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Knottie77166736

No more responses necessary.

mikenberger

Knottie77166736 said:

My fiance is not close to his family at all. He was raised by his step-dad 800 miles away from his real father. When he moved back to the town his father lives in, 15+ years later, him and his father still never formed a relationship. About 3 months ago they finally started forming a relationship. Our wedding is in September of this year. We asked our bridal party in January of 2014. Not only is he not close to his Dad, but he can not stand his only sister. She has tried causing problems in his life for years now. There are legitimate reasons for him not being close to her. None of his family has shown interest in our wedding since we got engaged. I forced my fiance to ask his Dad to be a groomsman just recently because of the relationship they have now formed. They are no where near as close as he is to his former step Dad though. His sister is not a bridesmaid because I do not like her and neither does my fiance. Now in the past week his sister has started a war with my fiance over her not being a bridesmaid and his Dad not being the best man. His dad is at an age that he does not even know what a best man is or what they are supposed to do. His sister went as far as to tell her Dad that he should tell my fiance that he will not be a groomsman because he should be the best man. I am beyond tired of the drama they are causing in my wedding that isn't even here yet. I was civil enough to offer for his sister to at least have a part in the wedding by doing the guest book. Her response, "that is degrading to me." What would you all do and how would you handle this?

If I'm reading your paragraph correctly, YOU STARTED IT. You forced your groom to add his father when he didn't need to. And yes, the sister is correct. Being a guestbook attendant is a shitty job and it's a made up job. Nobody needs to be instructed to put their name on a line. But you don't have to make her a bridesmaid. 

I would've kept my mouth shut from the word go and let my FI handle it. But in your current situation, I would tell the sister "We've selected our bridal party. I hope you'll attend the wedding." and then change the subject. (It's called "bean dip" around here.) And your FI should starting leading with the relationships he wants to maintain with his sister and Father, not you. Let him deal with them.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

ETA: More words.

Maggie0829

Knottie77166736 said:

My fiance is not close to his family at all. He was raised by his step-dad 800 miles away from his real father. When he moved back to the town his father lives in, 15+ years later, him and his father still never formed a relationship. About 3 months ago they finally started forming a relationship. Our wedding is in September of this year. We asked our bridal party in January of 2014. Not only is he not close to his Dad, but he can not stand his only sister. She has tried causing problems in his life for years now. There are legitimate reasons for him not being close to her. None of his family has shown interest in our wedding since we got engaged. I forced my fiance to ask his Dad to be a groomsman just recently because of the relationship they have now formed. They are no where near as close as he is to his former step Dad though. His sister is not a bridesmaid because I do not like her and neither does my fiance. Now in the past week his sister has started a war with my fiance over her not being a bridesmaid and his Dad not being the best man. His dad is at an age that he does not even know what a best man is or what they are supposed to do. His sister went as far as to tell her Dad that he should tell my fiance that he will not be a groomsman because he should be the best man. I am beyond tired of the drama they are causing in my wedding that isn't even here yet. I was civil enough to offer for his sister to at least have a part in the wedding by doing the guest book. Her response, "that is degrading to me." What would you all do and how would you handle this?

This was not your place and you completely overstepped your boundaries by doing this.  Your FI attendants are HIS choice not YOURS.  Your FI did not ask his Dad prior to you forcing him because he probably didn't want to or didn't feel comfortable with it.  I can't believe you forced your FI to do something like this.  Not cool.

A best man is the person the groom wishes to honor.  Nothing more, nothing less.  This person is typically someone is the nearest and dearest to the groom.  As to what they are supposed to do?  All they are required to do is wear the stated attire and show up on time to the wedding.  This is a position where the groom honors his closest friend, not for the BM to do shit for the groom or throw him parties.

And your FSIL was right.  Asking someone to attend the guest book is a shit job.  You didn't have to include her at all.  But by giving her a crappy job because being a guest book attendant is certainly not an honor by any means you just solidified for her that you don't give a crap about her.

