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Etiquette

Would it be ok...

2

Re: Would it be ok...

  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
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    esstee33 said:
    @novella1186 - The cake pops usually taste different AND have a pretty different texture. You have to bake the cake, then mix it together with frosting to hold the ball shape, then cover it with the hard shell of icing. 
     I'm sweet with cake, but I could take or leave cake pops. 
    Also, I fucking love pie. I would take pie over cake basically any day. 
    Then yeah, it doesn't sound like it would be ok. I'm not a cake person at all, hence all the other desserts we're having, but I still wanted some kind of cake for the cake people. But if cake balls aren't even good... I'd rather have no form of cake at all... or maybe even just get a big sheet cake but then maybe that would be too much considering the other stuff we'll have? Ugh. Too much thinking! I'll have to talk to FI and see what he thinks we should do here. 
    Yeah, my recommendation would be to do a sheet cake as one of the options or cupcakes. You could do some kind of cake-cutting ritual with a cupcake, right? Cake balls were a trend that should never have been a trend IMO.

    I mean, it's just dessert, and you're not going to be a bad host if you have cake balls so if it's going to be a big stressful thing to think about changing I don't think there's a need to. But if you have the inclination, it is something to think about. But this is seriously small stuff to be sweating (especially with an awesome dessert table like it sounds like you'll be having anyway.)

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    novella1186
  • lyndausvi said:
    I never think it's a good idea to serve something to the hosts or guests of honor and not to everybody.  I don't care if it's champagne, filet of beef or cake.   I feel everybody at the event should have the same options.
    Would it bother you to see a very small cake get sliced by the couple then guests be served cupcakes of the same cake flavor/icing and everything?
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    I never think it's a good idea to serve something to the hosts or guests of honor and not to everybody.  I don't care if it's champagne, filet of beef or cake.   I feel everybody at the event should have the same options.
    Would it bother you to see a very small cake get sliced by the couple then guests be served cupcakes of the same cake flavor/icing and everything?
    if it's the same, then no.    I would display them all together though.    






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    Gustafson28
  • lyndausvi said:

    I never think it's a good idea to serve something to the hosts or guests of honor and not to everybody.  I don't care if it's champagne, filet of beef or cake.   I feel everybody at the event should have the same options.

    Everyone would be served exactly the same thing. No one will be eating cake. It would be a photo prop only. Everyone would have the option of their choice of twenty some different types of pies.

    But since cake lovers may be offended by our photo prop, we will probably throw in a cupcake tray too.
  • amelisha said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Any cake-cutting generates the expectation that guests will be served cake of the same quality or better as the cake they are watching being cut.  So no, you can't cut a cake and then not serve cake to your guests-even if you don't like to eat it yourselves.  Nor can you serve yourselves anything that will not be served to your guests. 

    So if you're going to cut any cake, pie, or whatever, either that cake or pie, or something of the same quality or better must be served to your guests.  You yourself don't have to eat it-but you do have to serve it.
    So, not to do a total thread-jack but this leads me to a question. We're just doing a small "show cake" and then we're having tons of different mini desserts, like little chocolate mousse cups, lemon tarts, etc etc, and this assortment includes "cake balls." Like little tiny cakes shaped like balls. There will be some the same flavor of the show cake (just plain vanilla) but also some other flavors, like red velvet, etc. Is this wrong? Are guests going to want a full slice, since they see the show cake, or will the same cake in ball form be just fine? I mean... it tastes the same, right? I thought it would be easier and more fun for people to eat, plus they'd have tons more options too. 

    If this is not ok, let me know! It's not too late for us to change the order :P 
    If it were me, I'd nix the cake balls and just have plain vanilla cake like the "show cake" available...but that's just because I think cake balls usually taste awful because they're generally a lot heavier/denser than a regular sheet cake and then covered with that hard shell of frosting. They look pretty but they taste kinda gross.

    But that's just my opinion, I don't think it's really a breach of etiquette as it is still cake, more or less. I just think the quality is worse, though...which I guess is where I'd argue it would be better etiquette not to have the cake balls. Take or leave that advice though as I'm sure not everyone thinks cake balls suck as much as I do, lol.
    Ditto.  No cake balls.  It's basically pre-masticated cake.  Why don't you just chew up some actual cake and feed me baby bird style then?

    I've never had a decent cake ball.  The texture is gross and most places use candy coating instead of chocolate and it's more waxy than tasty.  I'd rather have no cake than cake balls and I LOVE CAKE (we take cake very seriously in my family).
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2014

    lyndausvi said:

    I never think it's a good idea to serve something to the hosts or guests of honor and not to everybody.  I don't care if it's champagne, filet of beef or cake.   I feel everybody at the event should have the same options.

    Everyone would be served exactly the same thing. No one will be eating cake. It would be a photo prop only. Everyone would have the option of their choice of twenty some different types of pies.

    But since cake lovers may be offended by our photo prop, we will probably throw in a cupcake tray too.
    Sorry, but I think this would lead the guests to believe they are being served cake and result in justified resentment on their parts. It would feel to them like a tease. No matter how many other desserts are served, they don't make up for having to see cake cut and not served.

