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Budget Bridesmaids Dresses

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Re: Budget Bridesmaids Dresses

  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2014




    Again, not sure why wanting matching bridesmaids is suddenly a no-no? It kind of is a photoshoot- this is my day and my cherished memories. Your photos are the only part of your wedding day, besides the marriage itself, that actually lasts. I don't want to look back on it and think about all the drama and micromanaging that went into it- I'd like to look back and see my friends happy in a dress that I like, matching. I think it is completely possible to find a dress that they will all be happy in without having to do mismatched dressses. Your unkind comments were unnecessary, I just don't understand how wanting my bridesmaids to match- A TOTALLY NORMAL THING- is suddenly a huge bridezilla move.


    You are prioritizing something superficial (how they'll look in the photos) over their comfort, happiness, and financial situation. And stressing yourself trying to find one dress they'll all be happy with (because your parameters are pretty difficult.) And that is 100% a bridezilla move, yes. It was in the 80s, when matching was super popular, and it still is. I believe that micromanaging other adults' attire is unnecessary, bridesmaids or no. And for what it's worth, any time I see/hear someone say "it's my day!" about their wedding...it's a pretty dead giveaway that they're doing something they know is selfish but want to do it anyway.

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  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2014
    amelisha said:
    It doesn't matter if it's one bridesmaid or all of them with the budget restriction. If that's the budget, that's the budget, and if you want her to spend over her budget than you have to pay for it, period.

    So what if they don't match exactly? How is that going to affect your day AT ALL? I don't get this. It's a wedding, not a photoshoot and this stuff is beyond insignificant unless you care more about what things look like than the comfort and happiness of your friends. And if that's the case, well...I really can't say anything else because selfish people don't generally listen when people tell them how selfish they're being.
    Again, not sure why wanting matching bridesmaids is suddenly a no-no? It kind of is a photoshoot- this is my day and my cherished memories. Your photos are the only part of your wedding day, besides the marriage itself, that actually lasts. I don't want to look back on it and think about all the drama and micromanaging that went into it- I'd like to look back and see my friends happy in a dress that I like, matching. I think it is completely possible to find a dress that they will all be happy in without having to do mismatched dressses. Your unkind comments were unnecessary, I just don't understand how wanting my bridesmaids to match- A TOTALLY NORMAL THING- is suddenly a huge bridezilla move.

    This is a want, not a need. Clinging to that want when there are more important things to be considered is what makes it closer to a bridezilla move.

    The need is to find dresses that fit their religious/comfort requirements and are in their budget. It may be normal enough to want what you want, but it's not always possible to make it happen. People gave you help in figuring out how to accommodate everything you want and your girls need, but if what you want to remember is not your own micromanaging, the easiest option is just to let it go.

    I also think it's much better to look back and see your friends as they are, in a dress that they like. Because that reflects that the person that you love was there and happy.

  • Well, I have shown this thread to my bridesmaids and they have all voted that they would rather wear matching dresses than mismatch, and they think a lot of you are being ridiculous for saying that's a bad thing. So the original question persists: Where do you find cheap bridesmaids dresses? For brides who are clicking on this link looking for that, here are some other suggestions I have been given:
    shopruche.com
    store.delias.com
    forever21.com
    macys.com
    jcpenney.com
    kohls.com
    urbanoutfitters.com
    francescas.com
    hm.com
    spool72.com
    thebluedoorboutique.com
    ricketyrack.com
    lilyboutique.com
    Nordstrom.com
    nordstromrack.com
    dillards.com
    modcloth.com
    lulus.com
    debshops.com
    etsy.com
    maurices.com
    elusivecowgirl.com
    chicwish.com
    shopakira.com
    downeastbasics.com
    shopentourageclothing.com
    eshakti.com
    flourishboutique.com
    factory.jcrew.com
    papayaclothing.com
    shophcb.com
    shoplately.com
    shabbyapple.com
    shoptiques.com
    shopsosie.com
    tulle4us.com
    sears.com
    vargastore.com
    messesofdresses.com
    missguidedus.com
    windsorstore.com
    unique-vintage.com
    zappos.com

    Hopefully that helps anybody, who like me, has a budget to work around! And more suggestions are very welcome!
    jenijoyk
  • If you can't get over them being mismatched, and you happen to find a dress that matches all of that criteria, you should also be prepared to pay for the dresses if they are out of your BM's budgets.

    In general, if you require something specific that is out of budget (ie makeup, specific shoes), you pay for it.

    But I would only have to pay for the one bridesmaid whose budget it's outside of, right? Or is it rude to help her and not help anyone else?

