A polite way to say no crying babies during the ceremony

lyndausvi

PrettyGirlLost   @Jellybeans52513

 "We're inviting people who love to drink and I cry at the very sight of alcohol, how do I make sure they don't sneak any booze in?"

Of all the years I've been on here, that line is one of my favorites.

slothiegal

JellyBean52513 said:

Ya know, I really wonder why people are so negative when it comes to weddings. Think about it, we get people on here all the time like this OP who is SO focused on something negative happening with regard to their wedding...

- "I want my ceremony to be beautiful and a crying baby will definitely ruin it."
- "My FSIL has two kids and while I love them to death, they're demon spawn and I'm terrified they will act up and ruin the wedding"
- "My friend's SO is a total trainwreck and I need to figure out how to make sure they don't come so they don't ruin the wedding"
- "We're inviting people who love to drink and I cry at the very sight of alcohol, how do I make sure they don't sneak any booze in?"
- "My photographer wants me to make sure that no one takes pictures during the ceremony because she has seen how badly guests can sabotage the entire reel"
- "How do I make sure my guests dress nicely enough so that the pictures aren't ruined with jeans and other unsightly articles of clothing"

...the list goes on and on. What is it about weddings that makes people freak the fuck out and pay so much attention to all the potential negatives? Why can't the focus be on how awesome it will be to marry your best friend, partner, and love of your life with your friends and family present? Why can the thought of a crying baby or Uncle Joe aiming his Polaroid camera at you as you walk down the aisle totally disrupt any feeling of happiness and excitement? I seriously don't get it.

Preach.  There were so many things happening behind the scenes at my wedding that I had no clue about until after we were back from the honeymoon.  Racist and terrible grandmother was acting up and horrifying my ILs.  Little cousin was mackin' on H's cousin.  Flower girl had a total meltdown at the reception.  My mother decided that this would be a great night to confront my cousin about his drinking problem.  Some distant relative spent the whole ceremony leaning out into the aisle, taping it with a Go Pro on a selfie stick.

I noticed none of this.  Things I did notice: how happy my H looked when he saw me walking down the aisle.  How handsome he was in his tux.  How his voice shook when he read his vows.  When I looked out at our guests, I didn't see the Go Pro or the fidgety kids--I saw all these people who loved slothieguy and me enough to be there to celebrate with us.

Priorities, yo.

Dreamergirl8812

I am not a parent so this is theoretical, but I would absolutely not attend a wedding where the stranger babysitter was required.

First, because it does not bode well for things to come when the bridezilla is already shining through before I've even stepped foot on the wedding venue.

Second, I would be happy to have the opportunity to leave dear child with the sitter so I could have fun. But if it's required? What if I get there and change my mind? What if I get a weird vibe from the sitter, or the kid starts screaming when anyone except me holds him? Then I'm fucked. Either leave him screaming with the sitter or leave the wedding. And I'd rather not waste all this time and money getting ready and planning on attending this wedding if I'm just going to have to leave before the ceremony starts.

leroweb

I never said I invited him or brought him a long. He was invited as was my whole family. I also never said no cared he was there I said no one cared or noticed I had to excuse my self for him. I sat on the end on the side for this in fact. Please don't put words in my mouth

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

@PrettyGirlLost

 "We're inviting people who love to drink and I cry at the very sight of alcohol, how do I make sure they don't sneak any booze in?"

Of all the years I've been on here, that line is one of my favorites.

I didn't say it though :-(  JellyBean did!

I remember that thread though, and it was epic!

slothiegal

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

@PrettyGirlLost

 "We're inviting people who love to drink and I cry at the very sight of alcohol, how do I make sure they don't sneak any booze in?"

Of all the years I've been on here, that line is one of my favorites.

I didn't say it though :-(  JellyBean did!

I remember that thread though, and it was epic!
Yessss that was CLASSIC.  It makes me wonder how these people get through daily life.

