FI and I have a pretty big decision to make

pegasuskat

It seems like they should be able to tell him where his first location would be, I would apply - find that out and then make the decision.  If it wasn't a horrible place I would be loading my car, sounds like a great adventure before you settle down with kids and a mortgage.

littlepep

This kind of thing would scare the crap out of me. There's always that fear of what if you don't like it. BUT what if you love it? I've found the things I'm most scared about doing, that take me out of my comfort zone, end up being amazing. 

Blergbot

I moved across the country for grad school. I didn't know anybody. Granted, I knew I was moving to a place with a very low cost of living, which was a big factor for me. 

My first grad program was 2 years, and I never really clicked with the place or had a solid group of friends. When it was over I had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn't find a job in my (very limited) field anywhere in the country, so I was gearing up to moved back in with one of my parents at 30 years old. Then a job came up in another department (at the university) that I thought would be a perfect fit for me. It turned out that someone was already lined up for the job, but they actively recruited me for their Master's program and offered me a teaching position. I took it, I made a fast group of friends in the department, I met H, and now we've settled here for the next 10 years, give or take. 

I'm very far away from either of my parents, and about to have a baby, but my dad is set to retire soon, has very few ties where he lives, and is strongly considering moving out here. My mom is retiring soon, as well, and will be able to travel out here more. 

We moved to three different states when I was growing up, and now my mom, dad, brother and I all live in different states, scattered to the wind. So we're used to being in new places, taking leaps, etc. When I was 17 I was an exchange student in Germany for a year! 

I would sign up for the first contract and see how it goes. At the very least you can get a new and different experience under your belt. And if you wind up in the Southwest, let me know!

hellosweetie1015

Yeah, I'm on Team Go. It's good that you're thinking about it and seriously considering all angles of the concept, but I think I'd just say "take it!" and start finding boxes. You don't have kids, it could be very lucrative, and it would certainly be worth it to me just to live somewhere else for a while.

FI grew up Army, so he picked up and moved a lot as a kid. He didn't come to rest until maybe high school? And my parents moved at least every three years or so from 1981 until 2000; the last move was with four kids under the age of 13. Because of this, I kind of feel like I don't have ties anywhere physical; my ties to my home are entirely emotional. The ties to a physical place are hard, but they're brittle, and they break pretty easily. The ties to worry about are the emotional ones, and thankfully those are soft and elastic and can stretch for thousands of miles. 

bethsmiles

lovemesomemonster said:

jenna8984 said:

I moved across the country by myself when I was 22 and it was definitely one of the best experiences of my life. However, I have to say that it was a place I purposely chose, a place I had an uncle and a few friends, a place I knew I'd love the weather, and I always knew I had the option of bailing and heading back home. If you had all of those factors, I'd say a million percent do it.

BUT, honesly to commit to 3-5 years in a place that you didn't even chose sounds like a disaster. I chose that city and as much as I loved it as first, I grew home sick and left at the 3 year mark. I had friends there and everything....I could not imagine being dumped in like Bumfuck, Idaho and NOT having the option to go home when I wanted. I mean, how solid are these contracts? Could he quit the company after a year if you guys really hated it?

Had to comment on this.. I moved to Boise Idaho for school and HATED every minute of the first year.. then I met someone local to Idaho and I LOVE the state now! There are so many things you don't know are there and don't go looking for when you move to a new place. I thought for sure I would head back home after school but fell in love with this state and haven't left yet.. moral of that story is, get involved some way in the community no matter where you move, get someone local to show you the hidden awesomeness of a place before you decide you hate it.. 

This makes me happy! I'm from Idaho and its definitely an under-rated state!

theycallmelinz

So many questions and great comments while I was out! My work computer sucks so I'm going to try to remember them all and answer them without having to scroll back through.

-From what I understand, FI would be offered a specific job in a specific location before he actually accepts it. For example, they could say, "machine maintenance, in Boise Idaho" and he can say yes or no. 

-Also from what I understand, according to what FI said the guy at work said, most of the places you are sent are lower cost of living places where there aren't a bunch of people. They have a need for your skill there, so they're willing to pay you good money to come out there. 

-I think relocation costs are covered, but I could be wrong. That's something we need to investigate further.

-This job would have him making more than both of our combined salaries right now. So we'd be okay floating for a bit if I didn't find something right away.

