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FI and I have a pretty big decision to make

TL;DR: FI was offered a job making a ton of money, but he could literally be placed anywhere in the US and that's scary to us to be so far from home.

FI came home last night and told me that a guy he works with does something like "traveling maintenance" work, which means he takes jobs and signs a contract to work at a place for like 3-5 years, and then the job is over, and he can either accept another position somewhere else doing the same thing (if one is available) or he can find a permanent job somewhere or doing something else. He asked FI if he was interested in doing this, because "we're young and don't have any children or anything really tying us down" like a mortgage, etc. The job pays something like $35-$50/hour. The only 'problem' is the jobs are all over the place. FI could get sent to a town 10 miles from us, or to the other side of the country. And once you're there, you're there. There's no test driving to see if you like the area and we really can't afford to just fly out somewhere to poke around and see if we like it, so we really would just be taking a huge leap of faith and potentially moving away from everyone and everything we know.

Pros:
-It's a lot of money, and FI and I have been living paycheck to paycheck for a long time. We aren't even able to put anything in savings because of us just not having enough left over after bills, groceries, etc. 
- The guy is right, we don't have kids or a mortgage to worry about. We really could just pack our stuff and head out tomorrow, or at least after we gave notices to our jobs. My job requires a month's notice in order to get paid for any vacation time I haven't used. It's not a huge deal but that would help cover moving expenses.
-We've always known where we live now was a temporary thing. We want to eventually end up in Georgia where he's from and where he and I met.
-This would give us the chance to see other places instead of potentially living in the deep South our whole lives.

Cons 
-Wherever we go, we are there until the job ends. From what I understand, FI is contracted to complete a job so we could be there between 3-5 years, regardless of how much we like/dislike it.
-After the job ends, there's no guarantee another will come available. According to the guy FI works with, there usually is one lined up already but this isn't a guarantee. However, FI and I discussed being able to put money in savings with this higher paying job to be able to accommodate us in the event that he didn't find anything right away.
-We're both very close to our families (me probably more so) and we're/I'm hesitant to potentially be so far away from them. I've always pictured when we had kids we could just pop in at my parents' or his parents' and let them spend time with their grandchildren, but that wouldn't be possible if we're on the other side of the country.

Pros and Cons aside, I'm leaning more toward yes we should do this. When FI and I talked about it, I told him that I was open to doing this at least for the next 8-10 years, but I feel like after that we need to settle somewhere for good because I feel like at that point we are going to have kids that are old enough to be building lasting friendships and it's not fair to uproot them all the time. But I told him that for now nothing was really keeping me here and wherever he goes, I go. And he said he was hoping I'd feel the opposite way because he's scared to do this and leave everything behind. He even said that he's not 100% sure he would have followed me back here after I moved out of Georgia if his boss wasn't going out of business and had to let him go. Soo I responded that if FI doesn't want to do this, then we won't, but he doesn't know what he wants lol. 

I'm not sure what I'm looking for here, other than telling you guys about our dilemma, but if you have any thoughts or advice or have experience with making big life changes like this, I'm down to hear them! And if we do this and move somewhere close to one of you guys, promise you'll be my friend? :D
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Re: FI and I have a pretty big decision to make

  • This sounds like an exciting opportunity! I think it's smart that you guys are laying out all the pros/cons and everything before coming to a decision. What about your job- are you in a flexible field that you'd be able to find something relatively easy in his area? That would be my only drawback if I was in this position.

    SO and I sometimes talk about living and working abroad somewhere within the next 5 years because we also have no kids/mortgage/etc tying us down. I hope things align and we'll be able to one day!

    Formerly martha1818

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  • I think it sounds like an amazing opportunity to make some good money and have a nice cushy savings account. DH and I decided the only way we would move away from home is if one of us got an amazing job opportunity that was significantly higher than the other person's. We love where we live and want to raise a family here, but sometimes opportunities like that come up and you can't pass them up.

    Obviously, you and your FI are the only ones who can make this decision. Good luck!

  • edited February 2015

    This sounds like an exciting opportunity! I think it's smart that you guys are laying out all the pros/cons and everything before coming to a decision. What about your job- are you in a flexible field that you'd be able to find something relatively easy in his area? That would be my only drawback if I was in this position.

    SO and I sometimes talk about living and working abroad somewhere within the next 5 years because we also have no kids/mortgage/etc tying us down. I hope things align and we'll be able to one day!

