, complete emphasis on HER pain, HER agony, HER loss. 

Her entire attitude is one akin to BIL being the only child, instead of having an older brother, and it's gotten to the point of looking less "we're grieveing" and more "pay attention to meeeee". Absolutely no mention of DH, FIL, or BIL's fiancee (who found him at home).

It's less than two months until the 1st anniversary of losing BIL. I expect she'll post a massive amount on Facebook on the days leading up, drumming up the sympathy.

Yeesh, I dunno.  That is horrendous- I can't imagine what the hell I would do if it were me who lost my spouse young and suddenly.  Probably not that specifically, but something sort of crazy probably.  That level of grief is scary.  I fucking love snark, but I would pause on that shit.

This is entirely normal behavior for someone in the first year of grief. It's also normal for the surviving children (even adult ones) to feel lost and neglected by the grieving parent/stepparent. Different people express loss in different ways, and the outward and public display of grief is not unusual at all. I have two friends who are doing this right now. A couple whose 22 year old was killed in a hit and run, and a friend whose husband was killed in an accident 2 weeks before Christmas. I fully expect it to continue for a full year, and to ease off after the anniversary. I don't judge this, and don't see it as "drumming up sympathy." (Yikes. I still post a picture of my son every year on his birthday, just because I feel the need to say, this person existed, and mattered, and will always be part of my life. I really hope my friends don't think I'm doing it for sympathy or attention. I'm glad there wasn't a Facebook that first couple of years, because I probably would have gone waaaay overboard.) 
Maybe refer stepmom to Compassionate Friends. They have a closed Facebook group, as well as real life chapters everywhere. She can share her grief posts and what have you in an understanding and safe environment dedicated to that purpose, without bothering people who judge that behavior. https://www.facebook.com/groups/41019955773/?ref=ts&fref=ts



The extra background I didn't provide at first in this post: we did suggest Compassionate Friends, and it was turned down. Prior to BIL's death, SMIL made it very clear that BIL was her favorite; this has only gotten more obvious since then. Ive no issue with occasional photos, esp on birthdays and what not, but SMIL's postings are over the top, every week, ad nauseum.

Additionally, we've had zero actual communication with SMIL since August, and minimal with FIL, following a huge blow up between DH and SMIL over some issues relating to the medical reports and whatnot on what caused BIL's death. There were also some passive aggressive comments on FB about "true family and friends" getting them through the first Christmas, (to which we were not invited nor were we told of where they'd be going) among other similar PA comments and things. It boggles my mind that FIL has completely snubbed every hand DH has extended to try and repair the relationship, while his wife makes the two of us look like assholes with her comments about lack of local support (we're living near them presently), and simultaneously posting about the loss of BIL, the only child (in her mind) who mattered.

__________________________________________________BOX

I can understand why you'd think that, and why you'd be hurt, and it may be true, but I still think the bolded is a logical leap.

They're being hurtful, but I don't think that has to do with BIL or how much/in what way they're allowed to grieve for him, publicly or privately. The "true friends and family" bit just means they're (inexplicably) rejecting your H's olive branches and being mean. I doubt that has anything to do with their grief and isn't excused by it.

But equating the two issues or suggesting that they think of your H more instead of seeming to focus so much on BIL is almost equivalent to saying "but at least you have other children" to a grieving parent.

edit to try to fix boxes... and fail

Knottie1433031275

I literally just block people I don't like so I don't have to deal with their life stories/opposing religious or political views. This keeps from the awkward "Why did you delete me?" conversation and to cover my tracks I visit their pages on occasion and like something they post. It's a win/win.

nycgal85

- Political/religious stuff that attacks anyone who disagrees

- Quack medicine posts

- 20/30somethings who still think (and act) like they are in college and have to Instagram everything...if I cared I would follow you on Instagram, leave me alone on the Facebooks!

- Tagging every single photo #engaged #fiance #married etc. I literally have two friends who thankfully they are both married now, but EVERY SINGLE POST was hashtagged #engaged. Like you're drinking you're goddamn coffee, I don't give a sh*t if your selfie of you holding your coffee cup is only an excuse to have yet ANOTHER picture of your e-ring!!!

antoto

nycgal85 said:

- Political/religious stuff that attacks anyone who disagrees

- Quack medicine posts

- 20/30somethings who still think (and act) like they are in college and have to Instagram everything...if I cared I would follow you on Instagram, leave me alone on the Facebooks!

- Tagging every single photo #engaged #fiance #married etc. I literally have two friends who thankfully they are both married now, but EVERY SINGLE POST was hashtagged #engaged. Like you're drinking you're goddamn coffee, I don't give a sh*t if your selfie of you holding your coffee cup is only an excuse to have yet ANOTHER picture of your e-ring!!!

