Would it be ok...

firebabe6519

If we have a single small cake for the bride and groom to cut for pictures but then serve different sweet treats in lieu of cake?

FI wants to have a small cake for us for pics (he doesn't eat cake though). He had picked out a simple red velvet cake (my fav) with cream cheese icing. It will basically just be the photo prop for his Dr. Who Tardis B&G cake topper.

But for the cake substitute, he wants to have an array of different pies.

So the cake would end up only being out for us to do a cake cutting pic before being squirreled away in the kitchen. Everyone would then have their choice of pie as dessert (including B&G).

As a guest would you be miffed if there was pie in lieu of cake. And only a little baby cake for B&G's pics?

lovegood90

Could you guys do a mix of cupcakes and pie perhaps, in case people really want cake?

Couggal12

I probably would not do this but, I also would not side eye it either. As a guest I am happy with any dessert/cake/etc at a wedding but, I know a lot of people prefer cake and might find it odd that you are eating cake but, not serving it to your guests as well. 

LondonLisa

It is rude to have one thing for the Bride and Groom and a different thing for guests, even if it is a photo op.

Have the bakery making your small cake do the same style and quality of red velvent cupcakes for your guests.

Why can't you have the topper and 1st cutting be with a pie? The cake topper can also go on top of a tower of mini sweets without being on a cake:

plainjane0415

One thing you could do, is have a small cake for photos or whatever, and a sheet cake to serve to guests along with other sweet treats of your choosing.

That way, you can have variety for everyone. I love cake.  Especially wedding cake, and if I went to a wedding where the bride and groom cut the cake and then I was served a piece of pie I would be bummed about that.

Maggie0829

So your guests will see you cut a cake but then not have the option of eating cake, only pie?  Yeah, I would be a bit upset as a guest since I love cake and hate pie.  I would be wondering why you cut a cake if you weren't planning on serving it.  Why not just cut a pie?

firebabe6519

I like the cupcake idea. That way cake lovers can have cake. Thank you!

Liatris2010

I feel like this is like carving a Thanksgiving turkey, whisking it back into the kitchen and then serving everyone pizza. What is the point of whipping it out and showing it off if no one gets to enjoy it? If you want to serve pie, do it, but then cut a pie, not a cake.

climbingsingle

I'd be upset if I saw a cake cut and then got pie. Because, CAKE. 

cafarrie

I would not care one tiny little bit.  However, I'm not a huge cake person, and we did not make a big deal about a "cake cutting" (i don't understand why ppl need to watch you do that....).  After dinner was over and the dance floor open, we walked back and took a few pics of us cutting the cake (did not announce it or anything).  We did have cupcakes and the cake out from the beginning to end of the reception though. 

thisismynickname2

cafarrie said:

I would not care one tiny little bit.  However, I'm not a huge cake person, and we did not make a big deal about a "cake cutting" (i don't understand why ppl need to watch you do that....).  After dinner was over and the dance floor open, we walked back and took a few pics of us cutting the cake (did not announce it or anything).  We did have cupcakes and the cake out from the beginning to end of the reception though. 

I'm too lazy to look it up, but cake cutting goes back to the days where people literally gave cake and bread to newlyweds for prosperity.  It was often a literal pile of bread, hence where tiered wedding cakes come from.  So, I do consider it a great tradition for weddings, personally. 

And yeah, if you cut a cake, serve cake. If you serve only pie, cut a pie. After that, the more desserts, the merrier, in my opinion! 

dcbride86

thisismynickname said:

cafarrie said:

I would not care one tiny little bit.  However, I'm not a huge cake person, and we did not make a big deal about a "cake cutting" (i don't understand why ppl need to watch you do that....).  After dinner was over and the dance floor open, we walked back and took a few pics of us cutting the cake (did not announce it or anything).  We did have cupcakes and the cake out from the beginning to end of the reception though. 

I'm too lazy to look it up, but cake cutting goes back to the days where people literally gave cake and bread to newlyweds for prosperity.  It was often a literal pile of bread, hence where tiered wedding cakes come from.  So, I do consider it a great tradition for weddings, personally. 

And yeah, if you cut a cake, serve cake. If you serve only pie, cut a pie. After that, the more desserts, the merrier, in my opinion! 

@thisismynickname wow that's really interesting!  I had no idea.  I'm Jewish and we have SO many traditions that I don't know the origin of - I've kind of stopped looking up the origins of a lot of them.  It's like from Fiddler on the Roof: "why do we these things?  I'll tell you why!  ... I don't know.  But it's tradition!"

It's always interesting for me to find the actual origin of a tradition, though.  Thanks

MandyMost

Why not just cut a pie instead of a cake, and use the cake topper on a pie instead of a cake? No reason to have pie and cake/cupcakes if you don't want to have cake/cupcakes for dessert. 

I just googled "Wedding Cake Pie" and got some great pics!

PrettyGirlLost

I much prefer cake to pie, especially if I was at a wedding.

Jen4948

Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.

