Is it rude to ask my wedding party to pay for their meal?

lost2

Hi all, so I'm on the fence about asking my bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their own meal as well as attire for my wedding. My FI and I have been together for 10 years he finally popped the question over the holidays and everyone is pushing us to start planning a wedding that they feel has been long over due. I recently went back to school so my FI has taken on the majority of our financial responsibilities. Needless to say he has put me on a very strict budget for the wedding planning with an extremely long guest list of family and friends that have been praying for the day. the only way that I can think to make this work is to ask my wedding party to cover their own meal and attire. 

I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Please help !!!! 

ShesSoCold

Yes. Super duper rude.

flantastic

tydyfi said:

Hi all, so I'm on the fence about asking my bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their own meal as well as attire for my wedding. My FI and I have been together for 10 years he finally popped the question over the holidays and everyone is pushing us to start planning a wedding that they feel has been long over due. I recently went back to school so my FI has taken on the majority of our financial responsibilities. Needless to say he has put me on a very strict budget for the wedding planning with an extremely long guest list of family and friends that have been praying for the day. the only way that I can think to make this work is to ask my wedding party to cover their own meal and attire. 

I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Please help !!!! 

Yes. This is extremely rude. Your reception is to thank the guests for coming, and your bridal party are the guests of honor and should be even more thanked, preferably with gifts meaningful to them. Cut back on flowers or something.

kat1114

I'm calling MUD. No one could have this bad of an idea and possibly think it's okay.

lyndausvi

YES, it is VERY rude to ask ANY guest to pay for their meals. 

The fact they are WP members and have to already buy attire makes it even worse.

ETA -  a simple cake and punch wedding in the middle of the afternoon is good way to have a budget wedding.  They are shorter, but it will help you out.  

Or try having a brunch wedding.  Brunch foods tend to be budget friendly.  

Or have the wedding in someone's backyard and get deli trays from Costco.  That is another budget friendly option.

Point is there are options that do not included asking your nearest and dearest to pay for their own meals.

STARMOON44

This is the rudest idea I have ever heard. Ever.

Jen4948

Yes. It is incredibly rude to ask a guest to pay for his/her own meal. A wedding party member is a VIP guest, so that makes it even ruder to ask a wedding party member to pay for his/her own meal than a regular guest.

MGP

tydyfi said:

Hi all, so I'm on the fence about asking my bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their own meal as well as attire for my wedding. My FI and I have been together for 10 years he finally popped the question over the holidays and everyone is pushing us to start planning a wedding that they feel has been long over due. I recently went back to school so my FI has taken on the majority of our financial responsibilities. Needless to say he has put me on a very strict budget for the wedding planning with an extremely long guest list of family and friends that have been praying for the day. the only way that I can think to make this work is to ask my wedding party to cover their own meal and attire. 

I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Please help !!!! 

So I am going to estimate that you are having a medium sized wedding party - maybe 5 on each side.  You can't find it in your budget to pay for 10 extra meals for your nearest and dearest, your best friends, and the people that you have picked as an honor position and stand up with you as you say your vows?  You want THOSE people paying for their own meals???  That would be an immediate, without question, friendship ending move if I found out that I had to pay for my own meal as the wedding party.  I get up in arms when I hear about SO's not being invited, but this takes the cake (that I would probably have to pay for as well, right?)

Your budget is not their problem.  Find money to pay for theirs - and everyone else's - damn meals.

I seriously cannot believe this question was actually posed.  Fucking unbelievable.

MaRea0425

Hi I'm not going to jump down your throat because you were simply asking a question. I will say though that it would be very rude and very , offensive..Sorry..there are so many other ways to cut $. If you need to ask anyone to pay for their own food than you should not be having that big of a wedding. I get it...I'm a student and my fiance is the bread winner but we're making it work.

Viczaesar

tydyfi said:

Hi all, so I'm on the fence about asking my bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their own meal as well as attire for my wedding. My FI and I have been together for 10 years he finally popped the question over the holidays and everyone is pushing us to start planning a wedding that they feel has been long over due. I recently went back to school so my FI has taken on the majority of our financial responsibilities. Needless to say he has put me on a very strict budget for the wedding planning with an extremely long guest list of family and friends that have been praying for the day. the only way that I can think to make this work is to ask my wedding party to cover their own meal and attire. 

I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Please help !!!! 

You can't do this without being both rude and offending people.  It is extremely rude and inappropriate.  Now, the cost of the dress is on your bridesmaids - and they get to determine the budget, not you - but if you require anything else specific (shoes, jewelry, professional hair or make up) then you have to pay for it.  If you don't require those things you don't have to pay for them; just tell your bridesmaids to get any shoe they like in a neutral color, for example. 

You absolutely have to pay for the meal for EVERYONE invited to your wedding, including your wedding party members.