PrettyGirlLost

slothiegal said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

@PrettyGirlLost

 "We're inviting people who love to drink and I cry at the very sight of alcohol, how do I make sure they don't sneak any booze in?"

Of all the years I've been on here, that line is one of my favorites.

I didn't say it though :-(  JellyBean did!

I remember that thread though, and it was epic!

Yessss that was CLASSIC.  It makes me wonder how these people get through daily life. ~~~~~

Your signature GIF is making me bawl.
ETA: WTF, boxes?

lyndausvi

PrettyGirlLost said:

slothiegal said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

@PrettyGirlLost

 "We're inviting people who love to drink and I cry at the very sight of alcohol, how do I make sure they don't sneak any booze in?"

Of all the years I've been on here, that line is one of my favorites.

I didn't say it though :-(  JellyBean did!

I remember that thread though, and it was epic!

Yessss that was CLASSIC.  It makes me wonder how these people get through daily life.

Your signature GIF is making me bawl.
I just realized that.  Reading fail    Sorry @Jellybeans52513

VulgarGirl

PrettyGirlLost said:

I also firmly believe that many of these brides to be that post on here freaking out about these sorts of things have never been in a theatrical production. . . if they had, they'd know that despite thorough rehearsing shit always goes wrong and yet you recover and the show proceeds, and 98% of the time the audience has no freaking idea anything was amiss.

For. Fucking. Real.

I remember being told a story of a guy who was in a play and during the play he's suppossed to walk over to a chair on stage and sit down in the chair. He'd done this in every single performance. Walk, sit, talk. Walk, sit, talk. One night, the chair wasn't there. But again, he'd done this every other performance. So he walks over, goes to sit down, realizes the chair isn't there, sits on the stage instead, does his lines and finishes the scene. The audience had no fucking clue. Cause he didn't stop the performace and go "where the fuck is my chair!?!" he just kept going. Our director went "So, as long the building doesn't catch on fire, you are to keep going no matter what, no one will know".

Shit will go wrong. Keep going. 

misshart00

MagicInk said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I also firmly believe that many of these brides to be that post on here freaking out about these sorts of things have never been in a theatrical production. . . if they had, they'd know that despite thorough rehearsing shit always goes wrong and yet you recover and the show proceeds, and 98% of the time the audience has no freaking idea anything was amiss.

For. Fucking. Real.

I remember being told a story of a guy who was in a play and during the play he's suppossed to walk over to a chair on stage and sit down in the chair. He'd done this in every single performance. Walk, sit, talk. Walk, sit, talk. One night, the chair wasn't there. But again, he'd done this every other performance. So he walks over, goes to sit down, realizes the chair isn't there, sits on the stage instead, does his lines and finishes the scene. The audience had no fucking clue. Cause he didn't stop the performace and go "where the fuck is my chair!?!" he just kept going. Our director went "So, as long the building doesn't catch on fire, you are to keep going no matter what, no one will know".

Shit will go wrong. Keep going. 

My H just did sound for Chicago at his theatre. The silk flier got stuck mid air. They had to pull her down with a ladder. Even with the couple extra minutes of dark stage, I don't think anyone noticed.

JellyBean52513

100% agree with the theater analogies! I did performing arts programs for a decade during elementary school - high school. Then, in my early 20s, I started competing in pageants. During one pageant (a very big, statewide pageant, the winner of which goes to compete at Miss America), the body mic for the contestant in front of me went dead in the middle of her talent performance. It was the only body mic available for us to use. The producer took one look at me and said "Well, hand mic or voice projection, whaddya wanna do?" I decided to go without any mic, 1. since the girl in front of me had to do it so I would too, and 2. they turned the floor mics on (for the tap dancer) to help out. I didn't win, but, my talent performance was great according to what people said afterwards! When I told them about the mic situation, every single person said "Oh wow, I didn't even realize that happened, it looked find to us, you'd never know." GEEZ IMAGINE THAT.