    I'm in mental health so it wouldn't be impossible to find a job, just not super easy to find something I LOVE doing. Which lets be honest, I'm never doing back flips about my current job. But I also have management experience and I have a master's degree so I'm confident I could market myself to be able to get some kind of job, even if it wasn't necessarily in my field.

    I hope things work out for you guys too! It's a really great opportunity. I kind of feeling like YES WE SHOULD DO THIS mostly because the only reason FI doesn't want to is because it scares him. He loves his comfort zones and he's afraid of things not working out, and obviously I don't want to scare him but I see so much potential in him that he could do amazing things if he weren't afraid of a little risk sometimes. 
    Anniversary



  • Oh man, go go go!! 


    I can't encourage you enough, but that's my traveling nature :) And with the money you'll be making, after you start on your savings and whatever else, you can always visit family/friends. Nowadays, with social media and Skype/Facetime etc, it's so easy to keep in touch. 

    GO GO GO! Keep an open mind and enjoy your new adventure!

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  • After reading your update about your job, I think you should go.  It seems as if FI just needs a little push.  I think your pros totally outweigh your cons.  And you already have a set timeframe of 8-10 years doing this, with a very reasonable reason to stop the contract work.

  • So right after college, I was living with my dad in NY and got an offer for a job in FL. They wanted me to make a decision right away, so literally the day after I got the offer, I packed up my car and drove down. I lived in a hotel for a week until I found a place to rent. It was scary. My family thought I was nuts, especially since I'd always been such a homebody.

    But I still am really, really glad I did it. It was exciting to live in a new place. Making friends was a little hard, but I got some. And I was making way less than your FI is being offered.

    My point is that something similar happened to me, and for what it's worth, it was the right decision. Obviously that doesn't say anything about whether it's right for you, but as someone who's been there, if you do decide to take the leap, I bet you'll be just fine.
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  • edited February 2015
    You guys are amazing. I'm so glad I came to TK first instead of joining WB or WW or some other dumb shit.
    Anniversary



  • I wouldn't do it, personally. I like my roots, being close to my family, having strong community ties. And I'm picky- there are lots of places I'd love to live but also tons that I have zero interest in. It sounds like good money to you now, but what if the job is in an area where you have to spend a lot more money on housing? It might actually not be so great.
  • I'm an adventurer at heart, so naturally I'd say yes. There are definitely pros and cons, but the ultimate deciding factor for me would be the fact that if it doesn't work for you, you can always stop after the first contract/move (if I understand correctly). This doesn't sound like an opportunity that will present itself again, and you are in the perfect position to take it now (no mortgage, etc.). 
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  • If you are able to do it, it's worth trying.  Go for it! 

    I've always had such a fear of relocating, I've always been here, my roots are here.  But FI is in the Army, and will be for another 3 years, so we may have to move.  I've become more comfortable with the idea as time has gone by.  You can't live in fear, and who knows, you may live somewhere you find to be completely amazing.

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  • I'd do it in a second. Though I'm from a family where we move cross country just because someone visited a place once and it was nice.

    It sounds like it'd all be domestic, is that right? That'd influence me to say yes big time. Moving to a whole new country where I might not know the language, super scary. But a new state...eh I could adjust easier.
  • I moved across the country by myself when I was 22 and it was definitely one of the best experiences of my life. However, I have to say that it was a place I purposely chose, a place I had an uncle and a few friends, a place I knew I'd love the weather, and I always knew I had the option of bailing and heading back home. If you had all of those factors, I'd say a million percent do it.

    BUT, honesly to commit to 3-5 years in a place that you didn't even chose sounds like a disaster. I chose that city and as much as I loved it as first, I grew home sick and left at the 3 year mark. I had friends there and everything....I could not imagine being dumped in like Bumfuck, Idaho and NOT having the option to go home when I wanted. I mean, how solid are these contracts? Could he quit the company after a year if you guys really hated it?

                                                                     

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  • Go! Then again I don't really have strong ties to my family. We aren't too close and I'm used to not seeing them. Plus you could always move back or to Georgia when his contract is up. I think it would be exciting  and give you a lot of great stories.
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  • I have strong ties to my family. But, I still moved (with my daughter) across the state and rarely see my family. It's not that bad, with technology the way it is now. And I love that I can live my own life and not have the constant opinions of others. Does it get lonely at times, of course. But, like PP said, join clubs, volunteer, get involved in things and you will find people that will become a second family to you.
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  • I would do it in a heartbeat. Hell, we were ready to move to California! I think it would be a great oppurtunity. Do you have any idea of where you might go? Like is it anywhere in the US, or are there likelier areas that you guys can end up in?