LOL This is why I got an Instagram, so as not to inflict my obsessive picture taking on FB people.  

yogadevil

The sanctimommy posts are what really frosts my cookies... or the momma bear posts that don't need to be momma bear posts.

A chic in my friends list made a status like: "to the person in the library that REFUSED to smile at my 2 year old when she said hi is rude, and will raise rude children. My daughter is AWESOME and you are missing out! #angrymommabear" followed by no less than 55 comments of people supporting her.... because someone had the balls to (gasp) not smile at her child. One commenter didnt support her by saying it's not a big deal...and even posted an article from STFUmoms (it's a blog from Mommyish, all snark, all against FB oversharing, it's hilarious) and her comes the DH to tear her a new one.

Her very next post? A video of her daughter saying "no one wants to play with me" with a caption saying she had to buy her daughter all sorts of treats to "make her feel better." Because of a non smile from a stranger.

SSIT. Special Snowflake In Training. *shudder*

knottie9c5ed33df4bbd226

herecomethehills said:

I literally just block people I don't like so I don't have to deal with their life stories/opposing religious or political views. This keeps from the awkward "Why did you delete me?" conversation and to cover my tracks I visit their pages on occasion and like something they post. It's a win/win.

I do the exact same thing! Too funny.

charcoalandblush

hicoco said:

herecomethehills said:

I literally just block people I don't like so I don't have to deal with their life stories/opposing religious or political views. This keeps from the awkward "Why did you delete me?" conversation and to cover my tracks I visit their pages on occasion and like something they post. It's a win/win.

I do the exact same thing! Too funny.

I do this with most people, but there are a couple of people who are annoying 99% of the time but then there's that 1% where their life is a trainwreck that I can't/don't want to look away from. Writing that down it makes me feel like a horrible person though. Meh.

Dreamergirl8812

I don't get it. If you block someone you can't like any of their pages. You can't even see that they exist of facebook.

charcoalandblush

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I don't get it. If you block someone you can't like any of their pages. You can't even see that they exist of facebook.

I think people mean (at least I mean) block them from your newsfeed (like so none of their posts come up).

Sugargirl1019

I'm [] this close to blocking a girl on FB.. She has just posted a picture of her big pregnancy belly with stretch marks..

/sigh but honey, all of your friends do not need to see this.

I think it's gross. Belly's are cute with clothes on. Please do not post naked pictures of yourself.

AuroraRose41

I am KUI and had a rough day/night and am feeling extra snarky tonight. I witnessed not one, but TWO instances of brides oversharing tonight on facebook. 

One posted a status about how they booked their venue today and set a date. With the actual date in the status and a picture of the contract for the venue! Oh, so that means all 500+ of your facebook friends are invited since you posted the date and the name of the venue?

The second posted a comment on her FI's friend's wall saying that teaching her how to properly fold and sort laundry could be his wedding gift to her. I'm judging hard, especially since folding and sorting laundry is an adult thing to be able to do, and I feel like if you can't do that, then you certainly aren't old/mature enough to get married. And also judging because how much of an AW do you have to be to make every single facebook post about your wedding, even when the conversation was about laundry, which has NOTHING to do with a wedding. /rant

ETA: I fail at words while drinking

allispain

Ok, this is a thing I've started to see more and more of on facebook, and I want to know what everyone thinks. Because maybe I'm just crazy, but I find it pretty awful (I just came across another one, hence my asking).

I've seen several people post in recent months that they're expecting their second child. Congrats! That being said, the way they post it is to put up a picture of the first child standing in his/her crib, crying, with an "eviction notice" on the crib. Seriously? They make the kid cry to get a "funny" picture? Is this really a thing? If so, why??

Am I crazy?

Dreamergirl8812

allispain said:

Ok, this is a thing I've started to see more and more of on facebook, and I want to know what everyone thinks. Because maybe I'm just crazy, but I find it pretty awful (I just came across another one, hence my asking).

I've seen several people post in recent months that they're expecting their second child. Congrats! That being said, the way they post it is to put up a picture of the first child standing in his/her crib, crying, with an "eviction notice" on the crib. Seriously? They make the kid cry to get a "funny" picture? Is this really a thing? If so, why??

Am I crazy?

Ewwww, I just saw one of these too. I deleted the post from my feed.

AuroraRose41

allispain said:

Ok, this is a thing I've started to see more and more of on facebook, and I want to know what everyone thinks. Because maybe I'm just crazy, but I find it pretty awful (I just came across another one, hence my asking).