    And yes, shoes and jewelry are included in what bridesmaids are supposed to pay for. My wedding planner says so and so does The Knot.
    Please ignore that list. Your bridesmaids don't have any duties other than showing up at your wedding sober and in the dress. The Knot -- and your wedding planner -- are part of the Big Wedding Business so might not always give out what is actually appropriate advice. The ladies here are trying to help you so consider what they say.
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  • KatWAG said:
    OP, were you born in 1994? Because that would explain a lot.
    Yes, I was, but I don't think age has anything to do with why I would want bridesmaids to match, and I think it shows a lot of pettiness if you think that being 20 is a mark of shame.
  • amelisha said:
    Well, I have shown this thread to my bridesmaids and they have all voted that they would rather wear matching dresses than mismatch, and they think a lot of you are being ridiculous for saying that's a bad thing. So the original question persists: Where do you find cheap bridesmaids dresses? For brides who are clicking on this link looking for that, here are some other suggestions I have been given:
    shopruche.com
    store.delias.com
    forever21.com
    macys.com
    jcpenney.com
    kohls.com
    urbanoutfitters.com
    francescas.com
    hm.com
    spool72.com
    thebluedoorboutique.com
    ricketyrack.com
    lilyboutique.com
    Nordstrom.com
    nordstromrack.com
    dillards.com
    modcloth.com
    lulus.com
    debshops.com
    etsy.com
    maurices.com
    elusivecowgirl.com
    chicwish.com
    shopakira.com
    downeastbasics.com
    shopentourageclothing.com
    eshakti.com
    flourishboutique.com
    factory.jcrew.com
    papayaclothing.com
    shophcb.com
    shoplately.com
    shabbyapple.com
    shoptiques.com
    shopsosie.com
    tulle4us.com
    sears.com
    vargastore.com
    messesofdresses.com
    missguidedus.com
    windsorstore.com
    unique-vintage.com
    zappos.com

    Hopefully that helps anybody, who like me, has a budget to work around! And more suggestions are very welcome!
    I'm so glad your bridesmaids are nice enough to agree with you to your face and not cause a scene. 

    catieharrison94's bridesmaids, I'm sorry that your friend is treating you like props instead of people and cares more about how you look in photos than for your comfort and financial needs. I hope also you've seen the complaining she has done regarding sticking to that budget.

    No one is saying that a desire to match is crazy, they are simply saying that, given your bridesmaids' requirements, it might be a better idea to let that idea go in order to have a better chance of finding something everyone is happy with. Matching dresses might be fine for a group of similarly sized women of similar taste who don't have strong opinions on style and who each have a moderate to large budget, but it doesn't sound like they are for you because your bridesmaids do not fit all these qualifications.

    If you do find one, great. We're just suggesting it would be a lot less stressful for you and your friends if you allow some flexibility and don't insist on the same dress for everyone.

    I'm not sure how many more times this needs to be repeated, but I suppose if the 94 in this username indicates year of birth, none of this should be especially surprising.

    Lurkers...this is a really silly hill to be dying on. It's going to make your planning a whole lot easier if you don't try to control absolutely everything about your wedding - especially when it comes to the actions or wardrobe of other autonomous adults.
    How ridiculous. You have completely missed the point. This entire thread has gotten so far away from the advice I was seeking- which was asking where to find a dress IN MY BUDGET of $40. If you think wanting matching dresses is me wanting my bridesmaids to be "props," then you are welcome to think that because you are in the minority. Plenty of brides have matching bridesmaids in plenty of price ranges- our original dress cost $9. I don't think picking a bridesmaids dress is "wanting to control absolutely everything." It's a fairly major detail that many brides- and every wedding I've ever been in or been to- have "controlled." But please take that opinion elsewhere, because it is irrelevant to this post, which is asking for website or store suggestions for cheap dresses. 
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2014

    Oh my god. Lots of people want matching bridesmaid dresses. Lots of people that aren't 20 years old. I'm 34 and had matching bridesmaids. She isn't being a bridezilla and she's not kicking a bridesmaid out because the bridesmaid can't spend more than $40. It's hard to find a nice shirt for $40, let alone a dress. She came on here looking for ideas for how to accomodate her bridesmaid by finding cheaper dresses and/or asked for people's opinions on whether she could just pay the difference for one bridesmaid without offending the others. These are totally normal questions. Everyone seems weirdly harsh in this thread.

    caitieharrison94MegIAm
  • I think the ladies on the knot are just trying to point out that if you want to get matching dresses having a budget of $40 is going to be a bit difficult. They're not trying to be mean, just trying to be realistic for you.