PrettyGirlLost

Extend your engagement and save up enough to properly host your wedding. I had a 2 year engagement so I could host the wedding I wanted without screwing my guests over.

KeptInStitches

Asking your WP to pay for their own meals is an unbelievably rude idea. My jaw actually dropped. I get it - I'm a student and my FI is the breadwinner, but we saved as hard as we could for our wedding.

drunkenwitch

So rude that I can't even deal with this post. Someone send me kittens before my head explodes.

fwtx5815

This would be extremely rude. There are probably a lot of places where you could cut back, but you shouldn't be asking ANY of your guests to pay for anything at you wedding, period.

Do a daytime cake and punch reception, cut your guest list, get rid of the flowers, buy a used dress. Whatever it takes. NEVER ask a guest to help pay for your wedding.

southernbelle0915

If you aren't trolling, this is literally one of the worst ideas I've read on TK.

AddieCake

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Maggie0829

Seriously?

Blue_Bird

Are you under the impression that your wedding party are employees, and not, in fact, guests of honor?

redoryx

You need to have the wedding you can afford. If you are unable to afford to pay the meals for guests - and bridal party is VIP guests-- then cut the guest list or change the type of food served. Asking anyone to pay for their meal is absolutely unacceptable.

climbingsingle

Is this a joke?

[Deleted User]

mlg78

It doesn't sound like you should have a wedding party. It also sounds like you need to look up the definition of "guest".

slothiegal

Do other guests have to pay for their meal?  Or are you just giving your "nearest and dearest" the privilege?

Whatever, I can't even believe I'm wasting time asking for clarification.  I'll just skip to the big text:

Yes, this is a terribly rude, offensive, fucked up idea.

Dreamergirl8812

tydyfi said:

Hi all, so I'm on the fence about asking my bridesmaids and groomsmen to cover their own meal as well as attire for my wedding. My FI and I have been together for 10 years he finally popped the question over the holidays and everyone is pushing us to start planning a wedding that they feel has been long over due. I recently went back to school so my FI has taken on the majority of our financial responsibilities. Needless to say he has put me on a very strict budget for the wedding planning with an extremely long guest list of family and friends that have been praying for the day. the only way that I can think to make this work is to ask my wedding party to cover their own meal and attire. 

I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Please help !!!! 

I like that you blame "everyone" for making you rush a wedding you can't afford.

And FYI, you pay the caterer ahead of time, which means you would have to call your friends and have them each write you a check for the $28.95 or whatever, like 3 months before your wedding.

Maybe you can start turning tricks or begging on the street corner. Or, you know, plan a wedding you can afford.

lost2

Oh wow....thank you all for not being so judgmental. I do understand how this can seem like a rude or ridiculous question. At the same token, if my family and friends do really love me and care for me I don't see why it would be such a taboo to ask them for their help. My original plan was to have an extended engagement, my FI and I have already been together a long time we're not in a rush to sign papers. This wedding is really for our family and friends bc they believe that we've been living in sin until we actually get married....I will be making them personalized wedding party gifts as a thank you for participating in the wedding along with having them not get us a wedding gift. 

I have cut my list 3 times, I don't intend to purchase an expensive dress, i am making my own favors along with baking our wedding cake. Needless to say I was simply seeking advice instead you ladies felt the need to lash out and judge me horribly.  

climbingsingle

Would you invite someone over to dinner and then hand them a bill afterwards? No, right? Because that would be extremely rude. Why would your wedding be different? You are hosting a party and your guests should not have to pay for anything.

lost2

There's a difference between inviting someone for dinner and being pressured to host an event that you've already made clear you can not afford.

You don't have all of the facts and I completely understand that. But if someone is asking for advice that doesn't make it ok to harshly judge them and try to make them feel like crap.

[Deleted User]

[Deleted User]

lyndausvi

Is it rude to ask my wedding party to pay for their meal?

This was your question.

I don't want to be rude or offend anyone. Please help !!!! 

This is was the last line in your post.

We just answered the question by telling you it is rude and offensive to do.

I just don't understand asking questions and then getting pissed when we answer honestly.

I also gave you ways to save money as to NOT be rude and offend people.

climbingsingle

lost2 said:

There's a difference between inviting someone for dinner and being pressured to host an event that you've already made clear you can not afford.

You don't have all of the facts and I completely understand that. But if someone is asking for advice that doesn't make it ok to harshly judge them and try to make them feel like crap.

There is no difference. You want to delude yourself into thinking this is ok. You clearly just want people to agree and say, "Of course it's ok to ask your loves ones to pay for their meals! They won't be offended at all!" Guess what - no one is going to blow sunshine up your ass here. What you're planning on doing is not ok.
Are you an adult? Then act like one. Plan an event you can afford. Don't let someone pressure you into something you can't do.