TheArtemisMoon

As for the wording so it conveys the message without sounding rude, I'm not sure but I would surely hope the people coming to your wedding would respect you enough to take this seriously and would not bring a fussy child with them. In my mom's second wedding, you can hear a child crying and it was utterly annoying so you are completely justified in requesting this. Your guests should remember that this is your day and that if it were them, would they not feel the same way?!

banana468

Knottie8942929 said:

As for the wording so it conveys the message without sounding rude, I'm not sure but I would surely hope the people coming to your wedding would respect you enough to take this seriously and would not bring a fussy child with them. In my mom's second wedding, you can hear a child crying and it was utterly annoying so you are completely justified in requesting this. Your guests should remember that this is your day and that if it were them, would they not feel the same way?!

Welcome. You must be new.

lyndausvi

Knottie8942929 said:

As for the wording so it conveys the message without sounding rude, I'm not sure but I would surely hope the people coming to your wedding would respect you enough to take this seriously and would not bring a fussy child with them. In my mom's second wedding, you can hear a child crying and it was utterly annoying so you are completely justified in requesting this. Your guests should remember that this is your day and that if it were them, would they not feel the same way?!

Then don't invite kids and the problem is solved.  

Making it MANDATORY for babies (not sure at what age they are not considered a crying baby anymore) to use a babysitter they don't know is NOT the answer.  Most moms  don't give up their new babies to just anyone.  It doesn't work that way. 

Most parents are respectful by taking their kids out.  It's wrong to punish everyone because of a few bad apples.

HeatherKat

Knottie8942929 said:

As for the wording so it conveys the message without sounding rude, I'm not sure but I would surely hope the people coming to your wedding would respect you enough to take this seriously and would not bring a fussy child with them. In my mom's second wedding, you can hear a child crying and it was utterly annoying so you are completely justified in requesting this. Your guests should remember that this is your day and that if it were them, would they not feel the same way?!

Abbynieves627

Politely request no children under age.... 1,2,3 whichever . You can even say due to the facilities unable to accomedate (some truth many places donot have changing tables) you cannot stop a baby from crying but can stop them from coming in.

huskypuppy14

Abbynieves627 said:

Politely request no children under age.... 1,2,3 whichever . You can even say due to the facilities unable to accomedate (some truth many places donot have changing tables) you cannot stop a baby from crying but can stop them from coming in.

No, you never say who isn't invited. You address the invitation to the people you want invited, and if they respond with more people, then you say I'm sorry for the confusion but the invitation was just for X and Y.

levioosa

Abbynieves627 said:

Politely request no children under age.... 1,2,3 whichever . You can even say due to the facilities unable to accomedate (some truth many places donot have changing tables) you cannot stop a baby from crying but can stop them from coming in.

No.  Absolutely unacceptable.  Did you even read the thread?

misshart00

Did this thread get put in the newsletter?

lightningsnow

I just read through this entire shit show. Just wow. OP, I work in retail and you have no idea how often I hear children crying. It does annoy me. However, when it comes to weddings and such, I trust those parents to know what is right and take their child out of the area to calm them down. A lot of the weddings in my family have been child friendly and not once did I think a crying child ruined the day.

You can not tell someone how to parent their child. Trust me, it does not go over very well. I have seen it firsthand. Do not punish those who know how to handle their child because of the people who don't.

MGP

lightningsnow said:

I just read through this entire shit show. Just wow. OP, I work in retail and you have no idea how often I hear children crying. It does annoy me. However, when it comes to weddings and such, I trust those parents to know what is right and take their child out of the area to calm them down. A lot of the weddings in my family have been child friendly and not once did I think a crying child ruined the day.

You can not tell someone how to parent their child. Trust me, it does not go over very well. I have seen it firsthand. Do not punish those who know how to handle their child because of the people who don't.

All of this.

