Friend is mad about engagement announcement

Knottie89481851

My fiance and I got engaged over a month ago after dating 8.5 years. We didn't post anything to social media because we wanted to be sure everyone was informed by us first and we're not big status posters to begin with. We got our engagement photos taken and the photographer offered to post our announcement for us on Facebook with one of the pictures. Here's the issue - one of my friends is getting married in a week and a half and I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding. I think I offended her by posting our engagement announcement so close to her wedding. She hasn't contacted me about it, and I don't want to cause any tension so close to the wedding, so I'm not sure how to handle this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

photokitty

ETA - Best wishes and welcome!

Knottie89481851 said:

My fiance and I got engaged over a month ago after dating 8.5 years. We didn't post anything to social media because we wanted to be sure everyone was informed by us first and we're not big status posters to begin with. We got our engagement photos taken and the photographer offered to post our announcement for us on Facebook with one of the pictures. Here's the issue - one of my friends is getting married in a week and a half and I'm a bridesmaid in her wedding. I think I offended her by posting our engagement announcement so close to her wedding. She hasn't contacted me about it, and I don't want to cause any tension so close to the wedding, so I'm not sure how to handle this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

There is no reason to handle anything. If she is offended she is in the wrong. As long as you personally told you got engaged before it went on FB, since you are so close, she has nothing to be offended over. You do not have to put your life on hold until after her wedding.

Stop over thinking it and be happy about your engagement and her upcoming wedding. Celebrate and stop worrying. GL

esstee33

If she hasn't contacted you about it, how do you know she's offended? 

tammym1001

esstee33 said:

If she hasn't contacted you about it, how do you know she's offended? 

This is exactly what I was going to ask.

lyndausvi

stop borrowing trouble.  You did nothing wrong.  And she hasn't done anything wrong by not contacting you yet.

slothiegal

esstee33 said:

If she hasn't contacted you about it, how do you know she's offended? 

Yeup.  Seems like making an issue out of nothing?

Not going to lie, a week before my wedding, I did not give a shit about what anyone else what doing.  There's a very good chance she hasn't seen your update or, if she has, it's on her back burner.  

I'd relax about this for the time being.  Enjoy your engagement!

Knottie89481851

I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

lyndausvi

people read way too much into social media.    

photokitty

Knottie89481851 said:

I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

She's busy. Not liking something is not an indicator. Unfriending you would be an indicator.

Both of you should careful consider how much you post on social media, bc while she is probably not offended people might start to assume they are going to be invited to your wedding since you are blasting it on social media. Sharing details with people not on the guest list is more likely to offend someone than the situation you are worried about. Telling people you got engaged on FB is fine, but think about how many wedding details you share going forward.

banana468

Does the friend know you're engaged?   As long as she's not finding out on FB, I don't see why she'd be upset. 

misshart00

Knottie89481851 said:

I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

I think you're over thinking. It's a week before her wedding; she's probably preoccupied with other stuff. And it may not have even popped up on her newsfeed.

AddieCake

Way overthinking. Essentially, you are pouting because she didn't click the like button on Facebook. Get over it.

lyndausvi

I can honestly say I've never really looked who liked my posts or not.    Sure it I notice the first few, but after a while there they say "Jane Doe and 30 others liked your post".  I've never taken the time to click on who those 30+ others people are.

mikenberger

Facebook is not the meaning of life. I can upload a photo to Facebook and never see someone's post on my news feed. So maybe she genuinely didn't see it.

As long as you told her about your engagement prior to posting it to social media, since you're such close friends, I wouldn't see why she should be annoyed. You don't even know if she's annoyed. You're just guessing

jacques27

Knottie89481851 said:

I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

Truthfully, this makes me think it's really you who is upset that she didn't pay enough attention to your engagement announcement than you being genuinely concerned that she might have been offended by it. 

Seriously?  Whether someone "likes" your post on facebook is now the hallmark of what your actual in real life relationship status is with them?  If that is actually true, I am weeping for the future of our society.  Yes, you are overreacting and reading way too much into it.

JoanE2012

Perhaps she didn't even see your post.  I can't tell you how many times I miss posts because I never even see them on my feed (and only notice when I check up to see what best friend has been up to or brother is working on).  Get over it.

And if she saw it and is mad, she needs to get over it.

huskypuppy14

I can't imagine getting this worked up over a facebook post. 

nicole4793

I truly don't think you have anything to worry about. If she is upset about you becoming engaged too close to her wedding, she isn't a very nice person! It's not like you're going to gush about your own wedding all day on her wedding day. Congratulations on your engagement, and good luck planning. 

