I know this question has probably been addressed before but I can't find a thread with this exact one so I apologize.
So when FI and I booked our venue I made sure to ask about different options for hosting the bar. I was told we could do whatever we want and I knew we'd only be able to afford beer, wine and possibly a signature drink.
We just went for our 6 month meeting to discuss dinner, bar, etc. I was under the impression that the venue would remove the alcohol that we weren't hosting and I guess that was my mistake for assuming that. The coordinator said they absolutely will not do that because they're losing money if a guest wants other alcohol that we're not hosting.
Honestly about 98% of our guest list is all used to cash bars or partial cash bars and that's what they expect. So I was so happy to be actually hosting a wedding with none of that involved! I feel like it's out of my control now if a guest wants to order a mixed drink and pay for it. I know it won't be a big deal to most guests but I know we'll have a few that are only used to open bars (top shelf included) and I don't want to come off as tacky but I don't know any way around this.
Is it okay if we just make a sign showing what is hosted by us? I'm feeling kinda bummed about this.
Re: Issue with bar at venue
Formerly martha1818
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Formerly martha1818
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But as for the venue- I would threaten to have a dry wedding And tell them you don't want to offend or confuse your guests and see if they change their tune.
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fka dallasbetch
Our venue did not remove all of the unhosted liquor. 95% of our guests got the message and drank what was hosted. A few others choose to order, and pay, for scotch and some other mixed drinks, knowing they were not hosted.
Honestly, most places will not remove unhosted alcohol from the bar for the very reason that your venue stated- they could potentially loose money. And they are a business, they don't care what the etiquette rules are.
Just post your signs, and then don't worry about it. If people choose to order something that isn't hosted, that's on them not you.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
There's nothing in there about food and beverage? If there's nothing in there, you actually could argue that since it's not a part of the contract, they can't stipulate that liquor must be available. Especially if there's a clause in the contract saying something to the effect of "this contract contains all the terms of the agreement"
I'm not sure how much you want to fight with them on it, or if you want to fight with them on it at all, nor do I know where you live and these things tend to vary by state - but you could make a breach of contract argument and see if that makes them back off.
Having said that, I don't think it would really be worth it to make legal threats for something that could be remedied with a sign. But if it's a big deal to you, you might have an argument, or enough of one that they might remove the liquor.
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I have been to weddings in MA where the couple didn't host the bar, but guests were free to buy drinks, if they like. So not sure if threatening to have a dry wedding would work; the venue is free to sell drinks in compliance with their liquor license.
Please make up some signs and post them at each table and at the bar so your guests know what you're hosting before they order. Make those little specialty drink signs that they post on restaurant tables-
'Please enjoy the following beverages compliments of Mr. and Mrs. Newname:'
List your drinks.
Don't panic. You're being a good host. You just need to make sure your guests aren't embarrassed with an unexpected charge.
Many guests don't bring cash with them to weddings because they rightfully expect not to be charged for their provisions. Although there are people who insist on bringing cash to all events they attend just in case, let's face it: it is not appropriate for your venue to expect to profit from sales to guests you ate supposed to be hosting in full. If you're not going to cover the costs of liquor for your guests, then it shouldn't be made available, period.
Edited to add: If you're stuck with this venue, then limit the sign to what you are paying for. Don't mention anything about other drinks being available for sale.
However, based on the info Lynda provided earlier in the thread, and personal experience, the majority of venues with free standing bars will not remove alcohol that you aren't paying for just because of etiquette rules. They are businesses and they don't care what the E-Mavens on TK have to say. If they can make a sale beyond what the bride and groom are already paying for, they will. That's not inappropriate, that's business.
What's inappropriate are guests who choose to buy their own, unhosted drinks. It's just rude, and it's also stupid, IMO.
Signs as to what is being hosted should be sufficient. If a guest looks at the hosted options, then looks at the bar and wishes she could have a Bloody Mary as that is what she prefers, but she has no cash on her, well too bad for her. She needs to make due with what is hosted or drink water. Regardless of the fact that another guest might have cash and has the ability to order the unhosted Bloody Mary. Both guests are being rude, and at that point their rudeness is not the couple's responsibility.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I totally agree with this. I would have never done that at the wedding I referred to above. And I would have side-eyed and not because I would be jealous over their bloody mary. It's just tacky. It's tacky in front of other guests, and it's tacky to your hosts, the bride and groom.
That being said, my wedding was hosted craft beer, wine and sangria in a courtyard. There was a bar literally five steps over. There were a few times when I noticed some groups slip in there and order a round of shots. Oh well. What are you going to do.
It's really annoying, though, when vendors and venues put you in that position, but it's best to find out if that's going to be the case before locking yourself into that one venue. I would have asked about it and found another venue rather than putting myself in the position of the OP.
The venue isn't doing anything wrong. They run a business that has a bar that is open, while the club is open.The bride and groom aren't doing anything wrong either, they are hosting food and beverage that they can afford to their guests. That said, I have been to many weddings (not in CT, though) where the guests passed by the 'punch bowl' and headed straight to the bar to purchase drinks. Did I care? No, it doesn't affect me. It's rude to judge the other guests and call attention to their faux pas.
@nhs226, you should post a bar menu/signs of whatever you're hosting, prominently, so the guests know exactly what you're hosting. No need to mention that the cash bar is available.The bartenders should be the ones who inform the guests if they are ordering off menu. If the unhosted liquor remains uncovered, the guests should be allowed (by the venue) to purchase it.
From an etiquette standpoint it's considered rude is what I meant.
When people bought scotch at my reception I thought "Huh? Well whatever, obviously they really wanted it." I didn't say they were rude or anything!
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."