Wedding Invitations & Paper

Question - Couples who live in different homes



Hello everyone,

Long time lurker, first time poster.

My fiancés older brother “A” lives in our state and is in his mid 40’s. He is seeing a lovely lady “C” who is about his age, however, she happens to live in a different state. They do the long distance thing and each spend a few weeks going to each other’s homes. Neither has officially moved and each maintains their own homes. They spend equal time together at each of the homes and time alone at their own homes.

They are a couple and identify as one, but how is the invite addressed and which address does it go to?

I see a few options

1.“C” gets her own invite just to her sent to her home. “A” gets his invite sent to his home. Not loving this option because then then are not being invited as a couple and that just seems wrong.

2.“C” and “A” are invited on the same invite and sent to “C’s” address.  Not loving this because A is my fiancés brother so I feel like an invite should go to his home.

3.“C” and “A” are invited on the same invite and it is sent to “A’s” address.    I think this one might work but technically speaking it’s not right either.

I suppose option number 1 might be the technical answer but it “feels” wrong if that makes sense. I am sure if I addressed them as a couple and sent the invite to just one house they would in no way be offended. I just didn’t know what was “right”.

Additionally, she has a college age son who lives with her/at school. I understand that he will get his own invite as well which I am guessing will go to her address since that is where he lives.

Thank you!

Re: Question - Couples who live in different homes

  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited January 2015

    I would say #3.  You don't know what might happen between now and then.  They may split up.  The person you're inviting is his brother, she's his guest.  Unless, of course, they split up and you decide to maintain a friendship with her?...then of course do separate.

    I can also see #1 being right...but definitely not #2. 

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2015
    aliwis000 said:


    Hello everyone,

    Long time lurker, first time poster.

    My fiancés older brother “A” lives in our state and is in his mid 40’s. He is seeing a lovely lady “C” who is about his age, however, she happens to live in a different state. They do the long distance thing and each spend a few weeks going to each other’s homes. Neither has officially moved and each maintains their own homes. They spend equal time together at each of the homes and time alone at their own homes.

    They are a couple and identify as one, but how is the invite addressed and which address does it go to?

    I see a few options

    1.“C” gets her own invite just to her sent to her home. “A” gets his invite sent to his home. Not loving this option because then then are not being invited as a couple and that just seems wrong.

    2.“C” and “A” are invited on the same invite and sent to “C’s” address.  Not loving this because A is my fiancés brother so I feel like an invite should go to his home.

    3.“C” and “A” are invited on the same invite and it is sent to “A’s” address.    I think this one might work but technically speaking it’s not right either.

    I suppose option number 1 might be the technical answer but it “feels” wrong if that makes sense. I am sure if I addressed them as a couple and sent the invite to just one house they would in no way be offended. I just didn’t know what was “right”.

    Additionally, she has a college age son who lives with her/at school. I understand that he will get his own invite as well which I am guessing will go to her address since that is where he lives.

    Thank you!


    I think they each (3) should get their own invitation. If she didn't have an adult son that you're inviting to the wedding, you might be able to get away with putting her name on your brother's invitation, especially as that is how you know her. As you're inviting her son, then that implies you have a closer relationship than just brother's girlfriend. 

    You would never risk offending her if she received her own invitation. You could offend her to put her on your brother's, as she's been on her own for a good long while, I presume. 
  • Were you planning on inviting the son anyway?

    I'd still go with option 3 and then send a separate invitation to the son at C's address since that's where he lives. You're inviting C as the SO of your FBIL and C's son is also getting an invite? so you'd invite him as a separate guest since he's an adult.



  • I would go with option 3 as well.

    My one question is, if your FBIL and his SO were to break up, would you still invite her?  Meaning are you close to his SO to the point where if she was with him or not you would still want to invite her to your wedding?  If the answer is yes, then I may lean more towards option 1.

  • Thank you everyone for the ideas!

    To answer a few items.

    1. Yes, she is being invited as the SO of the FBIL. If she and he were to break up between now and the wedding then she would no longer be invited. (Please do not take that as we do not like her. She is extremely sweet. It is just that her only connection to us is through the FBIL.)

    2. We are not close to her son, actually we have met him only once and will most likely not see him until the wedding. Truth be told it would surprise us if he flew down to attend but we honestly never considered not inviting him. We both naturally assumed he would be invited. Not sure why even. :) (Once again he is a nice guy, just not someone we know well.)

    Thank you again I will most likely go with option 3 and invite her and FBIL together to his address. Additionally I guess this is also one of those times where asking them what they wanted would work out too.
  • Okay with the extra info, send the invite to your FBIL house and don't invite her son.  If you don't know him then it would be weird to invite him, especially since he is an adult.  It would be different if she had a young son, but since this kid is an adult and going to school there really is no need.

  • Yeah, I agree with Maggie. If you're on the fence about the inviting the son and not close to him, would be a terrible thing to just not invite him? Otherwise, I'd still stick with option three - send the invite to your FBIL's house inviting him and his SO.



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