IMathlete

I got engaged two weeks before a friend's wedding. I could not tell you if she liked the post where we announced it on FB. If she hadn't, I wouldn't have cared. I am sure they were busy. I don't even remember opening facebook in the week before my wedding.

At her wedding, she ran over and gushed about how excited she was for us and wanted to see the ring. I think you have nothing to worry about.

abbyj700

Yeah, your friend is busy with her own life and wedding. It sounds like you are the one who is upset - and you shouldn't be. It's a FB like, not anything important.

JeeGooDowster

Knottie89481851 said:

I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

This is funny.  I get what you mean though, like if your friend is constantly on FB and constantly "liking" other pics EXCEPT for yours, then yeah she might have done it on purpose, which is pathetic in and of itself.

Either way, who gives a shit and just move on. :-)

southernbelle0915

lyndausvi said:

people read way too much into social media.    

QFT

plainjane0415

 

Knottie89481851 said:

I may be overthinking/overreacting which is why I wanted advice. Typical social media indicators: she hasn't liked the post of my engagement announcement, yet has posted a picture of her and her fiance signing their marriage license.

You haven't answered our question of whether you told her prior to posting or not?  Because some people get really upset if they find out things like this via FB and not directly from their friend.

Honestly though, I think with it being so close to her wedding, she probably doesn't have time to jack with FB.

Maggie0829

southernbelle0915 said:

lyndausvi said:

people read way too much into social media.    

QFT

lyndausvi

I guess I should have known, but I honestly did not know people keep tabs on who likes their posts.  Nor did I know people keep tabs on what others like in comparison to what the like of theirs.

I guess I've been doing it all wrong.  Off to excel to create my shreadsheet to keep track.

plainjane0415

I have several friends who ginuinely get offended if a post doesn't get as many likes as they want.  I don't understand it.  I don't really know how they have time to be keeping up with it either.  It's so weird to me.

Maggie0829

plainjane0415 said:

I have several friends who ginuinely get offended if a post doesn't get as many likes as they want.  I don't understand it.  I don't really know how they have time to be keeping up with it either.  It's so weird to me.

You wonder how these people were able to function before FB?  How did they get attention prior to "like" and "love its" and hashtags and repinnings and tags and whatever else one can do to show that they looked at something you posted?

lyndausvi

Maggie0829 said:

plainjane0415 said:

I have several friends who ginuinely get offended if a post doesn't get as many likes as they want.  I don't understand it.  I don't really know how they have time to be keeping up with it either.  It's so weird to me.

You wonder how these people were able to function before FB?  How did they get attention prior to "like" and "love its" and hashtags and repinnings and tags and whatever else one can do to show that they looked at something you posted?

Good question.

On another note I might log into FB 1-2 times a day.  Sometimes not at all, sometimes more.    I pretty much only scroll down a few clicks, if that.  I never go specifically on a page to see if they have posted anything new.   

I have some cousins who have some interesting posts.  My sister has text me to say "did you see M's post?"   Sometimes I say "no" even though I was just on there because well, I just didn't scroll down my news feed far enough.  And no I do not see the need to start either.

plainjane0415

I should have posted this on the UO thread, but I'm over FB.  I feel like all it is now is advertisements, and there's just not much appealing to me on there anymore.

esstee33

plainjane0415 said:

I should have posted this on the UO thread, but I'm over FB.  I feel like all it is now is advertisements, and there's just not much appealing to me on there anymore.

I deleted mine a couple months ago, and it's been wonderful. I did a brief stint of just deactivating it, but it was way too easy to log back in and get right back on track with mindless news feed scrolling, so I just took the plunge and got rid of it completely. 

I replaced the phone app with Flipboard, so I can read news articles when I would've been checking FB, and Duolingo, so I can brush up my Spanish skills.

lyndausvi

FB if still useful for me.  I don't live near family, plus I've moved so much and have friends around the world. I enjoy getting to see what they are up to and pictures.   Most of my extended family have never left DE, so they all get a kick out of all the places I've been to and like looking at the pictures.  I guess they live vicariously through us.    It's a great way for us to stay in touch.

But I don't take it too seriously. I don't assume all 300 my friends are reading/looking at every single thing I post and if they don't like something they are made or offended or jealous.   

Most of my posts are just pictures of the scenery or the dogs.  Or the generic Merry Christmas or we are moving again post.  Posts are not daily by any means, nor to a share stupid articles or game requests.  

The only people I keep in contact via FB with do not live near me at all.   I'm not friends with any local people.  Never even bother to ask.  We talk and keep in touch via phone,text or seeing each other.   While I'm friends with DH, I never like anything he posts.  We will share something like a picture of the dogs or when links of when DH was on TV.  But that is about all of our FB interaction.