Wedding Etiquette Forum

Can I put an age limit on invitations?

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Re: Can I put an age limit on invitations?

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Well, I hope his recovery goes speedily, and that the rest of the wedding planning isn't made unnecessarily stressful for either of you.
    I weirdly suspect that it may be much more stressful than necessary.
    There's a reason there's no clear agent for the passive verb.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jessie42613Jessie42613 member
    Fifth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    edited January 2015
    This is four five pages of round and round and round over how to exclude one poor kid and appear polite about it.
    redoryxashley8918PrettyGirlLostpenguin44
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    I really don't see how I do not want kids at my ceremony and reception is becoming this much of a debate. I might just have to have my kids at the ceremony then have them go to a friends house after to make sure that no kids are at the reception period.

     

    I'm tired of this debate, and again I have already excluded my own personal family from the days events as well.

    You can all start going through this debate, but I've made up my mind.

    The fact that you keep talking about what "I" want and not what "we" want is problematic, which is why I and others are asking what your FI wants.  It's just as much his wedding as yours, and his opinion on who he would like to be there is just as important and valid as your opinion.



    Jessie42613ashley8918PrettyGirlLost
  • nhultberg461nhultberg461 Henderson, NV member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its
    If I could get him to talk about it without having to stress him out I would. But I need to keep his stress level down and keep him on his road to recovery. When I see that he's doing better then I will bring it up and we can have the conversation. But right now I was trying ask for advice. And should have started with I wanted to have a ceremony and reception sans any kids besides my own two who are part of the bridal party, and then maybe the focus would be on the polite way to send out the invites to the people we want to invite. I take the responsibility for realizing that everyone believes that my intentions where to leave out this one child based on the history between his sister and myself. My intentions where to not invite any kids. I understand that there are those that truly believe that I'm being petty and breaking up family circles, which I still don't really follow. I have always heard the statement that it's the brides day, and to do what makes me happy and to have less drama and stress for our day. So it looks like I have a lot of researching and soul searching to do before I go forward with anymore planning or researching.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If I could get him to talk about it without having to stress him out I would. But I need to keep his stress level down and keep him on his road to recovery. When I see that he's doing better then I will bring it up and we can have the conversation. But right now I was trying ask for advice. And should have started with I wanted to have a ceremony and reception sans any kids besides my own two who are part of the bridal party, and then maybe the focus would be on the polite way to send out the invites to the people we want to invite. I take the responsibility for realizing that everyone believes that my intentions where to leave out this one child based on the history between his sister and myself. My intentions where to not invite any kids. I understand that there are those that truly believe that I'm being petty and breaking up family circles, which I still don't really follow. I have always heard the statement that it's the brides day, and to do what makes me happy and to have less drama and stress for our day. So it looks like I have a lot of researching and soul searching to do before I go forward with anymore planning or researching.
    But it's not the bride's day.  It is the day that the bride and groom are getting married.  They do not own the day and they do not have the right to treat other people badly just because they think it's "their" day. 

    Here's the thing - etiquette-wise you're fine inviting some kids and not others.  You can invite your own children to your wedding and no other children.  You can also invite your children and children in your immediate family if you want, e.g. you or your FI's nieces and nephews.  You do not have to, but it's common for people who want to have a mostly child-free wedding to still invite children who are close to the couple because they want those particular children to be there.  The decision of whether or not he wants his nephew to be at his wedding should be your FI's, and if that means that you have to wait until your FI is in a better place to discuss it with him then that's what you should do.



    PrettyGirlLost
  • nhultberg461nhultberg461 Henderson, NV member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its
    I realize that it's not just the brides day, aside from the discussion here those that I talk to outside of here have been the ones that have kept saying that it's "my day" and to do what I want, but at this point I also do realize that it is our day to come together as a couple and a family. I think I also wouldn't have so much of an issue with all of this, if his sister would attempt to make amends with me as I keep trying in my end. But again I don't really want kids there though. I would like to keep the focus on us, I guess I can see how that would be taken as being selfish. I also want to make sure that his sister enjoys herself to and not be concerned sbout her youngest but to have a good time with us as we all become a family together. As I think about all of this more and see everyone's reaction, it has opened my eyes to a lot of things that I do need to work on before all this does take place. And I need to help him focus on his recovery as well and then have the invite list conversation later. I do have a general head count that I can run with as I look at venues to decide if it will or will not work.
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