Open Bar or Not?

SP29

I agree go all (with beer and wine only) or nothing.

Keeping the bar open for only an hour is more likely to annoy your guests than no alcohol at all. People will either find out and stock up (thus, "getting drunk on your dime"), or be the person who only has one drink (or none!) and then is upset later because they didn't know the bar was closing.

Part of etiquette is treating your guests fairly- this is why cash bars, or half cash bars are not OK. Neither is hosting something for only part of an event- yes, everyone drinks differently, but that is thier choice. It's not fair when you are making the "choice" that guest A gets 5 drinks because (s)he drank them all in an hour and guest B has one drink all night because (s)he chose to pace him/herself. 

apromise22

This is more common, so I guess it's acceptable, but I also hate it when the bar is closed during dinner (especially when it's a buffet and you haven't been served yet and you just want a drink to enjoy with dinner!). Closing the bar at various times just seems like playing games with your guests. If I go to a wedding with a bar, I expect it to be open all night. And no, I'm not a lush--I've never had more than 3 drinks at a wedding. 

futuremrslavender

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

lyndausvi

It's so sad to see people just do not understand the art of hosting.

manateehugger

The attitude of "I can do what I want because I'm holding a big fancy party" seriously disgusts me. It's doubly selfish - not only are you claiming the classic bridezilla attitude, you're treating your guests as ingrates for attending a large party YOU decided YOU wanted, but can't actually bother to host properly.

Jen4948

futuremrslavender said:

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

Sorry, but this is not an excuse to be rude to your guests. "Do whatever you want, it's your wedding" while not taking care of your guests' needs (including their need not to pay for what you should be paying for if you're providing it) just makes you look like a dick. If you want to provide alcohol (which is not necessary) then YOU pay for it. That means no cash bar, no drink tickets, and no providing alcohol for limited periods of time. You offer whatever you can afford to be available the whole reception.

SP29

@futuremrslavendar you realize this is the etiquette board right? People aren't responding with their own personal opinions and beliefs (there are others who aren't really bothered by cash bars), everyone is responding based on proper etiquette, which means hosting your guests fairly and equally.

You should treat guests at your wedding like you would treat them in your home. You would never ask your friends to pay for their own alcohol at your house if you invited them for dinner- that would be beyond rude. Doesn't mean that you have to have an open bar at your house. Many people would offer wine and beer only at a house or dinner party- nothing wrong with that. Also nothing wrong with NOT offering alcohol. If you can't afford a 20 person dinner party at your house, you don't invite 20 people over at once- same with your wedding, invite and host what you can afford. 

esstee33

futuremrslavender said:

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

Opinions =/= proper etiquette, which is what this board is for. If you want to be a poor host and dick over your guests, go right ahead. It's only going to make you look bad because your guests are not going to appreciate it, and they will certainly remember and talk about it. 

What you're obviously failing to realize is that the reception is a party you throw as a thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony. It's not all about you. Why do you want to poorly host a party thrown FOR them? There are SO many completely appropriate, not-rude ways of hosting that are budget-friendly. It's not full open bar or nothing. 

adettma32

futuremrslavender said:

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

First, my fiancé and I are blessed to have met friends that live all over the states and Canada.

This being the case, we usually have to take quite a trip to travel to weddings we attend. In the past 2 years, we have attended weddings in Mexico, Tennessee, Ohio, Wisconsin, Toronto, and Colorado. 

We therefore payed for flights or gas to road trip, accommodations, sometimes a rental car, eating out the entire weekend, and a generous gift because we love our friends dearly and want to be with them on their special day. 

So after spending a decent chunk of money to be with you on your wedding day, thank you so much for your attitude about paying for my f-ing meal, some appetizers, and late night snacks.

*Edited for grammar, oops!

thisismynickname2

adettma32 said:

futuremrslavender said:

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

First, my fiancé and I are blessed to have met friends that live all over the states and Canada.

This being the case, we usually have to take quite a trip to travel to weddings we attend. In the past 2 years, we have attended weddings in Mexico, Tennessee, Ohio, Wisconsin, Toronto, and Colorado. 