    You don't have to serve or eat cake, but in that case, don't do a cake-cutting.
  • Would not be mortified. I've been to weddings where they do a small cake for the cake cutting & have had sheet cake in the back for the guests. As long as I can get something sweet, and preferably something chocolate (French silk pie would do) I'm a very happy guest.
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Erikan73 said:
    Would not be mortified. I've been to weddings where they do a small cake for the cake cutting & have had sheet cake in the back for the guests. As long as I can get something sweet, and preferably something chocolate (French silk pie would do) I'm a very happy guest.

    Yes, but what we would or would not be upset about is not necessarily etiquette. I am allergic to gluten so I can't eat regular cake. But I still think it's improper etiquette to display and cut a cake but then serve something else. Even if the B+G are not eating that cake. FI doesn't like cake. Totally fine. Cut a pie, feed cake pops, use the topper as decor on the dessert table - whatever. But don't cut a cake for a photo op (what's the point, cake isn't being served anyway?) and serve something else. OR serve cake and something FI likes.
  • I went to a wedding where they had a beautiful 3 tier wedding cake. The bride and groom did the cutting.. and the guests were served a plate of mini desserts. I kept waiting for wedding cake to arrive but it never did. Finally we asked someone and was told that the cake had been one of the mini desserts.. and I'm talking.. a tiny cube of it with no icing. I was pretty disappointed. The desserts were good.. but I wanted wedding cake!

    I like pie (or any dessert really).. and would be happy with that.. but if you have/cut a cake.. I'd want to be served cake.
    I had them show me a few different cake balls. They were actually pretty big, and were/would be frosted in the same type of frosting as the cake would be. The baker gave me the impression that it would be the same recipe, flavor, etc, but the cake is shaped like a cake and the cake balls are shaped like balls, so I thought it would be ok. 

    But that's a good point. Seeing a cake, or seeing it get cut, sets up the expectation to get a slice of cake..... Now I'm leaning towards just cancelling the little show cake but keeping the cake balls. That way I'm not setting up an expectation and disappointing people, but they still get some form of cake plus the other stuff. Hm. 
    Honestly, if there had been a display of cupcakes or cake balls or something along those lines, and the couple had cut a small top tier kind of thing, I wouldn't have thought much of it. But it was a big 3-tier cake.. and I was looking forward to a piece.
    PrettyGirlLostGustafson28
  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
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    esstee33 said:
    @novella1186 - The cake pops usually taste different AND have a pretty different texture. You have to bake the cake, then mix it together with frosting to hold the ball shape, then cover it with the hard shell of icing. 
     I'm sweet with cake, but I could take or leave cake pops. 
    Also, I fucking love pie. I would take pie over cake basically any day. 
    Then yeah, it doesn't sound like it would be ok. I'm not a cake person at all, hence all the other desserts we're having, but I still wanted some kind of cake for the cake people. But if cake balls aren't even good... I'd rather have no form of cake at all... or maybe even just get a big sheet cake but then maybe that would be too much considering the other stuff we'll have? Ugh. Too much thinking! I'll have to talk to FI and see what he thinks we should do here. 
    It's not that cake pops don't taste good; they're just not the same as actual cake. A couple of my buddies own a bar and they have a local baker make cake pops for them, and I can't even tell you  how much I love eating cake pops when I'm drunk. Then again, they're really inventive, interesting flavors, too. But given the choice between cake pops and actual cake, I'd probably choose the actual cake.

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    novella1186
  • I went to a wedding where the wedding party got the cake they cut but guest got a different dessert.  I thought it was incredibly rude.  The waitresses walked around serving it and when I went to get a piece they said "Only for the WP".  Disappointed and thought it was a little odd.  Made me feel almost like a second class guest in a way.
  • I'm surprised by the responses. Almost every wedding I've gone to has had a small ceremonial cake for pictures and a variety of small desserts to eat. I prefer that, honestly. Also I've never been to a wedding where people actually gathered around the cake cutting, so most people won't even notice it.
    shaker227
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
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    nhs226 said:
    I'm surprised by the responses. Almost every wedding I've gone to has had a small ceremonial cake for pictures and a variety of small desserts to eat. I prefer that, honestly. Also I've never been to a wedding where people actually gathered around the cake cutting, so most people won't even notice it.
    If this small ceremonial cake was out for display the entire time but then no cake appeared on the dessert table I am sure people will notice.  At this point I question the point of even having the small cake.  Almost all dessert can be cut so why have a cake when you can easily cut a brownie or a pie or a tart or a cupcake or feed each other a cookie.  Having something for the sole purpose of a photo op seems silly and wasteful.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited November 2014
    nhs226 said:

    I'm surprised by the responses. Almost every wedding I've gone to has had a small ceremonial cake for pictures and a variety of small desserts to eat. I prefer that, honestly. Also I've never been to a wedding where people actually gathered around the cake cutting, so most people won't even notice it.