RebeccaB88

If I see you cut a cake, then I'm going to want and expect to be served cake, or at least offered the choice.  Serve both cake and pie.

lilacck28

Fi's cousin served only pie at her wedding, and did her "cake cutting" with pie. It was fine. Some people who loved cake, missed it, but pie is delicious. And guests don't get to pick the food.  I'm sure the tardis would look very cute on top of a pie.

vulpiepop

I've been to a wedding where they served pie instead of cake and it was fun and went along with their theme but they didn't have a cake just for them (the couple didn't like cake). They cut pie instead of cake. Could you do that so there's at least some consistency? If I were a guest and saw the B&G cut cake, I'd be expecting and wanting cake. I'd suggest either keeping it all pies or cutting your little cake and serving everyone else sheet cake.

bethsmiles

I don't like pie so I would be really annoyed if the bride & groom got cake and all I got was pie. If you did only pie, I might be slightly disappointed but I wouldn't side-eye it. It's rude to not have something available to all of your guests. Serve one or the other or do both but don't just have enough cake for you and no one else.

JeeGooDowster

The only thing that should be different is the look and form.  For example, you can have a nice cake for you guys to cut for pictures...but there will be larger amounts of the same cake to be served to the guests...Obviously, the pieces did not come from a small cake (if you had like 100 guests or something).

novella1186

Jen4948 said:

Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.

So, not to do a total thread-jack but this leads me to a question. We're just doing a small "show cake" and then we're having tons of different mini desserts, like little chocolate mousse cups, lemon tarts, etc etc, and this assortment includes "cake balls." Like little tiny cakes shaped like balls. There will be some the same flavor of the show cake (just plain vanilla) but also some other flavors, like red velvet, etc. Is this wrong? Are guests going to want a full slice, since they see the show cake, or will the same cake in ball form be just fine? I mean... it tastes the same, right? I thought it would be easier and more fun for people to eat, plus they'd have tons more options too. 

If this is not ok, let me know! It's not too late for us to change the order :P 

cafarrie

novella1186 said:

Jen4948 said:

Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.

So, not to do a total thread-jack but this leads me to a question. We're just doing a small "show cake" and then we're having tons of different mini desserts, like little chocolate mousse cups, lemon tarts, etc etc, and this assortment includes "cake balls." Like little tiny cakes shaped like balls. There will be some the same flavor of the show cake (just plain vanilla) but also some other flavors, like red velvet, etc. Is this wrong? Are guests going to want a full slice, since they see the show cake, or will the same cake in ball form be just fine? I mean... it tastes the same, right? I thought it would be easier and more fun for people to eat, plus they'd have tons more options too. 

If this is not ok, let me know! It's not too late for us to change the order :P 

I would never even think to be pissed about something like that.  Probably because the majority of the time the fancy cake that's cut isn't even the cake that the guests are served.  Personally, because you have SO MANY other options it is not a big deal at all and I would never side-eye or even notice. 

plainjane0415

 

novella1186 said:

Jen4948 said:

Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.

So, not to do a total thread-jack but this leads me to a question. We're just doing a small "show cake" and then we're having tons of different mini desserts, like little chocolate mousse cups, lemon tarts, etc etc, and this assortment includes "cake balls." Like little tiny cakes shaped like balls. There will be some the same flavor of the show cake (just plain vanilla) but also some other flavors, like red velvet, etc. Is this wrong? Are guests going to want a full slice, since they see the show cake, or will the same cake in ball form be just fine? I mean... it tastes the same, right? I thought it would be easier and more fun for people to eat, plus they'd have tons more options too. 

If this is not ok, let me know! It's not too late for us to change the order :P 

I love cake balls/pops whatever they're called.  I think this would be fine.

amelisha

novella1186 said:

Jen4948 said:

Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.

So, not to do a total thread-jack but this leads me to a question. We're just doing a small "show cake" and then we're having tons of different mini desserts, like little chocolate mousse cups, lemon tarts, etc etc, and this assortment includes "cake balls." Like little tiny cakes shaped like balls. There will be some the same flavor of the show cake (just plain vanilla) but also some other flavors, like red velvet, etc. Is this wrong? Are guests going to want a full slice, since they see the show cake, or will the same cake in ball form be just fine? I mean... it tastes the same, right? I thought it would be easier and more fun for people to eat, plus they'd have tons more options too. 

If this is not ok, let me know! It's not too late for us to change the order :P 

If it were me, I'd nix the cake balls and just have plain vanilla cake like the "show cake" available...but that's just because I think cake balls usually taste awful because they're generally a lot heavier/denser than a regular sheet cake and then covered with that hard shell of frosting. They look pretty but they taste kinda gross.

But that's just my opinion, I don't think it's really a breach of etiquette as it is still cake, more or less. I just think the quality is worse, though...which I guess is where I'd argue it would be better etiquette not to have the cake balls. Take or leave that advice though as I'm sure not everyone thinks cake balls suck as much as I do, lol.

Jen4948

novella1186 said:

Jen4948 said:

Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.

