• Images
  • Text
  • Find a Couple + Registry
GO
Etiquette

Would it be ok...

13»

Re: Would it be ok...

  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I agree with pps, you should serve the same thing to everybody. It doesn't seem very gracious to have something just for the two of you. I'm having a full dessert bar (with  mini pies, mini tarts, mini mousses and fresh fruit/chocolate fountain) AND this:

    image

    Plus cake pops in there. So that everybody can have anything they want!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
    luckysnorkel
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Viczaesar said:
    No, I distinctly remember a discussion about getting a small bakery cake and then sheetcakes from a grocery store, and there was a lot of discussion about serving your guests a lesser quality cake, and something about unequal decorations making people feel like second class wedding guests.  It was a pretty ridiculous argument, actually.
    Well that actually did happen to me last summer and I was pissed.
    The bride and groom got a cake that would feed maybe half of their guests, and a sheet cake for the rest.
    The wedding cake was a vanilla almond with lime curd and some other decadent wonder, which the aunt told me all about. Sounded so good!
    Then aunty gets her piece of magnificence and I got a hunk of grocery store yellow cake with the plain grocery store frosting. And yeah, I was like "The fuck is this?".

    It's one thing to have a sheet cake of the same flavor, but I got a very-clearly lesser-quality cake when people at my own table were of the chosen ones who got the pro baker's cake.
    As a host I give my guests the best of whatever.  They get the better seat, the bigger better cut of meat, they get first crack at the food, etc.    

    For the life of me I do not understand giving some people awesome cake and others lesser quality cake.  Either everyone gets great cake or everyone gets crappy cake.  It's not that hard.

    But it goes back to the sense of entitlement everyone has these days.  It's all " Fuck the guests, I deserve the photo ops you see on pinterest, so I'm going to give myself a great cake and give the guests crap".       Those types of people piss me off.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    lc07luckysnorkelRebeccaB88tammym1001
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    No, I distinctly remember a discussion about getting a small bakery cake and then sheetcakes from a grocery store, and there was a lot of discussion about serving your guests a lesser quality cake, and something about unequal decorations making people feel like second class wedding guests.  It was a pretty ridiculous argument, actually.
    Well that actually did happen to me last summer and I was pissed.
    The bride and groom got a cake that would feed maybe half of their guests, and a sheet cake for the rest.
    The wedding cake was a vanilla almond with lime curd and some other decadent wonder, which the aunt told me all about. Sounded so good!
    Then aunty gets her piece of magnificence and I got a hunk of grocery store yellow cake with the plain grocery store frosting. And yeah, I was like "The fuck is this?".

    It's one thing to have a sheet cake of the same flavor, but I got a very-clearly lesser-quality cake when people at my own table were of the chosen ones who got the pro baker's cake.
    Oh yeah, that sucks. There is nothing wrong with having a sheet cake in addition to the tiered cake (we did that,because it was cheaper). But the cake has to be the same. 
    image
    image

    image


  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Viczaesar said:
    No, I distinctly remember a discussion about getting a small bakery cake and then sheetcakes from a grocery store, and there was a lot of discussion about serving your guests a lesser quality cake, and something about unequal decorations making people feel like second class wedding guests.  It was a pretty ridiculous argument, actually.
    Well that actually did happen to me last summer and I was pissed.
    The bride and groom got a cake that would feed maybe half of their guests, and a sheet cake for the rest.
    The wedding cake was a vanilla almond with lime curd and some other decadent wonder, which the aunt told me all about. Sounded so good!
    Then aunty gets her piece of magnificence and I got a hunk of grocery store yellow cake with the plain grocery store frosting. And yeah, I was like "The fuck is this?".

    It's one thing to have a sheet cake of the same flavor, but I got a very-clearly lesser-quality cake when people at my own table were of the chosen ones who got the pro baker's cake.
    Not to rehash an old argument (that apparently I missed out on), but if the quality of the cake is the same (one is just tiered, and then identical cake just as sheet cake) would it matter to you?  My cousin had a very small cake for the cutting, and then the bakery handed out (their own) sheet cake.  It was honestly probably the best cake I've ever had, and I still think about it.  I've also had delicious Costco cake.  I might feel a little sad about plain yellow grocery cake, but it wouldn't upset me that much.  


    image
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones. I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
    levioosa
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    No, I distinctly remember a discussion about getting a small bakery cake and then sheetcakes from a grocery store, and there was a lot of discussion about serving your guests a lesser quality cake, and something about unequal decorations making people feel like second class wedding guests.  It was a pretty ridiculous argument, actually.
    Well that actually did happen to me last summer and I was pissed.
    The bride and groom got a cake that would feed maybe half of their guests, and a sheet cake for the rest.
    The wedding cake was a vanilla almond with lime curd and some other decadent wonder, which the aunt told me all about. Sounded so good!
    Then aunty gets her piece of magnificence and I got a hunk of grocery store yellow cake with the plain grocery store frosting. And yeah, I was like "The fuck is this?".