    People really do notice when cake or other desserts are "out" but not served. I saw this happen at a birthday party once, where cupcakes were continually brought out but then taken away but not served and it pissed off the guests.

    Small ceremonial cakes that are solely cut for photos raises guests' expectations that cake will be served to guests, and when it's not, it feels to the guests like they're being baited and teased. Regardless of what you've personally seen, it's just not a kind thing to do to one's guests.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    FTR, I've been on TK for going on 2 years and I've never seen such a heated debate over cake.

    But I do want to run down to the coffee shop and pick up a cake pop thanks to this thread. They make yummy ones. 
    Well cake is important dammit!!  There better be cake at the Thanksgiving dinner I am going to or I will be forced to make and then eat a whole cake myself.

    SP29
  • I don't think there's anything wrong with not having cake at a wedding, especially if there are other desserts and goodies being served instead.  But dammit, if I watch you cut a cake, I'm gonna expect and want cake shortly thereafter.  It's a Pavlovian response at that point.  Don't toy with science, lurker brides!!!
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  • I'd be upset if I saw a cake cut and then got pie. Because, CAKE. 
    Couldn't have said it better myself. I mean, I like pie. But CAKE. I'd do a mix of pies & cupcakes.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    FTR, I've been on TK for going on 2 years and I've never seen such a heated debate over cake.

    But I do want to run down to the coffee shop and pick up a cake pop thanks to this thread. They make yummy ones. 
    I remember us having a much more heated conversation about cake several months ago (don't ask me exactly when, I'm awful at estimating lengths of time), specifically about the quality of sheet cake versus display cake.  Anybody else remember that, or am I imagining things?



    Gustafson28
  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
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    I haven't been here long enough for that, but I will get as heated as you want about what garbage cake pops are, haha. I will make this thread ten pages if I must. I don't know why they offend me personally and so much more than any other dessert ever, but they do and so I'm good to rage about them if anyone else is spoiling for a fight...lol.

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  • I think it's odd to want a photo op with food that the groom doesn't even like.

    It was the groom's idea. He designed the cake and wedding topper because he wanted something Dr. Who for the wedding. (He is a total Whovian nerd. Lol)

    But we decided to add a few Tardis blue cupcakes for cake people.
    fwtx5815
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
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    Viczaesar said:
    FTR, I've been on TK for going on 2 years and I've never seen such a heated debate over cake.

    But I do want to run down to the coffee shop and pick up a cake pop thanks to this thread. They make yummy ones. 
    I remember us having a much more heated conversation about cake several months ago (don't ask me exactly when, I'm awful at estimating lengths of time), specifically about the quality of sheet cake versus display cake.  Anybody else remember that, or am I imagining things?
    I remember that. I think it was an OP was probably not going to have enough cake for her guests, and we said always get more cake. 
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you don't want to eat cake, hey, that's okay.

    If you don't want to serve cake, is that okay?
    If you don't cut one, yes, it's okay not to serve one, especially if you're serving other desserts.

    But is it okay to cut something as a ritual everyone has to watch and then not get any of? No.
    lc07luckysnorkelPrettyGirlLost
  • I would like to start by saying that I love ALL dessert- cake, cupcakes, cake pops, pie, mousse, tarts, mini-desserts- and ALL are fine to be served, or not served, at a wedding, instead of one or another.

    HOWEVER, if you are going to display a dessert (whatever it is) and cut it- you should serve it. It is a big tease to show something off, that only the B&G get, and not offer it. 

    When I was 8, in the early 90s, I was at my aunt and uncle's wedding. They had a 3 tier cake- only the top layer was real, and that is what they cut. Then the staff brought out a piece of fruit cake WITH NO ICING to each guest- it was even wrapped up so you could take it home. I was 8, I had to inner navigation of etiquette or what it all meant, but let me tell you, I felt CHEATED! Like seriously miffed (I got over it pretty fast ;)). And I remember asking my mom, "why do they have a big cake out and we don't get any of it?" and she told me it was fake and we got separate cake, apparently this was a "thing" then. To this day, I will side eye this, and I dislike fruit cake! ;)

    There are a few options: cut your single layer cake, then have a sheet cake in the back to serve, or cupcakes. Or, cut a pie if that is your main dessert. 

    We had a single layer cake to cut, that we then took home. But we also had cupcakes, which were on display as well. 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Viczaesar said:
    FTR, I've been on TK for going on 2 years and I've never seen such a heated debate over cake.

    But I do want to run down to the coffee shop and pick up a cake pop thanks to this thread. They make yummy ones. 
    I remember us having a much more heated conversation about cake several months ago (don't ask me exactly when, I'm awful at estimating lengths of time), specifically about the quality of sheet cake versus display cake.  Anybody else remember that, or am I imagining things?
    I remember that. I think it was an OP was probably not going to have enough cake for her guests, and we said always get more cake. 
    No, I distinctly remember a discussion about getting a small bakery cake and then sheetcakes from a grocery store, and there was a lot of discussion about serving your guests a lesser quality cake, and something about unequal decorations making people feel like second class wedding guests.  It was a pretty ridiculous argument, actually.



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