Is it rude to say no pictures??

plainjane0415

tarabreannearbonneic said:

I've been to 2 weddings in the last few years where the officiant actually made a point of telling everyone to refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. They would say that the bride and groom have professional photographers there, and the reason was to ensure they are able to get as many beautiful shots as possible, instead of spending time trying to dodge people. But they did have specific moments when the group was invited to move around to take pictures. I remember one was when they were signing the papers.

So that's an option, ask that people stay seeated until the officiant invites them to move around and take pictures for a few minutes at different times. You get to let people move around, but not throughout.

Ok, I have to get this off my chest.  Your wedding is not the most important thing in your guests' lives.  There will NOT be a paparazzi type situation that would prohibit your photographer from capturing shots of "the moment"  This is a non issue.  Telling your guests how to behave will NOT go over well.

Viczaesar

So this thread was in the newsletter, I take it?

Take a shot every time a newbie uses the words "unplugged," "in the moment," or "cute sign/poem."  Triple shot for everyone who posts that godforsaken article.  Irish Car Bombs every time a newbie comes back with some variation of "You don't have to be so rude when pointing out my rudeness!"  Anyone else hammered yet?

thespeshulestsnowflake

And for every spheshul snowflake who says "be in the moment and don't take photos," I have an unhealthy wish for there to be photographer problems and to never get their photos...

VulgarGirl

@Viczaesar‌ and now I need a new liver.

I know people took pictures during the ceremony at my wedding. Didn't ruin shit.

Also OP did take our advice and said she was just gonna not worry. Which awesome sauce. So OP if you could be so kind as to change for knottie#s so we can tell you apart from the BBC snowflakes it'd be appreciated cause I for one would like you to hang out.

mrserrinbeard

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

Viczaesar

MagicInk said:

@Viczaesar‌ and now I need a new liver. I know people took pictures during the ceremony at my wedding. Didn't ruin shit. Also OP did take our advice and said she was just gonna not worry. Which awesome sauce. So OP if you could be so kind as to change for knottie#s so we can tell you apart from the BBC snowflakes it'd be appreciated cause I for one would like you to hang out.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had two livers like we have two kidneys?  Sort of like an heir and a spare.  If Crown Prince Roderick kicks the bucket it's time for little bro Florin to step up to the plate and take it like a man.  Or something like that.

thespeshulestsnowflake

mrserrinbeard said:

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

I am so glad that illiteracy is a growing thing in this country.

plainjane0415

mrserrinbeard said:

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

I'm sure they weren't embellishing the situation at all.

mikenberger

mrserrinbeard said:

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

Fairly certain they still got paid their daily wage. Regardless of the "horror stories" of wedding photography.

You can't tell people how to behave. If you don't want people to take photos with their cell and post it: elope. That'll solve all your problems.

tarabreannearbonneic

plainjane0415 said:

tarabreannearbonneic said:

I've been to 2 weddings in the last few years where the officiant actually made a point of telling everyone to refrain from taking pictures during the ceremony. They would say that the bride and groom have professional photographers there, and the reason was to ensure they are able to get as many beautiful shots as possible, instead of spending time trying to dodge people. But they did have specific moments when the group was invited to move around to take pictures. I remember one was when they were signing the papers.

So that's an option, ask that people stay seeated until the officiant invites them to move around and take pictures for a few minutes at different times. You get to let people move around, but not throughout.

Ok, I have to get this off my chest.  Your wedding is not the most important thing in your guests' lives.  There will NOT be a paparazzi type situation that would prohibit your photographer from capturing shots of "the moment"  This is a non issue.  Telling your guests how to behave will NOT go over well.

To be honest with you, when I was at these weddings and told this, I wasn't bothered or offended, and I didn't feel like I was being told how to behave. I understood the reason for the request. But I'm not really big on taking pictures, so that might be why. But as far as I was aware, no one else was bothered by being told this either.

I wasn't engaged at the time of these weddings, and personally I haven't decided what side of this debate I'm on. I don't really care if people take pictures, but I'd prefer if they didn't move around too much because I can be easily distracted if I see people moving out of the corner of my eye haha.

Also, I would hate to think of people moving in the way of other guests line of sight. I hate being at a wedding or any show where there are people taking pictures standing in the way of my view.

The guidelines for weddings at the church I want to marry in says no photography except for [insert list of different ceremony moments here] so I wonder if my minister will want to tell people not to take pictures.

MobKaz

mrserrinbeard said:

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

You may think you are having an unplugged ceremony, but the reality is that you cannot control the actions of your guests.  No matter what cute little sign you post, I will guarantee that you will have guests snapping photos.

ShesSoCold

The only picture I have framed from our wedding was taken by a guest. My MIL took a picture of my mom as I was walking down the aisle. Naturally, the photographer was focused on my dad and I. My mom was glowing. Biggest smile ever on her face. Seven weeks later, at my mom's funeral, my MIL gave me the picture of her. I wouldn't have that picture had I been an asshole who had some crazy douchey idea that people need to be "fully present" (seriously what the fuck does this even fucking mean?!?) and are not allowed to do or think about anything other than ME ME MEEEEEEEEE. You can't tell people how to feel. The people who will "be in the moment" will do so without bring told to. Everyone else will be rolling their eyes.

MobKaz

Knottie77227592 said:

Are there any happy ladies here? How sad.

Are there any gracious brides here?  How frightening!

kao2015

mrserrinbeard said:

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

Every time someone says "it's your day," I just know it's going to be terrible advice. Thanks for keeping that streak going.

Saying something isn't rude doesn't make it not rude. Telling adults how to behave is just so far out of line. Also, if your photographer friends are having that hard of a time with getting the shots they need, they're not very good photographers.

piglet87

I love how because some are new to commenting to the boards you automatically say their opinion and points are invalid. People come to these boards for opportunity to seek advice and to hear from alternating points of view. However, you ladies sit there and just shoot down everything people say that is not of the same point of view as you.

I was hopeful that good discussion would happen around this topic but unfortunately you are not allowing that.

I know I am far from a rude person and I don't need to defend myself to you all since you do not know me personally. Secondly, I know I'm not a bridezilla and I also know that I had picked a great photographer and I don't need to worry about any of the things you are stating.

plainjane0415

piglet87 said:

I love how because some are new to commenting to the boards you automatically say their opinion and points are invalid. People come to these boards for opportunity to seek advice and to hear from alternating points of view. However, you ladies sit there and just shoot down everything people say that is not of the same point of view as you. I was hopeful that good discussion would happen around this topic but unfortunately you are not allowing that. I know I am far from a rude person and I don't need to defend myself to you all since you do not know me personally. Secondly, I know I'm not a bridezilla and I also know that I had picked a great photographer and I don't need to worry about any of the things you are stating.

But if something is rude, it's rude.  There's really no way to get around that or sugar coat it.

mikenberger

piglet87 said:

I love how because some are new to commenting to the boards you automatically say their opinion and points are invalid. People come to these boards for opportunity to seek advice and to hear from alternating points of view. However, you ladies sit there and just shoot down everything people say that is not of the same point of view as you. I was hopeful that good discussion would happen around this topic but unfortunately you are not allowing that. I know I am far from a rude person and I don't need to defend myself to you all since you do not know me personally. Secondly, I know I'm not a bridezilla and I also know that I had picked a great photographer and I don't need to worry about any of the things you are stating.

Here's the thing though: There's not an alternative view of etiquette. It's either polite or it's not. It's really just that simple. If you're going to be rude to your guests, at least own up to it. Instead of stomping around going "I don't care! It's MY day! If you don't like it you can leave!" Which honestly, is a fit that a 3 year old can throw.

And it's very disheartening to see Brides post that are saying things like "Well, they can leave if they don't like it." You're basically telling people that you want to share your best day with that if they don't bow to your whim, they can fuck off. I don't know WHY people think this is acceptable just because it's a wedding. If you don't want to worry about being liking or not liking your choices for your wedding or reception, ELOPE. Then it's just you and your FI and an officiant. 

jenholand

Holy smokes ladies, let's have some respect! Opinions are opinions, therefore cannot be wrong. Making a request is not an effort of control. It is just that, a request. Some of you are very cynical and just downright rude.

You can make any request you want, just don't be a jerk about it. Your guests can act how they want & that behavior will speak to their respect of you & your requests. Hopefully your guests are more respectful than most of the women responding here. They love you and want to celebrate with you and your other loved ones. If you request no electronics, no photography, no standing, whatever it is at the ceremony, reception or whatever else, it's up to you to ask nicely, then trust your guests to be adults and respond civilly. Apparently, being adults and responding civilly is WAY too much to ask of "helpful" commenters on a wedding post. Damn.

mikenberger

jenholand said:

Holy smokes ladies, let's have some respect! Opinions are opinions, therefore cannot be wrong. Making a request is not an effort of control. It is just that, a request. Some of you are very cynical and just downright rude. You can make any request you want, just don't be a jerk about it. Your guests can act how they want & that behavior will speak to their respect of you & your requests. Hopefully your guests are more respectful than most of the women responding here. They love you and want to celebrate with you and your other loved ones. If you request no electronics, no photography, no standing, whatever it is at the ceremony, reception or whatever else, it's up to you to ask nicely, then trust your guests to be adults and respond civilly. Apparently, being adults and responding civilly is WAY too much to ask of "helpful" commenters on a wedding post. Damn.

ETIQUETTE IS NOT A MATTER OF OPINION.

Kahlyla

jenholand said:

Opinions are opinions, therefore cannot be wrong.

This is just not even remotely true, and not a valuable or useful philosophy for adults who should have the capacity for critical thinking.

See http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Balance_fallacy

And also http://theconversation.com/no-youre-not-entitled-to-your-opinion-9978

Knottie2902796

It is NOT rude! You are asking your guests to be present in the moment and not experience your wedding ceremony through their camera/phone screens. Your photographer's photos are going to be 1000x better than any photos your guest capture on their iPhone anyway. Trust me. My fiancé and I are planning on having an unplugged ceremony and no one has given us any flack about it. I think everyone on this thread who is saying it is rude/tacky should probably read this:

http://offbeatbride.com/2011/06/unplugged-wedding

 

plainjane0415

jenholand said:

Holy smokes ladies, let's have some respect! Opinions are opinions, therefore cannot be wrong. Making a request is not an effort of control. It is just that, a request. Some of you are very cynical and just downright rude. You can make any request you want, just don't be a jerk about it. Your guests can act how they want & that behavior will speak to their respect of you & your requests. Hopefully your guests are more respectful than most of the women responding here. They love you and want to celebrate with you and your other loved ones. If you request no electronics, no photography, no standing, whatever it is at the ceremony, reception or whatever else, it's up to you to ask nicely, then trust your guests to be adults and respond civilly. Apparently, being adults and responding civilly is WAY too much to ask of "helpful" commenters on a wedding post. Damn.

Telling someone what to do is not love.  It's being manipulative.  This excuse of, "if they love me, they'll do what I say" sounds pretty bad, wouldn't you say?

plainjane0415

Knottie2902796 said:

It is NOT rude! You are asking your guests to be present in the moment and not experience your wedding ceremony through their camera/phone screens. Your photographer's photos are going to be 1000x better than any photos your guest capture on their iPhone anyway. Trust me. My fiancé and I are planning on having an unplugged ceremony and no one has given us any flack about it. I think everyone on this thread who is saying it is rude/tacky should probably read this:

http://offbeatbride.com/2011/06/unplugged-wedding

 

Thanks for that article, my opinion has now changed.

cupcait927

Knottie2902796 said:

It is NOT rude! You are asking your guests to be present in the moment and not experience your wedding ceremony through their camera/phone screens. Your photographer's photos are going to be 1000x better than any photos your guest capture on their iPhone anyway. Trust me. My fiancé and I are planning on having an unplugged ceremony and no one has given us any flack about it. I think everyone on this thread who is saying it is rude/tacky should probably read this:

http://offbeatbride.com/2011/06/unplugged-wedding

 

No. Just no. Please stop.

 

I wouldn't even dream of being so rude to my family and friends, telling them that they couldn't take pictures because I didn't trust that they could be "in the moment" (which is a bunch of bullshit) as I got married. I wouldn't dream of breaking my MIL's heart by telling her that she wasn't allowed to take any pictures of her son as he got married. She documents every moment of her family's lives and I was SO happy to see the pictures my in-laws posted on facebook in the days after the wedding, before I was able to get my professional pictures back.

 

I'm SO OVER the entitlement of girls who want everything to look like Pinterest or the movies and believe all of the crap that the wedding industry pushes.

mikenberger

Knottie2902796 said:

It is NOT rude! You are asking your guests to be present in the moment and not experience your wedding ceremony through their camera/phone screens. Your photographer's photos are going to be 1000x better than any photos your guest capture on their iPhone anyway. Trust me. My fiancé and I are planning on having an unplugged ceremony and no one has given us any flack about it. I think everyone on this thread who is saying it is rude/tacky should probably read this:

http://offbeatbride.com/2011/06/unplugged-wedding

 

My life is changed. Thank you for opening up my eyes to the error of my ways and thinking I should allow my guests to be ADULTS and police themselves. 

I think I'll switch to a cash bar and a potluck too.

huskypuppy14

thespeshulestsnowflake said:

mrserrinbeard said:

It is NOT rude at all. It is your day and you should have what you want. Ultimately someone probably will get out their cell but I have photographer friends who have told me horror stories about how they couldn't get shots they needed because people were in the aisles and getting up. I am having an unplugged ceremony and I don't feel bad about it.Dont let anyone tell you what to do at your ceremony.

I am so glad that illiteracy is a growing thing in this country.

Seriously! Different newbies saying the exact same thing.

banana468

jenholand said:

Holy smokes ladies, let's have some respect! Opinions are opinions, therefore cannot be wrong. Making a request is not an effort of control. It is just that, a request. Some of you are very cynical and just downright rude.

You can make any request you want, just don't be a jerk about it. Your guests can act how they want & that behavior will speak to their respect of you & your requests. Hopefully your guests are more respectful than most of the women responding here. They love you and want to celebrate with you and your other loved ones. If you request no electronics, no photography, no standing, whatever it is at the ceremony, reception or whatever else, it's up to you to ask nicely, then trust your guests to be adults and respond civilly. Apparently, being adults and responding civilly is WAY too much to ask of "helpful" commenters on a wedding post. Damn.

Opinions can't be wrong? So I can think it's OK to beat my kids and shouldn't heat anything to the contrary?

thespeshulestsnowflake

jenholand said:

Holy smokes ladies, let's have some respect! Opinions are opinions, therefore cannot be wrong. Making a request is not an effort of control. It is just that, a request. Some of you are very cynical and just downright rude. You can make any request you want, just don't be a jerk about it. Your guests can act how they want & that behavior will speak to their respect of you & your requests. Hopefully your guests are more respectful than most of the women responding here. They love you and want to celebrate with you and your other loved ones. If you request no electronics, no photography, no standing, whatever it is at the ceremony, reception or whatever else, it's up to you to ask nicely, then trust your guests to be adults and respond civilly. Apparently, being adults and responding civilly is WAY too much to ask of "helpful" commenters on a wedding post. Damn.

They might love you but clearly you don't feel the same way. Why do you want to micromanage people? Are you also giving them a color scheme they need to follow when dressing for your wedding? How else are you telling grown adults what to do?

plainjane0415

Guys, I think we should all take a minute and think about what weddings are really about.  Having magazine worthy pictures, cutesy signs, and manipulating our guests.  Forget about that whole committing to someone for the rest of your life, who cares about that?  What matters is telling your guests there is to be no photography, standing, or hanging out in the aisles.  Bonus if you tell everyone how to dress.  

thespeshulestsnowflake

plainjane0415 said:

Guys, I think we should all take a minute and think about what weddings are really about.  Having magazine worthy pictures, cutesy signs, and manipulating our guests.  Forget about that whole committing to someone for the rest of your life, who cares about that?  What matters is telling your guests there is to be no photography, standing, or hanging out in the aisles.  Bonus if you tell everyone how to dress.  

And asking them to fund your honeymoon with super cute poems.