Wedding Party
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Is it rude to ask my wedding party to pay for their meal?

2

Re: Is it rude to ask my wedding party to pay for their meal?

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    lost2 said:
    There's a difference between inviting someone for dinner and being pressured to host an event that you've already made clear you can not afford.

    You don't have all of the facts and I completely understand that. But if someone is asking for advice that doesn't make it ok to harshly judge them and try to make them feel like crap.
    I'm sorry if you "feel like crap" as a result of reading our responses. That wasn't anyone's intention. The fact remains that what you want to do is shocking and rude, so I guess that's why you're getting such strong reactions. At any rate, we answered your question. This would be rude, but it looks like you intend to do it anyway, and are not looking for advice, but validation (which you won't get here), so good luck to you.
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    First, I must say I wasn't "pissed" off bc anyone answered it was rude. I obviously felt uneasy about the question and that is why I posted it, seeking positive advice. Not to feel like as if i'm inhuman. What did hurt were the extended comments after. 

    I did appreciate your tips @lyndausvi, thank you for that. 

    Maybe my wording was incorrect, but I was not and am not expecting a gift from anyone. However knowing my friends, their initial thought would have been to purchase us a gift. I did not mean that by them not purchasing me a gift was in any shape a gift from me to them.  

    Lastly, this is just ridiculous, I should have known better than to think I would have gotten any kind advice. I should have just had this conversation with my friends. So thank you all for that. 
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    P.S: I was not seeking any type of validation. Just respectful advice. I am not "hell bent" on getting anyone to do something that they don't want to or feel comfortable with. If I was I wouldn't have asked the questions, I would have just done it. Ugh. 
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    edited June 2015
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    I guess I'm the only one here that has friends I can actually ask ridiculous questions to that will actually give a response back that won't be a lie to my face only to then BITCH to others about it later. 

    If we don't like what the other has to say, we figure out a solution together and move forward. That's what friends are for, not to judge you and talk shit about you bc they didn't like a question you asked. 

    I don't need to tell someone to go beg on the streets for money or turn tricks to get my point across. But then again, I'm not the adult here. Goodnight ladies. Thanks for the advice.
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    Yes, clearly WE are the rude people, hosting our guests properly and not asking them to pay for their meals...
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    MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Am I the only one who is also baffled that OP thinks it's the $200 from the WP meals that will balance the budget? Even if this was remotely okay to ask, it won't even work.

    That was my point exactly! But it sounds to me like it's a bigger budget issue than wedding party meals. That cost is a small part of the big picture and unless there are 100 people in the wedding party there are easy ways to make cuts.

    The OP has clearly stated this is an event she is bring pressured to have and cannot afford which actually makes me kind of sad. But if she is not willing to listen to etiquette approved suggestions or stand up to her family - I have nothing more to add to this conversation.
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    so you would rather possibly embarrass yourself and ask your friends.  Then if (more like when) they say what we are saying you will just figure out a plan.

    Now you have already asked people who have no dog in this fight what we thought.  We told you and gave you suggestions on what to do already.

    So basically this thread was useless.  






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    Is this for real? So rude dude. Cut your budget somewhere else.. not your WEDDING PARTY'S meals
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    lost2 said:
    First, I must say I wasn't "pissed" off bc anyone answered it was rude. I obviously felt uneasy about the question and that is why I posted it, seeking positive advice. Not to feel like as if i'm inhuman. What did hurt were the extended comments after. 

    I did appreciate your tips @lyndausvi, thank you for that. 

    Maybe my wording was incorrect, but I was not and am not expecting a gift from anyone. However knowing my friends, their initial thought would have been to purchase us a gift. I did not mean that by them not purchasing me a gift was in any shape a gift from me to them.  

    Lastly, this is just ridiculous, I should have known better than to think I would have gotten any kind advice. I should have just had this conversation with my friends. So thank you all for that. 
    LOL Your friends probably would have blown smoke up your ass and told you what you wanted to hear
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    You want to be horrifically rude to those who are supposedly your nearest and dearest because you're a spineless doormat who refuses to stand up to the family bullies?
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    lost2 said:
    There's a difference between inviting someone for dinner and being pressured to host an event that you've already made clear you can not afford.

    You don't have all of the facts and I completely understand that.I HATE this line, which we get fed all the time.  THERE ARE NO FACTS THAT MAKE THIS ACCEPTABLE.   But if someone is asking for advice that doesn't make it ok to harshly judge them and try to make them feel like crap.
    Ask for advice, you get advice.  You got plenty of advice.  That advice judged your idea because it sucks.  Stop being defensive of your shitty idea.No one is calling you shitty, but your idea sure is.



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    Do other guests have to pay for their meal?  Or are you just giving your "nearest and dearest" the privilege?

    Whatever, I can't even believe I'm wasting time asking for clarification.  I'll just skip to the big text:

    Yes, this is a terribly rude, offensive, fucked up idea.

    *******************
    Is it necessary to respond in such a rude way?
    You are, by your own answer, indicating it is fine to be rude to other people. It is not.
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    OP, how old are you?
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    There are lots of times when saying fuck and similar expletives, and all of there derivatives is fine. They are merely descriptive. Saying " I had a fucked up day all day" is harmless.

    But when directed at someone else, as in saying, you are fucked up, or your ideas are fucked up, it is offensive.

    And I have to wonder what people are thinking when they correct someone else, on a matter of manners and etiquette, by rudely addressing the OP.
    As for "some other posters won't like it" messages, I consider it a badge of honor NOT fitting in or accepting the standards of a clique of posters who routinely attack and harass new posters, then crow when they are so intimidated or disgusted with such behavior that they leave.

    If an OP asks a question without any nasty attitude toward other posters, they deserve a civil response. And when the question is about manners, trying to point out what proper etiquette is while telling them their ideas are fucked up, is beyond ironic, it is unnecessary rudeness.
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    redoryxredoryx member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    WhatawagSBNy said: There are lots of times when saying fuck and similar expletives, and all of there derivatives is fine. They are merely descriptive. Saying " I had a fucked up day all day" is harmless. But when directed at someone else, as in saying, you are fucked up, or your ideas are fucked up, it is offensive. And I have to wonder what people are thinking when they correct someone else, on a matter of manners and etiquette, by rudely addressing the OP. As for "some other posters won't like it" messages, I consider it a badge of honor NOT fitting in or accepting the standards of a clique of posters who routinely attack and harass new posters, then crow when they are so intimidated or disgusted with such behavior that they leave. If an OP asks a question without any nasty attitude toward other posters, they deserve a civil response. And when the question is about manners, trying to point out what proper etiquette is while telling them their ideas are fucked up, is beyond ironic, it is unnecessary rudeness. ****I swear there were boxes**

    Saying someone is fucked up and saying their idea is fucked up are two very different things. 
    image
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