And here's a NEWS FLASH for people not in the know - babies don't cry to ruin someone's SPECIAL DAY, they cry because they need something.  If I wanted my baby to STFU for 30 minutes I would make sure she had a full tummy, a dry diaper, keep a pacifier handy, and snuggle her up against me.  And if she did fuss, I would take her outside.  Problem solved.

slothiegal

I love whenever slothieguy wanders over here when I'm on TK.  He saw the title of this thread, sat down and went, "Wait.  Someone wants to say no crying babies at their wedding?  That's stupid.  And impossible.  And are you fucking kidding me?  You don't get to say that."

Such an eloquent man.  I'm so proud.

mollybarker11

I've heard my mother complain several times over the years about how her flower girl acted up during her father's toast at her wedding reception. FG's mom did not remove her from the room or try to calm her down. And my mother, the bride, did notice (and she remembered, that wedding was over a quarter of a century ago).

So my advice is not "don't worry the babies probably won't cry and even if they do cry the moms will remove them and if they don't remove them you won't even notice!" That simply may not be the case. My advice is to recognize that even if a riot breaks out among your guests at the ceremony, there's nothing you can do to prevent it. That might sound harsh but you should look at it as freeing. Whatever will be will be and all that.

If crying babies are your only concern, you can certainly choose not to invite any babies (or their older siblings). You CANNOT invite them but sequester them away from their parents, that's ridiculous and rude as hell and also adds more work for you.

As someone else mentioned, an adult guest may take into a coughing fit in the middle of your vows. Life happens. Your planning will be much smoother if you accept that and let it be a weight off your shoulders

SP29

If you don't want crying babies, then don't invite kids! Simple.

There is no polite way to tell your guests that it is MANDATORY for them to place their children with a sitter for the ceremony. 

And how do you determine the cut off for crying baby? I was just at a baby shower this afternoon. Little guy is 2 months (the one whom the shower was for), his cousin was there, 3 months and another baby around 6 months. One of them cried ONCE for literally all of 30 seconds because she was hungry and mom wasn't moving fast enough . I held Little Guy for an hour while his mom opened presents and everyone else laughed and talked- not a peep out of him! There were a couple older children who made more noise- not that they did anything wrong, not at all, but more was heard from them than the babies. Actually, the most noise was created by the ADULTS . 

But seriously, how do you decide who has to go in the room with the sitter? How do you enforce this? Don't want kids, don't invite them. 

nyarmosh

Thanks for your input. I come from a culture where in my family weddings are considered adult celebrations with drinking and celebrating not really suitable for kids. My fiancé comes from a family that has everyone invited to the wedding - its a large family reunion style celebration. I was trying to come up with a compromise, parents can choose not bring their child to the wedding, but if they did, then a babysitter could help. For argument's sake, it sounds more rude to completely not invite someone's family member, than to offer an babysitter onsite. If they didn't bring the child, they would be paying for a babysitter themselves anyway (or asking a friend/ relative to help).

Side note about not inviting kids - I don't actually think it's rude - if you are a bride and have chosen to have child free wedding, its your day, your money, your choice!

Happy planning!

QueerFemme

I'm generally not a fan of children.  I honestly hate to hear babies cry.  I realize they aren't crying to purposefully annoy me, and the actually have some need that isn't being met in that moment, but crying babies make my brain bleed.  With that said, shit happens. I cannot control a crying baby, even though, I'd like to.   

It is more rude to try to parent someone's child by telling them who will be babysitting for them during your ceremony, than it is to just not invite them. You can offer childcare, but like everyone else already said, you can't demand it.  You just have to hope that some of the parents want to take you up on it. 

There is literally no polite way to tell people they have to coat check their kid in the daycare room.  Either invite them, or don't. But, your compromise of mandatory daycare isn't working. It's rude.  

mikenberger

nyarmosh said:

Thanks for your input. I come from a culture where in my family weddings are considered adult celebrations with drinking and celebrating not really suitable for kids. My fiancé comes from a family that has everyone invited to the wedding - its a large family reunion style celebration. I was trying to come up with a compromise, parents can choose not bring their child to the wedding, but if they did, then a babysitter could help. For argument's sake, it sounds more rude to completely not invite someone's family member, than to offer an babysitter onsite. If they didn't bring the child, they would be paying for a babysitter themselves anyway (or asking a friend/ relative to help).