I've seen several people post in recent months that they're expecting their second child. Congrats! That being said, the way they post it is to put up a picture of the first child standing in his/her crib, crying, with an "eviction notice" on the crib. Seriously? They make the kid cry to get a "funny" picture? Is this really a thing? If so, why??

Am I crazy?

You are not crazy at all. Genie sums up my reaction perfectly. This is disgusting. 

ETF: I fail at quoting before coffee and accidentally quoted myself. 

allispain

AuroraRose41 said:

Ok, this is a thing I've started to see more and more of on facebook, and I want to know what everyone thinks. Because maybe I'm just crazy, but I find it pretty awful (I just came across another one, hence my asking).

I've seen several people post in recent months that they're expecting their second child. Congrats! That being said, the way they post it is to put up a picture of the first child standing in his/her crib, crying, with an "eviction notice" on the crib. Seriously? They make the kid cry to get a "funny" picture? Is this really a thing? If so, why??

Am I crazy?

You are not crazy at all. Genie sums up my reaction perfectly. This is disgusting. 

ETF: I fail at quoting before coffee and accidentally quoted myself. 

Glad to know it's not just me. I showed DH and he was horrified as well. I just don't understand some people.

thisismynickname2

allispain said:

Ok, this is a thing I've started to see more and more of on facebook, and I want to know what everyone thinks. Because maybe I'm just crazy, but I find it pretty awful (I just came across another one, hence my asking).

I've seen several people post in recent months that they're expecting their second child. Congrats! That being said, the way they post it is to put up a picture of the first child standing in his/her crib, crying, with an "eviction notice" on the crib. Seriously? They make the kid cry to get a "funny" picture? Is this really a thing? If so, why??

Am I crazy?

I'd like to believe that they didn't actually make their kid cry, and just put on the sign and looked for an opportune moment. I hope. I really, really hope. 

Also a lesson in humor not going over well with all audiences..... 

allispain

thisismynickname said:

allispain said:

Ok, this is a thing I've started to see more and more of on facebook, and I want to know what everyone thinks. Because maybe I'm just crazy, but I find it pretty awful (I just came across another one, hence my asking).

I've seen several people post in recent months that they're expecting their second child. Congrats! That being said, the way they post it is to put up a picture of the first child standing in his/her crib, crying, with an "eviction notice" on the crib. Seriously? They make the kid cry to get a "funny" picture? Is this really a thing? If so, why??

Am I crazy?

I'd like to believe that they didn't actually make their kid cry, and just put on the sign and looked for an opportune moment. I hope. I really, really hope. 

Also a lesson in humor not going over well with all audiences..... 

You would hope that's the case. As for the humor - you want the kid to look sad about being "evicted," have at it - I might find a pouting kid amusing. It's the crying part I don't enjoy.

mikenberger

Another genius moment from my overshare Bride on FB:

"It's been decided! No DJ for our wedding! I'll be making a playlist and the bridal party will help with calling out the various dances!" 

thisismynickname2

mikenberger said:

Another genius moment from my overshare Bride on FB:

"It's been decided! No DJ for our wedding! I'll be making a playlist and the bridal party will help with calling out the various dances!" 

..............

Because people can't figure out the music to the chicken dance and hokey pokey on their own?

AuroraRose41

Another genius moment from my overshare Bride on FB:

"It's been decided! No DJ for our wedding! I'll be making a playlist and the bridal party will help with calling out the various dances!" 

...I would hate to be in that bridal party. I would also "call out" the most random and/or annoying dances that I could find but act enthused and as if I thought it was the best idea ever. I'm a terrible person. 

Also, not exactly a Facebook overshare, but my FB overshare bride texted me (and presumably most of her guest list) a "reminder" to download the WedPics app for their wedding if you haven't already done so. This was after the two emails that I have already received, and the multiple facebook reminders too. Their wedding isn't even until September! Why the eff does anyone need to download a stupid wedding pictures app 6 months before the wedding?! 

bethsmiles

AuroraRose41 said:

Another genius moment from my overshare Bride on FB:

"It's been decided! No DJ for our wedding! I'll be making a playlist and the bridal party will help with calling out the various dances!" 

...I would hate to be in that bridal party. I would also "call out" the most random and/or annoying dances that I could find but act enthused and as if I thought it was the best idea ever. I'm a terrible person. 

Also, not exactly a Facebook overshare, but my FB overshare bride texted me (and presumably most of her guest list) a "reminder" to download the WedPics app for their wedding if you haven't already done so. This was after the two emails that I have already received, and the multiple facebook reminders too. Their wedding isn't even until September! Why the eff does anyone need to download a stupid wedding pictures app 6 months before the wedding?! 

Clearly you should be making sure you are 100% familiar with this app and how to use it. And obviously you have no life of your own so you are totally focused on her super special day 6 months out.