Whether you liked your FSIL or not, you were not required to include her in your wedding in anyway, even as a guest if your FI chose not to invite her.  All the whiny on her part in the world should not change anything.  From this point on your FI should deal with his sister.  His sister, his decision as to what part she plays in the wedding, if at all, or even if she should be invited.

thespeshulestsnowflake

Knottie77166736 said:

My fiance is not close to his family at all. He was raised by his step-dad 800 miles away from his real father. When he moved back to the town his father lives in, 15+ years later, him and his father still never formed a relationship. About 3 months ago they finally started forming a relationship. Our wedding is in September of this year. We asked our bridal party in January of 2014. Not only is he not close to his Dad, but he can not stand his only sister. She has tried causing problems in his life for years now. There are legitimate reasons for him not being close to her. None of his family has shown interest in our wedding since we got engaged. I forced my fiance to ask his Dad to be a groomsman just recently because of the relationship they have now formed. They are no where near as close as he is to his former step Dad though. His sister is not a bridesmaid because I do not like her and neither does my fiance. Now in the past week his sister has started a war with my fiance over her not being a bridesmaid and his Dad not being the best man. His dad is at an age that he does not even know what a best man is or what they are supposed to do. His sister went as far as to tell her Dad that he should tell my fiance that he will not be a groomsman because he should be the best man. I am beyond tired of the drama they are causing in my wedding that isn't even here yet. I was civil enough to offer for his sister to at least have a part in the wedding by doing the guest book. Her response, "that is degrading to me." What would you all do and how would you handle this?

To the bolded: You should have not done this. Only your FI can decide who his groomsmen are, likewise only you can choose who your bridesmaids are.

Next, let your FI handle his sister. They need a frank conversation about boundaries. And DO NOT let her in your bridal party if you do not want her there. Stand your ground.

Knottie77166736

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

KatWAG

Knottie77166736 said:

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

Time for some backpedaling!

mikenberger

Knottie77166736 said:

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

I believe from your paragraph that your first word choice was correct. And we didn't choose it, you did. That's what flew from your fingertips. Chances are there is truth behind it. 

Maggie0829

Knottie77166736 said:

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

But this conversation should have never happened.  If your FI wanted to include his Dad he would have of his own choosing, without any input from you.

mikenberger

KatWAG said:

Knottie77166736 said:

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

Time for some backpedaling!

Haha, it's a good effort OP but

southernbelle0915

mikenberger

Jen4948

I think you meant "forced." And you should have butted out. The only person with any say over who the best man and groomsmen are is your FI. Not you.

levioosa

Another vote that your first word choice of "forced" was the correct one.  You need to stay out of it.  Have your nearest and dearest on your side, and he can have his nearest and dearest on his side (but you cannot unask anyone).

You also mentioned that his dad "might not know what the best man duties are."  There are no duties other than showing up on time, sober, and in the right attire.  The best man doesn't have to plan a bachelor party or anything else.  Neither do your girls.  Any pre-wedding parties are an extra bonus.  The only people to help you with the wedding should be you and your FI.  Remember that these are supposed to be guests of honor. 

The guest book is also an awful and awkward job that can be done just as well with a table and pen.  No one really needs to "look after" the guest book.  It's a self explanatory station. 

moorewedding530

Knottie77166736 said:

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

Okay, as a new knottie myself, I've recently learned and now know word choice is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in original posts. People don't know how to let things go.

Still, you shouldn't have [what ever you did] your FI to have his dad as a groomsman. That should have been his choice completely. My FI was incredibly indecisive when it came to his GMs, but all we did was create a list together and he decided who he wanted by his side. It is a little petty and ridiculous for the FSIL to get involved, but remember, you're marrying into the whole family. Let your FI deal with it and ignore the drama. The sister doesn't need to have any part of it if your FI doesn't want her to.

Knottie77166736

Thank you for being the one nice response. This was my first post on here and I am now starting to question the maturity level of most of the people responding.

mikenberger

moorewedding530 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

FORCED was the wrong word choice apparently since that is what everyone is wanting to respond to. After my fiance and his Dad started communicating and forming a relationship with one another I talked to my fiance about the wedding party choices. I asked him if he wanted to have his Dad as a groomsman. We talked about the relationship they have now formed and how things have changed with his Dad since a year ago when we chose our bridal party. He CHOSE to have his father as a groomsman from this conversation.

Okay, as a new knottie myself, I've recently learned and now know word choice is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT in original posts. People don't know how to let things go.