We therefore payed for flights or gas to road trip, accommodations, sometimes a rental car, eating out the entire weekend, and a generous gift because we love our friends dearly and want to be with them on their special day. 

So after spending a decent chunk of money to be with you on your wedding day, thank you so much for your attitude about paying for my f-ing meal, some appetizers, and late night snacks.

*Edited for grammar, oops!

slothiegal

adettma32 said:

futuremrslavender said:

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

First, my fiancé and I are blessed to have met friends that live all over the states and Canada.

This being the case, we usually have to take quite a trip to travel to weddings we attend. In the past 2 years, we have attended weddings in Mexico, Tennessee, Ohio, Wisconsin, Toronto, and Colorado. 

We therefore payed for flights or gas to road trip, accommodations, sometimes a rental car, eating out the entire weekend, and a generous gift because we love our friends dearly and want to be with them on their special day. 

So after spending a decent chunk of money to be with you on your wedding day, thank you so much for your attitude about paying for my f-ing meal, some appetizers, and late night snacks.

*Edited for grammar, oops!

huskypuppy14

If people can't afford alcohol at their venue (and they don't want a dry wedding), then they can't afford that venue. You have to think about all the costs associated with having your party, not just the food. 

We had a full open bar (paid for premium, we think they gave us top shelf) for our weddings guests. We did not go on a fancy honeymoon, just took our regular vacation on the Cape. It's called priorities.

ohannabelle

futuremrslavender said:

this is my opinion and I know everyone will probably attack me for saying it. Its your wedding do what ever you want. Open bar, cash bar whatever its not going to make or break your wedding/marriage. Do what you can afford. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape about alcohol because I'm paying for your f-ing meal and thats including a cocktail hour, 3 course dinner and late night meal. Our families aren't big drinkers and then I have family member who can control their alcohol and will get sloshed if the opportunity is there. its not really on my priority list were also keeping our guest count LOW which also helps we have so many more options from cutting our guest list to just the important people. Its your wedding do what ever you want, I've been to weddings and have had to pay for my drinks before it doesn't affect the time I'm having at the wedding I'm there for the bride and groom to support them. 

Some options we're considering

1.open bar (most expensive), 

2. have a 3 hour open bar and then your on your own but we will have a bottle of red and white house wine on each table and cover non alcoholic beverages. 

3. do a signature drink  and wine on the tables 

4. just pay for non alcoholic beverages

"Attack" is pretty effing dramatic, isn't it? 

You said one very correct thing there: Do what you can afford. 

Don't do what you can't afford, and expect other people to fund your party, because you wanted to have more than you could afford. I don't give a flying fuck if you're "paying for my meal." I'd rather that you gave me a piece of cake and a glass of seven up, if that's what you can afford. No complaints. I don't go to weddings because ooooh, free food! Free booze! I go because I care about the couple. 

That doesn't give them the right to be rude to me. Get it? It isn't about having or not having alcohol. Either way is fine. Expecting people to pay for your event isn't. 

This is an etiquette board. Not a "you can do whatever you want because it's your day" board. You don't care if people are rude? Great. People don't ask etiquette questions because they're interested in being rude. 

Remember in pre school when the teacher explained not to bring treats unless you brought some for everybody? Same thing. Only have what you can offer equally to everyone. Don't offer something, but offer more to the people who have money with them. That's really crass. That's treating people like crap.

(Aren't you the same girl over on the "offbeat" board saying you're having everyone for the ceremony, kicking everyone out for dinner except a select group, and then inviting everyone back for cocktails? That's a really good example of treating people like crap. Your post up there indicates that you're buying everyone dinner. I hope that's true. )

badbnagdway

Ah, the inevitable "IT'S MY PARTY AND YOU'LL PAY FOR BOOZE IF I WANT YOU TO." 

Just to echo some folks who have good sense, choose your venue based on what you want to be able to provide for your guests. If you know you want booze, think about where that fits into your budget. It is always going to be way cheaper to provide your own booze, but a lot of venues don't allow it. Take that into account when choosing a venue. Our venue is pretty ok to look at, but we chose it because of the location, the ample parking, and the fact that we can bring basically whatever we want into the space (except no real candles, bummer). That means we have free reign on the caterer and is saving us huge dollars on booze the booze we want.