Side note about not inviting kids - I don't actually think it's rude - if you are a bride and have chosen to have child free wedding, its your day, your money, your choice!

Happy planning!

Nobody said that it was rude to NOT invite children. It's rude to 1) single out just babies from families and 2) ask that they be removed immediately if they start to fuss. 

You shouldn't be splitting up families just for the sake of your wedding vision. And if parents choose to leave their child with a babysitter at home - it's a babysitter of THEIR CHOICE and chances are, a babysitter they've used before. Not some random you chose to keep kids out of your wedding. 

You need to think of your guests first before yourself. You are inviting them to share in your day, it's not all about your contrary to popular belief.

PrettyGirlLost

nyarmosh said:

Thanks for your input. I come from a culture where in my family weddings are considered adult celebrations with drinking and celebrating not really suitable for kids. My fiancé comes from a family that has everyone invited to the wedding - its a large family reunion style celebration. I was trying to come up with a compromise, parents can choose not bring their child to the wedding, but if they did, then a babysitter could help. For argument's sake, it sounds more rude to completely not invite someone's family member, than to offer an babysitter onsite. If they didn't bring the child, they would be paying for a babysitter themselves anyway (or asking a friend/ relative to help).

Side note about not inviting kids - I don't actually think it's rude - if you are a bride and have chosen to have child free wedding, its your day, your money, your choice!

Happy planning!

This mindset is so silly to me, and it's stunning how many people think that way.  That for some reason kids can't be around adults who are drinking.  Huh?  Why not?  We are talking about a family event, not taking them down to the local breastaraunt while you have wings and a few pitchers of beer.

My dad's side of the family is Italian and my DH's family are all Irish, so as kids we grew up around alcohol.  We grew up around adults responsibly drinking wine with dinner, beers at cook outs, etc.

I don't get what the big deal is.

banana468

nyarmosh said:

Thanks for your input. I come from a culture where in my family weddings are considered adult celebrations with drinking and celebrating not really suitable for kids. My fiancé comes from a family that has everyone invited to the wedding - its a large family reunion style celebration. I was trying to come up with a compromise, parents can choose not bring their child to the wedding, but if they did, then a babysitter could help. For argument's sake, it sounds more rude to completely not invite someone's family member, than to offer an babysitter onsite. If they didn't bring the child, they would be paying for a babysitter themselves anyway (or asking a friend/ relative to help).

Side note about not inviting kids - I don't actually think it's rude - if you are a bride and have chosen to have child free wedding, its your day, your money, your choice!

Happy planning!

Here's the thing though: in your OP, you discussed making the use of a babysitter MANDATORY. If that's the case, the baby ceases being a guest. You're really NOT inviting the family members then and that's what many will not welcome at all. If you want an adult wedding then go for it. Just please don't use the drinking and alcohol as reasons. Some people don't want kids at the wedding. Period. No excuse needed.

redoryx

nyarmosh said: Thanks for your input. I come from a culture where in my family weddings are considered adult celebrations with drinking and celebrating not really suitable for kids. My fiancé comes from a family that has everyone invited to the wedding - its a large family reunion style celebration. I was trying to come up with a compromise, parents can choose not bring their child to the wedding, but if they did, then a babysitter could help. For argument's sake, it sounds more rude to completely not invite someone's family member, than to offer an babysitter onsite. If they didn't bring the child, they would be paying for a babysitter themselves anyway (or asking a friend/ relative to help). Side note about not inviting kids - I don't actually think it's rude - if you are a bride and have chosen to have child free wedding, its your day, your money, your choice! Happy planning! ****boxes boxes****

That's because not inviting kids isn't rude. Child Free weddings are completely acceptable. What IS rude is inviting the whole family and then having them arrive and say "Oh, sorry, you need to leave Junior with this babysitter here who you quite possibly have never ever met before."