    If you come to NY I'll be your friend :)
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  • I'd do it, at least for a short while. I think 8-10 years is a bit much, but you could definitely try it out for his first contract or two, save up some money and then move back to georgia. 3-5 years per contract is quite a while I would say. I wouldnt be ok with moving every few months or even every year, but 3-5 years seems an ok amount of time.
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  • While the money would be nice, money is not everything. If you hate where you get placed and he hates his job, the money is not going to make up for that. I moved for a six figure salary and absolutely HATED my job. The money did not make it worth while. I quit after less than a year because I was so miserable.

    Unless there was a way to have an idea of where he would be placed, I wouldn't do it. If it is a super high cost of living area, the money could be a wash anyway. If it is a super small town in the middle of nowhere, how will you find a job? I would especially be leery about the fact there is no guarantee of work after the contract ends. If he doesn't have something else lined up, you could be stuck where you were sent with no prospects and job hunting is difficult in a lot of places. I think there is just too many unknowns with the opportunity to be worth it.

    If you had any say in where you would end up, that might change my opinion. As it stands, you could very easily wind up in a worse position than you are in.
  • I say go for it! Make the money while you can then you will have a little put aside when you want to settle in one place and kids are involved. FI works 7 months out of the year in ND right now because we are young, no kids, and he can make way more money over there, we have been doing this for 3 years and probably have a year or two to go. I don't go with him because it's a terrible place to live (not a dig on people that like ND but Williston in a camp trailer is not what I want to be doing) so we made the decision that I stay with the house and dog and visit. It's hard being apart but we are able to invest in things that we never would have been able to at our ages. 

    Take the opportunities while you are young, you will have more options when you are older to live where you want! Sounds like a great opportunity for you guys to start putting money away and if you hate it after that first contract just spend smart, save a lot, and get the heck out!

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  • I would do it! You're young, you don't have kids and you're as mobile as you'll ever be. Take these kinds of opportunities while you can!
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  • jenna8984 said:

    I moved across the country by myself when I was 22 and it was definitely one of the best experiences of my life. However, I have to say that it was a place I purposely chose, a place I had an uncle and a few friends, a place I knew I'd love the weather, and I always knew I had the option of bailing and heading back home. If you had all of those factors, I'd say a million percent do it.

    BUT, honesly to commit to 3-5 years in a place that you didn't even chose sounds like a disaster. I chose that city and as much as I loved it as first, I grew home sick and left at the 3 year mark. I had friends there and everything....I could not imagine being dumped in like Bumfuck, Idaho and NOT having the option to go home when I wanted. I mean, how solid are these contracts? Could he quit the company after a year if you guys really hated it?

    Had to comment on this.. I moved to Boise Idaho for school and HATED every minute of the first year.. then I met someone local to Idaho and I LOVE the state now! There are so many things you don't know are there and don't go looking for when you move to a new place. I thought for sure I would head back home after school but fell in love with this state and haven't left yet.. moral of that story is, get involved some way in the community no matter where you move, get someone local to show you the hidden awesomeness of a place before you decide you hate it.. 

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  • I think you should do it! Yes, it's a risk but sometimes in life you have to take risks or else you just get stuck.


  • Is it a big enough raise that it would cover both your paychecks if you can't find work right away? And do they pay for relocation? It's easy to feel like it's a huge raise when you add it to your current salary and cost of living in your current town, but if they send you someplace super expensive OR you can't find a job for a while, that's a whole different story. Would you be able to get by on just that, with potentially higher living expenses, if you needed to?

    Besides that... I would go for it. Look back at where you were 3 years ago - doesn't it seem like time as flown? 3-5 years only seems like a long time looking forward, but not in hindsight. You'll have each other, which is huge. We love you, so I'm sure your new neighbors will too and you won't have trouble making friends. 