    With that being said Dress Barn has very beautiful dresses with high necklines and modest hem line for around $40. Some you can buy one get one half off. Maybe the bridesmaids could get together and split the costs if you really want matching dresses. I have found two dresses I really like for less than $20 each at dress barn and with it being the holiday season there will be a ton of sales.
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    caitieharrison94jenijoyk
  • Girls come on these boards with so many egregious bridesmaids issues: "I want to ask my best friend but I can't, because then we won't have even sides." "My plus-sized bridesmaid refuses to wear the super short, strapless dress I've picked out, she's such a bitch!" "My bridesmaid wants to have her hair down, but I'M having my hair down, waahhh!" "My MOH won't throw me a 4-day bachelorette party in Vegas so I want to know how to kick her out of the wedding party."

    Seriously, wanting your bridesmaids to wear the same dress does not rise to the level of bridezilla-ness. Especially when the bride has asked everyone's budget, and is determined to stick to it. You guys just pile on sometimes.

  • jenijoyk said:

    Oh my god. Lots of people want matching bridesmaid dresses. Lots of people that aren't 20 years old. I'm 34 and had matching bridesmaids. She isn't being a bridezilla and she's not kicking a bridesmaid out because the bridesmaid can't spend more than $40. It's hard to find a nice shirt for $40, let alone a dress. She came on here looking for ideas for how to accomodate her bridesmaid by finding cheaper dresses and/or asked for people's opinions on whether she could just pay the difference for one bridesmaid without offending the others. These are totally normal questions. Everyone seems weirdly harsh in this thread.

    Thank you!!!
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't see how I was piling on.  I told the OP what to do.  Pay for her friends dress.  I also agreed with you jenijoyk that age has nothing to do with it.  But I also added that in the end, the dress really doesn't matter.  But whatever, if the OP wants matching dresses, no skin off my back, she just has to fork over some money to help keep that vision.

  • I don't see how I was piling on.  I told the OP what to do.  Pay for her friends dress.  I also agreed with you jenijoyk that age has nothing to do with it.  But I also added that in the end, the dress really doesn't matter.  But whatever, if the OP wants matching dresses, no skin off my back, she just has to fork over some money to help keep that vision.
    I totally don't think you were piling on. People slamming her for her age, implying that all her bridesmaids are only agreeing to her face that they are ok with matching dresses (and what, are secretly stewing about it behind her back?), saying she's treating her bridesmaids like props... that's piling on. In my opinion. I just seems like those are more reasonable responses to way more egregious examples of treating your BMs like crap. Which I really don't think OP is doing here at all. She seems like a nice bride, actually, putting a lot of time into meeting her BM's budgets and finding a dress that's on the conservative side that everyone will be comfortable in.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jenijoyk said:
    I don't see how I was piling on.  I told the OP what to do.  Pay for her friends dress.  I also agreed with you jenijoyk that age has nothing to do with it.  But I also added that in the end, the dress really doesn't matter.  But whatever, if the OP wants matching dresses, no skin off my back, she just has to fork over some money to help keep that vision.
    I totally don't think you were piling on. People slamming her for her age, implying that all her bridesmaids are only agreeing to her face that they are ok with matching dresses (and what, are secretly stewing about it behind her back?), saying she's treating her bridesmaids like props... that's piling on. In my opinion. I just seems like those are more reasonable responses to way more egregious examples of treating your BMs like crap. Which I really don't think OP is doing here at all. She seems like a nice bride, actually, putting a lot of time into meeting her BM's budgets and finding a dress that's on the conservative side that everyone will be comfortable in.
    Eh, I have been a BM a few times and hated the dress that was picked.  I smiled and told the bride oh I don't mind wearing that while in my head I though god that is ugly and makes my ass look like an elephants rear end.

    But like Chemfanatic noted a few posts up and like you said, finding a dress for $40 is hard and sometimes it is best to just give up your vision of matching dresses and just let each person purchase a dress in their own price range in a certain color and length.  This way everyone will be happy both style wise and financially.  Then if the bride is worried about modesty buy some shawls for the girls to wrap around themselves at the ceremony.

    jenijoyk
  • I have definitely worn a lot of terrible dresses as well. And totally stewed about it. But she hasn't even picked a dress yet. The PP was implying they were stewing and lying about the mere fact they were OK with wearing the same dress. Which just doesn't seem likely to me. I just don't think a BM would ever be like, "GAWWDDD. She wants us to all wear the same dress, what a bridezilla!" Before the dress is even picked?
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    jenijoyk said:
    I have definitely worn a lot of terrible dresses as well. And totally stewed about it. But she hasn't even picked a dress yet. The PP was implying they were stewing and lying about the mere fact they were OK with wearing the same dress. Which just doesn't seem likely to me. I just don't think a BM would ever be like, "GAWWDDD. She wants us to all wear the same dress, what a bridezilla!" Before the dress is even picked?
    Oh, yeah I agree with that.  In my circle wearing the same dress is pretty much the norm and rarely questioned.  If a bride told me that I could buy any dress I want as long it is X color and Y length I would probably do the Scooby "huh?" with head tilt and all.