    It's one thing to have a sheet cake of the same flavor, but I got a very-clearly lesser-quality cake when people at my own table were of the chosen ones who got the pro baker's cake.
    I agree with you, actually; that's not why the conversation was ridiculous.  It devolved into a discussion of the elaborateness of decoration that became absurd.



  • Viczaesar said:
    Viczaesar said:
    FTR, I've been on TK for going on 2 years and I've never seen such a heated debate over cake.

    But I do want to run down to the coffee shop and pick up a cake pop thanks to this thread. They make yummy ones. 
    I remember us having a much more heated conversation about cake several months ago (don't ask me exactly when, I'm awful at estimating lengths of time), specifically about the quality of sheet cake versus display cake.  Anybody else remember that, or am I imagining things?
    I remember that. I think it was an OP was probably not going to have enough cake for her guests, and we said always get more cake. 
    No, I distinctly remember a discussion about getting a small bakery cake and then sheetcakes from a grocery store, and there was a lot of discussion about serving your guests a lesser quality cake, and something about unequal decorations making people feel like second class wedding guests.  It was a pretty ridiculous argument, actually.
    I do remember that.

  • I think the OP is underestimating the power of CAKE
    __________________________________________________________________________

    image

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    hellohkb
  • lc07 said:

    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones.

    I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!

    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    hellohkb said:
    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones. I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!
    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.
    It's not poor etiquette for the B&G to have different toasting flutes. You can't have champagne for just the B&G though.
    image
    image

    image



  • hellohkb said:

    lc07 said:

    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones.

    I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!

    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.

    It's not poor etiquette for the B&G to have different toasting flutes. You can't have champagne for just the B&G though.


    Oh okay. Everyone gets champagne, excexcept for those who are underage, sober,or don't drink. They get toasting cider.:)


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers



  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    hellohkb said:
    hellohkb said:
    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones. I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!
    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.
    It's not poor etiquette for the B&G to have different toasting flutes. You can't have champagne for just the B&G though.
    Oh okay. Everyone gets champagne, excexcept for those who are underage, sober,or don't drink. They get toasting cider.:)

    I wouldn't really care about it if I were a guest at a wedding but I didn't want to do it. I wouldn't serve myself in a fancier glass at a dinner party. I am guessing couples get a pass about this on their wedding day because it's "commemorative" for them, but it rubs me the wrong way as a host.
    lyndausvi
  • My SIL and BIL had a small cake for the cutting as you describe (and their elaborate topper). They cut one tier, saved one for their anniversary and then had several flavors of cupcakes from the same bakery put out for guests (along with takeout containers so people could take some home - there were hundreds). So I think that is a fair solution (you could have the pies too of course). The main thing is not to have something different for yourselves than what is served to guests, as PP have noted.

    We didn't have a cake, we had dessert served after the meal. I've never had a wedding cake I remembered anything about, and the cutting tradition doesn't mean anything to me so we skipped it!
  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    My friends had cheesecake instead of cake. They cut into a cheesecake and fed it to each other.

    I've seen the same thing done with pies, cupcakes, cookies, etc.

    Cake is not required. Feed each other your favorite dessert. It's the feeding that's tradition, not so much the cake. Feeding each other symbolizes loving and caring for each other. That's why I get so mad when people smash the cake in each other's face (that, and it's immature).

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lc07 said:
    hellohkb said:
    hellohkb said:
    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones. I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!
    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.
    It's not poor etiquette for the B&G to have different toasting flutes. You can't have champagne for just the B&G though.
    Oh okay. Everyone gets champagne, excexcept for those who are underage, sober,or don't drink. They get toasting cider.:)

    I wouldn't really care about it if I were a guest at a wedding but I didn't want to do it. I wouldn't serve myself in a fancier glass at a dinner party. I am guessing couples get a pass about this on their wedding day because it's "commemorative" for them, but it rubs me the wrong way as a host.
    I'm going to take it a bit farther and say I side-eye  when the couple gets different chairs also.  I don't really get the need. Especially when they are empty most of the time anyway.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    lc07 said:
    hellohkb said:
    hellohkb said:
    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones. I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!
    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.
    It's not poor etiquette for the B&G to have different toasting flutes. You can't have champagne for just the B&G though.
    Oh okay. Everyone gets champagne, excexcept for those who are underage, sober,or don't drink. They get toasting cider.:)

    I wouldn't really care about it if I were a guest at a wedding but I didn't want to do it. I wouldn't serve myself in a fancier glass at a dinner party. I am guessing couples get a pass about this on their wedding day because it's "commemorative" for them, but it rubs me the wrong way as a host.
    I'm going to take it a bit farther and say I side-eye  when the couple gets different chairs also.  I don't really get the need. Especially when they are empty most of the time anyway.