Still, you shouldn't have [what ever you did] your FI to have his dad as a groomsman. That should have been his choice completely. My FI was incredibly indecisive when it came to his GMs, but all we did was create a list together and he decided who he wanted by his side. It is a little petty and ridiculous for the FSIL to get involved, but remember, you're marrying into the whole family. Let your FI deal with it and ignore the drama. The sister doesn't need to have any part of it if your FI doesn't want her to.

Usually the words we spew first are the words that we mean in some fashion. If you're going to say something, make sure it's what you intend. There's no reason, as an adult, you shouldn't be held to the words that you use. So in other words:

Proofread yo shit.

KatWAG

Knottie77166736 said:

Thank you for being the one nice response. This was my first post on here and I am now starting to question the maturity level of most of the people responding.

Why? Because people called you out when you changed your story?

moorewedding530

Knottie77166736 said:

Thank you for being the one nice response. This was my first post on here and I am now starting to question the maturity level of most of the people responding.

AMEN SISTER.

mikenberger

Knotties,

This thread is now closed. Please. No more giving of sound advice to the adults.

Maggie0829

Knottie77166736 said:

Thank you for being the one nice response. This was my first post on here and I am now starting to question the maturity level of most of the people responding.

I thought my response to you was very mature.  I hit on every issue you were having.  I gave you constructive advice on how to deal with your FSIL.  I also gave you my opinion on how you handled some things (which when you post on a forum you open yourself up to opinions no matter if you asked for them or not).  You just didn't like what I had to say or the answers you were given. That speaks more about your level of maturity then mine.

KatWAG

@novella1186 another one bites the dust

Maggie0829

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

mikenberger

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

But she closed the thread. In internet speak, it's closed. Isn't that how this machine works?

flantastic

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

And when they come, I'm pretty sure the general consensus will not be that you and @moorewedding530 are the mature ones here.

novella1186

KatWAG said:

@novella1186 another one bites the dust

JFC. I clearly wasted my time trying to be helpful with the DD thread I started. 

moorewedding530

flantastic said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

And when they come, I'm pretty sure the general consensus will not be that you and @moorewedding530 are the mature ones here.

Because maturity = hiding behind a computer and being a bitch over peoples' mistakes.

mikenberger

novella1186 said:

KatWAG said:

@novella1186 another one bites the dust

JFC. I clearly wasted my time trying to be helpful with the DD thread I started. 

There there sport. It'll be okay.

flantastic

moorewedding530 said:

flantastic said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

And when they come, I'm pretty sure the general consensus will not be that you and @moorewedding530 are the mature ones here.

Because maturity = hiding behind a computer and being a bitch over peoples' mistakes.

You only think that's what's happening because you are being defensive.

KatWAG

moorewedding530 said:

flantastic said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

And when they come, I'm pretty sure the general consensus will not be that you and @moorewedding530 are the mature ones here.

Because maturity = hiding behind a computer and being a bitch over peoples' mistakes.

So does that mean that you are admitting that you were wrong in kicking out your MOH, making your BMs pay your their own shoes and jewelry, making them wear flats just so no one is taller than you and all your bach party drama?

Maggie0829

moorewedding530 said:

flantastic said:

Maggie0829 said:

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

And just to let you know that when you change your thread title to CLOSED and then delete your OP and replace it with what you did, the more responses you will get.  It is like throwing a bat signal out to all posters to come and see what the drama is.

And when they come, I'm pretty sure the general consensus will not be that you and @moorewedding530 are the mature ones here.

Because maturity = hiding behind a computer and being a bitch over peoples' mistakes.

Telling the truth is not being a bitch.  Now if I said that you are fucking asshole and your wedding is going to be shit, that would be me being a bitch (just FYI this was an example, and I of course do not mean that at all).  But just because I don't agree with your decisions and tell you that doesn't mean I am a bitch, I am just being truthful.  If you don't want opinions on certain things then don't post about those things.  Simple as that.

And honestly, I would say pretty much everything that I say on here to someone's face.  I have no problem telling someone that what they are planning or doing is rude or ridiculous.

peachy13

Knottie77166736 said:

No more responses necessary.

Saw this and knew I was in for a treat.