I really think I personally want to do this, but I'm not sure about him. He brought up last night that I didn't want to move to Idaho previously because I'd 'miss my daddy' (ha my exact words) and he was right. But the difference there was that I was offered a job there that would be considered permanent, like this is the job I'm technically supposed to make a career out of, and in the current situation it's as temporary if we want it to be. If we absolutely hate it, when he finishes the contract we pack our things and come home.

I texted him earlier and said "The girls on the knot think you should take the job." but he hasn't responded lol 

FiancB

I've moved around quite a bit. From home in the PNW to college four hours away, then an internship in MN, then to Ohio for a little bit, back to northern MN, now 4 hours south in the twin cities closer to H's family. 

So I'm biased, but I really think everyone should make a major move at some point in their lives. Especially if there's a compelling reason like a way better job. I also find that life goes on much as usual no matter where I live. Yeah I only manage to go home about once a year now (granted I don't have a super awesome job where I could afford to do it more, ha) but I really didn't go to visit my friends and family all that often even when we did live close, with the exception of my bff. So basically it's almost all the same to me and I could live anywhere * I'm trying to convince H that we should live in a different country for a while. 

3-5 years goes by in the blink of an eye (I can't believe I went from OR to MN 4 years ago already). You can turn it down. You can always move back (I know the assignment is for a long time, but really if it's that awful y'all can quit and move back). Cross country flights and drives aren't that difficult. 

So I say go. Realizing you did something that wasn't for the best and fixing it is better than always wondering what if. It sounds like great experience and good money. 

*with the exception of North Dakota and parts of northern Minnesota. And probably Alaska. 

Blergbot

theycallmelinz said:

So many questions and great comments while I was out! My work computer sucks so I'm going to try to remember them all and answer them without having to scroll back through.

-From what I understand, FI would be offered a specific job in a specific location before he actually accepts it. For example, they could say, "machine maintenance, in Boise Idaho" and he can say yes or no. 

-Also from what I understand, according to what FI said the guy at work said, most of the places you are sent are lower cost of living places where there aren't a bunch of people. They have a need for your skill there, so they're willing to pay you good money to come out there. 

-I think relocation costs are covered, but I could be wrong. That's something we need to investigate further.

-This job would have him making more than both of our combined salaries right now. So we'd be okay floating for a bit if I didn't find something right away.

I really think I personally want to do this, but I'm not sure about him. He brought up last night that I didn't want to move to Idaho previously because I'd 'miss my daddy' (ha my exact words) and he was right. But the difference there was that I was offered a job there that would be considered permanent, like this is the job I'm technically supposed to make a career out of, and in the current situation it's as temporary if we want it to be. If we absolutely hate it, when he finishes the contract we pack our things and come home.

I texted him earlier and said "The girls on the knot think you should take the job." but he hasn't responded lol 

Do it!

theartistformerlyknownas

Do it. Sounds like all my concerns are already covered. And if he's making enough to cover BOTH your salaries, AND you get a job, you'll be able to sock away a lot of travel money to come home and visit!

falsara

I would do it!!!  But both of my parents were in the military until I turned 16, So I am more used to moving every few years, than I am to staying in one spot.  We didn't have a pro/ con list.  We HAD to go.  Thinking about all the pros and cons is super smart though. 

Me and FI just picked up and moved to Chicago a little over a year ago for his comedy career.  The only thing we had set up was where we were going to college.  My closest family (Grandparents) is 5 hours away.  But my immediate family still lives on the other side of the country.  My parents live in AZ and my sister moved up to Seattle a few months before we moved here. 

We moved every few years when I was a kid, and social media wasn't around until after I moved to Japan at 13.  It's a lot easier now to keep up with family friends then it was when I was 8 and had to wait for a letter. 

Me and FI are are in the same position as you, there's nothing really tying us down, except for finishing college.  We've talked about where we want to go after we're done with our degrees.  We know that we don't want to stay in a city once we start having kids, if we want to move for either his or my careers to another city then the next few years would be the time to do it. 

hellosweetie1015

After reading your update: GIRL TELL HIM TO DO IT. Get yo' ass out the South and see the country! You don't have to pay for moving expenses (double check that before you box up your stuff), you'll probably be in cheapie places instead of, like, Los Angeles or something ridiculous, AND if you get an offer and it looks like the place is gonna suck ass, you can say no?

Girl y'all ain't got NO reason not to do it.