Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dry Wedding Etiquette?

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Re: Dry Wedding Etiquette?

  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    BO-RING!

    People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz. 
    image
  • BO-RING!

    People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz. 
    image
    novella1186blabla89ashley8918


  • I thought if I didn't want to attend a wedding, I just marked whatever phrase of "not attending" was on the RSVP card and sent it back.

    I'm so glad to know I am to attend and get drunk off my ass instead. :disagree:

    Well that is only if the wedding has an open bar.  If it doesn't that means the hosts are assholes who won't allow you to get your buzz on even though you would bring a gift.  Then you are allowed to decline the invite because what the hell is the point of going to a wedding if you can't get hot mess wasted?!

    Clearly, I'm doing this all wrong. Open bar, I have 2 or 3 drinks in 5 hours. Dry wedding, I enjoy the party, maybe not as long but hey, these are my friends. Cash bar is a different matter. If I have to pay, I am getting drunk off my ass. Granted, I've attended two cash bar receptions that I can remember and I was 20 (hey, they didn't check my ID) and 22, so getting wasted was the point.

  • We're serving iced water, tea, coffee, and three fruity drinks (haven't quite decided yet what, but there will be a peach sparkler (peach syrup, sugar free, sparkling water and blueberries to float) for toasts).  Is this reasonable?

    Our whole wedding is a very DIY, family-orientated, stew-and-dumplings kind of affair. Does it fit?

    I have Type I diabetes (I'm assuming that's his type) also and you all would be my HEROS having something sugar-free, other than Diet Coke, water, and iced tea.  The beverage world gets very limited, very fast when you need to avoid sugary sodas and juices.

    Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol.  Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most.  I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given. 

    Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol. 

    rcher912HaileyDancingbear
  • To be honest, if you are having an afternoon/evening wedding and you are not known to be part of a strict non-drinking community, as a guest I'm going to expect alcohol to be served. It doesn't mean I need it, or that I'm going to get wasted, but yes I'm going to expect at least wine and beer. And I'm going to be disappointed and a bit confused that it's not there. And I will definitely talk about you later and wonder why you didn't have any alcohol. In fact, it's probably something that would come up for years "Remember Jane Doe's wedding? That was so weird that there was no wine with dinner. Did they really think people were going to say and dance with no drinks? It's not like they're totally against booze, it was just so weird". Now, I'm sure I would still have a fine time and I would't write you off as a friend or anything of course, but yes, I would talk about it and think it was weird. Just being honest. 

    If it's a morning or lunchtime type of event, to be honest I'd still expect there to be some alcohol, as it's just pretty standard at big social functions to have alcohol, but I wouldn't care nearly as much that there wasn't.

    I was invited to one dry wedding, but unfortunately couldn't attend. My friends did (we are all typical drinkers), and had a fine time. They said it was mostly just sitting at the tables, and there was a lot of cultural things that were cool to see. They enjoyed themselves, but not the way they do at a typical wedding where there's dancing and stuff. We all knew it was going to be a dry wedding--the couple and their families were strict muslims, and never drank. 
  • Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol.  Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most.  I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given. 

    Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol. 

    He doesn't drink because it makes his blood sugar control worse, and he's type 2.  It's a choice which has helped him.  I don't drink because I'm bi-polar and it makes me worse.  Even the temptation to drink makes things difficult, especially in highly strung, emotional situations.  
     
    MandyMost said:
    To be honest, if you are having an afternoon/evening wedding and you are not known to be part of a strict non-drinking community, as a guest I'm going to expect alcohol to be served. It doesn't mean I need it, or that I'm going to get wasted, but yes I'm going to expect at least wine and beer. And I'm going to be disappointed and a bit confused that it's not there. And I will definitely talk about you later and wonder why you didn't have any alcohol. In fact, it's probably something that would come up for years "Remember Jane Doe's wedding? That was so weird that there was no wine with dinner. Did they really think people were going to say and dance with no drinks? It's not like they're totally against booze, it was just so weird". Now, I'm sure I would still have a fine time and I would't write you off as a friend or anything of course, but yes, I would talk about it and think it was weird. Just being honest. 

    So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
  • Though, just for the other PPs out there, I don't want you all to get the impression that diabetics can't drink alcohol.  Certainly the OP's FI has either chosen not to or had his doc advise it, but this is not the case for most.  I personally find one of the most aggravating aspects of the disease...especially for us Type 1ers (more uncommon type)...is the plethora of misinformation about it, so I can't help but correct when I see a wrong impression may have been given. 

    Again, not at all accusing the OP of giving misinformation...but I could see where people unfamiliar with the disease could have jumped to the conclusion that diabetics can't drink alcohol. 

    He doesn't drink because it makes his blood sugar control worse, and he's type 2.  It's a choice which has helped him.  I don't drink because I'm bi-polar and it makes me worse.  Even the temptation to drink makes things difficult, especially in highly strung, emotional situations.  
     
    MandyMost said:
    To be honest, if you are having an afternoon/evening wedding and you are not known to be part of a strict non-drinking community, as a guest I'm going to expect alcohol to be served. It doesn't mean I need it, or that I'm going to get wasted, but yes I'm going to expect at least wine and beer. And I'm going to be disappointed and a bit confused that it's not there. And I will definitely talk about you later and wonder why you didn't have any alcohol. In fact, it's probably something that would come up for years "Remember Jane Doe's wedding? That was so weird that there was no wine with dinner. Did they really think people were going to say and dance with no drinks? It's not like they're totally against booze, it was just so weird". Now, I'm sure I would still have a fine time and I would't write you off as a friend or anything of course, but yes, I would talk about it and think it was weird. Just being honest. 