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  • edited February 2015
    Do it. I'm a big believer in taking the leap. I moved all the way across the country alone when I graduated from college at 20. I had no clue what I was doing. Did it suck? Sure, at times. But the money has been worth it and the life experience has been worth it. Now it's been a few years and DH has moved out here and joined me and I think soon we'll start looking to live near family again. But even though it's been rough and I don't even really like where I live now, I'm still glad I did it because it would've sucked to have wondered what if. I've moved a lot, and one thing I always have done is give myself permission to fail. It doesn't HAVE to be great. Allow yourself to be ok with it if it doesn't all go perfectly. Say "I'm going to try my hardest. I'm going to give this my best effort. I really, really hope this goes amazingly. But if it doesn't, and I fail, and I fall on my face, it is OK. I will pick up the pieces and move on and find my way." 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited February 2015
    On my 29th birthday I told my boss of 8 years I was resigning in 2 months and moving to the islands.  No job, no place to live, not moving with anyone, no friends.  Just me and a savings account.  

    Best decision ever. It helps that my own parents moved a lot, including 3 countries (although it was always via my dad's job of 36 years).  

    DH's family has never left Long Island.   DH on the other hand at 19 said he was moving to CO for school.  Then he went back to NYC.  Then he left for CA.  After 9 years he moved back.  Then he went to the islands (first Turks, then STT, where we met).    Now he never wants to go back to NY.  Just not interested.

    The thing about moving it you can always move back or somewhere else. Even if you have kids and a mortgage.  Sure there are some financial considerations, but moves don't have to be permanent. 

    What I tell people is give it at least a year.  The first 6 months are scary.  You don't know where the doctor is,  the hardware store, who sells the best vegetables or has the best cuts of meat?  Seems like not a big deal with everyone having GPS, but when you are new it can be overwhelming. People also get home sick because their normal routine has changed.

        Around month 7 things start falling into place.  You get more comfortable.  By a year most people are settled, then can objectively decide if they like the move or not.  Some people never get over homesickness.  And that is okay.  But please wait a little while before deciding you hate the place.     
    FWIW - My parents lived in a small town in Norway for 2 years.  It was not mom's favorite place, but the money was great and there was an end date.  They were able to explore a different part of the world.  So in the end the move was a positive because of the traveling she got to do as a result.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • This is my life. i think it's worth it. We have no kids, no mortgage, no true commitments.

    FI is in oil and gas....essentially, they work a project/contract and then uproot and go somewhere else for a number of months/years. We have no idea where (except it's in the US), or when (they kind of hinted we can stay where we are until after our wedding in June, but probably will be moving by September).

    He makes a TON of money. I make minimum amounts of money, so it makes sense for us. After the wedding, we plan to pay off all of our student debt, pay off both cars, and save up for a large down payment on a house. Then we will decide where we actually want to live long-term, and give up this high paying job for ones we actually want to settle in with.
  • kvrunskvruns member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2015

    I'm definitely a conservative person when it comes to big decisions like this but even I'm leaning toward "yes".  Some additional things I would consider:


    1. Do you have any say in the market he ends up in.  Some places the cost of living is substantially higher so let's say you land in NYC or LA will that higher paycheck still be worth it when your cost of living is substantially higher (unless of course you live in a high cost of living place now)

    2. Do you trust yourselves to live frugally and kind of how you are now and bank a lot of the extra money to build up savings in the event he doesn't get a new placement or you need to move across the country in 3 years

    3. when do you plan to have a family?  If you're thinking 3-5 years out from now then I think this is a great time.  If you're thinking next year it might be difficult being away from your support system(s) at a time like that.

    4. Can you find a job in your field if you were to move.  How long do you think you would have to rely on his income

    5. does this job pay relocation expenses?  I would assume some since they send him potentially anywhere? can you negotiate things like additional moving expenses, paid plane trip home 2x a year or something (had a friend transfer to HI and they did this)


    FWIW I am 32 and have always lived in the same general area (different sides of town but same big city).  I often think I wish I had done something like trying a new state/city right out of college or maybe had an opportunity to go somewhere else and then come back here when it was "family" time. Having a FI/H with you would make the transition better IMO than going somewhere on your own. Not that I can't do it now but I definitely feel more stuck from being tied down with a house and thoughts of kids in the semi-near future.

  • I'm on team GO GO GO. If you don't love your current job, and finding a job in a new location would be feasible, I would love the opportunity to live in a different place. I have a cousin who moves with her family every few years to a different place, just to experience the world. It sounds amazing. Unfortunately (and fortunately) I have a career I love, but I'm limited to pretty much NYC/LA so I can't just move to Arizona or South Dakota or Vermont. 


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  • I would and have done it. I moved across the country for a job. The move was suppose to be 2 years max but 10 years later, I am still here. It was scary moving away from my family and friends but I have learned and experienced so much. If you hate the area, then you can always move back in 3-5 years.

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