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Etiquette

Friend is mad about engagement announcement

My fiance and I got engaged over a month ago after dating 8.5 years. We didn't post anything to social media because we wanted to be sure everyone was informed by us first and we're not big status posters to begin with. We got our engagement photos taken and the photographer offered to post our announcement for us on Facebook with one of the pictures. Here's the issue - one of my friends is getting married in a week and a half and I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding. I think I offended her by posting our engagement announcement so close to her wedding. She hasn't contacted me about it, and I don't want to cause any tension so close to the wedding, so I'm not sure how to handle this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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Re: Friend is mad about engagement announcement

  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    esstee33 said:
    If she hasn't contacted you about it, how do you know she's offended? 
    This is exactly what I was going to ask.
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  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    stop borrowing trouble.  You did nothing wrong.  And she hasn't done anything wrong by not contacting you yet.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    ohannabelleSTARMOON44theartistformerlyknownas
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    esstee33 said:
    If she hasn't contacted you about it, how do you know she's offended? 
    Yeup.  Seems like making an issue out of nothing?

    Not going to lie, a week before my wedding, I did not give a shit about what anyone else what doing.  There's a very good chance she hasn't seen your update or, if she has, it's on her back burner.  

    I'd relax about this for the time being.  Enjoy your engagement!
    Anniversary

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  • I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited December 2014
    I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.
    She's busy. Not liking something is not an indicator. Unfriending you would be an indicator.

    Both of you should careful consider how much you post on social media, bc while she is probably not offended people might start to assume they are going to be invited to your wedding since you are blasting it on social media. Sharing details with people not on the guest list is more likely to offend someone than the situation you are worried about. Telling people you got engaged on FB is fine, but think about how many wedding details you share going forward. :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    STARMOON44dilewis
  • Does the friend know you're engaged?   As long as she's not finding out on FB, I don't see why she'd be upset. 


    plainjane0415mlg78
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

    I think you're over thinking. It's a week before her wedding; she's probably preoccupied with other stuff. And it may not have even popped up on her newsfeed.
    Blue_Bird
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I can honestly say I've never really looked who liked my posts or not.    Sure it I notice the first few, but after a while there they say "Jane Doe and 30 others liked your post".  I've never taken the time to click on who those 30+ others people are.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    huskypuppy14Blue_BirdMaggie0829
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Facebook is not the meaning of life. I can upload a photo to Facebook and never see someone's post on my news feed. So maybe she genuinely didn't see it.

    As long as you told her about your engagement prior to posting it to social media, since you're such close friends, I wouldn't see why she should be annoyed. You don't even know if she's annoyed. You're just guessing

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    thespeshulestsnowflakeSP29
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Perhaps she didn't even see your post.  I can't tell you how many times I miss posts because I never even see them on my feed (and only notice when I check up to see what best friend has been up to or brother is working on).  Get over it.

    And if she saw it and is mad, she needs to get over it.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I can't imagine getting this worked up over a facebook post. 

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    blabla89
  • I truly don't think you have anything to worry about. If she is upset about you becoming engaged too close to her wedding, she isn't a very nice person! It's not like you're going to gush about your own wedding all day on her wedding day. Congratulations on your engagement, and good luck planning. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I got engaged two weeks before a friend's wedding. I could not tell you if she liked the post where we announced it on FB. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have cared. I am sure they were busy. I don't even remember opening facebook in the week before my wedding.

    At her wedding, she ran over and gushed about how excited she was for us and wanted to see the ring. I think you have nothing to worry about.
  • Yeah, your friend is busy with her own life and wedding. It sounds like you are the one who is upset - and you shouldn't be. It's a FB like, not anything important.
  • I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.
    This is funny.  I get what you mean though, like if your friend is constantly on FB and constantly "liking" other pics EXCEPT for yours, then yeah she might have done it on purpose, which is pathetic in and of itself.

    Either way, who gives a shit and just move on. :-)
  • lyndausvi said:
    people read way too much into social media.    
    QFT

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    slothiegallightningsnow
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

     

    I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.


    You haven't answered our question of whether you told her prior to posting or not?  Because some people get really upset if they find out things like this via FB and not directly from their friend.

    Honestly though, I think with it being so close to her wedding, she probably doesn't have time to jack with FB.

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    rcher912
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    people read way too much into social media.    
    QFT

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    lyndausvi
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I guess I should have known, but I honestly did not know people keep tabs on who likes their posts.  Nor did I know people keep tabs on what others like in comparison to what the like of theirs.


    I guess I've been doing it all wrong.  Off to excel to create my shreadsheet to keep track.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have several friends who ginuinely get offended if a post doesn't get as many likes as they want.  I don't understand it.  I don't really know how they have time to be keeping up with it either.  It's so weird to me.
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    fwtx5815
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I have several friends who ginuinely get offended if a post doesn't get as many likes as they want.  I don't understand it.  I don't really know how they have time to be keeping up with it either.  It's so weird to me.
    You wonder how these people were able to function before FB?  How did they get attention prior to "like" and "love its" and hashtags and repinnings and tags and whatever else one can do to show that they looked at something you posted?

    plainjane0415polaroidgurl
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I have several friends who ginuinely get offended if a post doesn't get as many likes as they want.  I don't understand it.  I don't really know how they have time to be keeping up with it either.  It's so weird to me.
    You wonder how these people were able to function before FB?  How did they get attention prior to "like" and "love its" and hashtags and repinnings and tags and whatever else one can do to show that they looked at something you posted?
    Good question.


    On another note I might log into FB 1-2 times a day.  Sometimes not at all, sometimes more.    I pretty much only scroll down a few clicks, if that.  I never go specifically on a page to see if they have posted anything new.   

    I have some cousins who have some interesting posts.  My sister has text me to say "did you see M's post?"   Sometimes I say "no" even though I was just on there because well, I just didn't scroll down my news feed far enough.  And no I do not see the need to start either.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    plainjane0415
  • plainjane0415plainjane0415 The hills of Tennessee member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I should have posted this on the UO thread, but I'm over FB.  I feel like all it is now is advertisements, and there's just not much appealing to me on there anymore.
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  • esstee33esstee33 Pittsburgh member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I should have posted this on the UO thread, but I'm over FB.  I feel like all it is now is advertisements, and there's just not much appealing to me on there anymore.
    I deleted mine a couple months ago, and it's been wonderful. I did a brief stint of just deactivating it, but it was way too easy to log back in and get right back on track with mindless news feed scrolling, so I just took the plunge and got rid of it completely. 

    I replaced the phone app with Flipboard, so I can read news articles when I would've been checking FB, and Duolingo, so I can brush up my Spanish skills. :)
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    rcher912
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    FB if still useful for me.  I don't live near family, plus I've moved so much and have friends around the world. I enjoy getting to see what they are up to and pictures.   Most of my extended family have never left DE, so they all get a kick out of all the places I've been to and like looking at the pictures.  I guess they live vicariously through us.    It's a great way for us to stay in touch.

    But I don't take it too seriously. I don't assume all 300 my friends are reading/looking at every single thing I post and if they don't like something they are made or offended or jealous.   

    Most of my posts are just pictures of the scenery or the dogs.  Or the generic Merry Christmas or we are moving again post.  Posts are not daily by any means, nor to a share stupid articles or game requests.  

    The only people I keep in contact via FB with do not live near me at all.   I'm not friends with any local people.  Never even bother to ask.  We talk and keep in touch via phone,text or seeing each other.   While I'm friends with DH, I never like anything he posts.  We will share something like a picture of the dogs or when links of when DH was on TV.  But that is about all of our FB interaction.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    rcher912
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