    Thank you. I'm with you. As a host, if anything, guests are going to get the nicer thing if there isn't enough to go around. The only way I see toasting flutes as a slight "pass" at weddings is that I'm thinking the couple will keep them and use them on their anniversaries or something when toasting privately. I was really bugged that I was using something nicer than my guests were at our wedding, though. And I would side eye the shit out of you drinking out of crystal and giving me a lesser glass at a dinner party.

    And chairs. Hell yes. That's tacky. And there is no purpose that I can think of other than looking like you are the king and queen (or queen and queen / king and king) and everyone else is a subject.

    lyndausvi
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lc07 said:
    hellohkb said:
    hellohkb said:
    At our wedding, the coordinator asked if I'd be dropping off fancy toasting flutes for H and me to use. I said no, we'd use the same champagne glasses that everyone else was using. She offered for me to use her set. I said no thanks, we'll use the standard ones. I didn't want to use nicer glassware than our guests. I think the coordinator probaby just thought I didn't have nice toasting flutes? On our wedding day, we go up to the cake for toasts and champagne is poured for H and me in her fancy toasting flutes ARG!
    It's bad etiquette to use different champagne flutes? I bought these pretty Kate Spade ones that are the same quality as the ones that will be served at the reception. I probably should not have gotten them at all but if they're poor etiquette now I really regret them.
    It's not poor etiquette for the B&G to have different toasting flutes. You can't have champagne for just the B&G though.
    Oh okay. Everyone gets champagne, excexcept for those who are underage, sober,or don't drink. They get toasting cider.:)

    I wouldn't really care about it if I were a guest at a wedding but I didn't want to do it. I wouldn't serve myself in a fancier glass at a dinner party. I am guessing couples get a pass about this on their wedding day because it's "commemorative" for them, but it rubs me the wrong way as a host.
    The only time I ever noticed if a couple had different toasting glasses was if I was actually sitting at the head table with the happy couple. My eyes aren't that good! Haha. If they're commemorative, well, good for them.  

    The chair thing I wouldn't mind from an etiquette standpoint, but from a taste standpoint I don't like the king/queen feeling either.  
    ________________________________


  •     For two of the weddings I went to last year the bride and groom cut a small cake, and then the guest were served sheet cakes. In both cases you got to choose from a chocolate cake or vanilla cake. I have no idea if the cutting cake matched the served cakes, do people really check that? I get that if a cake is cut then cake should be served, but do people really take the time to check that the pieces served are the same as the cutting cake? 

       Hmm, let me look, Oh, I can see the cutting cake was vanilla, and I got served CHOCOLATE! 'That's it, I'm outta here and taking my gift with me!!!'
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Fairyjen1 said:
        For two of the weddings I went to last year the bride and groom cut a small cake, and then the guest were served sheet cakes. In both cases you got to choose from a chocolate cake or vanilla cake. I have no idea if the cutting cake matched the served cakes, do people really check that? I get that if a cake is cut then cake should be served, but do people really take the time to check that the pieces served are the same as the cutting cake? 

       Hmm, let me look, Oh, I can see the cutting cake was vanilla, and I got served CHOCOLATE! 'That's it, I'm outta here and taking my gift with me!!!'
    Well visually you can see if it's chocolate or a different flavor. I prefer chocolate cake. If I happen to see the couple feeding chocolate I would assume it was available.   I would not storm out if it wasn't, but I would be a little WTF?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • edited June 2015

    I'm out.
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Fairyjen1 said:
        For two of the weddings I went to last year the bride and groom cut a small cake, and then the guest were served sheet cakes. In both cases you got to choose from a chocolate cake or vanilla cake. I have no idea if the cutting cake matched the served cakes, do people really check that? I get that if a cake is cut then cake should be served, but do people really take the time to check that the pieces served are the same as the cutting cake? 

       Hmm, let me look, Oh, I can see the cutting cake was vanilla, and I got served CHOCOLATE! 'That's it, I'm outta here and taking my gift with me!!!'
    When I was served the lesser-quality cake, you could see that the pro cake was white and had a green strip between layers. What I was served was a single layer of yellow cake and the frosting didn't match.
    Plus the people who got the good cake at my table had bragged about the cake flavor before it was cut and obviously enjoyed themselves once it was served.

    I didn't storm out, but I did resent that you could see that money had been spent on a party bus, bigger/ elaborate decor, and other frivolous things over providing champagne for everyone (only the wedding party and parents / grandparents got any), the same cake for everyone, and an open bar (it was cash). The seating was also open, except for H and I, who were told to move tables twice because the parents had a vision of who sat where.
    What a bunch of assholery. I'd have been so pissed. 
    image
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If I see you cut cake I'm going to want cake. I am going to want cake enough that I'm probably going to ask someone where the cake is and have an uncontrollable disgusted look on my face when they tell me I can't have any. I will then be a pouty baby about it until I've had enough liquor to make me forget that I didn't get cake.
    image
    MandyMost
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards