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noh

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Re: noh

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Actually, What my FI said was that he thinks, in his opinion, is "that people that move to a different state are selfish". My MOH though this was directed at her brother because my FI reiterated his opinion during a comment about her brother.

    The bolded, right above is why your MOH is mad.  Your FI restated his opinion directly at MOH's brother.  Does anyone want to hear that close family members maybe selfish?  How would you react if you were told a close family member you love was called selfish.  You would begin to harbor bad feelings about the person stating that opinion.  And since you are marrying that person with that opinion, even though you say you don't share it, it still reflects upon you.

    Also, how does your FI feel about kids who go away to college?  Are they selfish to be going to get an education that best fits them?  Or are they only selfish if they don't return back home afterwards?  I feel like this opinion of your FI's has many depths and potential work arounds.

    KatieinBklnprincessofgenoviachibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • I never saw it pre-dd, but I assumed it was supposed to be moh- or maid of honor, and the title was never edited, just miss typed from he get go???
    True. It was MOH vs. Groom initially, I believe. 
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  • Maybe she's planning on moving out of state and now she doesn't know how to tell you, especially knowing she'll be judged unfairly for it.

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  • Well, if your FI actually didn't mean it towards her brother, then I don't see why he wouldn't apologize to her or at least explain the view point a bit more? (totally making this part up) Maybe he feels like its selfish to leave old parents who cant travel because then theyre lonely or something. I dunno. But if he had actual reasoning behind his view, it might help to explain it. If he has no reasoning, and it's just 'his view' then it probably wont help.

     

    I agree with a previous suggestion of just going out with her as a friend. Have a nice time, and maybe at the end you can say 'if you dont want to be in the wedding I totally understand, but I dont want to lose you as a friend' or whatever, and leave it as that. I agree that she shouldnt be mad at YOU, but if she is hurt in general sometimes those lines get blurry.

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  • Well lurking on this thread was a let down if that's truly the comment he made. While I disagree with him I don't think that's the entire reason your MOH wants out of the wedding. 


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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  • So my take is that maybe, MAYBE, since OP mentioned kids that he presumably had with another woman, that woman moved out of state with his kids and that makes it more difficult for him to see these kids. That would be the ONLY basis for that silly opinion. MAYBE.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think OP is going above and beyond to defend her FI and that this is bothering her WAAAYYYYY too much.  There's something deeper here.


    ... coming from the woman who now lives 6 miles away from where she grew up.
    rcher912PrettyGirlLost
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    lol, um. ok?

    There is something you aren't sharing.
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    ashley8918theartistformerlyknownas
  • This is one of the weirdest and most fucked up things I have ever read.  Your FI has a bizarre, baseless and completely stupid opinion about moving out of state and your MOH is an over sensitive, over the top drama queen who is having a meltdown about said stupid opinion.

    How old are you people?  Because this sounds like made up drama I had to deal with when I was still hanging of monkey bars.  

    Also, I am so happy my boyfriend is "selfish", he left his state to go to the top engineering school in the country, what a fucking bastard, then he moved again because he landed his dream job in another state, if that hadn't happened, we never would have met.  Now he loves Seattle more than any other place he's ever lived. But yeah, selfish asshole.  

    PrettyGirlLost
  • MadHops21MadHops21 Buried in blankets member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    Oh, what the fuck.

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    ashley8918chibiyuiPrettyGirlLost
  • rcher912rcher912 Philadelphia member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    hahahahahaha!

    I was convinced OP wasn't going to share the offensive/not-offensive comment, so I stopped checking. I'm sorry I did.

    I'm cracking up over here. That's the most ridiculous thing for your MOH to be upset about. Would I side-eye the shit out of your FI? Probably. But blame you and throw a temper tantrum? No way.

    And why does your MOH care so much about your FI's opinion of her brother????? There's too many degrees there for me to give a shit about, if I were her. She needs to calm the fuck down, no matter how you delivered it.
    novella1186
  • I don't believe any of this, except that your FI is a jerk who was rude to your friend. You want to marry someone who feels entitled to be rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate, and not apologetic go right ahead. Won't be the last time it costs you a friendship.
    Wow, that's one heck of a jump. Look, my ex doesn't want to move out of state. He believes you basically should take care of your parents since they took care of you for the first 18 years of your life. Because of this, he thinks moving out of state is selfish. Now I completely disagree with this sentiment, since we obviously aren't together anymore, but he isn't some rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate jerk. He just has a couple of views that not everyone agrees with and honestly, this isn't a bad view compared to racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. Some have a feeling of "responsibility". (I say that in quotations because I think it's ridiculous). But to just assume he is the worst seems pretty unfair. 
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  • Your FI's comment was stupid. Your MOH's reaction to the comment is even more stupid. Talk about over the top! I posted an article once about how the "California dream" is dead. A good friend of ours went on a rant about how people who can't make it in California are just "lazy" and don't "want it hard enough". This hurt a lot because DH and I chose to leave the state. I confronted him about that and our reasons for moving and he kind of back peddled on it. Fast forward a few months, he came to visit us in our 4 bedroom house that costs less than he pays to rent a studio apartment, and he apologized profusely for his comment. He said he understood why we did what we did.

    Leaving our friends and family to move to another state could be considered selfish. Sure, we did put our finances and happiness above others. But being able to provide a more comfortable life for our family is definitely not selfish. In that case- I believe staying and struggling in our home state would have been a selfish decision. 
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    chibiyui
  • penguin44penguin44 Kansas City member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper First Answer
    I don't believe any of this, except that your FI is a jerk who was rude to your friend. You want to marry someone who feels entitled to be rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate, and not apologetic go right ahead. Won't be the last time it costs you a friendship.
    Wow, that's one heck of a jump. Look, my ex doesn't want to move out of state. He believes you basically should take care of your parents since they took care of you for the first 18 years of your life. Because of this, he thinks moving out of state is selfish. Now I completely disagree with this sentiment, since we obviously aren't together anymore, but he isn't some rude, thoughtless, inconsiderate jerk. He just has a couple of views that not everyone agrees with and honestly, this isn't a bad view compared to racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. Some have a feeling of "responsibility". (I say that in quotations because I think it's ridiculous). But to just assume he is the worst seems pretty unfair. 
    I think she was referring to the way he said the comment and didn't apologize. The comment was ridiculous, but I'm thinking it the sentiment that counts in this situation. 

    Also, question for the OP, what about cities that are in two separate states like Kansas City? Would it be selfish to move ten minutes across the state line? 
    Anniversary

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    PrettyGirlLost
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