Wedding Etiquette Forum

I know you will judge, but...

How do you go about "uninviting" people? First off, I know how rude this sounds but hear me out. After I got engaged I of course called and told my parents, but the next month I started compiling a list of who to invite. As a courtesy I called my mother and asked if there were anyone in particular she wanted me to add to my list. I told her we were trying to keep the guest list small, but I know she wanted to bring Eddie (her SO) but didn't want to ask. So I threw him on there. Now, my dad and I don't get along and hardly EVER talk... And when I mean ever, I mean... I called him every week for three months with not even a "screw you" text back for three more months after. But to be fair, I asked if he had anyone he would like me to add; I told him the same as my mother... I wanted it small. He told me, "well you HAVE to invite everyone". Meaning everyone on his side of the family. That would be 200+ and I can't afford that. So I asked him if he would be willing to help pay, so he could have all of his family there. He said no. So, again, I told him I was keeping it small because I can't afford to have everyone there. Well, he decided to call 40 people from his side and "invite" them to my wedding. The majority of them are married with anywhere from two-four children. I honestly mean it when I say, I cannot afford it. I'm already throwing everything I have left after bills into my savings and I REFUSE to get a credit card. My groom already has one and I will not ask him to add extra debt to it.

So this isn't a "should I or shouldn't I" post. This is a how do I word things appropriately without "outing" my father and without saying "I'm sorry but we're too poor to feed you". Advice please?
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Re: I know you will judge, but...

  • So wait, have you sent invites out yet? I'm confused.
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  • You should not be contacting people about not being welcome to your wedding. Your dad invited them. He should be calling. I would send invites to whom you see fit. If your parents aren't paying, technically, they get ZERO say in who is coming to the wedding. You did them a courtesy by asking. Like I said, I would send my invites to people I want to invite. If the people that my dad invited don't get an invite, they shouldn't show up. And if they do, have someone run interference for you and tell them there is no room for them. Man, your dad sucks.


    This. My thing is, if you haven't sent out invites yet, then you definitely have time to make decisions about who to leave on and take off the guest list.

    If your dad is going around inviting people without your consent, that's on him, and he will look like the jackass in the end. That's not ok.

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    [Deleted User]chibiyuiPhoneCardLady
  • Do you have a good standing relationship with any of these people that were invited by your father? Have they already reached out to you regarding details for your wedding?

    If not, then do not send them a Save the Date or invitation.*Most* people understand that if they didn't get an invitation that they are not invited. There simply won't be a seat for them. And if they confront you about it later and ask why they were not invited, you can tell them the truth that you simply could not afford to invite everyone due to your budget.

    If people who you do not plan to invite begin reaching out to you with the assume,prion that they are invited, I would tell them, "We're sorry, but there was some miscommunication regarding the guest list, and we're having to keep it a small wedding." 

    There is nothing wrong with being honest in regards to your budget without stating specifics--I applaud you for being so conscious about it! If they press the matter further, change the subject. But again, this all depends on how close you are with these people.
                                     Wedding Countdown Ticker

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014

    I cant really get past your previous zilla- esque comment about "temporary SOs" but I will try.

    If you havent sent out invites, then you dont really have that big of a problem. Call your Dad. Tell him sorry but you cant afford to host that many help. You can afford to host X, he can invite Y (or zero, since he isnt contributing) Its on him to call his family. If his family calls you, redirect them back to your dad.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • KatWAG said:

    I cant really get past your previous zilla- esque comment about "temporary SOs" but I will try.

    If you havent sent out invites, then you dont really have that big of a problem. Call your Dad. Tell him sorry but you cant afford to host that many help. You can afford to host X, he can invite Y (or zero, since he isnt contributing) Its on him to call his family. If his family calls you, redirect them back to your dad.

    And according to another of her wonderful posts, it's a PPD anyway. 
    levioosa
  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014

    Also, you said you and your dad dont get along. So why are you concerned about "outing" him? His mistake, he should fix it.

    eta: missed a word

    BabyFruit Ticker
    chibiyui
  • I have not sent out official invites yet.
  • Yeah Dad needs to pick up the phone and call.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    esstee33 said:


    KatWAG said:

    I cant really get past your previous zilla- esque comment about "temporary SOs" but I will try.

    If you havent sent out invites, then you dont really have that big of a problem. Call your Dad. Tell him sorry but you cant afford to host that many help. You can afford to host X, he can invite Y (or zero, since he isnt contributing) Its on him to call his family. If his family calls you, redirect them back to your dad.


    And according to another of her wonderful posts, it's a PPD anyway. 
    -----(boxes no worky on mobile)----

    Aye fucking Christ. I quit.

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    wrigleyvillenovella1186NYCMercedes
  • Annnnd I just saw your other post regarding your belief that SOs should not be invited to a wedding. I still stand by what I said above, but wow, you need to take a break and have a reality check.
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  • KatWAG said:
    Also, you said you and dad dont get along. So why are you concerned about "outing" him? His mistake, he should fix it.
    First off Miss. It doesn't matter if it's a second ceremony. I'm more than positive, if you had a choice between being apart from your partner just to have one grand wedding and having a small legal ceremony so you don't have to be 800 miles away from someone you love to insure that grand ceremony happens, you would do the same. What does it matter. It's for my parents and his.
  • Sorry KatWAG, I hit the wrong reply that was to
  • KatWAG said:
    Also, you said you and dad dont get along. So why are you concerned about "outing" him? His mistake, he should fix it.
    First off Miss. It doesn't matter if it's a second ceremony. I'm more than positive, if you had a choice between being apart from your partner just to have one grand wedding and having a small legal ceremony so you don't have to be 800 miles away from someone you love to insure that grand ceremony happens, you would do the same. What does it matter. It's for my parents and his.
    Yeah, hate to break it to you, but this fake wedding you're planning isn't a ceremony. It's a play. Your wedding was in the courthouse. 
    [Deleted User]PrettyGirlLostnovella1186
  • So you are telling me, that you would just spend three years apart from your fiancé and soon to be, JUST to make sure your wedding ceremony is your official ceremony. That's beautiful.
  • It may be a PPD to you, but to my family it's the real deal. You're no longer giving the advice needed for this post. You're bashing, so go troll Youtube if that's what you're into.

  • It may be a PPD to you, but to my family it's the real deal. You're no longer giving the advice needed for this post. You're bashing, so go troll Youtube if that's what you're into.

    Your family only thinks it's the real deal because you're lying to them and pretending it is. People DO find out about these things, and they will be hurt. All because you're selfish. 
    PrettyGirlLostnovella1186luckysnorkel
  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2014

    It may be a PPD to you, but to my family it's the real deal. You're no longer giving the advice needed for this post. You're bashing, so go troll Youtube if that's what you're into.

    But it's not.  You know it's wrong because you're keeping it a secret.  Go ahead and tell them you got secretly married and have been lying to them and see how it all works out.  

    Edit to add:  You might want to look up what a troll really is.  The internet probably isn't for you if you think we're trolling. 


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    esstee33PrettyGirlLostnovella1186sal2015
  • Seriously, @BriannaRenee91, read this: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1045424/another-reason-to-not-get-married-now-and-have-a-ppd-later/p1

    This is what happens when you lie to people and they spend lots of time and money coming to your fake wedding to celebrate with you only to find out out that you've been lying to them all along. 
    mikenbergernovella1186
  • God, you're exhausting.
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