    So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
    You don't owe people excuses or an explanation as to why you don't want alcohol. It's your choice and it's totally fine. If you feel like giving guests a heads up so they're not surprised by it or whatever, just mention it to a few of the biggest gossips and they'll spread the word. If anyone NEEDS to know why, it's for health issues, but it's really none of their business. 
    plainjane0415wrigleyvilleSTARMOON44SP29
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    BO-RING!

    People already don't want to be at your wedding, but still show up with a gift in hand. the least you can do is give them a nice buzz. 
    image

    image

    @kristypaolucci - WTH?


                       
    novella1186PrettyGirlLostblabla89ashley8918
  • emanon321emanon321 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    I had a dry reception and it was perfectly fine. I did not tell anyone about it before hand. We had plenty of drinks, soda, coffee, tea, lemonade, water. No one was lacking. We also had a morning ceremony, so it wasn't missed at all. (Though I found out later that some cousins on H's side had wandered around and found the bar reserved for members of the country club we had our reception in. But they got a glass of wine and kept the booze outside which was appreciated) 
  • rcher912rcher912 Philadelphia member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    MagicInk said:
    If you were heaving an evening wedding in a fancy pants venue and didn't serve any alcohol, I'd probably raise my eyebrows a little. Not in a "bad people no serving booze" way. Just in "oh, no booze, I thought there'd be booze" way. And then I'd move on. Because as much I like drinking I don't need to drink to have fun.

    If you're having a more casual wedding (and it sounds like you are) or an earlier wedding, I probably wouldn't even think about it. And that peach thing sounds awesome so I'd down that. 

    My rambling point is, sounds good to me. :)
    THIS. THISTHISTHIS. You absolutely don't owe anyone an explanation - I'd probably be a little surprised. Just based on my personal experience, there's alcohol at weddings. But as PPs have said over and over, there doesn't have to be. It's YOUR wedding, and if you're vegan, I'm not showing up expecting a steak dinner. 

    Which brings me to my next point - if your friends and family are even vaguely aware that you guys don't really drink, they shouldn't even BE all that surprised that your wedding is dry. And if someone comments, (and you actually feel like justifying yourself, which you TOTALLY DON'T HAVE TO), just remind them of the fact that you guys don't drink, mostly for medical reasons.

    Jeez. Medical reasons for crying out loud. Of course I wouldn't side-eye you at your wedding!!!!!


    ETA: Emphasis. Whoops.
    HaileyDancingbearPrettyGirlLost[Deleted User]VulgarGirl
  • edited January 2015
    Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time? 

    I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.

    just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker


    image
  • Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time? 

    I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.

    just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
    1)  Are you serious?  I can dance without a drop of alcohol in my body and have the best time.
    2)  I am from a very rural, conservative area where it's insane to even think about having champagne for the toast, let alone any alcohol to be served.
    3)  You sound like a wet blanket.
    4)  Having gone to serveral weddings that did not serve alcohol, they were better hosted and more enjoyable than the ones that had open bars.

    You are just a peach to call anyone a "brown noser."

    novella1186velvethelicoptersemmiejaynelightningsnow
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015
    OP, your weddings sound like tons of fun to me! Yummy punch? That's my jam. (aside, I also like actual jam.)

    Though I'm serving some alcohol (champagne, mimosas, etc) my goal for my own wedding is primarily for people to enjoy themselves through chit chat and a happy atmosphere. I don't anticipate much drinking or dancing since its brunch and my crowd doesn't drink much in general from what I can tell (though there's a dj and first dances, so maybe I'll end up surprised and there will be a par-tay.)

    I don't drink much at all (I'd prefer dessert to a drink!), but my FI does like beer and wine. He'd be fine at a dry event. Because he's not rude and doesn't self medicate with alcohol or anything else. And I daresay all my friends who ALSO drink alcohol would be just fine at a dry wedding. I think we'd all be a little surprised it wasn't there if the event was at night, and didn't already know the couple doesn't drink, but we'd all get over the surprise and enjoy the event.
  • So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
    It sounds like you're from a crowd (friends and family) that are used to alcohol being served at weddings and other events. If that's true, then honestly, in my opinion, the only way you are going to get through this without people talking about you behind your back for years to come, is if you have a wedding early in the day and don't have a DJ/dancing. And expect it to be a somewhat shorter event (as in ceremony at 11am, lunch/brunch at 11:30, and event over by 2). But keep in mind that you can do whatever you want, just know people might be talking about you.

    If your crowd is used to alcohol-free events and you don't think they'll think a dinner without any booze is weird, then go ahead and spread the word and have a dry evening wedding and don't expect any gossip later. Well, maybe a little gossip.



    Remember, the reception is a party for your guests. There's always things we want or don't want to do, but we do them anyway to keep the guests happy and/or to keep a few key VIPs happy. You might want a small wedding, but realize it's not worth ruffling the feathers of all your aunts and uncles of not inviting them. You might want a destination wedding, but realize only your side of the family (and not his) would be able to attend, so you have it local instead. You might not particularly like cake or be on a diet, but you still have cake because your mothers would throw a fit otherwise. You might not want to do a first dance, but you do it anyway so people don't wonder why you didn't. You might only like gangster rap, but you have more mainstream music at your reception so people will dance. And you might not drink alcohol yourselves, but you have it anyway so people don't talk about you later. Or you might want to have a dry event, so you decide on a morning/midday wedding instead of an evening wedding even if it's not what you had originally pictured. We all make these adjustments. 
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