So, not to do a total thread-jack but this leads me to a question. We're just doing a small "show cake" and then we're having tons of different mini desserts, like little chocolate mousse cups, lemon tarts, etc etc, and this assortment includes "cake balls." Like little tiny cakes shaped like balls. There will be some the same flavor of the show cake (just plain vanilla) but also some other flavors, like red velvet, etc. Is this wrong? Are guests going to want a full slice, since they see the show cake, or will the same cake in ball form be just fine? I mean... it tastes the same, right? I thought it would be easier and more fun for people to eat, plus they'd have tons more options too. 

If this is not ok, let me know! It's not too late for us to change the order :P 

Well, I think if you offer the same cake, or better, in ball or cupcake form to guests that you ritually cut, in sufficient quantity that they get the equivalent of a slice, that would be fine.  I don't think it has to be a full slice as long as they get cake in any form.  And I love the other options-I think it's totally fine to offer more than one dessert option to guests, again in sufficient quantity that they get the equivalent of one slice.  I simply think that you can't cut a show cake and then not offer any cake to the guests.

Edited for grammar

Maggie0829

Cake balls and an actual slice of cake are not the same thing.

crazypuglady

I went to a wedding where they had a beautiful 3 tier wedding cake. The bride and groom did the cutting.. and the guests were served a plate of mini desserts. I kept waiting for wedding cake to arrive but it never did. Finally we asked someone and was told that the cake had been one of the mini desserts.. and I'm talking.. a tiny cube of it with no icing. I was pretty disappointed. The desserts were good.. but I wanted wedding cake!

I like pie (or any dessert really).. and would be happy with that.. but if you have/cut a cake.. I'd want to be served cake.

novella1186

Chemchic2006 said:

I went to a wedding where they had a beautiful 3 tier wedding cake. The bride and groom did the cutting.. and the guests were served a plate of mini desserts. I kept waiting for wedding cake to arrive but it never did. Finally we asked someone and was told that the cake had been one of the mini desserts.. and I'm talking.. a tiny cube of it with no icing. I was pretty disappointed. The desserts were good.. but I wanted wedding cake!

I like pie (or any dessert really).. and would be happy with that.. but if you have/cut a cake.. I'd want to be served cake.

I had them show me a few different cake balls. They were actually pretty big, and were/would be frosted in the same type of frosting as the cake would be. The baker gave me the impression that it would be the same recipe, flavor, etc, but the cake is shaped like a cake and the cake balls are shaped like balls, so I thought it would be ok. 

But that's a good point. Seeing a cake, or seeing it get cut, sets up the expectation to get a slice of cake..... Now I'm leaning towards just cancelling the little show cake but keeping the cake balls. That way I'm not setting up an expectation and disappointing people, but they still get some form of cake plus the other stuff. Hm. 

esstee33

@novella1186 - The cake pops usually taste different AND have a pretty different texture. You have to bake the cake, then mix it together with frosting to hold the ball shape, then cover it with the hard shell of icing. 

 I'm sweet with cake, but I could take or leave cake pops. 

Also, I fucking love pie. I would take pie over cake basically any day. 

novella1186

esstee33 said:

@novella1186 - The cake pops usually taste different AND have a pretty different texture. You have to bake the cake, then mix it together with frosting to hold the ball shape, then cover it with the hard shell of icing. 

 I'm sweet with cake, but I could take or leave cake pops. 

Also, I fucking love pie. I would take pie over cake basically any day. 

Then yeah, it doesn't sound like it would be ok. I'm not a cake person at all, hence all the other desserts we're having, but I still wanted some kind of cake for the cake people. But if cake balls aren't even good... I'd rather have no form of cake at all... or maybe even just get a big sheet cake but then maybe that would be too much considering the other stuff we'll have? Ugh. Too much thinking! I'll have to talk to FI and see what he thinks we should do here. 

Maggie0829

novella1186 said:

Chemchic2006 said:

I went to a wedding where they had a beautiful 3 tier wedding cake. The bride and groom did the cutting.. and the guests were served a plate of mini desserts. I kept waiting for wedding cake to arrive but it never did. Finally we asked someone and was told that the cake had been one of the mini desserts.. and I'm talking.. a tiny cube of it with no icing. I was pretty disappointed. The desserts were good.. but I wanted wedding cake!

I like pie (or any dessert really).. and would be happy with that.. but if you have/cut a cake.. I'd want to be served cake.

I had them show me a few different cake balls. They were actually pretty big, and were/would be frosted in the same type of frosting as the cake would be. The baker gave me the impression that it would be the same recipe, flavor, etc, but the cake is shaped like a cake and the cake balls are shaped like balls, so I thought it would be ok. 

But that's a good point. Seeing a cake, or seeing it get cut, sets up the expectation to get a slice of cake..... Now I'm leaning towards just cancelling the little show cake but keeping the cake balls. That way I'm not setting up an expectation and disappointing people, but they still get some form of cake plus the other stuff. Hm. 

I think it would be really cute for you and your FI to feed each other a cake ball.  That way you eliminate the awkward cutting portion.