AuroraRose41

@bethsmiles, this is the same one that I have mentioned multiple times that I dropped out as a bridesmaid for. You know, the one who planned her own OTT bridal shower (and now I have heard through the grapevine that she planned her own OTT bachelorette party too...can't wait to hear the details on that!). She clearly thinks all of her guests have no life, endless supplies of money to spend on her, and only care about her because she's a bride! 

bethsmiles

AuroraRose41 said:

@bethsmiles, this is the same one that I have mentioned multiple times that I dropped out as a bridesmaid for. You know, the one who planned her own OTT bridal shower (and now I have heard through the grapevine that she planned her own OTT bachelorette party too...can't wait to hear the details on that!). She clearly thinks all of her guests have no life, endless supplies of money to spend on her, and only care about her because she's a bride! 

Ugh..it just keeps getting better and better with her!

MandyMost

thisismynickname said:

mikenberger said:

Another genius moment from my overshare Bride on FB:

"It's been decided! No DJ for our wedding! I'll be making a playlist and the bridal party will help with calling out the various dances!" 

..............

Because people can't figure out the music to the chicken dance and hokey pokey on their own?

I'm pretty sure she means the bridal party will help announce when it's time for the first dance, the father-daughter-dance, etc., like the DJ usually does. :-)

mikenberger

MandyMost said:

thisismynickname said:

mikenberger said:

Another genius moment from my overshare Bride on FB:

"It's been decided! No DJ for our wedding! I'll be making a playlist and the bridal party will help with calling out the various dances!" 

..............

Because people can't figure out the music to the chicken dance and hokey pokey on their own?

I'm pretty sure she means the bridal party will help announce when it's time for the first dance, the father-daughter-dance, etc., like the DJ usually does. :-)

Correct. The bridal party is going to be the MCs for their wedding. And she has now created a blog for her wedding and her first entry basically reads "I can be selfish because it's my wedding and this is what I want." 

Oh joy.

peachy13

This girl from my HS is one of those people I know but don't know... like we have 80 mutual friends on Facebook and we know each other's names but have never really met because we weren't in the same year in HS... anyway, she just got engaged a few months ago and very soon after, I kept seeing all these posts about venue, date (not until next fall... Sept 2016), dress shopping, decorations, colors, etc.

How am I able to see these posts if we're not FB friends? In every post, she tags each of her bridesmaids. I happen to be FB friends with her MOH so I can see when the bride posts a status with tags or even if she just writes on MOH's wall. And the wedding is like a year and a half away. And bride calls MOH "slave" when she writes on her wall.

So that should be a fun time for MOH.

[Deleted User]

peachy13 said:

This girl from my HS is one of those people I know but don't know... like we have 80 mutual friends on Facebook and we know each other's names but have never really met because we weren't in the same year in HS... anyway, she just got engaged a few months ago and very soon after, I kept seeing all these posts about venue, date (not until next fall... Sept 2016), dress shopping, decorations, colors, etc.

How am I able to see these posts if we're not FB friends? In every post, she tags each of her bridesmaids. I happen to be FB friends with her MOH so I can see when the bride posts a status with tags or even if she just writes on MOH's wall. And the wedding is like a year and a half away. And bride calls MOH "slave" when she writes on her wall.

So that should be a fun time for MOH.

Gross.  First time I was called slave I'd respond with, "Nope, I'm your friend, not your slave."  Second time I was called slave I'd respond with, "DEFINITELY not your slave, keep calling me one and I'll also cease being your friend."

lovesclimbing

peachy13 said:

This girl from my HS is one of those people I know but don't know... like we have 80 mutual friends on Facebook and we know each other's names but have never really met because we weren't in the same year in HS... anyway, she just got engaged a few months ago and very soon after, I kept seeing all these posts about venue, date (not until next fall... Sept 2016), dress shopping, decorations, colors, etc.

How am I able to see these posts if we're not FB friends? In every post, she tags each of her bridesmaids. I happen to be FB friends with her MOH so I can see when the bride posts a status with tags or even if she just writes on MOH's wall. And the wedding is like a year and a half away. And bride calls MOH "slave" when she writes on her wall.

So that should be a fun time for MOH.

When you tag someone in a photo/status/etc., all the friends of the tagged person can see it as well, no matter what your privacy settings are.

mrsdee15

I just saw this one this morning:  A guy I went to law school with was on a trip with his (I think) girlfriend.  He posted a picture last night of her posing in the hotel mirror in her tank top and underwear with the caption "this bitch."  I really didn't need to sit there wondering if we have the same pair of underwear from a Wantable subscription box. or how awful of a boyfriend he must be.