    jenijoyk
  • jenijoykjenijoyk member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2014
    I read the whole thread. And commented throughout. And I totally disagree that she can't find a dress that fits, as evidenced by the like 20+ dresses linked to on this thread that meet all the requirements. Which is what she was asking about in the first place.
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2014
    jenijoyk said:
    I read the whole thread. And commented throughout. And I totally disagree that she can't find a dress that fits, as evidenced by the like 20+ dresses linked to on this thread that meet all the requirements. Which is what she was asking about in the first place.


    Well I dont think she is being the nice, kind bride that you are giving her credit for. I think she is more concerned with her vision than her friendships.

    Serious quiestion: I just skimmed back through the thread I didnt see a single dress linked that matches all of the requirements the OP needs to meet. All I see is the list of website that potentially sell inexpensive dresses. So please point them out because I am very curious.

    ETA: just found what you and Doey posted. I seriously doubt that most of those would work for someone who is very religous but a good effort no less.

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    amelisha
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    KatWAG said:
    KatWAG said:
    OP, were you born in 1994? Because that would explain a lot.
    Yes, I was, but I don't think age has anything to do with why I would want bridesmaids to match, and I think it shows a lot of pettiness if you think that being 20 is a mark of shame.


    It shows your level of immaturity.

    @jenijoyk read the whole thread. I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting your BMs the wear the same dress. (My BMs all wore the same dress, so clearly I like the idea.)

    But its not so simple for the OP. Her BMs have very very different budgets. One can only afford to spend $40. But its more than just money, she has other BMs who need to wear sleeves, high neck lines, knee length skirts etc for religious reasons. So it will be nearly impossible to find a dress that meets all these requirements.

    So OP, the way I see it, you have two options:

    1: pick a color and style and let your BMs pick a dress that works for each individual

    2: pick a dress that meets the physical requirements and then pay the difference for the BM that can only afford $40. But you risk making your BM and her $40 budget  feel pretty bad.

    I fail to see how a dress, that you arent even wearing, is worth this much stress, effort, and potential harm to your friendship.

     

    This is how I feel also.    I started out having matching dresses.  Had one picked out and all.  I didn't have any budget disparities and no one had any restrictions on dress because of religion, so it seems like an easy thing to do.

    Then one of my BMs became pregnant.  I asked her to just buy a dress of the same color.  The other BM's decided to just pick the one I had picked out to begin with. 

    So while I started out thinking I would have matching dresses, I ended up having one BM wearing something different (one that I saw on the wedding day for the first time). NBD, certainly didn't ruin any pictures.

    In the end the BM's dresses are not worth the stress.     I get why the OP wants the same dress, I just think in HER case it's just more of a headache than it's worth.  When you have the major differences in budget and thrown in the religious restrictions I feel like the best thing to do is pick a color, length and let them choose their own.    

     It certainly will cut down the stress of finding something that fits everyone's needs.  As a former-bride there are other things you could be worrying about.






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  • amelishaamelisha Canadian Texas member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Yeah, I don't know how much clearer I can make it. It's not the matching that is the problem. It's the continued insistence when it sounds like that might be an extremely tall order considering her list of restrictions and the budget. It's caring more about the "vision" than the people involved.

    Telling OP to consider more flexibility IS a suggestion. The rest came afterwards with the way she responded to that (reasonable, considering the issues she is having around matching) suggestion. Originally, all I was trying to get across is life would be a lot easier for both OP and her bridesmaids if she considered letting them find their own dresses because some of them have such major limitations that combining those limitations is going to be a massive undertaking if it's possible at all.

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  • amelisha said:
    Yeah, I don't know how much clearer I can make it. It's not the matching that is the problem. It's the continued insistence when it sounds like that might be an extremely tall order considering her list of restrictions and the budget. It's caring more about the "vision" than the people involved.

    Telling OP to consider more flexibility IS a suggestion. The rest came afterwards with the way she responded to that (reasonable, considering the issues she is having around matching) suggestion. Originally, all I was trying to get across is life would be a lot easier for both OP and her bridesmaids if she considered letting them find their own dresses because some of them have such major limitations that combining those limitations is going to be a massive undertaking if it's possible at all.
    OMG this. This is exactly the point.
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